View Full Version : Better manners from the older generation?
It is quite common to pick up a newspaper and read, or hear in conversation, about poor manners from the youngsters of today. There seems to be a view that older people have a better sense of politeness. Recently, I attended a funeral service and had cause to examine this theory. We were standing for the singing of the first Hymn, when an elderly man took a bad stumble and was falling backward through some chairs. I was quick off the mark and caught him in my arms before he did himself any harm. I dusted him down, got him back on his feet and asked him if he was feeling OK. I am still waiting for a reply!! He looked at me as if I had stepped off planet Zanussi or something and never uttered a word of thanks. The Hymn ended and, out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the old boy was about to sit into a space that had no chair. I realised that I could not reach him in time so, instead, I propelled a chair with an outstretched leg and it landed right under him just as he realised he was falling into space. He landed softly enough and I felt sure that this swift footwork would impress my man enough to elicit a small thank you. However, a cold stare was all I received. After the service a few people remarked to me that the old fella was very rude in not offering thanks. I gave it no more thought until I was next in the Market Square and noticed this same gentleman in full Salvation Army uniform. I have to say that I was somewhat disappointed, perhaps I shouldn't have been but I expected more.
Before anyone gets the idea that I am having a go at the Army, I must state that my Cousin is a member and has found the Army helpful. Each to their own, I merely expected better acknowledgement of my efforts to assist.
Grumpy old men - you rarely hear about grumpy young men......
jinglejangle
10-Dec-07, 20:28
good thread - i am not saying all old people but the number of times i have queued in a shop and an older person has barged straight to the front thinking they can get served quicker!!!
good thread - i am not saying all old people but the number of times i have queued in a shop and an older person has barged straight to the front thinking they can get served quicker!!!
oh god i know that feeling! you cant so your shopping for older folk standing gossiping and not moving when you say excuse me[disgust]
While on holiday in the lake district recently I was ragin' with the rudeness of wee old ladies with shoppers on wheels...thank god it is so 'un trendy' up here and we have half a chance of keeping our ankles in one piece.
Don't think age enters into it really though..I meet lovely youngsters and rude oldies...and vice versa........Nowt to do with age, just respect!:D
karia
Sure...the gentleman you mention has his grumpy moments. I am sure he'd want me to apologise on his behalf. He is aware that his fuse is getting shorter as he gets a little bit older.
We all have our grumpy moments though, and I suppose for the older generation they do struggle with some things we younger folks don't have to struggle with. There is also the embarrassment of getting older and losing face when you can't keep your dignity as well.
The gentleman you mention has recently lost a very close friend, he is also recovering from cancer and doesn't keep well at the moment. His involvement with the Army is sometimes the only thing that keeps him going.
Again, apologies on his behalf. I'm not into making excuses for poor behavior, of course he could have said thanks, but just hoping to shed some light and say thanks for your understanding.
Andrew C
changilass
10-Dec-07, 23:19
I'm not sure you should be giving details of his personal circumstances, even if it was as a way of explaining the guys rudeness
While on holiday in the lake district recently I was ragin' with the rudeness of wee old ladies with shoppers on wheels...thank god it is so 'un trendy' up here and we have half a chance of keeping our ankles in one piece.
Don't think age enters into it really though..I meet lovely youngsters and rude oldies...and vice versa........Nowt to do with age, just respect!:D
karia
Very true Karia, you do get good and bad manners in all ages. I have come to expect older people to show an example though.
Sure...the gentleman you mention has his grumpy moments. I am sure he'd want me to apologise on his behalf. He is aware that his fuse is getting shorter as he gets a little bit older.
We all have our grumpy moments though, and I suppose for the older generation they do struggle with some things we younger folks don't have to struggle with. There is also the embarrassment of getting older and losing face when you can't keep your dignity as well.
The gentleman you mention has recently lost a very close friend, he is also recovering from cancer and doesn't keep well at the moment. His involvement with the Army is sometimes the only thing that keeps him going.
Again, apologies on his behalf. I'm not into making excuses for poor behavior, of course he could have said thanks, but just hoping to shed some light and say thanks for your understanding.
Andrew C
I hear what you are saying Andrew. It only takes a moment to say "thank you" though. Perhaps I am wrong in expecting older people to be more mannerly. I wouldn't hesitate in helping anyone in need, it was just surprising to be blanked in response.
I suppose a lot of times it is embarassment, it can't be easy when your body doesn't always do what it used to or behaves in unexpected ways. Not saying it is the way we expect people to behave but the elderly are often very proud and the last to ask for help even when they need it.
Margaret M.
11-Dec-07, 00:22
I hope I never let life's challenges bring me down to where I fail to mutter a "Thank you" for kindness shown.
