A concerning situation, advice please.

[teenybash]

MY OH has been doing some work for two elderly friends who live together but, are not a couple The gentleman is over eighty and the lady in her seventies and neither are eating enough in the day to feed a sparrow.
The lady used to bake and produce hearty home made meals but that has stopped. She has always had issues that affect her mentality which has saw her remaining childlike in many ways.
The gentlman has had heart bypass surgery approx 3 years ago and since finds it more difficult to cope with his friends behaviour as he does not have the strength to keep her to her routine. I know I am not putting this very well...trying to be PC.
Neither one of them will allow anyone to interfere in their lives and shun outsiders [they live out in the country] which makes it difficult to suggest they are both needing help.

Any advice ?:(

[joxville]

I have absolutely no experience in dealing with their situation but only advice I can give is get on to the Social Services. How many times have we read of our elderly dying from lack of care, so I think they,(the Social Services), need to get involved a.s.a.p.

[Sandra_B]

I second the social services or maybe the community nurse?

[janemac]

Oh dear, what a shame.

I have just been looking on the 'Age Concern' website for any advice...
http://www.ageconcernscotland.org.uk/
Might be worth giving someone a ring or dropping them an email...

:confused

[ANNIE]

Why not try homecare or social services 603040

[Tighsonas4]

i would think social services could call on them and refrain from involving you at all. pity theres not more neighbours like yourself regards tony

[cuddlepop]

I think the best think you can do is call Social Services they have someone particularly for Home Care and any other elderly issues.

Unfortunatly this is not an uncommon senario these days.:(

[teenybash]

It's so sad to see Jimmy...not his real name...being soley look after by Jean...not real name ...who does not have the mentality to do this properly. She is like a child trying out all the little Muller pots of this and that, cooking no vegetables because you have to add salt to make them tasty and thinking Jimmy will have a heart attack.. Only a month ago the doc tested her for diabetis due to her losing weight, test was negative as it is lack of food.
Jimmy has to crawl on all fours if he wants to go upstairs.... which he now has no reason to and the poor soul is still driving as it is the only way they can get to town for shopping.
My dilema is I would not want Social Services to tell them it was me who contacted them as they will see me as betraying them but I will contact them and run the risk................
Thank you all for reassuring me of what I need to do is right for them.

[unicorn]

I am sure if you explain your concerns about them knowing it was you they could keep that quiet. Well done you for caring.

[YummyMummy]

It's so sad to see Jimmy...not his real name...being soley look after by Jean...not real name ...who does not have the mentality to do this properly. She is like a child trying out all the little Muller pots of this and that, cooking no vegetables because you have to add salt to make them tasty and thinking Jimmy will have a heart attack.. Only a month ago the doc tested her for diabetis due to her losing weight, test was negative as it is lack of food.
Jimmy has to crawl on all fours if he wants to go upstairs.... which he now has no reason to and the poor soul is still driving as it is the only way they can get to town for shopping.
My dilema is I would not want Social Services to tell them it was me who contacted them as they will see me as betraying them but I will contact them and run the risk................
Thank you all for reassuring me of what I need to do is right for them.

Firstly, I think you are such a caring couple to be so keen to support your friends in this way.

Your referral to Social Work Services can be treated in confidence. Just explain to them the sensitivity surrounding this set of circumstances and it is likely that they will not divulge that it is you that made initial contact. On referral, the Social Work Service will visit and make an assessment, taking into account all the circumstances and contacting other services (including the GP for example) to build up the bigger picture. Their main concern will be their welfare and well-being and they will/should put in place a comprehenisive package of support that everyone is happy with (including the individuals themselves). They are able to arrange home-help care; help with shopping; meals on wheels and many other supports.

If the Social Worker knows the mistrust and fear that is around, (s)he will be better prepared to ensure that their approach is non-threatening and friendly and totally reassuring. You are key to providing as much information as you can.

I wish you all the best and I'm sure the support that will go in will make you glad you called.

[percy toboggan]

The only advice I'm qualified to offer is to avoid 'political correctness' at all times and tell it like it is.

I hope you resolve this situation to everyones benefit.

