View Full Version : things baby books dont tell you
1 fluff on the floor is more interesting than dinner
2 things in the dogs bowl are more tasty
3 will eat anything with custard even spag bol
4 will have a mad 1/2 hour before bed - anything goes
5 calpol only lasts so long..
6 will be ill when you have a night out planned
7 will be a little angel for granny or childminder then a horror when you get me home
8 dont lose the favorite teddy - life is unbearable
any others?
mr do dar
30-Jul-07, 20:46
they start crying everytime you get a phone call (well ours son does)
The wrapping is much more interesting than the present.
Paper is good to eat...books are good to chew!
Food is great fun to play with....pink food is nicer than green.
But it's much more fun to put food anywhere else rather than in the mouth anyway.
There again, putting everything ELSE but food in the mouth is fun.
A bath is not for getting washed...water is so much more fun OUT of the bath.
Mummy's necklace is for strangling her with & her earrings are for pulling out.
Granny's glasses are for taking off her face and throwing round the room! :eek:
anneoctober
30-Jul-07, 21:00
shampoo is for flushing down the loo...............
we can play in the toilet bowl with the bubbles we made from our shampoo flush...........
mum's prize spider plant likes vinegar....................:eek:
just 1 more story, 1 more pleese, but this one's my favourite.......... :eek:
if im quiet im up to something..putting the whole loo roll down the toilet..or dads contact lenses
the dog likes getting her teeth cleaned with mums toothbrush and rinsing it in the loo is ok.
getting my face washed or nose wiped is murder (well it sounds like it)
1 chocolate button spreads all over my face and hair and hands and anything in 100yard radius and i need a cuddle
when im sleeping i look like an angel and i can sleep through any loud noise but if mum and dad think about anything more than a kiss i wake up..
people with glasses or beards are scary (including santa)
mummys beds more comfy than mine so better sleep there!!! :D
George Brims
31-Jul-07, 00:45
Baby books maybe don't warn you but this thing does.
http://www.blakjak.demon.co.uk/strbago.htm
Hide things usually in the kitchen bin ( WHERE IS MY REMOTE )
mammy turned her back quickly FEED the doll
help the cat to eat and drink
scream all day dada comes in I'm a little angel
or
cry all day for dada then not go to him when he comes in
it's better to use potty myself, with clothes on ( mammy takes them down)
lets not forget
eh eh eh eh eh eh eh oh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh oh
Baby books maybe don't warn you but this thing does.
http://www.blakjak.demon.co.uk/strbago.htm
Hahah! you've put me off for life!
This thread has really made me laugh!!!:lol::lol:
anneoctober
31-Jul-07, 20:07
This thread has really made me laugh!!!:lol::lol:
Does this mean that you are laughing at us poor hysterical mums/nanas?
You cruel woman..................string & octopus.......I LIKE IT !
Lolabelle
31-Jul-07, 20:54
Baby books maybe don't warn you but this thing does.
http://www.blakjak.demon.co.uk/strbago.htm
Loved it, and all too true.
Smashing post Dadie:) an your fifth one had me in stitches :lol:
Spring Flower
31-Jul-07, 21:27
after getting the table set, mine, hubby and kids tea on the table with their juice, sauces etc etc sit down to get mine and then one [or two] of the kids pipe up and say they need the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [evil]
Anyone still feeling broody???? :roll: :D
:lol:Poo is far more interesting than pee when in a potty.
Cats/dogs tails and ears are to be pulled as often as possible.
If I cover my eyes I become invisible.
When you want to put me in the bath I don't want to go but when you take me out I want to stay in.
I will keep my myself clean until the second before granny arrives when magically all the dirt in the room is magnetically attracted to me.
It is possible to watch the same episode of Thomas the Tank Engine one hundred times and still be amused.
I can repeat that naughty word you said but only when granny, the minister, etc are within earshot
Projectile vomiting is a toddler challenge that only I can aspire to
I can be wonderful or frustrating and you will still love me.
George Brims
31-Jul-07, 23:09
Hahah! you've put me off for life!
Aye it was too late for us, we had three and had experienced pretty much all of it by the time I read that!
