View Full Version : To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine
Have had a shock this week - a rude awakening to me! I have always been of the mind that if anyone does me wrong then that is it - I do not forgive. In a complete moment of stupidity I have insulted a friend and would go to the ends of the earth for their forgiveness - now I am looking at the picture from a different angle and I don't like the view! Are you forgiving?
AfternoonDelight
19-Jun-08, 14:46
I would like to say I am a person who doesn't hold a grudge. Of course, it depends on what the other person has done and if they feel the need to apologise. Everybody makes mistakes so I try not to make too big a deal out of things.
Apologise - if they accept it, they are a good friend, if they don't, you are better off without them.
Thanks AD but I think my life will have a wee gap in it without them.
We can all do things in the heat of the moment. Now that you have had time to reflect and you feel the insult was uncalled for then you have to make the first move and apologise. If you still feel it was justified at the time but you want to put it behind you and still be friends then again you have to make the first move.
I suppose its all down to how much you need this person's friendship and only you can decide that. Of course your friend may not be so willing to forgive and that is something that you will have to accept or try and work through with him/her. If they are a true friend they will accept your apology. Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem and you won't know until you try. ;)
I personally hate falling out with people and can't hold a grudge for long. Life's too short I say.
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To be honest I was always a very forgiving person but then I realised that most people take advantage of that,now if somebody falls out with me for a silly mistake i just put it down to the fact that i couldnt have meant much to them in the first place and just walk away from it,if they really are/were a friend they would want to work it out as much as you do,if they dont then they weren't really a friend in the first place x
I am rubbish at holding a grudge, due more to a bad memory than a good heart.
So, Starry, we probably shouldn't tell you any secrets, either!
I do my best to forgive, cos otherwise you just get bitter dont you.
percy toboggan
19-Jun-08, 19:00
There is nothing to be gained from holding a grudge.
I have a quick temper and am not slow to rise to argument...however it's usually forgotten in minutes....otherwise hours.
People who 'never forget' a slight, an insult, or even just a clash of opinion are not worth bothering with...much less befriending. Seems to me they are just full of their own self-importance, lacking any sense of humour and unable to view things from other peoples perspectives.
Apologies help of course
I have family members - not immediate- who hold grudges. It's a pathetic trait in my opinion.
Of course there are some outrages which will never merit forgiveness....these are not what I'm talking about here. My threshold for 'outrage' is set fairly high. A heartfelt apology might even quell 'outrage' in my book.
To be honest I was always a very forgiving person but then I realised that most people take advantage of that,now if somebody falls out with me for a silly mistake i just put it down to the fact that i couldnt have meant much to them in the first place and just walk away from it,if they really are/were a friend they would want to work it out as much as you do,if they dont then they weren't really a friend in the first place x
I agree with Thumper but sometimes things are said and done in the heat of the moment and it is a case of biting ones tongue a apology never goes amiss if someone is in the wrong but realising the mistake or what was said that is the biggest step forward hope it works out for you as you are obviously hurting over it
I've fallen in and out and back in again with people over the years. Often I would say to myself that it didn't matter if the other person was out of my life or not, but after a little while discovered that life was too short for that and made the move to put things back on track. On one occasion someone had pals round for a piss up when they were supposed to be babysitting our kids. When I told them we were not happy, it escalated into a falling out. People, including family, started taking sides and before we knew it we were alienated from several close family members. We went about three years without any contact, before finally coming to our senses on all sides. Things have never been better between us all since then and it had the bonus effect of someone with a serious drink problem giving up the booze altogether.
Bad feeling eats away at you, no matter how hard you try to shrug it off as "We're better off without them". I don't think anyone benefits in those situations and I would urge you to make the effort to say sorry. We all make mistakes, a good friend will understand that and if they forgive you, I am sure you will BOTH feel better.
Thank you for the replies - food for thought! (Percy I think you are right so I must be meaning outrages done against me. I have never thought of myself as being full of self-importance or lacking in humour and I always try to look at different perspectives - fairness is high on my list of important things in life!)
Tighsonas4
19-Jun-08, 21:44
much harm can be done in the spur of the moment im afraid
its especially sad when you see it amongst families
family unity is something i treasure very much its a blessing when a family can come together in good times or bad regards tony
Well summed up Tigh - much harm - spur of the moment!
mmh...there could be more til'ed....
iv bin studyin alot aboot astrology lately. iv always been interested but hev hed til put it til 'e side til i did ma SVQ - which i passed by the way...:D:D
anyway, id be interested in kenin when yer birthdate is wifie?
perhaps its in yer sign that ye find it hard til forgive....
if 'ats 'e case, at least ye know an then ye know what ye hev til work on....
perhaps ye'v dissed ither people in yer life through genuine mistakes/reasons but never really noticed.....but because 'iss person is a special friend ye'v realised that yer attitude is no quite rite.......
am sorry but av choost recently turned nearly 30 an am in a 'really thinkin aboot things' stage...
i da mean no offence or 'at :D
oldmarine
20-Jun-08, 03:53
Have had a shock this week - a rude awakening to me! I have always been of the mind that if anyone does me wrong then that is it - I do not forgive. In a complete moment of stupidity I have insulted a friend and would go to the ends of the earth for their forgiveness - now I am looking at the picture from a different angle and I don't like the view! Are you forgiving?
