View Full Version : Family Values.....
I am bringing this up because of the thread started by karia on mothers words..
I could not think of anything my mother ever said to me that could be repeated on hear..
But, this is more about what did you learn from your parents, and their attitudes from life.
Now both my parents were hard working, my father in the army my mother worked all hours.Unfortunately for me and my brother we were not part of their lives..We were sent away to boarding school and missed out on their wisdom(yeah right)..
Now saying all this their mistakes as parent made me more determined to be a successful parent,Now most of you know that i have nine children and i can say that i think we myself and hubby have raised these children with manners, rules, ambition and most of all love, something i missed out on.
Does anyone else feel that their own parents mistakes made them a better person, or maybe it is the other way round, maybe some were given all, lavished with love and then went of the rails, all kids do,well some..
I know that some organisations eg Social services think if you had a bad childhood, that makes you a bad parent,,,Which is not true in most cases although they are proved right in some situations....
I adore my children and love being with them although i missed out on a whole childhood of things..I neither regret my childhood as i cant miss what i never had...
I am bringing this up because of the thread started by karia on mothers words...
Hi Justine,
Would just like to point out that the thread in question was Cuddlepop's and not mine.xx
Hi Justine,
Would just like to point out that the thread in question was Cuddlepop's and not mine.xx
Sorry karia and cuddlepop..Got mixed up again.:(
my father worked very long hours when we were children which ment we hardly ever saw him & he never had time for a family holiday. This was all done with the best intention of making a better life for us but of course we missed out on quality time with our parents.
Having children of our own made me more determined to spend quality time with them. I used to work part time & miss the kids bedtime, they hated it! & that made me feel guilty enough to give it up & im glad i did i have much happier children for it.
This thread reminds me of the song, 'cats in the cradle'.
This thread reminds me of the song, 'cats in the cradle'.
Meaning..............:confused
TBH is referring to a song called 'cat's in The cradle' by Harry Chapin about a man who was always too busy to spend time with his son and when he retired found that his son was too busy to spend time with him.
My mam brought the 3 of us up (mostly) by herself. We didnt have it easy by a long shot, by she made up for it all by just being her. Not only is she my Mam, shes my best friend and the person i look for guidance from when i feel that my own parenting skills are lacking. I cant say i learned from her mistakes, id say i learned from her experience, thats why i know its more important to spend and cherish your time with your kids, not how much you can buy them or spend on them.
TBH is referring to a song called 'cat's in The cradle' by Harry Chapin about a man who was always too busy to spend time with his son and when he retired found that his son was too busy to spend time with him.
Thanks karia i was not sure what tbh meant by that..maybe i should look up the words to this so i can apprciate what was meant by it...
Thanks karia i was not sure what tbh meant by that..maybe i should look up the words to this so i can apprciate what was meant by it...
here you go Justine, it was also covered a few years ago which is the version i knew better..
Cats in the Cradle - Cat Stevens
A child arrived just the other day
Came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
He was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said I'm going to be like you Dad
You know I'm going to be like you
Chorus:
And the cat's in the cradle, and the silver spoon
Little Boy Blue, and the Man in the Moon
When you coming home
Son, I don't know when
We'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then
My son turned ten just the other day
Said thanks for the ball, now c'mon let's play
Will you teach me to throw, I said not today
I've got a lot to do, he said that's OK
And he walked away and he smiled and he said
You know I'm going to be like you
Dad, you know I'm going to be like you
(Chorus) He came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
I'm proud of you, won't you sit for a while
He shook his head and said with a smile
What I'm feeling like Dad is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please
(Chorus) I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said I'd love to Dad if I could find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you Dad, it's been real nice talking to you.
And as I hung up the phone it occured to me
He'd grown up just like me, my boy was just like me.
(Chorus)
My mam brought the 3 of us up (mostly) by herself. We didnt have it easy by a long shot, by she made up for it all by just being her. Not only is she my Mam, shes my best friend and the person i look for guidance from when i feel that my own parenting skills are lacking. I cant say i learned from her mistakes, id say i learned from her experience, thats why i know its more important to spend and cherish your time with your kids, not how much you can buy them or spend on them.
Well put sentiments.You are right about it being about what you can learn from them and not their mistkakes, hense the point of this thread...Some dont have that kind of guidence and it is left to themselves to work out the best way to do things. God if i followed my parents example i would never had had children, it would never have been fair on them to do what my parents did with me and my brother...
I am distanced from all my family other than my own....
