dunderheed
24-Mar-08, 18:40
Jokes for St Patrick's Day
Ok, a bit late but still worth it...
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any
Man who does.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so
Often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
------------------------------------------------------------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask
An Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
------------------- ----- ---------------------------------- --
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out
And announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that
Mean I can keep the money?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
-------------------------------------------------- -----------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin'
In the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm getting
Closer all the time."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
--------- ----------------------------------------------------
Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two
O'clo ck in the morning. I can't break her of it,
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He
Said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
-------------------------------------------------------------
"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve
Your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
------------ -------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on
Their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
&nbs p;------------------------------------------------------------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
Sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and
Highlights of theirs
Ok, a bit late but still worth it...
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any
Man who does.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so
Often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
------------------------------------------------------------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask
An Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
------------------- ----- ---------------------------------- --
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out
And announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that
Mean I can keep the money?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
-------------------------------------------------- -----------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin'
In the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm getting
Closer all the time."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
--------- ----------------------------------------------------
Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two
O'clo ck in the morning. I can't break her of it,
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He
Said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
-------------------------------------------------------------
"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve
Your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
------------ -------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on
Their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
&nbs p;------------------------------------------------------------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your
Sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and
Highlights of theirs