It could be that because of old age and his emotional state, he just might not be "with it" at the moment, for him to make this mistake twice, suggest something is amiss.He may not be aware that you were trying to help him, but thought you were up to something. Give the poor man the benefit of doubt,he could have pre senile Dementia and be confused. I note you said that he was wearing an Salvation Army uniform, but you are not having a go at the Army. It dosnt matter what he is wearing, if somethings wrong with him, being a member of a religion, group etc dosnt have an effect on their feelings or state of mind. I have witnessed elderly strictly religous people swear and cuss like a trooper and their relatives have said they would be shocked if they knew what they were doing. Old age and or grief can affect peoples minds and actions, so dont condem their actions without knowing the facts.
I may be 31 years old, but id still get a slap from my Mam if I was rude to someone. I was brought up to know that manners cost nothing, but can be priceless to the recipient, and my sons are learning the same leason.
It could be that because of old age and his emotional state, he just might not be "with it" at the moment, for him to make this mistake twice, suggest something is amiss.He may not be aware that you were trying to help him, but thought you were up to something. Give the poor man the benefit of doubt,he could have pre senile Dementia and be confused. I note you said that he was wearing an Salvation Army uniform, but you are not having a go at the Army. It dosnt matter what he is wearing, if somethings wrong with him, being a member of a religion, group etc dosnt have an effect on their feelings or state of mind. I have witnessed elderly strictly religous people swear and cuss like a trooper and their relatives have said they would be shocked if they knew what they were doing. Old age and or grief can affect peoples minds and actions, so dont condem their actions without knowing the facts.
I don't condemn the man in my post. If you read it PROPERLY, you will see that I merely express disappointment. I even question whether I am right to expect better manners. My post was written in retrospect, having considered that the man was fit enough to attend the funeral on his own and was also fit enough to be selling the War Cry on the street. If he was "not with it", I doubt he would have been capable of either action.
Your post is nothing other than a rant. A totally unwarranted rant at that. How about living up to your own words and give ME the benefit of the doubt? It might do you good to read WHAT is being said, instead of basing your reply on WHO is saying it.
highlander
11-Dec-07, 13:19
It so annoys me when i go into a certain bakers in Thurso, the older generation always jumps queues, when i go in there i always say to myself "ok im ready for you, just try it" once i did say "Excuse Me, but i was here before you" but why does it always make me feel like i have said something wrong? Now i usually stand there looking stupid with my mouth wide open. LOL
Camel Spider
11-Dec-07, 13:19
good thread - i am not saying all old people but the number of times i have queued in a shop and an older person has barged straight to the front thinking they can get served quicker!!!
There is a way to sort that out, it has happened to me more than once.
Simply ask them if they can tell you what letter comes after P in the alphabet, when they reply with "Q" just give them your best icy stare and say "So you do know what one is then ??"
I find that the older people are the worst at holding doors open when going into shopping centres, I have been stood there holding a door while they troop though as if you are a doorman. Either that or they let the door go without holding it open for the person behind them.
In fairness though they are not as bad as some women with prams who seem to think that they are a bowling ball and the street is their alley.
The older generation expect respect....by why if they don't earn it by showing the same respect back?It really annoys me when they barge in onfront just because they are old...I would normally let the elderly go infront of me anyway but NOT when they barge in!I also hate the fact that when you hold a door open peole just waltz right past without saying thank you,I was in Inverness recently and my mate was mortified because I had held a door open for her and about 50 others rushed in past her....I was shouting"no, no problem at all...least I can do for you all...I will stand here all day without any thanks etc etc"I was totally losing the plot, but I was past caring I sooo hate ignorance![evil]
Tighsonas4
11-Dec-07, 13:59
you may please some of them some of the time but you wont please all of them all of the time live and let live and make your life easier who knows whats coming OUR way do unto others as you would have them do unto you
ageing tony
Margaret M.
11-Dec-07, 14:09
Old age and or grief can affect peoples minds and actions, so dont condem their actions without knowing the facts.
It is fairly easy to spot if something is not quite right with someone. Old age and/or grief are no excuse for rudeness. This man was out and about unassisted so he could clearly acknowledge an act of kindness. If one cannot speak, a nod or smile will suffice.
Tighsonas4
11-Dec-07, 18:33
re bad manners
if thats the gent who sells the war crys in wollies door he must come complete with chair as 9 times out of 10 i see him huddled up in the corner
of the door on a sat. perhaps he is sent there with seasons greetings at this time of the year peace on earth and good will to all men
if your passing give him the time of day regards to all tony
northener
11-Dec-07, 22:47
Personal experience leads me to the conclusion that there is a certain blind arrogance amongst some older members of our community.
