View Full Version : At what age would you leave your child alone?
There is a lot of discussion in the Madeleine McCann thread about whether or not the parents should have let children aged 2-4 stay alone in the flat. I would like to leave that issue aside here and focus on your own views on the subject.
At some point children are given their freedom to play, walk to school or even stay alone in the house while we nip down to the shops. When were you or when would you be comfortable giving your children this small amount of freedom?
me personally i would never leave a child alone in the house until he/she is like 11or even older, you cant be to careful these days, when i was younger my friends were allowed to go to the shop down the road from mine at 5 but my parents wouldnt let me, and now as a parent myself i understand why,anything could happen!
when i put my wee one(she is 3) to bed i put the monitor on( i still use it) and i always lock my front door as anyone could come in my front door and go upstairs.
but also you dont have to leave your kid home alone for something bad to happen, that poor wee girl last year was in the bath and a man came in the window! her mum was nipping to get some towels. you may think im overprotective but im sorry in this day and age you cant be to careful!
There is a lot of discussion in the Madeleine McCann thread about whether or not the parents should have let children aged 2-4 stay alone in the flat. I would like to leave that issue aside here and focus on your own views on the subject.
At some point children are given their freedom to play, walk to school or even stay alone in the house while we nip down to the shops. When were you or when would you be comfortable giving your children this small amount of freedom?
We have two kids, 1.5 and 5. Our five year old still doesn't have the wherewithall to walk to school on his own...although we do walk him to the school bus, put him on it, and collect him off it. I'd imagine that after a couple of weeks we might allow him to walk round the corner to home when he gets off the bus but since he gets on further away than where he gets off, we'll be walking him to the stop.
With regards to them being home alone, we don't leave our children alone at home until they are legally allowed to be at home on their own!
With regards to play, even although Wick is a much safer place than other places we've lived, I think my little lad is not quite ready to be wandering the streets. I suppose you have to judge each child.
vodka-queen
11-Sep-07, 11:28
I think tht only when children start highschool they should be allowed left in the house on there own but only for a short period of time anyone agree?
It depends a lot on the child also, our child is 12 and for the past while I have been happy for them to wait in house watching tv while we nipped to a family members to dress legs that they cannot do themselves. It only takes about 20 minutes and it is easier than the awkward I don't want to go and the face. That said there are friends of our childs and children a bit older that I know that I would not leave unattended so it really depends on the level of responsibility your child can be given. That said the wife remembers babysitting at not much older but we would never allow our child to take on a huge responsibility like that at this age.
i have three kids young tho but i would never leave then on there own in the house or out side you can never be to sure what is goin on i come from musselburgh down edinburgh way and wick is much a safer place to stay thats why i moved up here but you never know i just stay with them at all times and if the kids are in bed the monitor is on so i can hear them and they go to there beds at 6
There are no legal guidelines regarding the age at which a child can be left at home alone but I would say probably about 14 or so depending on the child, to leave one child with another I think the older one has to be 16.
You'd have to be out of your tree to leave little kids home alone, anything could happen!
Never...Its just asking for trouble...As a recommendation from police and social sevices 16 for baby sitting and 12 onwards for being left alone. Although there is no legal limit its up to the parents to know when their child/ren are responsible enough to be left alone....
Mister Squiggle
11-Sep-07, 13:21
I would say 14 or 15 for my own children, although I expect I might change my mind when they reach that age. :)
I was reading an article in yesterday's Scotsman about allowing children unsupervised play to help develop their own sense of judgment about potential hazards and dangers. It was interesting that in Scandanavian countries, new housing developments have to have designated "play spaces" which are outdoor areas that children can use, but that are patrolled by wardens who maintain a relative level of distance but can also keep a watch for strange vehicles, lurkers etc. The idea is that the children can play safely outdoors without parents and adults hovering over them, but that an adult is patrolling the area who can spot any potentially dangerous situations.
