jsherris
14-Aug-07, 00:50
Things I must remember when I return as a DOG!
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
"Kitty box crunchies", although they are tastie, are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom trash can, because I don't want to have a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not play "roll around in the dirt" after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I will not let out gas in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to his head.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
I will stop turning around and smelling my butt because it makes people put me outside.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
"Kitty box crunchies", although they are tastie, are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom trash can, because I don't want to have a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not play "roll around in the dirt" after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I will not let out gas in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to his head.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
I will stop turning around and smelling my butt because it makes people put me outside.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.