Transvestite/Transexual

[Angel]

I have a friend whose wife has just discovered a wardrobe full of ladies clothes, when she asked her other half about it, the truth came out.
That was Monday.
The wife contacted the Beaumont Society who told her she should leave the relationship.
That was Tuesday.
My friend has said the relationship should not end as the clothes do not make the person, but what's inside does.
That was Wednesday.
Their son is 20 and their daughter is 22 and are not fazed by any of this. But are not happy about the upset it has caused.
That was Friday.
My friend will be coming up to stay a couple of days to talk things through.

What would you do if you found yourself in their situation?

Angel

[Metalattakk]

Submit the story to David Croft & Jimmy Perry. This could be the saviour of the British Sit-Com. ;)

[Kevin Milkins]

I am sort of waiting for a punchline Angel,:D or is this not a joke ?:confused

[Tilter]

Depends on whether the clothes are any good and what size they are, I guess.

[unicorn]

I would keep right out of it as situations like this can leave you as the baddie if you give the wrong advice :eek: be supportive but dont get too involved :confused

[sassylass]

I would keep right out of it as situations like this can leave you as the baddie if you give the wrong advice :eek: be supportive but dont get too involved :confused

Good advice unicorn. I hope the friend follows her heart and remembers that it's true "it's what's inside that counts".

p.s. there is a big difference between a transvestite and a transexual.

[changilass]

Love the fact that this was directly under the thread titled 'how tolerant are you' lol.

As Unicorn says be supportive not critical, after all its no your life its theirs.

[Welcomefamily]

Just help your friend to decided by being supportive, not offering advice as its her that has to make the choice.

Be very clear about it, and tell your friend that you are very pleased that she has come to stay while she sorts out what she is going to do. When the subject is brought up reply letting her known that you are here to help her make up her mind.

May be get her to write down the positive and negative things about it as if you find your self in one of those difficult situation you can always refer to the list.

[telfordstar]

Just help your friend to decided by being supportive, not offering advice as its her that has to make the choice.

Be very clear about it, and tell your friend that you are very pleased that she has come to stay while she sorts out what she is going to do. When the subject is brought up reply letting her known that you are here to help her make up her mind.

May be get her to write down the positive and negative things about it as if you find your self in one of those difficult situation you can always refer to the list.


What great advice well done Welcomefamily. Then again how would anyone know how they would react unless it did hapen to them.

[Welcomefamily]

What great advice well done Welcomefamily. Then again how would anyone know how they would react unless it did hapen to them.

Correct none of us would, however it is still a very emotional charge situation and you would not what to get dragged in, as this can have very negative long term effects.

It is very important to be very clear what your role is and very up front about it. It is ok to empathise or sympathesie with feelings, but its still your friends choice.

[hotrod4]

Live and let live I say. Not my cup of tea personally but we're all human at the end fo the day and do we REALLY know what goes on in everyones living room up and down the country?? I am sure some of the things we all do would put someones nose out of joint.
Dont agree with it myself but hey I am sure there are things I say and do that people would find equally upsetting.

[teenybash]

I simply would say 'listening' above all else and like others, no advice.
Someone who is a transvestite has a need to wear womens clothing at times and has nothing to do with sexuality as a male. I can only imagine the torture her husband has been going through, trying to keep his secret and snatching moments where he can, to fulfill his need.
If the marriage has otherwise been good it will be down to the couple to talk, talk and more talking in order to find a way forward.
Your friend will need you just to be there for her while she works through this very complex situation....there are no easy answers.

[justine]

Get your best frock out and enjoy the day!

[mccaugm]

Who or what are the Beaumont society, it appears that they are not very tolerant.
Transexual wants to be the opposite sex, transvestite just likes dressing up as the opposite sex. It must be tough being in either situation for the person and their partners and families. Good luck to the family in question.

[Angel]

Clarity is needed here I fear... I deal with this kind of situation on a weekly basis...
Being involved is what I do...
The question was really, how whould you react if your partner was TV/TS?