This is probably what used to happen in our cities and towns years ago anyway - all the adults kept an eye out for the children in their street. Nowadays many adults are both out working until late, or there is more movement of populations in and out of areas so it's hard to keep tabs on new faces.
Anyway, the main issue the article was concerned with was that, because we are scared to let children play outdoors without us, they don't get the opportunity to make judgment calls of their own about what is safe and what is not. Then it's a catch 22, because they can't make these decisions, so we don't leave them to their own devises, so they never have to make the decision ... so on and so forth. Then, when they are left alone, they don't have the skills to cope with a crisis.
It's a problem I have to admit I am starting to really try to grapple with as my kids want to start going to the park over the road, walk to the shops etc. My head says they should be doin it, but it's hard to overcome the fears which the media seem happy to re-ignite each time something terrible happens.
I think (and hope) that by their mid-teens, my children will have developed enough awareness of what is sensible, how to deal with certain situations, when to ask for help etc to be left on their own. Prior to then? No way would I leave a younger child at home for any length of time without an adult being close by to help out if needed.
I think it depends on the child. Children mature at different rates, so a more responcible child might be left alone at a younger age. That said, I think the minimum age where a child is likely to be responsible enough would be about 12-14. When I was in Primary 7 my parents would leave me in the house myself if it was a nice day, so I could cycle to the school, only because they bout had to leave the house by 8.20, and school didn't start until 9.30, but my parents trusted me enough to be mature enough to get myself to school.
One thing that does drive me crazy though is when I see children in the 3-5 preschool age out playing on their own, what are these parents thinking :mad: During the holidays I was told of a roughly 3 1/2 year old supervising an 18 month old at the park!!! That is absolutely off the head. A lot of these little ones were tailing onto the bigger ones who were at the park and I actually told my 12 year old I didn't want to see them playing together as I will not allow my child to be riddled with guilt if something happens to these kids. My child and friends should be able to play without having young kids thrust upon them (as nobody else is supervising them) and in this day and age it is not safe in my opinion for older children to be in a position that they are vulnerable to all sorts of allegations. Sad way to think maybe but it's the way we now have to think :~(
corgiman i completely agree with you, where i live this goes on alot, when im at my parents house my 3 and a half year old gets upset cause i wont let her play with the other kids, but they are the same age as her and not being watched by anyone, its awful! all it takes is a second for an accident or for someone to snatch a child:eek:
As far as I know a child has to be at least five years of age before he or she can be allowed out to play unsupervised.
think it completely depends on what time of day & for how long a time we are leaving them.
Personally I wouldnt & dont leave my children alone late at night & my eldest is 16!
but on the other hand Id be happy to leave the eldest 2 (16 & 14)for a few hours during the day.
my daughter is 11 & I rarely leave her alone for any amount of time & if i do Ive usually asked a neighbour to keep checking on her.
I think it all depends on the child that you are leaving alone some 16 years olds act like 10yr olds and some 13 yr olds act like 20yr olds so it really depends on the individual child.My oldest is 16 going on 60 and has been an oldman since the day he was in it, he walked to school alone at 6 yrs and I have left him alone in the house since he was 14...granted not for all that long but now that he is 16 I do leave him for quite long periods of time.Now my middle and youngest ones well they will be lucky if I leave them alone before they reach 40 as both of them are very immature!My youngest is almost 8 and still doesn't walk to school alone as his road sense goes right out the window as soon as he see's one of his mates. x
NickInTheNorth
11-Sep-07, 16:09
Well I've ticked the 11-13 box, but really there are three different questions there.
To answer properly I could of ticked most of the boxes. But I also have to say that it all depends on the when and the where as well as the age.
My two oldest started taking themselves to school at the ages of three and four and a half respectively!!!! We lived about 200 metres from the school, and the kids didn't need to even walk on a road. In addition the island we lived on there were 30 people, all of whom we knew, and could always tell if there were any strangers on the island as we could see the boats.
