Christmas Madness?

[Tugmistress]

Seeing as we’re piling headlong into the festive season, we should acknowledge the enormous effort the Health and Safety Nazis are putting into making sure that we’re going to enjoy ourselves.

First stop, Paignton in Devon, where a primary school headmistress has banned children from wearing angel’s wings during their nativity concert just in case one of them goes up in flames.

Linda Mitchell says: “Last year we had wings made from cardboard and flammable material – some children got scratched. I think most parents would rather their children didn’t go up in smoke.”

Number of primary schoolchildren spontaneously combusting in Britain last year? None.

Off we go to Halesowen, in the West Midlands, but very, very slowly. There the local Rotary Club has been ordered to fit a seatbelt to Santa’s sleigh, or face a £200 increase in their annual insurance premiums.

The Rotary Club Land Rover regularly clocks up speeds of … ooh … 5mph as it tows the sleigh around the town dispensing goodwill and presents to local kids (many of whom burst into flames because they’re wearing wings).

Cases of Santa falling out of his sleigh Richard Hammond-style in recent years? None.

Next stop is Llandudno, in a place called Wales, where shopping centre security guards came over all Scrooge-like and banned a school choir from singing carols because they were “too loud”. Better than that, they even called the police to evict the wailing infants from the mall.

Amazingly, there was one police support officer in North Wales who wasn’t crouched behind a hedge with a speed camera, and he duly turned up to unplug the kids’ backing tape and issue ASBOs all round. Splendid stuff.

And finally, we move further down the food chain to South Wales, where another paranoid headteacher has banned homemade mince pies from his school’s annual festive sale. Apparently children regularly start foaming at the mouth and then drop dead after eating unauthorised Christmas produce.

Number of children who have started foaming at the mouth and then dropped dead after eating unauthorised Christmas produce? None

Anyone got any more stupid things to add?:roll:

[TBH]

I think it's more about possible lawsuits than health and safety. Another fad passed on from our friends in the united states.

[Valerie Campbell]

I think it's more about possible lawsuits than health and safety. Another fad passed on from our friends in the united states.

Totally agree with you here.

[Mister Squiggle]

I have tried to find the link I came across today on BBC about the Panto troupe in England banned from throwing sweets at the audience for fear of a child being sconed by a rogue toffee. Apparently a directive was issued along the lines of no sweets to be thrown at the audience in case one took someone's eye out. Not something that' s happened to anyone I know, but then I lead a sheltered life.
Perhaps they could have "virtual" sweets chucked by "virtual" Widow Twankeys - that should keep the H&S mob happy.
It's a mad, mad world.

[Cattach]

I think it's more about possible lawsuits than health and safety. Another fad passed on from our friends in the united states.

Huge H & S and Environmental Departments have been built up in government, local and national, and they simply create work for themselves. Their existance is self-perpetuating and the growth of empires quite astonishing. They simply keep themselves in big salaries by looking for simple situations to make unsafe on paper and necessary to control. Of course, it is not just those departments. In Health and Education all sorts of new departments and jobs have appeared creating their own job descriptions and creating their own highly paid empires. In those more people are now employed in management than at the 'coal face'. And remember, those managers are very higly paid from our taxes!!

[unicorn]

I read that in the paper today too about a mayor or something who has to throw marshmallows instead of sweeties in case someone is hurt :roll:

[TBH]

Huge H & S and Environmental Departments have been built up in government, local and national, and they simply create work for themselves. Their existance is self-perpetuating and the growth of empires quite astonishing. They simply keep themselves in big salaries by looking for simple situations to make unsafe on paper and necessary to control. Of course, it is not just those departments. In Health and Education all sorts of new departments and jobs have appeared creating their own job descriptions and creating their own highly paid empires. In those more people are now employed in management than at the 'coal face'. And remember, those managers are very higly paid from our taxes!!Very true, they can find danger in almost any situation and they are the people to find it and claim grossly over-inflated salaries for their cough'wise'cough decisions.

