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golach
07-Sep-07, 19:32
Astrology as I see it

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20):- Something good will happen to you soon, unless its something bad. An old friend may turn up out of the blue, or not, unless they are dead, in which case they may be a ghost. I dont believe in ghosts.
Taurus ( Apr 21 – May 21) :- Ambition and reputation will be your watchwords this week, but feel free to not make them your watchwords. In fact , forget all that. Your watchwords will in fact be "watchword", or not if you choose. Mars is in retrograde to Jupiters orbital zenith on the 16th , but these planets are so far away they can't possibly have any effect on you, me, or the guy over there.
Gemini( May 22 – Jun 21 ):- A minor blow on the head whilst doing DIY bestows upon you the ability to produce reams of fake horoscopes. A glittering career awaits.
Cancer( Jun 22 – Jul 22):- The Moon symbolises itself, and its appearance in the early evening sky heralds its continious appearance. The Moon has no effect on our moods or fortune, so if you see it loitering, ignore it, it will go away.
Leo ( Jul 23 -Aug 22 ):- There's something up ahead in your future, something you 've been expecting, although I'm not at all sure because I am making this up as I go along. Look out for the number 23: it's a nice number and it's prime, unlike the odds and evens which are scum. Avoid the Jim Carey film "The Number 23" because it's rubbish.
Virgo ( Aug 23 – Sept 22):- Friday will be a very important day, with oppertunities for advancement in the financial and romantic spheres. An old flame will reappear so now is the time to seize the day. However this all applies to someone else so forget about it.
Libra ( Sept 23 – Oct 22 ):- Todays Libra horoscope has been delayed due to unforseen circumstances.
Scorpio( Oct 24 – Nov 22) :- As we enter September, Mars is giving Neptune funny looks. On the 25th these two mighty heavenly bodies will be very close together in the night sky, unless they are not. What effect nwill this awesome clash of planetary titans have on Scorpios, as well as the rest of us? Absolutely nothing, And I was lying about Mars and Neptune.
Sagittarius( Nov 23 - Dec 21):- Let "x" be a member of set "A", the set of all activities pursued by humans in every-day enviroment.

Let "y" be a member of set "E" , the set of all possible human emotions. Let the variable "z" represent a friend or acquaintance. Therefore your horoscope reads thus: This month, while your doing "x", "z" will feel "y". Which is good, or bad, depending on this and that.
Capricorn,Aquarius and Pisces:- Are all going to have such a boring week I fell asleep and forgot to make any predictions

jsherris
07-Sep-07, 23:57
Oy..... where's Aquarius then???

bluelady
08-Sep-07, 00:04
and me - im Aquarius :confused