View Full Version : Marriage... Does it matter anymore?
Oldish subject..newish audience..all brought about by the 'wedding dress' thread and responses to it.
Does marriage matter to you?
I think marriage is important, Its a commitment to one and other about how serious you are. Living together any one can do that, but if its serious marriage is the biggest commitment, when you take your vows serious!!!!
yeh we lived together for nearly 6 years before we got married and had a son, but we had always planned to get married when we got engaged in the first year.
So when better when our son was old enough to take part.
I think marriage is important, Its a commitment to one and other about how serious you are. Living together any one can do that, but if its serious marriage is the biggest commitment, when you take your vows serious!!!!
yeh we lived together for nearly 6 years before we got married and had a son, but we had always planned to get married when we got engaged in the first year.
So when better when our son was old enough to take part.
Absolutely chamb!:D
I'll bet your wedding pics are all the more special for his presence.
I can't even begin to express why it matters to me, just that it was the best moment of my life to stand up there and declare what I felt.
We had lived together for some years also and yes..it does change things, for the better.
ciderally
06-Apr-08, 21:18
a big yes ....im with chamb and karia they have said it just right
I think marriage is important if thats what you want. I married for the first time when I was 18, I was naive and insecure and married the first person who asked me. I then went on to have two children.
When I married for the second time, I was more together and we had lived together for about 4 years before tying the knot. I wanted to have a full mutual commitment and felt more confident in my relationship. I have never been happier and having my third son was the icing on the "wedding cake".
Well I think marriage still matters.
I came across to Germany 23 years ago meaning to stay for 2 years then move on.
I got married instead and am still here.
If I hadn't got married, I would probably have moved back to Thurso before now.
Wait a minute..........
Errrmmmmm!!!!!!
Whitewater
06-Apr-08, 21:47
Marriage is a commitment, my wife and I have now been happily married for 38 yrs, it's been both happy & sad, good times and bad times, but we have always been able to share the knocks and spread the load. As you get older you become more dependent on each other, and after the kids have all left you can share more precious time together, and do things you could never afford with a young family. You can look back on your life, see what you have both achieved and built up together and also where you could have done better.
I think that if you live together and the going gets tough, it is perhaps too easy to walk away, though having said that, I know some people who have grown old together, are very happy, but have not committed themselves to marriage, but they are the execption rather than the rule, also people who have married and been divorced after a year or two when thing didn't appear to go as planned for one reason or another.
I think marriage provides a security and a sense of belonging to each other that you can never achieve by just living together, and I think that that security also passes on to your children. But it is important to really know you partner before making the commitment. I first got to know and took out my wife when she was 16yrs old, I then left the area for about 5yrs, came home, took her out again and married when she was 23. It was no overnight courtship, but we both new each other very well by that time, and most of all, enjoyed talking with each other, which is perhaps the most important thing, and life has never been boring.
dirdyweeker
06-Apr-08, 21:52
I guess I have double standards on this one.
I have been 33 years married now but have always told my daughter to do as she pleases when her time comes as long as she is happy. I think happiness comes before the 'bit of paper' nowadays, the 'bit of paper' comes with maturity and happiness.
But it is important to really know you partner before making the commitment. I first got to know and took out my wife when she was 16yrs old, I then left the area for about 5yrs, came home, took her out again and married when she was 23. It was no overnight courtship, but we both new each other very well by that time, and most of all, enjoyed talking with each other, which is perhaps the most important thing, and life has never been boring.
Congratulations Mr & Mrs W!:D
My OH and I met at 16/17 and got swept in other directions for a decade or so before getting back together..but wherever we were and whatever our circumstances we never lost touch and always talked about everything under the sun.
I feel so sad for those couples you see out for dinner and she is on her phone and he is staring into middle distance and they are not talking and laughing like we are and indeed they are looking down on us for enjoying each others company.:(
DeHaviLand
06-Apr-08, 22:45
Of course it matters, all of mine did ;):lol:
bobandag16
06-Apr-08, 22:47
Oldish subject..newish audience..all brought about by the 'wedding dress' thread and responses to it.
Does marriage matter to you?
nice sound to i am marri
ade better than shacking up together.
i always thought marrige mattered to me, but it obviously didnt to my husband!!
wouldnt do it again, would just live in sin and enjoy being loved.
I dont think marriage is that important, do we really need a piece of paper to prove a committment to the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with?
Ive been married & think the hardest part when it all falls apart is the whole divorce procedure if i hadnt signed a piece of paper in the first place I wouldnt of had half as much heartache.