I would have been proud to have said i could follow my mums example but knowing now that she neither wanted us tagging along, she just wanted a life in the army seeing the world, us kids werent part of the deal..
I love spending every minute i have with my children and i know i will reap the rewards of this when i am old and they are old enough to stand on their own two feet. Ihope that when they have children of their own they follow my example of loves, rules boundaries and limitations..It makes for happier children and much happier families....
TBH is referring to a song called 'cat's in The cradle' by Harry Chapin about a man who was always too busy to spend time with his son and when he retired found that his son was too busy to spend time with him.Thanks Karia.
Thanks karia i was not sure what tbh meant by that..maybe i should look up the words to this so i can apprciate what was meant by it...Look up the lyrics by all means but as the brothers Gibb said, "it's only words". Listen to the song on youtube or something and it will give you a far more powerful message.
growing up my father had 3jobs, mum stayed at home and brought us 4 up, dads always been hard working,when we were older mum went to work, my parents made us feel like we can go to them for anything, i can talk to my parents about anything, i got pregnant at 17 and my parents were amazing and they still are, i love them soo much and hope im the same for my wee girl
Thanks Karia.
Look up the lyrics by all means but as the brothers Gibb said, "it's only words". Listen to the song on youtube or something and it will give you a far more powerful message.
I can get the feel of the song by its words. I hope my parents feel like that someday and realise what they missed out on...me, my brother and all their grandkids.
Well put sentiments.You are right about it being about what you can learn from them and not their mistkakes, hense the point of this thread...Some dont have that kind of guidence and it is left to themselves to work out the best way to do things. God if i followed my parents example i would never had had children, it would never have been fair on them to do what my parents did with me and my brother...
I am distanced from all my family other than my own....
I would have been proud to have said i could follow my mums example but knowing now that she neither wanted us tagging along, she just wanted a life in the army seeing the world, us kids werent part of the deal..
I love spending every minute i have with my children and i know i will reap the rewards of this when i am old and they are old enough to stand on their own two feet. Ihope that when they have children of their own they follow my example of loves, rules boundaries and limitations..It makes for happier children and much happier families....
I hope ypu dont mind me saying this Justine, but from the posts i have read from you on these boards, i can say that in your case, you are a great mum not because of you upbringing, but despite it.... and also a very proud one! :)
I can get the feel of the song by its words. I hope my parents feel like that someday and realise what they missed out on...me, my brother and all their grandkids.You sound quite bitter Justine. Have you told your parents how you felt when growing up without them? It's a shame the way some things work out but they were probably doing what they thought was best to give you as good a life as they could.
This is a great thread Justine; well done for bringing the subject up.
I was very lucky to have loving and honest parents; father worked hard, mother went to work after we went to High School; they taught us their values but, like anybody, we had the power to choose our own.
I think differently and have acted very differently from my parents but still acknowledge that they did so much to help me on my way as they knew how at the time and then it was up to me to develop my own parameters, guidelines etc.
One of the best things we can do for our children is give them the confidence to go out into the world and be themselves whatever they do and for us to love them whatever choices they make. I know I am very proud of my daughter because of who she is and I tell her constantly how much I love her (as she does me).
We've all made mistakes along the way and the wise amongst us always learn from them....
P.S. Justine, your family are very lucky to have you as a mum....:)
You sound quite bitter Justine. Have you told your parents how you felt when growing up without them? It's a shame the way some things work out but they were probably doing what they thought was best to give you as good a life as they could.
Unfortunately tbh there is no bitterness.My parents dont give too hoots about me.They never contact me and they have nothing to do with my kids, thats by their own choice...They were certainly not doing it for the right reasons.My mother was married before and had three daughters by a previous marriage..She walked out all of them, never told me about them i found out when i was 28 that i ahd three sisters aswell.Unfortunately i landed up with the worst aprents ever. I know there are people out there who have had it worse, but my situation was, lets spend money on their education, and thats what they did..
I remember getting no letters or phonecalls..My head teacher came to me and my brother one day at the end of term and said, you have to stay here for another three days as the flight was not due to leave untill the monday morning..I was 7 and remember thinking flight, why they only live in yorkshire, unknown to me or my brother my father had been posted to nepal 6 months previous and we were not told.So TBH you make up your mind..Ihold nothing for my parents and i cant change the way i feel..
But it did make me a better mother, and i value every minute i spend with my kids..I hate it when they ask me why they dont have a nana or granpa, what can i say, its not like they have passed on, they live in cambridge...
This is a great thread Justine; well done for bringing the subject up.