Christians would say that you have been touched by the Holy Spirit. I believe you are correct with this new attitude. Go for it. I believe you will be blessed.
Lolabelle
20-Jun-08, 07:17
Wifie, true repentance will win them back. You can only apologise and learn from it. It sounds like a good lesson in life.
I have learnt that forgiveness is a gift, to yourself, and to who ever you forgive.
I hope that everything works out ok for you.
I can't think of anything profound wifie so here's something to cheer you up. I hope.
"I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it!" (http://www.quoteworld.org/quotes/9995)Groucho Marx (http://www.quoteworld.org/authors/groucho-marx)
"Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world." Groucho Marx
"Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?" (http://www.quoteworld.org/quotes/9993)Groucho Marx (http://www.quoteworld.org/authors/groucho-marx)
"I could dance with you until the cows come home... on second thoughts, I'll dance with the cows and you go home." (http://www.quoteworld.org/quotes/9992)
Groucho Marx (http://www.quoteworld.org/authors/groucho-marx)
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed..." (http://www.quoteworld.org/quotes/10297)Mark Twain (http://www.quoteworld.org/authors/mark-twain)
[lol][lol]
All quotes courtesy of: http://www.quoteworld.org/
im a very forgiving person! I have a few occasions where certain people have done me wrongs but i always forgive them as I believe life is to short. This doesnt always seem the right thing to do as I have a couple of people who continually do things again & again to upset me.Maybe its weakness on my behalf as I hate falling out with people for any reason!
But I still believe life is to short to be holding grudges,but always once bitten twice shy!
Tighsonas4
20-Jun-08, 10:38
Christians would say that you have been touched by the Holy Spirit. I believe you are correct with this new attitude. Go for it. I believe you will be blessed.
it may be just be possible that cristians may be right eh ??
To be honest I was always a very forgiving person but then I realised that most people take advantage of that,now if somebody falls out with me for a silly mistake i just put it down to the fact that i couldnt have meant much to them in the first place and just walk away from it,if they really are/were a friend they would want to work it out as much as you do,if they dont then they weren't really a friend in the first place x
Oh my goodness, I couldn't agree with that more!!!! I thought it was just me who got repeatedly dumped on!! If people really care, they stick by you. If they only pop up when they want/need something, say goodbye.
The true test is when you're going through a hard time. Take a look around and see who's still there...
Thanks again for all the amazing replies to this thread.
Oldmarine - thank you beautiful sentiment.
Lolabelle - lovely words also.
Jox - how did you know Groucho quotes were my favourites?!
Trix - hmmmm - I am a scorpio so that probs says it all!!! :confused
I agree that life's much too short to hold grudges or to lose a good friend over a misunderstanding or disagreement.
I come from a family of serious grudge bearers, with folk 'not speaking' to their adult children or siblings for years - in fact people would, and did, die without making up. It seems so pointless to me - nobody gains and folk clinging onto what they see as justified anger does them no good at all -it can eat away at you and make you ill.
I think there's a difference between sorting out a misunderstanding or falling out among close friends or family -even if you can't always forget it, you can usually manage to forgive it - and recognising that sometimes there are people you're just better off without. You may be able to forgive what they've done, but eventually you come to realise that they just go on treating you as a doormat... and aren't true friends.
If someone has broken your trust, it's hard to know if you can ever trust them again.
I'm a Libran so of course I always want things to be fair :roll: and I do get hurt and upset if I feel that somebody isn't treating me fairly, has been two faced, or has gone behind my back about something. I might be able to forgive them, but I'll always feel a bit wary of them in future and might just decide to give them a wide berth.
Wifie, sorry, I've wandered off from your OP. If you've genuinely apologised to your friend that's all you can do, and hope that they value your relationship enough to want to remain friends. :)
To paraphrase the title of this thread:-
"It is an error for a human to forgive Sydney Devine" ;)
George Brims
20-Jun-08, 19:01
Have had a shock this week - a rude awakening to me! I have always been of the mind that if anyone does me wrong then that is it - I do not forgive. In a complete moment of stupidity I have insulted a friend and would go to the ends of the earth for their forgiveness - now I am looking at the picture from a different angle and I don't like the view! Are you forgiving?
At'll larn ye!!
I forgive those who realise they have wronged me, and apologise or otherwise show contrition (Pint of Guinness, thanks). Mind you if the offense is big enough the forgiveness might take a while (or a lot of pints).
Trix - hmmmm - I am a scorpio so that probs says it all!!! :confused
it dis indeed wifie....
i hope yer friend is not a scorpio too or ye'l hev no chance o' a reconciliation....:(
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy!
Alan Sugar
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