I would definately think long & hard about doing it again!
yes it matters. To give oneself to another person in mind body and soul is the biggest commitment and worth every minute.I have a wonderful hubby and could never imagine my life without him...
I was reading the other day that the seven year itch has been reduced to five years, they reackon if you split before the 5 year anniversary thats it, but if you get past it you will be together for life.
best thing i ever did was get married,and will love my oh until death do us both part...1000% commitment on both sides....
Tighsonas4
07-Apr-08, 12:41
MARRIAGE
anyone heard the song there aint a lady living in the land like my old dutch
things have changed since we married. for instance came back home here and couldnt get a house although we had two young kids at that time
never the less all through the years all 59 of them we have seen the mountain tops and the valleys but it has only helped to bond us closer together. just keeping the final part of our vows now [lol]regards tony
we have seen the mountain tops and the valleys but it has only helped to bond us closer together. just keeping the final part of our vows now [lol]
That's beautiful Tony...may both you spend a long time fulfilling that final part!:D
crashbandicoot1979
07-Apr-08, 13:52
Nope, it definitely doesn't matter. I don't think that people who are married are any more committed to each other than those who aren't. I've been with my OH for 7 years now and I know more than one couple who got married and divorced in that time.
If someone wants to get married then good for them, go for it. But it isn't for everyone. We might get married one day but it will be a small, private thing.
lady penelope
07-Apr-08, 15:48
Marriage is important, I was married a long time ago, then divorced shortly after.
I met the love of my life while going through my divorce, in fact the first time we met was at my wedding, so yes marriage is important to me.
We have been together 12 years now and most people assume we are married as I changed my surname.;)
I agree with Crash, you dont need to get married to show your commitment to your partner. I have been with my partner now for over 7 years, and over that time we have faced every struggle and every happy time together, I know we are commited to each other, we could not have survived the early years together if we were not rock solid ! She is my best friend, lover and partner, by getting married it proves nothing we dont already know about each other. Yes we have discussed marriage, often, but we already class ourselves as being married, its a bit of paper at the end of the day to us.
Oldish subject..newish audience..all brought about by the 'wedding dress' thread and responses to it.
Does marriage matter to you?
Of course it does, sweetheart. (when's it going to happen?)
Seriously, these days we are fobbing off too much of our responsibility as 'old fashioned' in all manner of ways. Once upon a time people took neighbours, love, marriage, having kids, other people's property, etc as serious responsibilities. Now too many of them are looking for ways of backing out and leaving things to others to sort out.
Marriage does not matter, I don't want to get married again, it's not for me, I don't think women should take on the man's name either after getting married. It may be for some but not for me, I'd rather keep my own identity.
to be honest i wouldnt say that it didnt matter, but i have been with my partner for 15 years now and we have 3 lovely kids, so what difference would a piece of paper make to us now, we are happy without it.
Its commitment and faithfulness that matters,and even with a bit of paper some people find that too hard to do :roll: so IMO no marriage doesnt matter,tried it twice and certainly won't be going for a third time :eek: x
percy toboggan
07-Apr-08, 18:53
much better than someone saying 'she's me partner' - sounds like a business realtionship or worse still...my girlfriend...how sad is that when yer thirty plus....or even pathetic at forty plus....and laughable at fifty plus.
Girl/boy friends are for teenagers...maybe 20 somethings.
Mind you I think I'd only marry the once.
Mister Squiggle
07-Apr-08, 19:22
Call me an old softie, but marriage was the best thing (apart from having kids) I ever did. We lived together for a few years first but when we got married it was the start of a fantastic adventure. Hard times, great times, times when I'd gladly back the tractor over him, but I wouldn't swap it for the world.
Heck yes! Marriage is massively important to me. I refuse to have kids until we are married, it is very important my family share the same name!
I look forward to marrying my OH and hopefully spending the rest of our lives together :)
cuddlepop
07-Apr-08, 20:29
My parents had a wonderful marriage and made me think it was something special.Unfortunatly I picked a bad un and was incredibly unhappy for years.
This kinda leaves a bad taste in your mouth for another marriage.
OH and I are very happy together and have no intention of ever putting pen to paper.:D
I never used to think it mattered if you were living in sin or not but then when you see some couples splitting and it isn't always smooth that you think Hey there's a lot to be said for a bit of paper then...when it's every man for themselves:)
much better than someone saying 'she's me partner' - sounds like a business realtionship or worse still...my girlfriend...how sad is that when yer thirty plus....or even pathetic at forty plus....and laughable at fifty plus.
