johno
13-Oct-07, 09:36
Dear All
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails thispast year........I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one aboutrat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now haveto use a wet towel with every envelope that needssealing. also, I now have to scrub the top of everycan I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to asick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in thehospital for the 1,387,258th time.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants meto split £7 million with me for pretending to be along lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novenahas granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even thoughI smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only getanswered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friendsand make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Colabecause it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man alongto watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in myback seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone willdrug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will askme to dial a number for which I will get a phone billwith calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore andUzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but minebecause a big brown African spider is lurking underthe seat to cause me instant death when it bites mybum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick upthe £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because itprobably was placed there by a sex molester waitingunderneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove withdiarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm thisafternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infestyour back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened toa friend of my next door neighbour'sex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin'sbeautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after alengthy study has discovered that people with low IQwho have infrequent sexual activity always read theire-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails thispast year........I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one aboutrat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now haveto use a wet towel with every envelope that needssealing. also, I now have to scrub the top of everycan I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to asick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in thehospital for the 1,387,258th time.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants meto split £7 million with me for pretending to be along lost relative of a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novenahas granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even thoughI smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only getanswered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friendsand make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Colabecause it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man alongto watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in myback seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone willdrug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will askme to dial a number for which I will get a phone billwith calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore andUzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but minebecause a big brown African spider is lurking underthe seat to cause me instant death when it bites mybum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick upthe £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because itprobably was placed there by a sex molester waitingunderneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove withdiarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm thisafternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infestyour back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened toa friend of my next door neighbour'sex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin'sbeautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after alengthy study has discovered that people with low IQwho have infrequent sexual activity always read theire-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.