[Whitewater]

It is a very sad case and you are all correct, one the social services should be involved. However, with elderly people it is sometimes very difficult to get them to accept anthing, they all feel they don't want charity or to inconvenience anyone. My guess is that they should both be placed a home for the elderly where they will be looked after properly, and I have seen in the past where some of these places are very sympathetic to the needs of individuals and they would keep the couple together, which would be really good for them and if they were aware that this could be done they would perhaps be more easily persuaded to accept what was being offered to them.

[sjr014]

Another option would be to phone the community mental health team, not sure of their direct number but if you phone the hospital and asked to get put through. They may be able to help and take a referral direct from you and if not they will certainly point you in the right direction especially with the lady who possibly has dementia. Home care, GP and Social work also good idea and again im sure you could remain annonymous.

Do they have no family at all?

[Kevin Milkins]

It seems to me that when ever there is talk of old folks home , or retierments home, or call it what you like elderly people go in to panic mode.
They are seen as the end of the line and the dress rehearsal for death.
My wife worked with the elderly for a number of years and often its the same old same old.
The very fact of life is we do our bit ,get old and at some stage die.
The realality is we touch other peoples feelings and it gets complicated.
I admire what you are doing TB and wish that there was a magic wand that could make all things well, but I am sure that as the thread has stated by most, profesional help is what your dear friends need.

As to old folks homes , most people that I have met as a result of being ending there days in such an establishment has been a positive rather than a negative.
Good luck.

[horseman]

are you being straight with us here teenybash?-there is a world of help an advice out there-an you go on the org!grow up lassie.

[Oddquine]

Teenybash............if you don't want to contact Social Services initially............it might be worth seeing what their GP practice can do to help.As far as I'm aware, there is a requirement to regularly have the likes of your friends regularly contacted to see how they are coping..

[teenybash]

are you being straight with us here teenybash?-there is a world of help an advice out there-an you go on the org!grow up lassie.

Your input serves no purpose...........I have no connection to Social Services on what I, as an outsider can do for the elderly pair.....this is beyond my experience.
I am extremely grateful to all the advice and help given by the lovely people on the org and I will do what I can.........I don't know where you are coming from with your comment but, I suggest you go back.......

[mccaugm]

Your input serves no purpose...........I have no connection to Social Services on what I, as an outsider can do for the elderly pair.....this is beyond my experience.
I am extremely grateful to all the advice and help given by the lovely people on the org and I will do what I can.........I don't know where you are coming from with your comment but, I suggest you go back.......

I totally agree...local knowledge helps in a lot of situations. Maybe teenybash thinks a problem shared is a problem halved which can often be the case. As with the majority of posts I agree..social services should be the first port of call. They will keep things confidential as their aim is the same as yours, to assist in a difficult and sensitive situation. Well done for being a good neighbour....

[armanisgirl]

I was just wondering.....why hasn't the GP asked the Health Visitor to make regular visits to this couple? As far as I am aware, the Health Visitor is not just for the pre-school age of society! If the GP has run tests that are showing negative results, s/he must surely think there is another explanation for weight loss other than diabetes? The GP should have referred the woman (at least) to the surgery's local health team, be it Health Visitor, Community Nurse, Mental Health Nurse etc, who then could have assessed the living conditions, and then in turn referred to Social Services. Why is it left to a few concerned neighbours/friends/relatives to tip toe about trying to find help for this poor couple? I think it's appalling! And as has been said, the news often reports on tragic cases where an elderly person has been failed by the system, and been found dead after many days/weeks/months. Come on GPs, and other health professionals, how would you feel if it was a relative of yours? Please start looking in on the elderly and infirm, even if they say they don't want or need 'lookinh in on', it's our duty as the children and grandchildren of these elderly persons to make sure they are managing, not existing!!

Well done TB for showing that there are caring and considerate people out there, and for being worried enough to ask for advice on an area you have no expertise in! It's all too easy to turn a blind eye and say 'it's not our problem'.

[changilass]

Social services may have already tried to contact the couple, you have to remember that if the couple refuse entry or help it cannot be forced upon them. A lot of elderly couples are very independant and dont like outside interference no matter how well intentioned.

Hopefully this is not the case and the couple get some help.