View Full Version : PND! Know the signs......
well i have thought about this thread for a gfew days now and have decided it needs a little insight..I was diagnosed with having post natal depression...I am now recieving treatment for tis, but i would like to explain something about this problem....
I started to feel realy weepy after having Keonah-Jade. I could not see what was happening to me until suddenly i realised that i no longer wanted to live. I kept having passing thoughts about ending my life.Of course the logical side kept tellingme that i could not leave my children. I then started to think thoughts like well i could take them with me, logic side kicks in saying you could not, would not do this as i have no right to decide on my childrens fate...It was like having an argument with myself. I found my concentration going, i would do and say things that made no sence...I stopped eating, sleeping, enjoying life..All the things i ever dreamt about felt hopeless. I was not worthy of my children, my hubby or any existence...I realised one morning after i had spent hours crying i needed Help...I made an appointment with my doc and he has been helping me with this since. He tells me it could be 6-12 months before i feel better, as being diagnosed with a suicidal mental illmess is no laughing matter..I am lucky that i have great help from my husband and family..But some women are not as lucky and i hope that if there are any reading his that might feel like things are sprialling out of control to speak to someone about it...They are not there to take your kids away because you have some wrong thoughts, of which i was very scared.Seek help, takl to anyone, it is better than suffering in silence which i did for many months..Mine started during the pregnancy but i did not know it...
I just wanted to make people aware of this from the point of veiw of someone who at this very time takes every day as a new challenge. Just remember you are not alone, there are many people willing to help All you have to do is pick up the courage to ask...
i hear you sister!
i know exactly how you feel.. and im not ashamed to admit it!
there are so many of us out there that do not get help!
i was put on meds the past couple months.. because i was slowly killing myself with the depression and stress, and i never even realised there was anything wrong.
it took me having chest pains and super high sugar to even see the dr.
and i could remember laying in bed thinking..
lord, if i die its really going to hurt my mum don and the kids..
yet i just couldnt bring myself to care that i might be on the verge of death.. i was just wanting peace.
i didnt care about anything, i just wanted to be alone.
i had reached the point i did not even want to be around the children.
but after the drs. gave me my new meds to help with it. and a great ear to listen with the world dosent seem so bad anymore.
i feel like me again. and that is the greatest gift ive been given in this last year. just being able to smile and laugh again, and it not be forced. to be able to hold my children and feel that joy again, of just having them in my arms. to be able to handle the mess and grime that comes with two little boys and say, its ok hunny we can clean it up.. instead of shouting at them and bursting into tears.
i remember being told when i had tom that i could still become post natal and i refused to belive them.. i just shrugged and said how can you get the baby blues when you dont have a baby?
well you can, and let me tell you add that to the grief, and the need to keep going for the rest of your family and you have a very dangerous cocktail!
so any new mums out there.. if you dont feel yourself and you are having a hard time coping.. dont be embarassed or ashamed to ask for help. it doesnt get better if you ignore it. and no one will ever judge you for it!!! HUGE HUGS!!!!!
Justine can i first say well done! The first step to recovery is being able to acknowledge that PND is not something to be embarrassed about.
I suffered from PND after my daughter was born, I didnt realise I was ill or more to the fact I didnt want to admit that i wasnt coping.I felt like I was trapped in a bubble & nothing seemed real anymore.
It took me 12months to feel anything like normal again but my doctor was fantastic.
heres wishing you a speedy recovery. :D
Hang on in there Girls ! You've made the first step to recovery, good on you . My daughter-in-law is also suffering P N D , baby is 4 months old now but i could guarantee every day she cries and don't know why . She also has a little one going through the terrible twos, and take it from me hes horrendous.
She come to ours every day and if I'm honest it drives me up the wall BUT she needs us and we will do anything with-in our power to help.
