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paris
25-Sep-07, 14:13
So come on now, who has a funny story to tell to brighten up every ones day ????????

As a lot of you know , i go out singing most weekends and for those of you that watch the x-factor will know of Katie the skegness monster. She is a singer at our local and darn good if i say so myself. Well my 7 yr old grand son who lives with me over heard us talking about her and the x-factor,,,,, got the story wrong and has now been telling EVERYONE me meets, teachers, people in the street and in the supermarket that HIS nanny is going to be on the program next year and is going to win. How embarrassed am i now when people say to me " oh your the lady going on the x-factor next year " I could kill him !!! I have to explain the story but my neighbour says if i DO go in for it she will move.........says a lot for my singing career !!! :confused Jan x

Sandra_B
25-Sep-07, 16:40
Last night we were watching a travel programme on TV and a couple were getting married in an exotic location. Conall (7) wandered into the room and must have missed the "repeat after me" part because as the bride was reciting her vows he asked Steve "is he using the Jedi mind trick on her?"

Yes, he is a little obsessed with Star Wars these days

Julia
25-Sep-07, 19:33
Conall (7) wandered into the room and must have missed the "repeat after me" part because as the bride was reciting her vows he asked Steve "is he using the Jedi mind trick on her?"

Brilliant!

My daughter who is 6 recently told me "I am not going to smoke when I grow up but I am going to play bingo!"

A couple of years ago she asked me "why are vegetarians allowed to live in this country?"

Thumper
25-Sep-07, 19:42
When my oldest was a wee boy we had been out for the day and when we got home I was starving hungry.I told him to go and play until tea was ready as I was "so hungry I could eat a scabby horse" anyway I fed him etc and off to bed he went.next morning I took him to playschool for his session and dropped him off.When I wentr back to collect him the teacher(who is a personal friend) was standing there laughing her head off with tears running down her face when I asked her what was so funny she told me that my wee boy had told the whole playgruop that he had had scabby horse for tea and it was very nice :eek: I was mortified that he actually thought that I had fed him that...but what a good wee boy eating it all up even though he thought it was a rather undesirable horse I was feeding him [lol] x

Ricco
25-Sep-07, 20:12
One day, last May, whilst teaching a year 8 lesson one of the girls answered me with "Yes, Dad". Ahhhh!

Now, that either indicates that I am an ol' moaner like her Dad.....

or, more likely, a nice ol' geezer like her Dad.

Anyway, not having any kids of my own it was kinda nice. :)

golach
25-Sep-07, 20:20
Last year as a tour guide, A visitor at the end on one of my tours, said can I ask you a question as always I agree, and said how can I be of help.
He asked what language do you Scots speak?...After a few seconds thought I said well basically English...with regional accents, mine is east coast I infromed him, asking him if he had problems understanding me. He said no he had no trouble understanding me, but he had been in Glasgow on a tour the day before, and could not understand a word :) I said even we have that problem [lol]

Jeemag_USA
25-Sep-07, 20:36
Last year as a tour guide, A visitor at the end on one of my tours, said can I ask you a question as always I agree, and said how can I be of help.
He asked what language do you Scots speak?...After a few seconds thought I said well basically English...with regional accents, mine is east coast I infromed him, asking him if he had problems understanding me. He said no he had no trouble understanding me, but he had been in Glasgow on a tour the day before, and could not understand a word :) I said even we have that problem [lol]

I get that problem a lot over here, people don't think i am Scottish because most they have heard has been from Glasgow or Edinburgh, usually people who meet me for the first time take a guess and say I am australian, then second guess is Irish which usually prompts me to say "close" and then they get it. When I spent a long time in Irland in the South during college, they all thought I was either from Donegal or Northern Ireland, and when I visited the North of Ireland they could tell I was Scottish but couldn't place the accent at all. Its very hard to describe the Caithness accent, but we are pretty soft spoken when away from home, the city accents are kind of harsh and have much more of a brogue.

I met someone at work today who guessed right first time, and his next question was "Celtic or Rangers?" I about laughed my backside off, surely everyone has heard of us now :L

golach
25-Sep-07, 20:42
I get that problem a lot over here, people don't think i am Scottish because most they have heard has been from Glasgow or Edinburgh, usually people who meet me for the first time take a guess and say I am australian, then second guess is Irish which usually prompts me to say "close" and then they get it. When I spent a long time in Irland in the South during college, they all thought I was either from Donegal or Northern Ireland, and when I visited the North of Ireland they could tell I was Scottish but couldn't place the accent at all. Its very hard to describe the Caithness accent, but we are pretty soft spoken when away from home, the city accents are kind of harsh and have much more of a brogue.
:L
My Father had a Caithness accent all his life and a lot of that was spent working on farms in Perthshire, where there were usually many itinerant workers from Ireland, as a result my Father was often mistaken for Northern Irish, which made him furious, I have seen him nearly come to blows over this.