Does this mean that you are laughing at us poor hysterical mums/nanas?
You cruel woman..................string & octopus.......I LIKE IT !
Aye maybe I am laughing with relief that I only have cats and a dog!!!!:lol:
It is so good to have such a good natured thread with no one bickering!
How to feed the fish a whole tub of food and mummy's glasses and anything else I can lay my hands on!
How to bath teddy in the toilet
How to 'post' things, usually important stuff like car keys etc..
How to pick the worst moment ever to have the mother of all tantrums!
That no matter how slow i am to talk and how much i babble incomprehensible i will repeeat the naughty word daddy said when he banged his knee LOUDLY, CLEARLY and over and over and over again for the world and his wife to see how clever I am... and if its an especially bad one i will wait and say it in front of granny for maximum effect!!!!
When wife goes for an appointment in town, baby is only guaranteed to be as good as gold for only 5 minutes after her departure and 5 minutes before her arrival.:Razz
Murdina Bug
01-Aug-07, 11:18
That they can keep you awake half the night when they have a cold and blocked nose then be bright as a button in the morning and ready to play - when you are feeling like death warmed up from lack of sleep!
When wife goes for an appointment in town, baby is only guaranteed to be as good as gold for only 5 minutes after her departure and 5 minutes before her arrival.
You're a quick learner, rheghead ;)...and you can see what further joys you have awaiting you!
There are always the lovely moments when the little angels are peacefully asleep and you look in on them and think "awwwww" :) nothing quite like it, really.
Bobinovich
01-Aug-07, 14:35
...and 1200 miles of "are we there yet" *screams*
We've decided on shorter journeys and longer holidays in between the journeys next year!!!
yep and when you get there favorite ted seems to be still on the spare bed!
granny has to post him
a fairy dressing up outfit and wellies are the only things i will wear today!!
is the fight worth it!
you will be infomed - i cant see the film because of the fat man with the bald head sitting infront of me in a loud voice in a quiet cinema then 10 mins before the end of the film someone will need a pee NOW
at the doctors everyone will be told- i have nits
the man at the supermarket will get told mum is wearing pink pants
everyone at the wedding dance will get told dad is not wearing pants under his kilt do you want to look?
Dadie,
Find some quiet time and write a book, hilarious stuff!:D
karia
the batteries always seem to last forever in the most annoying toys
whoever bought the trumpet/drum for christmas should be shot
the worst nappies are saved for mum with a hangover and the pots and pans with a wooden spoon are the best toys that day
Hi Dadie,
And that's just Lauren?:roll:
How many are you planning brave girl?
karia
nah my nephews and nieces too Lauren is only 13 months old and cant walk and talk yet and looks like butter wouldnt melt..but she has her moments usually in the mad 1/2 hour before bed..but she did undo my bra one handed in somerfields today (an art that her dad cannot manage without difficulty at home)
nah my nephews and nieces too Lauren is only 13 months old and cant walk and talk yet and looks like butter wouldnt melt..but she has her moments usually in the mad 1/2 hour before bed..but she did undo my bra one handed in somerfields today (an art that her dad cannot manage without difficulty at home)
A magicians assistant in the making!
Hide your silk scarves!;)
Karia
Tell dadia's dad practise makes perfect:lol:
please note if daddy trys for anything more than a kiss from mummy i wake up screaming for no reason. passion killer sensor kicks in:eek:
please note if daddy trys for anything more than a kiss from mummy i wake up screaming for no reason. passion killer sensor kicks in:eek:
Forgot about that one...but its sooooo true
i have been reading all the replies and i find it great...I thought i would add a few...
shampoo looks better in the bath,toilet or even on a toothbrush.....[evil]
the cats and dog bowls are better for filling with water, even if the food is still in it...
lets see how long it takes to flood the bathroom and upstairs landing, as loo roll is better in the sink plughole...
a full loo roll looks even better in the loo....:eek:
the eggs and milk look better mixed on the kitchen floor after mum has just cleaned it,
and my kids favourite SUDOCREM is wonderfull as a wardrobe polish,carpet cleaner and makes the bedding smell nice....
are but a few that my kids have got up to over the years..I could go on with a list forever at the thiongs that they dont teach us in books......Parenting is trial and error,if you get it right well done, if it goes up the wrong way then we learn by our mistakes.....
moving house with a little one is a nightmare but they do break the ice and get the neihbours talking to you!
