Starting School

[souperman]

Any thoughts on how to help a little one through her first few weeks at school ? A friends wee girl is not settling in to it at all and is so upset before, during and after school, we know she will eventually settle to it but any tips to ease her through till then ?

[Mister Squiggle]

This is a really difficult one. I think the psychs would describe this as separation anxiety, which most children experience at different times. I had a nephew who was similar, getting very upset before, during and after school and it can be very distressing for the parents and family too, because we want our kids to like school and go willingly without the drama.
The approach that seemed to work best with my nephew was (a) lots and lots of reassurance that school would be fun, including focussing on the nice aspects, such as playtimes, singing, painting etc and (b) offering something to look forward to after school, which could be a trip to the local park, reading a favourite book together, making a chocolate cake and getting to lick the bowl .... it really depends on the child, but only talking about school in positive terms, combined with giving him something to look forward to at the end of the day, seemed to help. It only lasted for a couple of weeks and after that, he never looked back.
Your friend could also try giving her little girl something to take to school to reassure her (such as a small toy, a picture etc) for the first few weeks, which she can keep in her pencil case or in her bag, and which she can look at or touch to remind her of home and what she will be doing with Mum/Dad/Nanna etc after school. If you ask her class teacher about this, he or she may also have some suggestions. Best of luck.

[badger]

A lot depends on the age of the child and previous experience. Are we talking about Primary 1 here, in which case she is presumably not starting with a full day so Mum can tell her she'll be home very soon for lunch. It's much easier for children who have gone through Playgroup and Nursery so already have friends but obviously harder for a child starting a new area or not having done anything previously. Having worked in a Nursery many years ago I know many children are very upset and clingy when Mum leaves and cry again when she returns but are fine in between - although of course it's hard for Mum to believe that however much teachers may re-assure her. If the child is unhappy all the time she is at school that is much more distressing so is that what's happening here? Has she asked the teachers how her little girl is once Mum has gone?

One thing that is really important, and very hard for Mum, is that the child shouldn't pick up on her anxiety and distress. Stay cheerful and optimistic, give little one a quick hug and kiss - then go. Don't linger or look back as that just prolongs the agony. Do the same when collecting - big hug and "have you had a lovely time?". Only once, with one of mine aged two and going to Playgroup, did I go back in and stay until she was happy and I think that was the right thing to do as it never happened again and she presumably thought I was nearby. You can't do that at Primary so really all you can do is persevere and believe that it will get better.

It is often much harder for Mum than for child - I remember one friend being in tears every morning after leaving her little boy and I often used to go home feeling sick only to find later the children were fine.