I was very lucky to have loving and honest parents; father worked hard, mother went to work after we went to High School; they taught us their values but, like anybody, we had the power to choose our own.
I think differently and have acted very differently from my parents but still acknowledge that they did so much to help me on my way as they knew how at the time and then it was up to me to develop my own parameters, guidlines etc.
One of the best things we can do for our children is give them the confidence to go out into the world and be themselves whatever they do and for us to love them whatever choices they make. I know I am very proud of my daughter because of who she is and I tell her constantly how much I love her (as she does me).
We've all made mistakes along the way and the wise amongst us always learn from them....
P.S. Justine, your family are very lucky to have you as a mum....:)
Thanks torvaig, once again you bring a tear to my eye and a flutter to my heart..You sound like the kind of mother i should have had....
well i try and give them every thing i didnt have when i woz young teach them right from wrong and try give them the best poissible start in life i can and i will always be there for them no matter what.....
Unfortunately tbh there is no bitterness.My parents dont give too hoots about me.They never contact me and they have nothing to do with my kids, thats by their own choice...They were certainly not doing it for the right reasons.My mother was married before and had three daughters by a previous marriage..She walked out all of them, never told me about them i found out when i was 28 that i ahd three sisters aswell.Unfortunately i landed up with the worst aprents ever. I know there are people out there who have had it worse, but my situation was, lets spend money on their education, and thats what they did..
I remember getting no letters or phonecalls..My head teacher came to me and my brother one day at the end of term and said, you have to stay here for another three days as the flight was not due to leave untill the monday morning..I was 7 and remember thinking flight, why they only live in yorkshire, unknown to me or my brother my father had been posted to nepal 6 months previous and we were not told.So TBH you make up your mind..Ihold nothing for my parents and i cant change the way i feel..
But it did make me a better mother, and i value every minute i spend with my kids..I hate it when they ask me why they dont have a nana or granpa, what can i say, its not like they have passed on, they live in cambridge...
My heart goes out to you Justine, I wouldnt wish that sort of childhood on anyone.
You should be tremendously proud of the person you have become, because you have become a loving & devoted mother with no guidance.
percy toboggan
18-Feb-08, 18:15
Unfortunately i landed up with the worst aprents ever. I know there are people out there who have had it worse, but my situation was, lets spend money on their education, and thats what they did..
...
They were far from the 'worst parents ever' then surely?
At least they gave you something. Some kids get nowt, or worse violence, abuse and neglect. As you yourself appear to recognise.
They were far from the 'worst parents ever' then surely?
At least they gave you something. Some kids get nowt, or worse violence, abuse and neglect. As you yourself appear to recognise.
I put up with alot more than i can put on here ...You have only had 1/8th of the childhood i had on here percy.Iam not daft enough to divulge all that happened..I have been beaten, thrown out neglected and as you put it abused , i know that some kids would love to have the education that i got but i got it for the wrong reasons, nothing to do with getting a good life but more to keep us out of the way... but this was about how my bad issues from my parents made me a better person.Why do you have such a problem with me percy, as far as i can recollect i have neither said anything or done anything to wind you up,i have only ever had respect for you......
Im totally with you on this one Justine. Good for you for rising above it all and breaking the mould. None of us are perfect, far from it, but you have taken the experiences you had and turned them around for your family, well done!
The only people losing out here are your parents. If I was of Nana age, I'd adopt your lot as a surrogate Nana (GOT A FEW YEARS TO GO YET THO, LOL). My Nana brought me up for a good part of my life when my mam was going crazy and getting into all inds of stook, unfortunate thing was she would never go against her and take her to court, so when my mam was lucid she would demand me back until she got bored. It's like I always say, you can choose your friends but not your family.
Your values seem pretty spot on to me.;)
Im totally with you on this one Justine. Good for you for rising above it all and breaking the mould. None of us are perfect, far from it, but you have taken the experiences you had and turned them around for your family, well done!
The only people losing out here are your parents. If I was of Nana age, I'd adopt your lot as a surrogate Nana (GOT A FEW YEARS TO GO YET THO, LOL). My Nana brought me up for a good part of my life when my mam was going crazy and getting into all inds of stook, unfortunate thing was she would never go against her and take her to court, so when my mam was lucid she would demand me back until she got bored. It's like I always say, you can choose your friends but not your family.
Your values seem pretty spot on to me.;)
No none of us are perfect...I had my getting into trouble days, wrong side of the law, but i had to deal with it myself..I am only human and make mistakes and from this my kids will learn by their mistakes.