If I responded to good manners in the way some of these miserable old gits do, then I would quite rightly receive a swift put-down.
Age does not make someone wise and miraculously elevate them to a superior social status, as many of these nasty old farts seem to believe.
If they are pig-ignorant and small-minded when they are 40, they're not going to become suddenly 'cured' when they hit their 70's.
Grrrrrrr.
.
alanatkie
11-Dec-07, 23:19
Well i was always brought up to respect my elders but i was also brought up to treat others as i would want to be treated myself so why should there be any difference whether it be young or old - i have heard plenty of older people complain about the younger generation but some of the older gereration can be just as uncourtious & disrespectful as them.:roll:
I'm not sure you should be giving details of his personal circumstances, even if it was as a way of explaining the guys rudeness
As I said, he would want me to apologise. If you see him on Sat outside Woolies he'd gladly tell you how he's getting on himself :)
I'm not sure you should be giving details of his personal circumstances, even if it was as a way of explaining the guys rudeness
In his defence, I have always found him to be very friendly and very open about his illness,
Sure he should have said thank you and I am surprised that he didn't, can we assume that he was having a bad day, as we all do from time to time.
Don't think I would call him rude, take the time to talk to him he's a nice guy.
I was in Waterstones today looking at their lovely selection of Scottish Calendars and books...went to move in the somewhat compromised space and shuffling my way past an assistant I said, 'excuse me!'
'yes!..What can I do for you?' she said..then it dawned on her!
'Ah...you want me to move my butt so you can get past'
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and an 'excuse me' is a 'get out of my way'!:lol:
Karia
My post was written in retrospect, having considered that the man was fit enough to attend the funeral on his own and was also fit enough to be selling the War Cry on the street. If he was "not with it", I doubt he would have been capable of either action.
Not necessary, we all have off days or "senior moments"
Your post is nothing other than a rant. A totally unwarranted rant at that.
No dearie not a rant, an opinion, same as yours.
How about living up to your own words and give ME the benefit of the doubt? Why would you need the benefit of the doubt dear, were you having an off day too?
It might do you good to read WHAT is being said, instead of basing your reply on WHO is saying it. Dont get you here dear, dont ken you or anything about you, so how can I base my opinion on WHO is saying it ?
I suggest you go and cool your jets dear, threads are here to be answered as people think- ie our own opinions, if you dont like, dont reply dear. http://www.british-genealogy.com/forums/images/smilies/jpshakehead.gif
Dont get you here dear, dont ken you or anything about you, so how can I base my opinion on WHO is saying it ?
I suggest you go and cool your jets dear, threads are here to be answered as people think- ie our own opinions, if you dont like, dont reply dear. http://www.british-genealogy.com/forums/images/smilies/jpshakehead.gif
I'm very cool. I have an online persona, just like every other regular here. Anyone with a modicum on intelligence can grasp the fact that judgements are often made based on a poster's output, however little that may be.
If we are having a free-for-all on opinions, you won't mind me saying that your input on this thread has been ill conceived, comes from a shallow viewpoint and is both patronising and rude.
Great thread-usual great an ghastly stands, what a time to be condemming some old fella coz' he has slid down the scale a bit!
On his own perhaps'(could go on a bit here) but you detractors are not worth it,if a guy is trying to the best of his limited ability-whats the rest of you's poxy excuse? An a merry x to you to.
In his defence, I have always found him to be very friendly and very open about his illness
The man in question could be as open as he likes about his illness. It is his illness after all and he can be open about it if he wants. I don't think that necessarily gives others the right to post about it here though.
Great thread-usual great an ghastly stands, what a time to be condemming some old fella coz' he has slid down the scale a bit!
On his own perhaps'(could go on a bit here) but you detractors are not worth it,if a guy is trying to the best of his limited ability-whats the rest of you's poxy excuse? An a merry x to you to.
horseman, as usual you add nothing worthwhile to a thread. A couple of lines is all you ever seem to manage to cobble together and you cannot even manage to keep it civil. You're Neigh better than the folk you decry ;)
lassieinfife
12-Dec-07, 15:19
Along with pushing in front in shops the other time I find the older generation rude is queuing for buses... no matter how many folk already at bus stance they seem to think its their right to get on bus first especially if the half fare time is upon us,but what really gets my goat is "I fought in the war for you" should anyone dare to point out that others were there first.I always insisted that my children said please and thank you...such a small courtesy costs nothing and reeps big benefits:)
This had the makings of a good thread. Debating if there is a marked difference between the manners of the younger and older generations would have been enough without the inclusion of an old man who was obviously Identifiable to some members of this forum. Is it acceptable that a mans personal business is being openly discussed on this forum because he didn't say thanks? Show a little of what you are looking for.
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