Sorry about the lack of clarity...

The Beaumont Society is supposed to be there for trans people, family and friends.

Angel

[Bad Manners]

Clarity is needed here I fear... I deal with this kind of situation on a weekly basis...
Being involved is what I do...
The question was really, how whould you react if your partner was TV/TS?

Sorry about the lack of clarity...

The Beaumont Society is supposed to be there for trans people, family and friends.

Angel

All praise for you having to deal with this on a weekly basis and being involved as you are you will have seen and heard for comments from both sides of the case.
I is an unfair question to ask as it is hypothetical and we all take a stance that we think we how we might act in reality people have to evaluate all their feeling at the time and those of their partner.
For me I am quite a tolerable person and let people do what hey want unless it harms me or my family. how would I be if my oh was a transvestite we will never know.
It is hoped that there is a live and let live attitude but in reality it never works out that way.
All you can do is provide a neutral ground where both parties can air their views and hope they both find a soloution that is acceptable to both sides.

[danc1ngwitch]

Explore their world, did the other half love less? probably not, the other half probably loved better than most ( normal ) people. Ermmm ,Normal--- means different things to different people. Live let live fairly take fairly give. imho

[TBH]

I have a friend whose wife has just discovered a wardrobe full of ladies clothes, when she asked her other half about it, the truth came out.
That was Monday.
The wife contacted the Beaumont Society who told her she should leave the relationship.
That was Tuesday.
My friend has said the relationship should not end as the clothes do not make the person, but what's inside does.
That was Wednesday.
Their son is 20 and their daughter is 22 and are not fazed by any of this. But are not happy about the upset it has caused.
That was Friday.
My friend will be coming up to stay a couple of days to talk things through.

What would you do if you found yourself in their situation?

AngelDid he have the wardrobe hidden in the potting shed that it took her so long to find it?
Think of the benefits, they could both go shopping for outfits at the same time. The wife could help him with his makeup and tell him if his bum looks big in that racy little black number.

[Sapphire2803]

I've often thought that I'd love a cross dressing husband, think of the shoes..... mmmmmm.... shoes..... :D

[Welcomefamily]

Have you discussed that with your OH?

[Sapphire2803]

He can't walk in high heels, I know this because I just made him try. :(

[Angel]

Thank-you everyone for you input...

Some things need to be made understood as their tends to be confusion in the general public...

Transvestites wear the clothes of the opposite gender as a release which often has social and/or sexual overtones. 87% of transvestites are males who dress in womens clothing with 13% of women dressing in male clothing (with the intension of looking like a male). Women wear male clothing in everyday life but are not seen as transvestite. 1 in 360 males have at some time practiced this, and 1 in 170 do on a regular basis.

Transexuals are born with this condition currently called G.I.D. (Gender Identity Disorder) as a result of late hormone release whilst in the womb. Aprrox 1 in 2500 have transexual characteristics but bury them emotionally often leading to drug and alcohol abuse.
23% of transexuals commit suicide either during their transition or after GRS (Gender Reasignment Surgey). These are mainly Male to Female transions (M2F) 96%, as Female to Male (F2M) have generally better public acceptance.

My friend has not been diagnosed as yet so I am reluctant to state status.

I can sympathise and empathise with both parties and can explain the differences and challenges they both face.

This thread was to see how the readers of this post reacted to it as an actual case and as a possible senario that could happen to them.

I feel there is a greater acceptance than this family is aware of, and I need to get it across...

Thanks again for all your replies and any further ones which may result from this entry...

Angel

[teenybash]

My friend has not been diagnosed as yet so I am reluctant to state status.