I use the term partner, she is more than a girlfriend to me, not my wife so i dont call her " missus" or other half. Odd that you find it pathetic,
I use the term partner, she is more than a girlfriend to me, not my wife so i dont call her " missus" or other half. Odd that you find it pathetic,
I agree..'partner'..equal in decisions blame, discussions and processes...input and compassion.
A lot of 'marriages' fail to be that democratic.;)
Do married people live longer or does it only seem longer, you'd get less time for murder?:confused:
I was reading the other day that the seven year itch has been reduced to five years, they reackon if you split before the 5 year anniversary thats it, but if you get past it you will be together for life.
Roflmao......from someone whose marriage split after 23 years (18 years ago now)........though I'm not yet divorced.
I'm afraid I don't think marriage means much anymore.
I'd never get married again, that's for sure (not that I can)........but I might cohabit with the appropriate safeguards............like it being MY place. ;)
I think marriage does matter, especially if you're going to have children. My husband and I didn't live together before we got married to each other, and neither of us had lived with another partner beforehand. We were both in our twenties when we got married. We had a whirlwind romance, but waited several years before having any children. I don't think you can really and truly get to know someone properly until you are living under the same roof together. But you marry each other knowing it's for better or worse, and that you're going to have good times and bad. And indeed you do!
I have often wondered if people who married each other after living together first, felt any difference in their relationship afterwards. So it's been interesting to read the various replies on this thread.
percy toboggan
08-Apr-08, 07:31
I use the term partner, she is more than a girlfriend to me, not my wife so i dont call her " missus" or other half. Odd that you find it pathetic,
Oh...I find lots of things 'pathetic' you'd be surprised.
The 'pathetic' aspect here comes from a middle-aged man referring to his woman as a girl...if she's of a similar age or older than twenty odd !. It's a little of demeaning to the woman herself in my opinion.
If you're married what's wrong with 'wife'...so long as she's not 'the wife'....which sounds a bit like an impediment , but 'my wife' sounds right to me. I've used the term 'missus' on a few ocassions and instantly admonished myself....I'd not dare do it within earshot of my wife. Who incidentally...I first met on this day in 1970.
I was married for 16 years before my marriage ended and although it wasnt unremitting misery - being married -It was so painful to end it that I said i would never do it again ever, For me marriage is about trusting someone with the rest of your life, that they will be there come what may to be your partner your strength and your equal for the rest of your life. I couldnt imagine ever being able to do that with anyone again.
So here i am getting married on the 17th May. I found a wonderful man who has mended all the broken bits and who I absolutely trust with my whole heart. How has that happened? I have no idea at all. It is the biggest surprise of my entire life, the most wonderful one and I am still whirling around with the amazement i feel. Marriage is important its a commitment to each other to our friends and family to our darling wee 5 month old baby that we are TOGETHER. Its also important to my 13 year old - he didnt fully beleive that the Bruce would stay until he knew we were going to be married. To us it isnt about the piece of paper - our Wedding isnt actually a legal ceremony - that will be done quietly and seperately with no fuss because its the least important bit - the important bits are the 180 people who are going toparty int he wee small hours because they are so delighted we found each other and they delight in our happiness.
YOu can all go throw up now if you like :roll:
I was married for 16 years before my marriage ended and although it wasnt unremitting misery - being married -It was so painful to end it that I said i would never do it again ever, For me marriage is about trusting someone with the rest of your life, that they will be there come what may to be your partner your strength and your equal for the rest of your life. I couldnt imagine ever being able to do that with anyone again.
So here i am getting married on the 17th May. I found a wonderful man who has mended all the broken bits and who I absolutely trust with my whole heart. How has that happened? I have no idea at all. It is the biggest surprise of my entire life, the most wonderful one and I am still whirling around with the amazement i feel. Marriage is important its a commitment to each other to our friends and family to our darling wee 5 month old baby that we are TOGETHER. Its also important to my 13 year old - he didnt fully beleive that the Bruce would stay until he knew we were going to be married. To us it isnt about the piece of paper - our Wedding isnt actually a legal ceremony - that will be done quietly and seperately with no fuss because its the least important bit - the important bits are the 180 people who are going toparty int he wee small hours because they are so delighted we found each other and they delight in our happiness.
YOu can all go throw up now if you like :roll:
i think ur story is lovely, i wish well in the future! :D xx
Marriage does not matter, I don't want to get married again, it's not for me, I don't think women should take on the man's name either after getting married. It may be for some but not for me, I'd rather keep my own identity.