Jan x
i hear you sister!
i know exactly how you feel.. and im not ashamed to admit it!
there are so many of us out there that do not get help!
i was put on meds the past couple months.. because i was slowly killing myself with the depression and stress, and i never even realised there was anything wrong.
it took me having chest pains and super high sugar to even see the dr.
and i could remember laying in bed thinking..
lord, if i die its really going to hurt my mum don and the kids..
yet i just couldnt bring myself to care that i might be on the verge of death.. i was just wanting peace.
i didnt care about anything, i just wanted to be alone.
i had reached the point i did not even want to be around the children.
but after the drs. gave me my new meds to help with it. and a great ear to listen with the world dosent seem so bad anymore.
i feel like me again. and that is the greatest gift ive been given in this last year. just being able to smile and laugh again, and it not be forced. to be able to hold my children and feel that joy again, of just having them in my arms. to be able to handle the mess and grime that comes with two little boys and say, its ok hunny we can clean it up.. instead of shouting at them and bursting into tears.
i remember being told when i had tom that i could still become post natal and i refused to belive them.. i just shrugged and said how can you get the baby blues when you dont have a baby?
well you can, and let me tell you add that to the grief, and the need to keep going for the rest of your family and you have a very dangerous cocktail!
so any new mums out there.. if you dont feel yourself and you are having a hard time coping.. dont be embarassed or ashamed to ask for help. it doesnt get better if you ignore it. and no one will ever judge you for it!!! HUGE HUGS!!!!!
I have had the chest pains, disorientation and loss of memory..I have been checked and physically i am fitter than average, but i am struggling...
I thought of you brandy, what you have been through tore me apart inside, i could never imagine what it is like..You are a surivior and you should be proud of yourself..
I cant wait to start feeling better..I know some may think well she does this to herself having so many kids, but they are not the problem, it is me...I also feel trapped..My doctor told me i had to be selfish and think of myself more often, which i am now douing. making time for me....It helps alot, especially if you are suurounded by noisy loud kids all day...
I keep a busy house under control and never do i put myself before the kids, and 17 yrs of this has taken its toll on me...
Good -and brave! -posts, girls! :)
Way back -30 years ago - I suffered PND after the birth of my son. In these unenlightened days , even when you plucked up courage to see your GP, the response was pretty much to tell you you should be grateful for what you had and just get on with it! :(
I felt as if there was a glass wall between me and the rest of the world and I had no good feelings, only bad ones, I couldn't eat or sleep, I felt exhausted, cried every day and started hiding away from the world.
It's good that the majority of people now acknowledge PND is a real condition, is nothing to be ashamed of and does not make a woman a bad or unnatural mother.
Good luck to you Justine, and to everyone else that's suffering in this way -and well done for raising the subject! If there are any Mums that feel like this but are reluctant to mention it to their GP or health visitor, I do hope this thread will give you the courage to get in touch with them.
I too had the chest pains, convinced I was having a heart attack I had the doctor out on numberous occasions! they turned out to be panic attacks a common symptom of PND.
Also the disorientation & dizzy spells, convincing myself again that it was something serious I was sent to see a specialist.
My poor doctor put up with alot!
I think the worse thing about PND is the fear & panic it makes you feel. You fear something dreadful could happen at any minute & that makes you panic!
Good -and brave! -posts, girls! :)
Way back -30 years ago - I suffered PND after the birth of my son. In these unenlightened days , even when you plucked up courage to see your GP, the response was pretty much to tell you you should be grateful for what you had and just get on with it! :(
I felt as if there was a glass wall between me and the rest of the world and I had no good feelings, only bad ones, I couldn't eat or sleep, I felt exhausted, cried every day and started hiding away from the world.
It's good that the majority of people now acknowledge PND is a real condition, is nothing to be ashamed of and does not make a woman a bad or unnatural mother.
Good luck to you Justine, and to everyone else that's suffering in this way -and well done for raising the subject! If there are any Mums that feel like this but are reluctant to mention it to their GP or health visitor, I do hope this thread will give you the courage to get in touch with them.
I am so sorry that you had the old time attitude to this condition...It must of been hard.....I am with you on the reasoning it does not make you an bad mother. When a woman is pregnant their hormone levels are the highest they will ever be. After the birth normally 2-3 days the levels plummet like a skier going doan a ski jump, there is no slow decline..This is what triggers the baby blues, which unfortunately for some turns to PND....I have battled depression since i was 17, but this is something entirely different...The feeling of not wanting to be alive and having this crap existence was unbearable...