Angel

Hi Angel I am assuming from your post that your friend still has some confusion as to whether they simply need to wear female clothing from time to time... transvestite, or are uncomfortable with being known as a male.
Hopefully with the passing of time and a lot of love and support they will come to realise who they truly are.... heterosexual/transvestite or homosexual..... Either way I wish for them the realisation and outcome that brings peace and contentment to all and to view this time as a new beginning all having the courage and power to create the future in the best way they possibly can. :o

[Lolabelle]

I kinda gather that cross dressers/transsexuals aren't necessarily gay. I really don't know how I would feel if Dave were to start wearing my clothes. I have made him put in my nighty for a giggle occasionally... :eek:
Sorry if that is TMI, but nothing kinky, just a silly moment!
I would imagine that you really would want her to look at how strong their relationship was prior to the discovery. How does she feel about it in her gut? Don't make any hasty decisions is the advice I would give. Who know's they may reach an understanding where she isn't too bothered. For me the hard part would be that D (if it were D) had been decieving me, even if it was through fear of rejection.
It's a hard one, but the non judgemental and supportive line of advice given above is what I reckon too!

Funny that this should come up now, I have just finished listening to Marianne Keyes story about this, I can't remember the name though. I will try to find it and do an edit. It's a funny look at the situation, but very sensitively done, could be worth a read or listen????

This Charming Man by Marianne Keyes (I think that's how you spell her name??)

[badger]

Hopefully they should be able to talk about this and, if their relationship is otherwise good, it should not be affected. The sad thing for anyone who behaves, or is born, "different" is they have to put up with ridicule, abuse or worse.

If everyone was tolerant and accepting of other's differences, there would be no problem. I had a male friend once who suddenly started appearing at home in female clothes and at first I wonder if he was transvestite but it turned out he was in the process of changing sex. As far as I know it made no difference to the way the rest of the village treated him/her .

It is odd, isn't it, that for so long it's been acceptable for women to wear men's clothes but not vice versa. Wonder why?

[loobyloo]

I hadn't heard of this Beaumont Society, so I had a look at their website. I would imagine that your friend has told them how she feels/ the facts of the situation and I wouldn't think they would have advised her to leave the relationship without strong cause.
I would agree with other posters: listen to your friend but don't offer advice. You will end up getting the blame whichever way it pans out. Been there, got the teeshirt. I feel for your friend. She must feel that her whole relationship has been a sham.
I don't know how I would react if this happened to me. I consider myself to be very liberal but does that extend to my own relationships? I don't know. I don't think I could answer that question unless I was put in the situation and even then, the choices wouldn't be easy.

[dook]

I have a friend whose wife has just discovered a wardrobe full of ladies clothes, when she asked her other half about it, the truth came out.
That was Monday.
The wife contacted the Beaumont Society who told her she should leave the relationship.
That was Tuesday.
My friend has said the relationship should not end as the clothes do not make the person, but what's inside does.
That was Wednesday.
Their son is 20 and their daughter is 22 and are not fazed by any of this. But are not happy about the upset it has caused.
That was Friday.
My friend will be coming up to stay a couple of days to talk things through.

What would you do if you found yourself in their situation?

Angel

Talk about shoes and watch sex in the city?

[blowfish]

I have a friend whose wife has just discovered a wardrobe full of ladies clothes, when she asked her other half about it, the truth came out.
That was Monday.
The wife contacted the Beaumont Society who told her she should leave the relationship.
That was Tuesday.
My friend has said the relationship should not end as the clothes do not make the person, but what's inside does.
That was Wednesday.
Their son is 20 and their daughter is 22 and are not fazed by any of this. But are not happy about the upset it has caused.
That was Friday.
My friend will be coming up to stay a couple of days to talk things through.

What would you do if you found yourself in their situation?

Angel


Don't tell him his bum looks big in this

[joxville]

How will he change his smell from cheese to fish?

[Angel]

Thanks again everyone for your posts... including the humourous ones...

Situation to date is...

The transperson has an appointment with a specialist clinic. This will help in finding where on the trans scale they lie.
Meanwhile, partner has accepted the situation after deep discussions and research, and is willing to have counciling when the true identity is identified.

I said being tranvestite can be fun for both parties, but being transsexual is a whole new ballgame...

Any other comments would be most welcome...

Angel

[teenybash]

Glad everything is progressing and hopes high and all will be a happy outcome.:)