If we lived in Thurso itself those same two children now aged 10 and a bit and nearly 9 would probably be allowed to walk to school by themselves (but final decision would depend on the exact journey to school).
They are allowed outside to play alone, but within strictly defines limits. They have never yet strayed from those areas, but it is possible they may do so.
There is no way that we would leave them at home and go off to the shops or whatever (even if the shops were closer than they are to us here). Might think about it when the oldest one is a few years older, but it may not happen even then, it will depend on what we think at the time, maturity, level of responsibility exhibited etc
I totally agree with Thumper. My eldest is almost 14 and is mature enough to be left for small periods of time, i have left him for an hour or so during the day while his dad is in bed (nightshift). However my second eldest is 12 going on 2 and i could never trust him alone. Each child is very different.
armanisgirl
11-Sep-07, 16:24
My eldest is 15 going on 50 (at times!), next is 9 and the bay of the family is 7. I often pop to the supermarket, leaving the older two, as, being boys, they detest shopping. The wee one, being a girl, loves it as long as she cons something! I would never leave the 9 yr old and 7 yr old alone together (with or without the 15 yr old) as they fight like cat and dog! However, having said that, I do ocassionally pop out once the younger two are in bed, not for long, and always with my mobile on full volume. The oldest enjoys the freedom of 'owning' the remote control during this time. Will I ever leave the younger two alone at 15? It depends on how mature they are at that age and if they own an ounce of common sense. Am I neglecting my kids? I don't think so; they are safe in the house with doors locked not allowed to answer the door or house phone and I am constantly texting/phoning the oldests mobile to check everything is ok. I feel torn though, as I do feel guilty popping out, but at some point, the children have to learn about real life and being 'grown up', and most importantly, being shown some trust and responsibility. I would never 'have a night out' unless I have a friend babysitting, in which case the eldest inevitably stays at a mates, as he is "too old for a babysitter". As a parent, I feel we can never win in areas like this.
George Brims
11-Sep-07, 17:30
There's a choice missing from the poll. 16 years of age is the legal minimum as far as I can recall for leaving a child completely unsupervised.
Jeemag_USA
11-Sep-07, 17:36
None of the above, my son is 16 and still manages to get himself in trouble if left alone. Also even if he was responsible, if he has an accident and debilitates himself and cannot get to a phone? I would feel pretty bad if I was not there to do something. When I was a kid I was left home alone as a kid, in hindsight it was not very responsible of my parents, they both had to hold down low paying jobs though and could not afford sitters I guess. My son stays with grandparents when we can't be there.
connieb19
11-Sep-07, 17:39
Why have none of the people who think it's okay to leave toddlers on their own not voted I wonder? :confused
From a legal point of view, I managed to find this
The law in Scotland does not state at what age children can be left alone. It depends on whether the child is mature enough to cope in an emergency and feels happy about being left. Children mature at different ages and every child is an individual. The decision to leave a child alone should be made by the adult who has considered the environment and any potential hazards, child’s age, maturity, safety and well- being and whether the child has any special needs. It is against the law to leave children in circumstances that are likely to put them in any kind of danger. Anyone aged 16 or over who has the care or control of a child under 16 could be prosecuted if they leave children in circumstances that could cause them harm. Leaving young children alone is never a good idea. For more information, see the Home Alone Leaflet (http://www.children1st.org.uk/publications/publications.html)
Why have none of the people who think it's okay to leave toddlers on their own not voted I wonder? :confused
i dont think anyone thinks its ok, maybe thats why no one has voted for toddlers:confused
Well I've ticked the 11-13 box, but really there are three different questions there.
I thought about that...there could be a whole range of questions. We could have compared city views to town views etc so I thought I would keep it simple.
There's a choice missing from the poll. 16 years of age is the legal minimum as far as I can recall for leaving a child completely unsupervised.
