a few wee jokes

[dunderheed]

Clean out you pockets fellas



A man is sitting reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for? He asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Mary Ellen" written on it," she replies.

"Don't be silly, " he says "Two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horse I bet on".
His wife seemed satisfied at this and apologized.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.

When he comes around he asks, "What was that for?"
"Your horse phoned!"

[dunderheed]

Not a well man



Guy comes home one evening & retires upstairs to find his wife in bed.

He starts undressing and firstly takes off his shoes & socks - his toes are pure black.

"What's wrong with your toes?" says the wife

"It's toe-lio" replies the husband

"Don't you mean polio?" the wife retorts

"No, it's toe-lio" the husband replies. "It's like polio, but it only affects the toes".

He proceeds to take off his trousers - his knees are covered in blotchy spots.

"What's wrong with your knees?" says the wife

"It's kneesles" replies the husband

"Don't you mean measles?" the wife retorts

"No, it's kneesles" the husband replies. "It's like measles, but it only affects the knees".

After taking off his shirt, he then removes his boxers.

"Don't tell me," says the wife, "I know this one - it's smallcocks, right? "

[dunderheed]

hi-tech men!



3 naked men in a sauna, an american, japanese and irishman
They hear a beeping sound, the american touches his arm n says "thats my pager, i have a microchip under my skin!
Next a phone rings and the japanese man puts his palm to his ear and says i have a microchip in my hand!!
The irishman then goes to the toilet and comes back with a length of bog roll hanging out his arse and says, Jesus would u look at that im gettin a fax!