scorrie
25-Sep-07, 21:45
I remember someone on the org reported an accident with paint earlier this year. Well I had quite an incident myself with 10 litres of white emulsion a few months ago. Having made the error of purchasing value emulsion from Homebase and discovering that it had all the adhesive properties of urine on vitreous china, we decided to dispose of the remaining 9.9 litres. Everything was going swimmingly well until I tripped over a section of decorative lawn-edging. The paint pot flew over the garden wall and landed with a sickening crack. Ten minutes and two Valium later, I plucked up the courage to go look at the mess. First impression was one of relative relief. A small explosion in a tippex factory came to mind but not as bad as the mini White Cliffs of Dover I had anticipated. Just a few cracks in the pot I told myself, and prepared to transfer the container to a strong bag. Half-way to being back in control and disaster struck. The full erse came out of the pot and a Fromage Frais Tsunami spilled out onto the pavement. I stared at it for some minutes, contemplating whether to adopt fight or flight as a response. Fight it was and I returned armed with shovels, buckets, brushes and loads of water. Sadly, cracked tarmac is not a good medium for providing an easy clean-up and it became clear that this was not one I was going to "get away with"
Mrs Sinclair was first, "My, how did THAT happen?" I resisted the urge to give the reply that was first in the queue on my tongue and settled for this alternative, "It was the biggest Scorrie I have ever seen (self included) funny how they always strike just after you've washed the windows". Less than impressed, she beetled off into the distance. By this time there was a convoy of cars coming by at such regular intervals that I became convinced someone was selling tickets at the bottom of the street. They were rubbernecking at such slow speeds that they would probably have been convicted of kerb crawling in certain neighbourhoods. I was forced to turn my back on them, to concentrate on sweeping the watery mix into the gutter and to prevent the colour clash between white and the red of my face. Another owld biddie just happened to be passing shortly afterwards, although I am convinced I saw her at her window with binoculars some five minutes earlier. "Fit lek e now boy" she announced. "Och, no too bad, at damn bairns were muckin aboot wi paint though" was my white lie of response. Just then I became aware that what I had thought were small stones, was actually pooches poop!! My neighbour, of course, also noticed this. "Is that what I think it is?" she cried. "Well, if you think it is dog crap, you are bang on the money, who says you don't see white dog cack anymore?" was my reply that left her somewhat bemused. Luckily, this particular batch of hound cable had been laid some time ago and was well past its smell-by-date. This prevented the ingress of bristles into that smashing orangey bit in the middle and avoided an impromptu "haircut" for the broom. With the wifie trailing off to get her infra-red binocs out for the night "shift" and the cars beginning their second lap of the street, I retired to the back garden for a brief rain dance. Around three o clock in the morning the heavens opened and I realised that Geronimo and I were still on the same wavelength. The refrain of Procol Harum ran through my head and I awoke to a pavement that was a Paler Shade of White.

helenwyler
25-Sep-07, 22:10
Some years ago, a friend of my oldest daughter was very upset.

She was a hard-working, bright girl, who, like most of her class, adored her history teacher.

She had given in her homework, about tithes in medieval history, and had hoped for a good mark.

Imagine her disappointment when she recieved the work back.....


1/10 Total crap.....:eek:

She went to to teacher after the lesson to ask why her mark was so low when she had worked so hard....


His answer:













What I meant was 'tithe = 1/10 total crop'!![lol]

Gizmo
25-Sep-07, 22:49
One day, last May, whilst teaching a year 8 lesson one of the girls answered me with "Yes, Dad". Ahhhh!

Now, that either indicates that I am an ol' moaner like her Dad.....

or, more likely, a nice ol' geezer like her Dad.

Anyway, not having any kids of my own it was kinda nice. :)

Haha...i did something similar in Primary 4, which was a long long time ago in a galaxy far away, it was with the lovely Mrs Miller in Hillhead Primary, i was bursting for the toilet and after holding it in for ages i quickly put my hand up and shouted 'Mum...i need a pee'....i will never forget the embarrasment...hahaha

Anne x
25-Sep-07, 23:12
My friend a native of Spittal moved to slough and everyone thought he was Irish

connieb19
25-Sep-07, 23:22
I was in a cafe in Ireland, when our food was served I noticed there was no salt and pepper on the table. There was a man sitting at the table next to us reading his newspaper, I politely asked him if I could use his pepper, "aye, no bother" he said, handing me the newspaper lol. :)

Kenn
25-Sep-07, 23:42
We had a visiting cat at our shop who was very friendly and liked nothing better than being stroked by the customers.
A male customer had been giving the cat it's customary attention and then stood up and remarked in a loud voice, " I like nothing better than playing with a nice soft pussy!"

connieb19
25-Sep-07, 23:52
We had a visiting cat at our shop who was very friendly and liked nothing better than being stroked by the customers.
A male customer had been giving the cat it's customary attention and then stood up and remarked in a loud voice, " I like nothing better than playing with a nice soft pussy!"
That reminds me of the time I phoned my boss and asked if she had a big box. :o

Thumper
26-Sep-07, 10:58
My ex was sitting with the kids last nite and the kitten was on the floor going daft so i told the kitten off,my ex replied leave him alone he is sitting there quite happily playing with himself :eek: I couldn't stop laughing for hours! x