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cuddlepop
12-Mar-08, 10:20
This is so difficult to accept.
Last week I told you all of my mothers unexpected death.The Pm has decided she died from head and neck injurys.It looks like she fell while walking up the stairs and banged her head on impact.
Lasy year she had two turns that hospitalised her,they suspected a stroke at the time but the recovery was too rapid.
In the end after a MRI scane which revealed melion damage and a lumber puncture they suspected MS.
An appointment was arranged for her to see a consultant neurologist but she wouldn't go.Three times she refused to go.We were told not to tell her what they suspected until it was confirmed but they wouldnt confirm it till she saw the specialist.
The past twenty years of her poor health are now falling into place.
Spasms?stiffness
Nerve pain,night time worse.arma and hands felt tight and trapped with tingling insect like feeling.
Balance issue,dizzy and unsteady on feet.
Bladder and bowel problems
Anxiety and depression.
Blurred vision.
All these symptoms were presented and explained away.Mum said she drank to dull the pain and I now think that really was true.She was only 69.:~(
Dads death fro a heart attack at 51 was easier to accept.

What do I do?

The creamations on Friday but I'm so angry and frightened .

I know personal threads were getting on everyones nerves so please pm me If you have any experiences or knowledge you wish to share.

helenwyler
12-Mar-08, 11:16
Cuddlepop, please forgive me if what I say is way off the mark.

It must be so hard for you to accept that for 20 years your mum was probably suffering from symptoms of MS, and that she drank to alleviate the symptoms rather than opting to receive a final diagnosis after the MRI scan, and then possible medical intervention. How could you feel anything else but sadness and anger? I also know that MS is hard to diagnose with certainty.

I think maybe the key is in the fact that she refused three times to see the specialist. Perhaps she did not want to have a 'diagnosis'...I have known people who refused the 'finality' of a diagnosis, and preferred to deal with things their own way. They too were 'older' people, although I know 69 was no great age.

There is so much I don't know about your mum's situation, but it seems as if, in the end, she chose the way she lived, if only by eliminating other options. It's not a way we would ever want to see our loved ones live and die, but in the end sometimes our hands are tied.

I might have got it all wrong. It's crap whatever way you look at it, but don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure you did everything you could. And she at least is at rest now.

Venture
12-Mar-08, 11:49
This is so difficult to accept.
Last week I told you all of my mothers unexpected death.The Pm has decided she died from head and neck injurys.It looks like she fell while walking up the stairs and banged her head on impact.
Lasy year she had two turns that hospitalised her,they suspected a stroke at the time but the recovery was too rapid.
In the end after a MRI scane which revealed melion damage and a lumber puncture they suspected MS.
An appointment was arranged for her to see a consultant neurologist but she wouldn't go.Three times she refused to go.We were told not to tell her what they suspected until it was confirmed but they wouldnt confirm it till she saw the specialist.
The past twenty years of her poor health are now falling into place.
Spasms?stiffness
Nerve pain,night time worse.arma and hands felt tight and trapped with tingling insect like feeling.
Balance issue,dizzy and unsteady on feet.
Bladder and bowel problems
Anxiety and depression.
Blurred vision.
All these symptoms were presented and explained away.Mum said she drank to dull the pain and I now think that really was true.She was only 69.:~(
Dads death fro a heart attack at 51 was easier to accept.

What do I do?

The creamations on Friday but I'm so angry and frightened .

I know personal threads were getting on everyones nerves so please pm me If you have any experiences or knowledge you wish to share.

First off Cuddlepop you have no need to feel guilty or blame yourself in any way. I know that you did all that you could to help her. You must feel angry about her suffering all those years and nobody doing the proper thing about it.

I know how you feel as Ive been in a similar situation myself. My father was misdiagnosed as having a bleeding ulcer when it was a leaking aortic anuerism. By the time they realised they had the wrong diagnosis and transferred him to a specialist hospital it was too late. He died aged 57. I know at the time I was angry and wanted questions answered. The medical profession always stick together like glue and are "never to blame". I pursued it for the sake of others. If it prevented it happening to any one else then it was worth it. Do what you think is right. At the end of the day it wont bring her back but it might help you to cope with her loss. Friday will be a hard day for you but you will get through it. Take care.

cuddlepop
12-Mar-08, 13:15
Thank you for your kind words and pm's.

Under the Patients charter I can ask for the diagnosis from the consultant and as next of kin mum's medical files.
This will all takes ages but they must give me the information I request.

Walking back from the coop with the dogs and as I turned the corner to our house an x CalMac ferry was sitting in the bay,mum loved her ferry's and liked nothing better than watch them arrive and leave in Wemyss bay where she lived.

Its a sign,I know it is.:D