I will be there to guide them and advise them,and sometimes even stop them making a silly mistakes that can cost them dearly...I will never stop my children reaching their goal in life, and their wishes come first,but if they muck it up by going out getting drunk,and what you hear alot doing getting into trouble, they will have us to deal with..
.I believe in discipline not punishmentt.Rules are to be bent and not broken(my head master told me that)..
I find this look at parenting easy for the kids to follow and makes our job easier...
I do believe your values are all in place my dear....
Sapphire2803
19-Feb-08, 12:00
No none of us are perfect...I had my getting into trouble days, wrong side of the law, but i had to deal with it myself..I am only human and make mistakes and from this my kids will learn by their mistakes.
I will be there to guide them and advise them,and sometimes even stop them making a silly mistakes that can cost them dearly...I will never stop my children reaching their goal in life, and their wishes come first,but if they muck it up by going out getting drunk,and what you hear alot doing getting into trouble, they will have us to deal with..
.I believe in discipline not punishmentt.Rules are to be bent and not broken(my head master told me that)..
I find this look at parenting easy for the kids to follow and makes our job easier...
I do believe your values are all in place my dear....
I think your post is better than all those parenting books in Tesco rolled into one :).
That to me is exactly what parenting is about (although not what I got when I was young)
Guide, but don't rule.
Encourage independance and common sense.
Be there to catch them when they fall and boot them in the backside when they deserve it. :lol:
I think your post is better than all those parenting books in Tesco rolled into one :).
That to me is exactly what parenting is about (although not what I got when I was young)
Guide, but don't rule.
Encourage independance and common sense.
Be there to catch them when they fall and boot them in the backside when they deserve it. :lol:
Oh Hun you say the nicest things..
The books in tescos are written by modern day parenting buffs, who have not got children and wouldn,t know an easy route to it if it jumped up and bit them in the butt..
My health visitors comes to "guide"me and i just look as if yo say, "dont teach your granny to suck eggs"
Children are little humans, not imbeciles that cant think, they grow up into them....
Buttercup
19-Feb-08, 13:30
Thanks karia i was not sure what tbh meant by that..maybe i should look up the words to this so i can apprciate what was meant by it...
You can listen to it here (though personally I prefer Johnny Cash doing it):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlHdjjHNEC8&feature=related
percy toboggan
19-Feb-08, 19:50
Why do you have such a problem with me percy, as far as i can recollect i have neither said anything or done anything to wind you up,i have only ever had respect for you......
You are a prolific poster and I read only a few of them.
When I read anything I disagree with, or see as just plain wrong, or even outlandish then I react. Even if it's you, even if it's sometimes only the choice of syntax.This is a public board. You cannot expect everyone to agree with you all of the time. I do not 'have a problem' with you. You do not 'wind me up' either. I'm always fully coiled.
As for 'respect' I have done nothing to earn yours although we all owe each a modicum of that commodity. I hope you see this reply as falling within the boundaries of 'respect'...I guess I cannot always ignore you Justine, which some might take as a compliment. When I wish to applaud something you have written I'll do so publicly, and gladly.
Why do you have such a problem with me percy, as far as i can recollect i have neither said anything or done anything to wind you up,i have only ever had respect for you......
You are a prolific poster and I read only a few of them.
When I read anything I disagree with, or see as just plain wrong, or even outlandish then I react. Even if it's you, even if it's sometimes only the choice of syntax.This is a public board. You cannot expect everyone to agree with you all of the time. I do not 'have a problem' with you. You do not 'wind me up' either. I'm always fully coiled.
As for 'respect' I have done nothing to earn yours although we all owe each a modicum of that commodity. I hope you see this reply as falling within the boundaries of 'respect'...I guess I cannot always ignore you Justine, which some might take as a compliment. When I wish to applaud something you have written I'll do so publicly, and gladly.
Thank you percy...I regard this as a very fair comment....You may have realised that i start friendships with respect..I hope to recieve it back,if i don't,well it makes no difference to me...I see you as a geniuine orger, who so rightly has his own opinions and rights to post as he pleases..
I hold people in high regards unless they prove to me otherwise they are not worthy of my respect...You have shown me no offences or hardships so you are still in my high regards as a fellow poster..
We, i am sure, will cross paths again and am also sure we will agree to diagree, which if i remember is the point of the org..
Applauds come from different places percy and i am sure we will be applauding eachother in the future.
Happy posting to you percytaboggan.:)
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