my rude(ISH) christmas joke

[honey]

How the fairy on top of the tree tradition started

Many years ago, on the dark and dreary winter days, Santa decided to brighten up christmas by sending his helper fairies out to deliver beautiful christmas trees to all the families he thought deserved one.

The fairies set out on their festive task, but kept coming back to ask santa silly questions "how many trees does this house get Santa" "how big should they be Santa" and so on..

soon Santa, who was busy with other festive duties.. was getting quite annoyed with the fairies lack of imagination... and getting quite narky..

eventually, one last fairy came back with a single tree and said "Santa, we have a tree left over, what should i do".to which Santa replied


"Och, stick it up your ass"

and thats how a tradition was born!!!! :lol:

[angela5]

[lol] Never heard that before [lol]
Glad it's a fat Angel on my tree.

[peedie man]

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree

[angela5]

Peedie man, i read that on a xmas card in Tesco yesterday:lol:

[angela5]

Santa was very upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right!
Mrs. Claus had burned all the mince pies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking sherry all afternoon and were dead drunk. And to make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!" He continued, "I sent that stupid little Christmas fairy out hours ago to find a tree and she isn't back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then, the Christmas fairy opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind her. She said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of fairies on top of the Christmas tree got its start.
Fa la la la la, la la, la la. :lol:

[angela5]

http://cagle.msnbc.com/news/ReynoldsChristmasMadness/images/xmasangelstar.jpg[lol]