[Rhandy]

Here in Australia the powers that be have decided that Santa saying Ho,Ho,Ho frightens little children and is derogatory to women. I do know it's a slang term in the USA, but it wasn't here....now???

Rhandy

[Camel Spider]

No specifics but Santa is worried apparently ..


'Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa was a wreck.
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged," they were calling themselves;

And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the unions to stifle the soul.
The reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced by four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had all been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the EPA.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Smoke from his pipe had workers quite frightened.
His fur-trimmed suit was called, "unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolph was suing over use of his nose.

He had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him, and nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike, or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets - they were bad for the tooth
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

They raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift was ecological.
No baseball, no football, someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe.
Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every skin hue;
Everyone, everywhere - even you.
So here is that gift, it's priced beyond worth -
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

[Thumper]

Great poem CS ;) x

[Kenn]

Thank you Camel Spider for sharing ,
YES the PC squad will reduce us all to slavering,gibbering ,demented folk if we let them.but we can heed the advice, consider it and then make our own judgements and in the judgement of many they will be convicted of senseless gobbledy gook.

Is that word permitted?

[Anne x]

No specifics but Santa is worried apparently ..


'Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa was a wreck.
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged," they were calling themselves;

And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the unions to stifle the soul.
The reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced by four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had all been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the EPA.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Smoke from his pipe had workers quite frightened.
His fur-trimmed suit was called, "unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolph was suing over use of his nose.

He had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him, and nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike, or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets - they were bad for the tooth
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

They raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift was ecological.
No baseball, no football, someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe.
Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every skin hue;
Everyone, everywhere - even you.
So here is that gift, it's priced beyond worth -
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."


Brilliant !!!

[Murdina Bug]

Huge H & S and Environmental Departments have been built up in government, local and national, and they simply create work for themselves. Their existance is self-perpetuating and the growth of empires quite astonishing. They simply keep themselves in big salaries by looking for simple situations to make unsafe on paper and necessary to control.

I think that's a bit unfair - a lot of Scrooge-mungers just use health & safety as an excuse to implement their own little control-freakery and make themselves seem important. Even the HSE is fed up with it - see the letter below from the CEO of HSE to a newspaper. The HSE also regulary publishes the 'myth of the month' on their website debunking various items such as they have banned people from putting up decorations or using step ladders etc.

Letters Editor
Daily Express
The Northern & Shell Building
10 Lower Thames Street
London EC3R 6EN
4 December 2007
Sir,
Colin Bower rightly describes as ‘ludicrous’ (Letters, 3 December) the decision that Halesowen’s Santa Claus must wear a seat belt in his sleigh. He then makes a reindeer style leap to assume that the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) insisted on this stricture. HSE had no involvement whatsoever in this matter; our concern is addressing the risks that cause 240 workplace deaths and over 140,000 significant injuries a year.
Yours faithfully
Geoffrey Podger
Chief Executive
HSE
Rose Court
2 Southwark Bridge
London SE1 9HS

[badger]

Had to bring this thread back after listening to You and Yours today. A children's author has been told she can't have pictures of a dragon breathing fire in her new book because it's too dangerous :eek: . How much fun is a dragon without it's fiery breath?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=494755&in_page_id=1770

[alanatkie]

Defo wouldnt be the same badger but maybe it could have halitosis instead lol not quite sure how u would illustraight that though

[Ricco]

As you say, Tuggs - madness. Last day of term I gave my tutor group a party. I hung a mirror ball from the ceiling, in front of the projector so that it flickered all round the room. I played Christmas music - loudly! I provided a big tin of chocolate Heros and cartons of juice (def. unauthorised) and showed them a DVD of Cirque de Soleil - non-curriculum.

They made an enormous mess (I had told them not to worry as I would clear up later) and they didn't want to go and catch their buses. Great time - hope they all come back fit and well.:D