I didn't see a point in adding a 16 years of age because that is the age of some legal responsibility and I think they can choose to be on their own so it didn't seem worth asking. In addition if you look at Jaw's post http://forum.caithness.org/showpost.php?p=270092&postcount=162 he quotes the Children and Young Persons Act 1933 and a further source of advice in the situation - neither of which say it is illegal.
by law they can,t be left alone till there 16
I may be wrong but I thought that in Scotland there is no law saying what age a child can be left alone?I used to babysit from the age of 12 but there's no way I would leave my kids with a 12 yr old sitter!That being said one of the familys I used to sit for were definately better off with a 12yr old looking after them than they were with "family" mind you at 12 I didn't have the sense to report it :( x
rockchick
11-Sep-07, 19:46
My understanding of Scottish law is that you can leave a child alone in circumstances which are within their capability of handling, whatever the age; however you cannot leave a child under the age of 16 in charge of other children.
Having said this, I was babysitting other kids since I was 12 years old, and pretty good at it. I had first aid training, plus my own parents were at the other end of a phone line if I got into difficulty. Best way for a teenage girl to make a living, if you ask me, and also makes you aware of the difficulties that parents face (which lowers the teenage pregnancy average!). Not allowing children to care for other children until they're sixteen is just WRONG.
SandTiger
11-Sep-07, 19:52
by law they can,t be left alone till there 16
What law would that be then? I phoned ScotRail not so long ago to find out what the minimum age is for unaccompanied minors to travel on trains. There is no minimum age limit as it is down to the parent to make the judgement based on their understanding of the child's maturity.
cuddlepop
11-Sep-07, 19:57
I may be wrong but I thought that in Scotland there is no law saying what age a child can be left alone?I used to babysit from the age of 12 but there's no way I would leave my kids with a 12 yr old sitter!That being said one of the familys I used to sit for were definately better off with a 12yr old looking after them than they were with "family" mind you at 12 I didn't have the sense to report it :( x
Been there myself Thumper and like you had no idea that I should have reported them.I was 12 aswell when I started babysitting.I'm the eldest of four and have somehow alwas had wee ones to look after.Wouldn't be comfortable with my own girls at 12 to babysit,they had to wait till they were16.
Ever kid matures at a different rate but I waited till there about 2nd year before I'd leave them.
Whitewater
11-Sep-07, 22:22
I didn't vote on this. It is a personal issue, every child is different. Recalling my own teenage years, I don't think there is any time when a child should be left alone at home. I could always get into trouble, I remember when I was 16 getting ready for the High school dance, my parents had just gone out, older brother and sisters had all gone to meet their friends, my friend called round for me so that we could walk to the dance together. However, he came in to wait for me, we found the drink, had a sample or two, and needless to say we never made the school dance.
Just from my own experience there is no safe age to leave a youngster alone, no matter how responsible you may think they are. They can get themselves into trouble just by thinking they are adults and imitating adult behaviour, being sophisticated in their own mind.
orkneylass
11-Sep-07, 22:37
The age at which children in Scotland can be left on their own has not been clearly defined in law, but parents should be aware that if they make the wrong judgement, they can be charged with criminal neglect. Most reasonable people have enough imagination to see what could go wrong and not to risk either harm to the child or prosecution for neglect.
I think there are differences between length of time and how close a responsible adult is if something goes wrong. Jamie Bulger's Mum was a few feet away with her back turned when he was taken. The MCCanns were 50 metres away in plain sight of the door to their apartment.
I decided that my children should not be left alone for more than a few minutes, nor should I be any great distance away, until they were 14. This caused me real worries about school holiday care between the ages of 12 and 14 when they were too old for holiday playschemes. I managed to get time off because I have a good employer.
However, I have seen kids of 10 - 13 left on their own all day in the holidays by lots of people who thought I was too protective.