When I got married the first time I took my exes name as it was expected and I was too naive to say no. I hated the name and found it emabarassing. When I got married the second time I kept my maiden name and also took my hubbies surname as it was my choice and I was no longer naive.
Squidge you just summed it up in one go.
I'm getting married on the 14th June for the first time and hopefully it will be the only time. I hope I am with my OH until "death us do part". I couldn't imagine my life without my OH now, he has, like your's has, mended all the broken, painful bits. I met my other half on the internet it was very scarey as you hear all sorts of weird things about it, purely by accident, my friend set up a profile on a dating website after I had split from my ex and my OH accidentaly clicked on my name but thought it rude not to email me, so that's where it all started one 31st January 2005, met him face to face in the March and moved to Yorkshire and lived with him in the April and he proposed a year later, now here we are, moved back to Caithness and getting married in 9 weeks time. Yes I took a massive gamble and made a huge commitment in moving 500 miles to live with someone I hardly knew but it felt like I did know him, like we had been friends for years and I know that he will always be here for me no matter what and getting married is like sealing our commitment to one another. (yes yes yes I know, you can all stop throwing up now)
So in a long way around it, Yes marriage is important. However, like with everyone's post, everyone has their own opinion on marriage.
percy toboggan
08-Apr-08, 17:55
In view of the date I've been thinking of our first meeting...homespun, unsophisticated...but that's the kind of folk we are.
Marriage mattered then...it matters now...to us anyway...even if she does think I spend too much time at the keyboard (somethin' else she's right aboot)
Valerie Campbell
09-Apr-08, 12:01
I've no regrets about getting married but I do think that a piece of paper is unnecessary if you love someone and are committed to them. If considering getting married, I think people should get to know their future in-laws too. I get on with mine ok most of the time, as long as I don't say what I think, but I wish they accepted me for who I am. They haven't and won't ever. Once the black sheep, always the black sheep eh?!!
helenwyler
09-Apr-08, 13:08
OH and I lived together for over seven years before we got married, so it was more like renewing an already existing committment when we did. The seven-year-itch had passed us by, and we felt no need of a bit of paper, but still decided to get married when we wanted to start a family.
We know we'd still be together even if we weren't married, so it's a bit odd really that we felt so strongly that we wanted to, given we're neither religious nor anxious about our relationship!
We celebrate the anniversary of our meeting (thirty years in a few weeks:D) and the wedding. And although our wedding was a wonderful and very important day, the anniversary of our meeting is slightly more special to me. And I can't find our bit of paper...haven't seen it for years:eek:!
I have noticed while reading this thread there have been a lot of splits and marriages alike.Now i know some will not be amiacable but i hope that some have been...
My mother was in an abusive relationship before she married my father..Her ex hubby had a mental problem and his idea of fun was attacking my mother with anything he had in his hands..Now they divorced and he ended up in the local mental hospital.but what got me when she told me about it was they were very good friends after the divorce and worst of enemies before.
I understand that it is only a piece of paper that changes the title of ones name, but how does it make so much difference to 2 people who were at one time in love and then suddenly cant handle being together but remain good friends..Do you have the same type of feeling to this person or have they changed to something more on a friendship basis. I am just curious if this is the situaution with any of our unlucky ones who seperated, as i never understood it when my mum explained it to me.
Sapphire2803
09-Apr-08, 15:30
I think that friendship is always an underlying emotion when you fall in love with someone, if you don't have that, you won't last. That's what happens to a lot of couples. When the first rush of love fades, they're left with nothing, so they split. These are the couples who never see each other again (mostly) because they're just not bothered, or end up hating each other.
In my experience, when the friendship is there too, yes, you may find you can't live with each other and end up fighting like cat and dog (for whatever reason) but after you split, when the arguments fade, you are still left with the friendship and that lasts forever. Some couples find that they mellow with age and loves blossoms again with that friendship, so they remarry the same person.
Best I can do Justine :D
[quote=Sapphire2803;371312]I think that friendship is always an underlying emotion when you fall in love with someone, if you don't have that, you won't last. That's what happens to a lot of couples. When the first rush of love fades, they're left with nothing, so they split. These are the couples who never see each other again (mostly) because they're just not bothered, or end up hating each other.
In my experience, when the friendship is there too, yes, you may find you can't live with each other and end up fighting like cat and dog (for whatever reason) but after you split, when the arguments fade, you are still left with the friendship and that lasts forever. Some couples find that they mellow with age and loves blossoms again with that friendship, so they remarry the same person.
