View Full Version : Is It Wrong To Lie?
Found myself in an impossible situation today by no fault of my own... So to pacify all parties I told a lie... this worked and the situation was diffused... but the very fact I had to do it has been bothering me since...
I am not sure if I should feel guilty or not....
What are your thought's...
Angel
Was anyone hurt because you told the lie; will someone die; have you lost a good friend or two? Are you apt to confess sometime in the future?
No? Then it's ok!
I'm a church-goer and as much as I try to live as honest a life as possible, there have been times when I've lied to help ease or prevent a situation, usually work related, from arising.
We are lied to from a young age, i.e. Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy etc. and we learn to lie at a young age too but it's only when we reach adulthood do we learn how much of an impact a lie can have and whether our conscience will let us tell it.
If you can accept the consequences of being found out then go ahead and lie, otherwise, tell the truth and sleep easy that you have retained your dignity and moral fibre.
Whitewater
18-Aug-08, 22:59
There are lies and dangerous lies. Sometimes you have to lie a little, it is probably the right thing to according to the situation at the time. I recall an incident many years ago when a young lady (a neighbour, couple of years older than me) was dressed up for the school dance came to our door and asked my mother if she thought she looked nice, my mother paused for a moment, looking her over then she said, you look really lovely, your sure to find a boyfriend tonight (this girl unfortunately was not, shall we say, blessed with good looks, fatish, buck teeth, thick glasses) However, as things turned out she came back a week later with a young man (who was not a Brad Pitt by any means) and said to my mother how right she had been by telling her she looked good, it gave her the confidence she needed to approach this young man whom she had fancied for some time. They went out together for about 4 years and eventually married. My parents were invited to the wedding.
So I guess a little lie that helps to give somebody confidence or boost their ego does no harm at all. But I guess if you have to tell a small lie or give an opinion, you must judge the situation and act accordingly. It does not hurt to boost somebodies ego whereas the truth may cause a lot of damage.
northener
18-Aug-08, 23:00
[quote=Angel;420800]Found myself in an impossible situation today by no fault of my own... So to pacify all parties I told a lie... this worked and the situation was diffused... but the very fact I had to do it has been bothering me since...
I am not sure if I should feel guilty or not....
What are your thought's...
So you have achieved the outcome you wanted with no harm to anyone - why feel guilty? You took an pragmatic approach to the problem in hand and diffused the situation. Surely that is a good result?
Morality is fine for those who are not in the firing line........
I'm a church-goer and as much as I try to live as honest a life as possible, there have been times when I've lied to help ease or prevent a situation, usually work related, from arising.
We are lied to from a young age, i.e. Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy etc. and we learn to lie at a young age too but it's only when we reach adulthood do we learn how much of an impact a lie can have and whether our conscience will let us tell it.
If you can accept the consequences of being found out then go ahead and lie, otherwise, tell the truth and sleep easy that you have retained your dignity and moral fibre.The tooth fairy and Santa are not real?:~(
The tooth fairy and Santa are not real?:~(
OK who let the cat oot o the bag? Poor TBH is havin a bad enough time the night without addin to it! BTW does the Easter Bunny no bother you then? ;)
Kevin Milkins
18-Aug-08, 23:52
Found myself in an impossible situation today by no fault of my own... So to pacify all parties I told a lie... this worked and the situation was diffused... but the very fact I had to do it has been bothering me since...
I am not sure if I should feel guilty or not....
What are your thought's...
Angel
The answear is a simple one for you. Yes it is wrong for you to tell a lie.
The fact that it is bothering you indicates that you prefere not to lie,..so dont.
I am like you and if someone asked me to tell a porky to get them out of the mire I always say "sorry, I don't tell lies to save my own bacon let alone other people." You will find in the long run that people close to you that know your stance on lies will respect you more in the long term, honest.
OK who let the cat oot o the bag? Poor TBH is havin a bad enough time the night without addin to it! BTW does the Easter Bunny no bother you then? ;)The Easter bunny not existing, is not an option so didn't warrant a mention.
The tooth fairy and Santa are not real?:~(
Look on the bright side-you don't have long left to worry about the tooth fairy and Santa not being real. [lol]
Bobinovich
19-Aug-08, 09:14
I've decided that a wee white lie can be acceptable if the circumstances merit it. However I know someone who will tell a lie and then convince themselves it is the truth :eek: - they will then proceed to add arms & legs to it and tell different versions to different people. All their friends & family know they do it, and regularly pull them up on it, but they maintain it is the truth regardless - very sad :confused
da feel bad angel, we all hev til tell a wee fib now an again....
obvioulsy yer feelin bad aboot'ed so choost be grateful that ye da hev til tell lies alot.....lek bob says, some people hev til tell lies on a regular basis which means they are usually up til no guid....
hev a guid day all ;)
In some ways we may be lying more often than we actually realise. You bump into someone when out and about and they ask 'How's things?' and you reply with the usual 'fine thanks' but, the reality is, you have a big bill to pay and no money to cover it, you have just had one of those weeks/days when what could go wrong has gone wrong (and then some) or something is irking you but you just keep it to yourself!!