Whitewater
11-Sep-07, 22:56
Orkney lass, not too protective, just sensible.
helenwyler
11-Sep-07, 23:13
Hi Tristan
I haven't voted on this pole either.
The question is too general for me.
What does "stay home alone" mean?
And for what period of time?
If my 1-3 year old had fallen asleep in the car on the way back from a big supermarket shop, and was still asleep after I had carried her in and put her in her cot, I would go out to the car, sometimes parked up to 50 yards away, and fetch in the 5 or 6 bags of shopping. I would lock the door and be as quick as I could, maybe 2 minutes.
But I would technically have let a sleeping toddler "stay home alone".
If she had been awake I would (and did, many times) make several journeys to the car and back with shopping in one hand and a child in the other arm.
Even at age 14-16, does "stay at home alone" mean 20 minutes or a weekend away?
My answers would be 'yes' (providing the child/ren was sensible and happy enough to be left for a short time) and a definite 'no', respectively.
Lolabelle
11-Sep-07, 23:42
It does depend on the time frame ofcourse, I think high school age it old enough to be left alone for a short period of time, eg to duck to the shops, 1/2 hour or so. Not left for an evening or overnight.
Definately old enough to walk to the shops, but then it would depend on where. Around here, my neice(13) and nephew (8) walk to my place, but that is only around the corner, and we live in a very quite little village.
My sister used to put her kids on the bus, and because they wanted to go to school with their friends, she would follow the bus in the car and watch them go into the school. When they were in primary, not now! [lol]
I wouldnt leave a child under 16 which is the legal age or you could be charged with child neglect.
I suspect the reason that the law does not set specific ages is for the very reason that most people who have not voted here give as a reason for not doing so.
There are so many variations which can occur that it would be impossible to give one, or even more, set ages that would cover every possible eventuality.
One thing I suspect would definitely leave anybody wide open for prosecution is if they left a child who was not in a position to seek help if it was needed.
There's a whole lot of difference between popping to the shops for a short time where a child is old enough to seek help from a persons friends or neighbours and leaving the same child overnight when seeking such help would probably be out of the question or even put the child in grave danger trying to seek help.
I would suggest that the reason the law is all delightfully vague is so that every incident can be assessed on it's own particular merits.
I think that some kids can get themselves in to trouble no matter what, I was regularly left alone from the age of 13 and never once got into trouble but only because I knew that I would be in bigger trouble from my parents if I did! Kids do get into trouble very easily at times but sometimes show much more responsibility being left in the house for a few hours than they do going down the street with their mates for a few hours on a Saturday night!Again it really depends on the individual and what "mental age" they have reached.My sister was married and a mum at 16 and whilst I don't condone it she was a very responsible parent but there are a lot of 16 yr olds that I can think of that I wouldn't trust to look after my cat!It really is a case of who,what,where and when x
Bobinovich
12-Sep-07, 09:40
From experience I would also like to add that even 16 year olds can be irresponsible. We left our two with a pair of 16 YO's while we went to a parents evening - we were just leaving the building after the meeting when our eldest (7 YO) appeared next to us :eek:
He'd skipped out (for which he got an absolute rollicking of course) and walked to the school, crossing 2 major roads in the process - without any crossing patrollers.
When we got back the 16 YO's made the excuse that he'd ran away and they couldn't catch him!!! A 16 YO against a 7 YO - I don't think so : even then you'd think the 16 YO would have just kept going until they caught up with him...
Needless to say we were mortified, shocked to our core, and said 16 YO's will never babysit for us again.
Murchiemannie
12-Sep-07, 16:43
It,s a very individual choice to make as some of you have said already all children are different as far as maturity goes, but I for one would not leave a child/children under the age of sixteen on their own as you never know the moment something could occur. Who wants to have any harm become them simply because you left them alone. It could lead to a lifetime of "what if" and that's not good.:(
I voted for the 15/16 yr old`s BUT even then some kids are silly and like to impress friends and do things they shouldn't while at home on there own . Jan x
orkneylass
13-Sep-07, 09:51
I also think it makes a difference if they are on their own or there is more than one at home. 2 kids aged 12 and 14 for instance will a) tell Mum or Dad if the other does something stupid and b) be able to raise the alarm if one of them has an accident.
