A Friend in Need

[teenybash]

I recently found myself at a loss for words when a friend came up for a visit.
She told me some of the problems she had faced with her husband but feels the latest is too much to cope with.....how would you handle the situation were you in her shoes.
Two years ago her oh opened a savings account as he was in full time employment, saying it was to save for improvements on the house. More than half his wages went into the savings and she was happy enough to work on a shoestring. But he started spending here and there out of the savings, on things for himself, which included a boat and then all the extras....but she said nothing.
Last Christmas he left the job and went self employed with all his earnings going into the savings account and refusing to tell her what he earns...she still runs the house on a shoestring and her part time earnings.
Accidentally, she recently found out there is only a few pounds left in the savings and he has virtually spent the lot on himself and his passion for vehicles....................He has only worked about 16 weeks this year and shows no sign of looking for any. How should she handle this situation.....
She gave me full permission to do this post for her in the hope she will find guidance.
I do not know what to advise her............but I know what I would do!!![disgust]

[danc1ngwitch]

Money---- simple things are best.
be fair ---- that means both partners.

[EDDIE]

I recently found myself at a loss for words when a friend came up for a visit.
She told me some of the problems she had faced with her husband but feels the latest is too much to cope with.....how would you handle the situation were you in her shoes.
Two years ago her oh opened a savings account as he was in full time employment, saying it was to save for improvements on the house. More than half his wages went into the savings and she was happy enough to work on a shoestring. But he started spending here and there out of the savings, on things for himself, which included a boat and then all the extras....but she said nothing.
Last Christmas he left the job and went self employed with all his earnings going into the savings account and refusing to tell her what he earns...she still runs the house on a shoestring and her part time earnings.
Accidentally, she recently found out there is only a few pounds left in the savings and he has virtually spent the lot on himself and his passion for vehicles....................He has only worked about 16 weeks this year and shows no sign of looking for any. How should she handle this situation.....
She gave me full permission to do this post for her in the hope she will find guidance.
I do not know what to advise her............but I know what I would do!!![disgust]

The big question is has he any debt that he is not saying?.Going buy what i read the releationship isnt a 50/50 and whats done is done now all she can do is if he cant control money then she has to but if the 2 of them cant be honest and open with each other then there is a problem.

[teenybash]

The big question is has he any debt that he is not saying?.Going buy what i read the releationship isnt a 50/50 and whats done is done now all she can do is if he cant control money then she has to but if the 2 of them cant be honest and open with each other then there is a problem.
Yes, I agree but, the savings account he opened is his name only and that is where he puts his earnings...she has no access to to this to make sure there is enough put into the house account to pay the bills.
He likes to be in control by the sounds of it....but I could be wrong.

[cuddlepop]

The best advice I would give is to you teenybash and that is just to listen and somehow steer the conversation round so that your friend can see her husband for the selfish pig he is.[disgust]

I have been in similar situations that resulted in losing a dear friend because I miscalled her now X hubby.
tread carefully my friend.:eek:

[mums angels]

I don't understand marriges that have there seperate finance arrangements surley if you are married then all money/debts etc should be out in the open.
I don't have a paid job , i stay at home with the four kids he works and i know what he earns, what bills are paid etc ..even more than he does to be honest. mortgage in joint names,bank account isn't though but i have access to his card and online bankig.
Sounds to me like her husband is on a bit of a power trip , she should tell him its 50/50 and be honest with each other and if hes not interested she should tell him he knows where the door is .

[jings00]

tell him to have a word wi himself and a kick up the bum too.

[mccaugm]

I don't understand marriges that have there seperate finance arrangements surley if you are married then all money/debts etc should be out in the open.
I don't have a paid job , i stay at home with the four kids he works and i know what he earns, what bills are paid etc ..even more than he does to be honest. mortgage in joint names,bank account isn't though but i have access to his card and online bankig.
Sounds to me like her husband is on a bit of a power trip , she should tell him its 50/50 and be honest with each other and if hes not interested she should tell him he knows where the door is .

My hubby and I have never had joint accounts, I currently don't work and he transfers money into my account weekly for shopping etc. I had a joint account with my previous husband and my hubby the same with his ex and it caused no end of problems which is why we did this in the first place. We seldom argue about money which stems from discussing this in the first place.

If he has not sorted out his finances then why doesn't he sell all the goods he has gathered and start afresh. I would stop cooking his meals and providing any other "entertainments" and see how he likes it. In the main TALK to each other and discuss why they have let things slide into this situation. Otherwise get out quick!

[Welcomefamily]

They have only two choices, sort it out openly perhaps with a third party or split.

[Thumper]

I do not mean to "scaremonger" but this guy sounds very like my ex,he had his own account,put money in it and also in the joint account and I never knew exactly what he was earning which meant it was very easy for him to lead a "double life" which ended up with him taking off and setting up home with somebody else while leaving me in debt!Even now after two years I am being chased for debts he ran up in both our names and he is living the high life as he never stays in one place long enough for people to "catch" him.I would advise your friend to think very carefully about what she does next,it may be that he is just selfish and unthinking,but it may be that he has a "hidden agenda" so my advice would be for her to protect herself and any children as well as she can now before things get worse.Sorry if this sounds like I am trying to worry you,but believe me the people you trust most are the ones who can take the most advantage of you x