Technically, we have just told a lie. Everything is not fine but, as is sometimes with human nature, we omit the reality and say what we think the other person is wanting to hear.
Angel, as long as there is no possible comeback on the lie I wouldnt worry too much about - you were stuck between a rock and a hard place which is never very nice. The situation was diffused, closure.
Lies that affect other people, hurt other people, now those are the ones that are wrong.
Thats my take on it anyway. As Northener said "Morality is fine for those who are not in the firing line........ " Very true
I've decided that a wee white lie can be acceptable if the circumstances merit it. However I know someone who will tell a lie and then convince themselves it is the truth :eek: - they will then proceed to add arms & legs to it and tell different versions to different people. All their friends & family know they do it, and regularly pull them up on it, but they maintain it is the truth regardless - very sad :confused
Yes, I know someone like that too. They also acquire stories from others and pass them off as if they happened to them.
Little white lies don't bother me: we all tell them to some extent. Most of us wouldn't tell the truth about a trivial matter (ie does my bum look big in this) and devastate someone, just for the sake of getting full marks for honesty. I know one person who finds it impossible to tell a lie, so refrains from answering questions that are going to land them in it.
The really frightening individuals are the ones who don't know the truth from reality. Now they really are scary. How they can utterly convince themselves that a certain sequence of events has happened, when even witnesses will tell them that it hasn't, is quite terrifying. Still, there's always politics ;)
Small white lies with no adverse consequences smooth life's path and are entirely acceptable. It's the lies that hurt others or lead to more lies and complications that cause trouble.
Valerie Campbell
19-Aug-08, 11:01
If I said what I thought to certain members of my husband's family, I would cause no end of bother for my honesty so yes, I have lied and I will continue to do so if it means I diffuse a situation. The worst part of it is I hate doing it. It means I can't really be me but also means I don't get my head bitten off! Recently my mother-in-law questioned a decision I made about one of my children and I felt she had not right to do so - it was fairly trivial anyway. She stormed off in a huff because of my decision and came back 5 mins later to apologise for her outburst and I said it was ok, when it wasn't really. It had nothing to do with her, but I felt I couldn't hurt her feelings by saying that, although she had me in tears. A small lie for the greater good, I guess.
Sometimes it comes down to a matter of opinion and it's much kinder to tell a little white lie -as when a friend has a radically different hairstyle that you feel is a huge mistake and can't be undone...or they're all ready to go out for a special occasion in a very expensive outfit that you think really doesn't suit them.
If someone asks me the "Does my bum look big in this?" or similar awkward question before they've bought the offending garment I would reply truthfully - though even if the answer was a resounding "YES! in fact you bear a strong resemblance to a hippo!" - I'd still try to put it as tactfully as possible..."I don't think that shade of bright orange really flatters you...." and try to find something that would suit them better.
It's far, far more important to be kind to folk than to tell the absolute truth sometimes.:)
mums angels
19-Aug-08, 11:49
I think little white lies are acceptable if you are saving someones feelings , however i had an experience awhile back that someone told me something i repeated it, person who told me then denied all knowledge and then made me out to be the liar ..luckily i was believed in the end and recieved an apology but unfortunatly itproved too little to late..so i don't think its right to lie if its going to make someone innocent into a liar. some people just don't have the guts to own up when they've done something wrong.
at the end of the day unless its something like "no your bum doesn't look big in this" then don't lie life is difficult enough without all the lies , and they usually get found out in the end .
The Angel Of Death
19-Aug-08, 12:13
Difficult one this as we all know little white lies can be ok given the circumstances
However "proper" lies I hate they have caused so much trouble for me over the years i would far rather be told a hurtful truth than a bare faced lie and have far more respect for someone to have the spine to tell you the truth
And as we all know this county is way to small whether its wick or thurso etc you live 9 times out of 10 the truth will out as the pork pie'r normally slips up and tells a slightly different variation of the lie to someone else or someone knows that wasnt the case and sheds a bit more light on the situation
I suppose there is no real harm in the occasional "little white lie". However, as someone who has been on the receiving end of vicious, nasty lies I can see the other side.