To the men out there it does help if men are aware of the signs aswell..my husband knew i was not right but did not realise how bad things were until i told him i know longer wanted to live...Selfish thoughts but true at the time..I have 10 special reasons to live, my kids and my husband..Now he fully understands what is going on he is helping me through this. You are a strength to your partner...My older kids have been told and they are helping aswell. The younger ones being oblivious to this, well they just carry on the way..Thats what keeps me going..They need mum, and i am there...
Good for you for talking about this and having the strength to go to your doctor. I think PND is much more common than we know and it needs more people talking openly about it.
I was diagnosed with depression almost 3 years ago but the truth is I never felt "right" since my eldest was born over 8 years ago.
NickInTheNorth
09-Jan-08, 14:04
well done for reaching out for help, and even more so for taking the help on offer. It is not an easy thing to do.
Also just wanted to point out that there are many many other causes of depression and that despite what many people seem to believe it is a real illness that deserves to be taken seriously by both sufferers and by the population as a whole.
Do not be afraid to seek help, and do not be afraid if either part or all the therapy suggested is taking anti-depressants. They are real life savers in many instances.
Most important of all do not be ashamed of being depressed. If your are depressed, get some help. You'll be pleased you did.
I suffered from depression for many years before doing something about it, and it is only now that I realise just how ill I was.
I too had the chest pains, convinced I was having a heart attack I had the doctor out on numberous occasions! they turned out to be panic attacks a common symptom of PND.
Also the disorientation & dizzy spells, convincing myself again that it was something serious I was sent to see a specialist.
My poor doctor put up with alot!
I think the worse thing about PND is the fear & panic it makes you feel. You fear something dreadful could happen at any minute & that makes you panic!
Yep the panic attacks are mental..They come when least expected....But there is always a shining light at the end of that dark tunnel...
cuddlepop
09-Jan-08, 14:33
Justine thank you for sharing your symptoms of PND on line her with us.I,m sure there will be many people logging on that'll have "a penny dropped"
Having a baby is one of the most stressfull things that can happen to you.
mother's feel the isolation and responsibility far more now than our own mothers generation as the extended family has all but disappeared.:(
We've got an organisation over here through Family First that offers the big sister/mother support that is invaluable.
I'm sure you'll have the same service up there if you need it.
Good luck and lots of healing light from overhere.
It travels well ask Liz :lol:
Good -and brave! -posts, girls! :)
Way back -30 years ago - I suffered PND after the birth of my son. In these unenlightened days , even when you plucked up courage to see your GP, the response was pretty much to tell you you should be grateful for what you had and just get on with it! :(
I felt as if there was a glass wall between me and the rest of the world and I had no good feelings, only bad ones, I couldn't eat or sleep, I felt exhausted, cried every day and started hiding away from the world.
It's good that the majority of people now acknowledge PND is a real condition, is nothing to be ashamed of and does not make a woman a bad or unnatural mother.
Good luck to you Justine, and to everyone else that's suffering in this way -and well done for raising the subject! If there are any Mums that feel like this but are reluctant to mention it to their GP or health visitor, I do hope this thread will give you the courage to get in touch with them.
I had a touch of the baby blues after my son but thankfully it didn't last long. Think it was just overwhelming for me as a very young mum (20).
I am also glad treatment has improved as its such an awful thing to have happen. I used to work in the mental health service and the treament in the past was awful. My love to you all.
Well done for highlighting this illness!!
Lin
I had a touch of the baby blues after my son but thankfully it didn't last long. Think it was just overwhelming for me as a very young mum (20).
I am also glad treatment has improved as its such an awful thing to have happen. I used to work in the mental health service and the treament in the past was awful. My love to you all. Yu hit the nail o the head there. It can seem overwhelming being a young or first time mum and you dont even think that something is wrong until its too late, but having realised i now know it is never too late to seek help....
it is hard and no one really understands it to you go thru it, and then a lot of times it has to be pointed out to you... isnt it amazing though.. how many of us has experianced the chest pains and tightnings.. the dizziness and fatigue.. you really do think you are going to have or are having a heart attack. i had bloods done to make sure i hadnt had one, and they put me on a heart monitor and ran tests on me. i would get so nervous i woudl start to shake. and it wasnt as if i was in a normally stressful situation. i could be in tescos and i would start to sweat and feel sick and dizzy and start shaking all over and my knees would just go week.
personally, when i thought of the baby blues and pnd.. i thought of feeling down all the time, of wanting to hurt yourself or the baby.. and big things like that. its all the little signs that lead to the horrible results that we miss...
and i know the most of us would be beating down the door to the surgery if we realised what was going on with ourselves, and knew that with help and a tiny pill that we could be ourselves again.