I think a child is able to be left alone at home for a couple of hours during the day once they start high school. As for overnight - well i just left my 17 year old alone overnight this year and he did ok. I wouldnt leave my 12 year old alone over night or for an evening whilst i went out. Probably that would wait til he was 15 or 16. School holiday care workedout this year as the 12 year old and the 18 year old were both off together and get on - I wouldnt have left the 12 year old with the 17 year old all day - they would kill each other lol
rockchick
13-Sep-07, 12:33
I also think it makes a difference if they are on their own or there is more than one at home. 2 kids aged 12 and 14 for instance will a) tell Mum or Dad if the other does something stupid and b) be able to raise the alarm if one of them has an accident.
Actually, Orkneylass, this is one area where you would be breaking the law! It is illegal to leave a child (the 12 year old) in the care of another child under the age of 16 (i.e. the 14 year old). Perfectly legal to leave each of them alone if they are capable to take care of themselves...but illegal together.
How daft is that?
orkneylass
13-Sep-07, 13:55
Well it is daft isn't it because of the additional safety factors of leaving 2 that I already described. However, i don't think young teenagers should be left in charge of babies and toddlers.
One thing that is interesting is that people did not used to worry about this so much. Kids were regularly left on their own or with teenage babysitters AND this was before mobile phones so it was often not easy to contact parents in a hurry. My brothers and I had great fun in the summer holidays taking ourselves off to the park, the swimming pool etc while my mother worked, when the oldest of us would have been about 10. Nobody would have batted an eyelid about it or seen anything wrong with it then - this was in the 1960's. yes, kids were abducted and murdered then, including the moors murders, but I very much doubt that the rate of child abductions and murders has gone up significantly since then.
Have things really got more dangerous, or have attitudes changed?
Margaret M.
13-Sep-07, 14:45
Have things really got more dangerous, or have attitudes changed?
In general, I think children are more coddled, less responsible and mature with each generation. Britain and the U.S. are raising nations of wimps :) who think everyday jobs are beneath them.
I haven't read all the posts yet so apologise if I'm repeating here - but as far as I know it's not illegal to leave children on their own. You could in theory be charged with neglect but there is no "cut off" age for leaving them unattended. It is left to your own judgement which in some ways I think is a good thing, as some children are more mature and trustworthy than others.
Must admit I thought it was illegal under 12 but maybe that's in England. It does depend a lot on the circumstances but I would not leave any child under that age for any length of time or if it involved being any distance away. My children had far more independence going out than children do now but it did seem safer - neighbours all knew each other so children played together and there was not the volume and speed of traffic. It is sad because children do not learn how to be sensible and deal with situations.
It would depend on maturity and other factors including the area etc. I think it is part of growing up but in this day and age you have to be more vigilant.
Kids today tend to play alot of computer games etc and and may not even notice or even care if you were in or out:eek:. A couple of links to ponder over.
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/parentsandcarers/homealone/homealone_wda35965.html
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/ask/ex06_gen01.asp
pirateeye
23-Sep-07, 23:58
when i was 15 my friends used to drop their 4 year old daughter to me (parents working) every friday for about 5 hours. nothing ever went wrong...not even a cut knee or a tear
but saying that when i was 14 me and my 12 year old friend were at her house were left alone for about an hour as her mum had to pop out for a bit and during that time we 'accidentally' dialled 999 and 2 officers did actaully come out, to check if we were alright, but by then her mum had come back home and the officer told her mum that i should have been 16 basically. i think it was 16 anyway...15 or 16. but then they researched it and found it was up to the parent....if my memory is correct:D
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