Best I can do Justine :D[/quotei agree with that.My oh and me were friends before we married and are still best mates now. Not only do i love him as my oh but as my mate aswell.Everything we do is equal and we rarely fight, so yes it must have something to do with this, maybe it is just because my mother remained friends with her ex even though he beat he to a pulp and also assaulted her with knives, and regardless of the amount of assaults, when the divorced they remained friends, now i know in my heart i could not forgive what she went through but she does...
Which is even stranger as her and my dad have been married 40yrs and to be honest i odnt think the can stand the sight of eachother.My fathers stays for what i dont know and my mother for the money..Which is why i distance myself from them..My marriage is extremeely happy and i hope that god standing it will continue that way, but i know that when we apart we miss eachother terribly..
Thanks sapphire it atleast gave me some idea of why others can remain friends
Sapphire2803
09-Apr-08, 15:52
Friendship is a very powerful thing, it can withstand an awful lot. Love is not so tough.
Think of it like childbirth... The memory of pain does fade, friendship doesn't tend to. So when the hurt has faded, you still have the friendship.
It's amazing what you can forgive a friend, that you would never forgive in a lover.
percy toboggan
09-Apr-08, 19:30
To finish off my contribution to this thread I think it is extremely important for any offspring that Mum & Dad are married. It also ensures the father has more rights when it comes to his children.
If it's 'just a bit of paper' then what's the big deal.....and please, don't say it costs a fortune, because it needn't cost much money at all.
why is it important Percy, are you saying that children brought up with married mum and dad are better children ? or that two men or two woman cant do an equally good job of bring up children ? or indeed does it matter if it is a single parent or un married parents ?
weel, i da hev much til say on 'e matter except....
i think its important for a child til hev a secure unit, its important that they hev boundries, an only a secure 'consistant' unit can provide 'at.
i wis ayie grounded when i wis a teenager...but i wis a little b1tch...
what stopt me goin totaly totaly off 'e rails, wis 'e love an respect i hed for ma mi'r an fai'r.
ma security came fie ma faimly...an i guess 'ats how i turned intil a fine...aulder lascie :lol:
marriage is important til me, im no merried, but when i am, it will really mean some'hin til me....an hopefuly ma bairns (when am a proper grown up an stuff)
Boozeburglar
10-Apr-08, 02:32
What I want to know is how are girls brought up by two men going to learn how to knit? How are boys brought up by two women going to learn how to drive?
Would a girl brought up by men only be able to multi-task?
:)
Would a girl brought up by men only be able to multi-task?
:)
a lascie brocht up by 2 manies wid niver be able til multi-task surly??
i thocht 'at kinda stuff came fie 'e mither....really confuddled....ifanow :lol:
Metalattakk
10-Apr-08, 03:10
Would a girl brought up by men only be able to multi-task?
:)
Well, I'm no a lassagie, but my formative years were definitely influenced by Men Only. I seemed to manage to 'multi-task' quite frequently, too.
[lol]
we will be married 8 years on the first of may and in my honest oppinion it was the best choice i have ever made. I love my husband so much, and I am proud to share his name. To me its not a piece of paper, On my wedding day We promised before God, Family and Friends to Love and Cherish each other for the rest of our lives. we took vows to be together as one thru the good times and bad, thru sickness and health, in richness and poor. We pronounced to the world, that we loved each other, and swore and oath to love each other, and be a partnership, to be strong together and to cry together.
im am very happy to say we have kept those vows.
we have lived in sickness and health, good times and bad, richer and poor.
their have been times that i personally have felt that i could not go on, and my husband was there to carry me thru, and times in the night when i have held him close and whispered that I love you, and it will be ok.
we have laughed, and cried and screamed and raged.
we have met unsurmountable challenges that felt as if it would drag us down with them, but in the end made it out the other side , hand in hand.
so do i think marrige is important? yes i do. can you have all the above without marrige. Im sure you can if you have the commitment to one another.
but in my eyes and heart. marrige is not about a piece of paper. that paper only makes it a leagal document, for leagal and financial reasons.
marriage is about love and commitment, forsaking all others and cleaving one to the other. its that promise you make to each other. That is what it is about.
there was a time, when just proclaming yourself before witnesses was a binding marriage. if you want to look at it in the spirit of the word, a lot of people who have been together for years, that dont have that piece of paper are in their hearts and souls married.
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