*huge hugs* thanks justine.. you know i was so glad to see the back of 2007 , i was so happy when the clock struck new years!
hubby asked my if i had any resolutions and i said yes.. its to try not to stress so much, and take each day as it comes.
Hang in there Justine,it will get better but it will take time!I suffered from severe PND and it took a long time to get better,the panic attacks,feelings of self harm etc were very scary to go through and I told nobody how I was feeling,luckily my health visitor spotted it and when she asked me about how I was doing I literally fell to pieces!I cannot thank her enough for realising I was in serious trouble and getting me help immediately.I hid it from friends and family because i was worried they would "judge" me if I told them,I realise now that this was stupid :( !Keep talking and taking any offers of help,however small,because even a 5 minute break once in a while can help a lot.Take Care Hun x
Margaret M.
09-Jan-08, 16:07
I am glad you recognized that you needed help, Justine. I hope you feel like your old self soon.
Brandy, way to hang in there, I hope 2008 smiles on you.
As a mum who sailed through pregnancy and never had a moment's depression in my life, I can only guess at what you are going through but I think you are all amazing, courageous, incredible women who are battling a mis-understood illness. I hope you all come through it and just enjoy living again.
ciderally
09-Jan-08, 18:12
good luck ladies and well done ..xx
i had it 21 years ago, including panic attacks, chest pains, claustophobia etc, Hellish, I had councelling and Prozac and took 2 years to recover as I had left it for so long without help. Well done x:)
God, it feels good to talk about it dosent it?
Justine, I'm with you. Although I don't have children I have depression and anxiety.
I have duvet days where I can't even be bothered having a shower or getting dressed. Been on every med available, some effective, some not.
For me friends have been the best medicine. If I didn't have them to text and phone to see how I'm doing God knows where I'd be.
It's a daily struggle but it gets better if you work hard at recovery.
Suicidal thoughts are normal but from what I know if you were serious you would just go ahead. It took me 7 years to get a proper diagnosis and when I did it was from a health professional who said the only person that knows me is me! What an insight that was.
Good luck to you Justine, if you ever need a blether PM ME
God, it feels good to talk about it dosent it?
yep it sure is. Its also good to know that we are not alone....i just hope some good will come for others from this thread. I started it so people would talk about their experiences so we can all help eachother.....
You are all brave souls to have dealt with this problem and still be sane enough to come and talk about it on here.....:)
orkneylass
09-Jan-08, 20:13
I had a touch of the baby blues after my son but thankfully it didn't last long. Think it was just overwhelming for me as a very young mum (20).
I am also glad treatment has improved as its such an awful thing to have happen. I used to work in the mental health service and the treament in the past was awful. My love to you all.
Same here - day 4 after the birth of my first - it's completely natural and nothing to worry about. PND is something totally different and very well and very bravely described by some of the posters on this thread. It is nothing to do with the stresses and strains of motherhood - it is a hormonal malfunction brought about through the physical process of pregnancy.
sassylass
10-Jan-08, 04:55
Thank god this is no longer a hush hush taboo subject, it's very real and happens to the best, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Thank god for supportive people to lean on. Remember the mantra "This too shall pass".
Being male I cannot pretend to speak for PND but with other forms of Clinical Depression quite often by the time you realise/accept, and nobody else can convince you, that there is something wrong. Even when you do it is often the case that Depression has taken such a hold that actually making the effort to get help is not the easiest thing for you to do.
Those who simply write Depression off as an "excuse" for being lazy, self pitying or any number of other lines of abuse have no concept of what is actually entailed.
And if you do suffer, look with pity on those who will glibly tell you that, "all you have to do is pull yourself together" because they cannot help their ignorance of the illness.
Whatever you do don’t expect a “miracle” cure overnight. You just aren’t going to get one because it has not yet been invented. Just accept that it takes time for things to improve so just stick with it and good luck!