Little white lies are ok if it is going to stop something from becoming out of hand.Bare faced lies are not ok,people do expect others to lie for them to keep them out of trouble but it rarely turns out alright,and as for lying to cover for somebody doing something wrong its a definate no no ,Up here lies will out in no time at all,and then you end up being involved simply because you tried to help out x
AfternoonDelight
19-Aug-08, 15:22
[quote=mums angels;420968]i had an experience awhile back that someone told me something i repeated it, person who told me then denied all knowledge and then made me out to be the liar ..quote]
This is called gossiping and it's done by people who have nothing better to do, normally like to see other people fall and most of the time it is lies anyway.
Everybody does it to some degree - it's human nature but it's abbhorent in some cases and i try not to get involved - i don't want people gossiping about me so why should I talk about them.
Frankly I like to think I can have an intelligent conversation without resorting to talking about what ........ from down the street was getting up to with ........... from down the road on Friday night... :roll:
Went to a shout once where a chap had been driving an old van; no seatbelt on, he'd hit the curb, the van had spun around, he'd been thrown out of the rear doors and onto the road, landed on his head. Got to him, he was lying on his back, parts of his brain were showing from his fractured skull (he was going to die) but he was conscious, I bent over him and he looked up; "Am I going to be ok?" he asked; "of course you are, it's a bit of a cut on the side of your head, get that stitched and you'll be home in a couple of hours". "That's good he says", as his eyes cloud over and he's gone. so Yes, I do tell lies when necessary.
A couple of years ago I was in hospital. The woman in the next bed to me was very poorly indeed. One day she asked the doctor on the ward round "Am I going to die?" Somewhat to my surprise his reply was "Well, you could do".
The poor woman was very distressed and after he'd gone she was crying and telling the nurses she was upset because of what the doctor had told her. They kept saying she must have got it wrong and he wouldn't have said that -but he had!:eek:
I'm not convinced that telling the truth was the best thing to do in this situation.:confused
Went to a shout once where a chap had been driving an old van; no seatbelt on, he'd hit the curb, the van had spun around, he'd been thrown out of the rear doors and onto the road, landed on his head. Got to him, he was lying on his back, parts of his brain were showing from his fractured skull (he was going to die) but he was conscious, I bent over him and he looked up; "Am I going to be ok?" he asked; "of course you are, it's a bit of a cut on the side of your head, get that stitched and you'll be home in a couple of hours". "That's good he says", as his eyes cloud over and he's gone. so Yes, I do tell lies when necessary.
Obviously there are exceptional circumstances. I don't think anyone would say you were wrong for that kind of lie.
mums angels
19-Aug-08, 17:06
i had an experience awhile back that someone told me something i repeated it, person who told me then denied all knowledge and then made me out to be the liar ..quote]
This is called gossiping and it's done by people who have nothing better to do, normally like to see other people fall and most of the time it is lies anyway.
Everybody does it to some degree - it's human nature but it's abbhorent in some cases and i try not to get involved - i don't want people gossiping about me so why should I talk about them.
Frankly I like to think I can have an intelligent conversation without resorting to talking about what ........ from down the street was getting up to with ........... from down the road on Friday night... :roll:
whats your point ...that i was gossiping by repeating what id been told ? the thread is about is it wrong to lie ..I NEVER lied and don't feel it was gossiping i repeated what i'd been told word for word , it wasn't told n confidence and didn't see the harm in bringing it up in a relevant conversation it wasn't anything serious or malicious something that i would never have thought would cause a problem ( silly me assumed that people were honest with one another ) ..it was not my fault that it hit a nerve, and that the person who told me didn't have the nerve to admit it .
yes we all gossip at one time or another but if id been caught out in a lie id just appologise and admit it and i certainly woudln't make out someone was lying to cover my own back .At the end of the day little lies are ok but real lies have a way of ruining friendships, relationships and in some cases lives ... its just better not to do it.
percy toboggan
19-Aug-08, 18:32
Depends who you're lying to I think. White lies/black lies...vary in importance.
If you can keep someone happy , or deluded with a white lie...someone not really important to you then best so to do. Or, if you save yourself some mither.
When it comes to weightier matters with people you love I think honesty is the best policy......ignore this advice at your peril, or develop a good memory..a pre-requisite of inveterate liars.
teenybash
19-Aug-08, 19:18
Telling lies is not a black and white subject as some mistruths are told in kindness to save someones feelings or prevent them from worrying.
To blatantly lie for the purpose of self gain is wrong.
Malicious lies that are told to destroy a part of someones life is wrong.
Sometimes it is better to shield someone from the truth as an act of care and concern.
Well said, teenybash. I couldn't agree more!
I agree wi Sporran - well put Teenybash - that was what I was thinkin but could not put it into words!
Don't knock yersel out about it Angel - if it diffused a situation and was not a dreadful lie then perhaps it was for the better!
We're lied to everyday by Government minister's but we still vote the odious cretins back in.
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