Mister Squiggle
10-Jan-08, 09:39
I had PND after my second baby, although I didn't recognise it as that at first. I actually went to my GP because I thought I had early- onset dementia :D Seriously, I couldn't remember anything, even to the point where I met a friend at the supermarket and she asked how my little boy was and I said "Who?". I couldn't remember her name, my phone number, how old my children were, where my husband worked ... it was like I had amnesia half the time. I described the feeling to my GP as like one of those dreams where you are in an exam and and suddenly realise you haven't studied anything all year. I wasn't panicky, but very disorientated and I couldn't sleep at all, even when the little darling let me. I was frightened that I was actually losing the plot to the point where I would forget to strap my children into their car restraints, or leave the stove on or go for a walk without them. It was very frightening.
Luckily my GP was brilliant and gave me some contacts for support groups and reading material and some short-term medication. It took a few months but I think I felt better just for being told that I wasn't actually going around the bend. He described it as normal, although extremely traumatic, to feel dislocated and depressed after birth, and the fact that it was so common made me feel a lot better about myself.
So don't feel alone Justine - I'm sure you will come through this and I hope the postings on this thread give you some support. Remember, I and countless women have been through this and if anyone is reading this thread who might have these feelings, it really is so important to talk to your family, your GP and your friends about how you feel. Help is out there!
it will also of come as a big shock Justine if you didnt have it after any of your previous children.
It wasnt until my 3rd baby that I suffered, I think thats why I was in denial I thought that if you were going to suffer from PND you would have it after every child! how wrong was I!
The fear of suffering from it again really frightened me throughout my fourth pregnancy. Luckily I was fine.
The health visitors do questionaires to determine if you are likely to suffer from PND but in my case I didnt want to look a failure as a mother so lied! Dont think I would of been the only one:~(
And if you do suffer, look with pity on those who will glibly tell you that, "all you have to do is pull yourself together" because they cannot help their ignorance of the illness.
And they are the lucky ones as they have never suffered true depression and hopefully never will.
PND only affects the ladies but either gender can suffer clinical depression and it is enlightening to share experiences. Together with understanding friends, a helpful doctor and counsellor, the "black cloud" can hopefully be dispersed or at the very least controlled.
[quote=BRIE;321321]it will also of come as a big shock Justine if you didnt have it after any of your previous children.
It wasnt until my 3rd baby that I suffered, I think thats why I was in denial I thought that if you were going to suffer from PND you would have it after every child! how wrong was I!
The fear of suffering from it again really frightened me throughout my fourth pregnancy. Luckily I was fine.
The health visitors do questionaires to determine if you are likely to suffer from PND but in my case I didnt want to look a failure as a mother so lied! Dont think I would of been the only one:~([/quote
I did suffer after the twins but it was not pnd it was just depression but it cleared quickly. I have never experienced this type before and hope to never suffer again. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel i just need to get there.My doctor did a score sheet and out of 20 i came to 19 so you could say it pretty high. But i will get through it. its the type of person i am..
I empathise with you all as I suffer from depression/anxiety (not PND) as well.
Most people tend to 'put on a face' so you don't know they are actually depressed.
It is often a taboo subject as no one likes to admit to being 'mentally ill'!:confused
I was given anti-depressants but had a very bad reaction to them so was afraid to try anymore.
I now use St Johns Wort, a herbal supplement and go for walks as often as I can.
My pets are the biggest help as I have to get up every day to look after them. They are also great company and my dog makes me smile every day whether I want to or not!
Thankfully the suicidal thoughts have gone but there are many days when I just feel like staying in bed!
It is an awful, and mostly misunderstood, illness so well done Justine for being brave enough to start this thread and for the others who have told their story as well.
Wishing you all good health for 2008.
Firstly i would like to say thankyou to all for your kind words and encouragement..It has felt so much better to know there are others out there who have suffered the same, and have come through it to be able to share the time with me. My heart goes out to all who have any form of depression but mainly to the sufferers of PND. I dreaded 2008 coming but i now look at things in a different way. I am keeping myself amused. Taking more exercise (with my pal bingo)..Thaks again all my friends.Wishes to you all...
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