I will run away from Nanny & follow the man with the dreadlocks into the butchers while asking at the top of my voice
"Are you a REAL RASTA??"
while nanny looks for a shovel to dig herself a comfy hole to wither in.......
anneoctober
05-Aug-07, 14:58
I will run away from Nanny & follow the man with the dreadlocks into the butchers while asking at the top of my voice
"Are you a REAL RASTA??"
while nanny looks for a shovel to dig herself a comfy hole to wither in.......
My mum always taught me to ASK if I did n't know something, _ I can see now where her theory falls apart......[lol]
I remember being on the top deck of a full bus with my youngest son aged about 5, when a Gentleman of African origin sat on the seat in front of us, my son asked in a very LOUD voice that the whole bus could hear, " Dad, Why is that man black"? A deathly hush fell on the top deck of the bus, as the other passengers all awaited my reply. Thinking on my feet as it were, I quickly explained that the Gentleman was probably born in a very warm country and the pigment of his skin was that colour to protect him from the suns rays, the passengers let out a combined "Phew", and the Gentleman turned round and told my son that he came from Kenya, I then let out a silent "Phew". This answer from the Kenyan gentleman then led to a multitude of other questions from my nosey 5 year old
My mum always taught me to ASK if I did n't know something, _ I can see now where her theory falls apart......[lol]
If only they knew WHEN to ask certain questions, we'd be ok!!
.....This answer from the Kenyan gentleman then led to a multitude of other questions from my nosey 5 year old....
Oh yes, the conversation in the butcher shop, with the VERY nice man continued with questions like 'Do you know Bob Marley?' and 'What's curry?'...etc etc...
But what a lovely gent he was!
at the end of a session with the anchor boys we usually ask if they have any questions before they go home ..my nephew said i know you have a baby in your tummy and i know how it got there....(deathly silence..then lots of hands went up) i think a lot of the mums and dads picking their 5-7 year olds had a few awkward questions that night..i just said yes i have a baby in my tummy and you will have to ask your mums and dads if you want to know how babies are in tummies...
another one i was reading to them the just so stories ..how the rhino got his skin , 1 little boy asked is that how my mummy looks like that! (his mum was actually quite skinny ) could hardly look at her that night when she picked her little darling up..we swapped books to roald dhals enormous crocodile the next week!
How about that however frustrating and amazing they are it all pales into insignificance by the time they reach their late teens and you greet them in the morning not knowing if they are going to be thirty or three - give me a toddler any day of the week - my 17 and 18 year olds are driving me mad - they jump between adulthood and childishness almost hourly
Sounds like a familiar scenario to me squidge!:)
only sleep the hole night through when at granys and grandads and are as good as gold untill you walk in.
sassylass
06-Aug-07, 21:51
How about that however frustrating and amazing they are it all pales into insignificance by the time they reach their late teens and you greet them in the morning not knowing if they are going to be thirty or three - give me a toddler any day of the week - my 17 and 18 year olds are driving me mad - they jump between adulthood and childishness almost hourly
too true lol, I don't miss the days of I Hate You Leave Me Alone But First Will You Take Me Shopping. phew
lynne duncan
07-Aug-07, 11:24
try and read something on the org whilst 4, 6, 9 year old scream in your lugs that they want a sweetie or the loo or the playpark, or to go and play with their pals,
if someone could invent a pause button that works on bairns it would be nice
or when one bairn falls no well, you know fine to go look out all the spare basins and towels and just wait for the rest to catch it 2, a parents worst nightmare 3 bairns with a sickness and diarhea(sp) bug
but then they smile or give you a hug and there is nothing better
How about you have just spent the best part of a week stripping the wall paper off the kids room.You put up the backing paper, get on the fancy barbie wallpaper, which costs a fortune and you stand back look at your hard work and think yep the girls will love it....
You then tidy up, carry on with the day and then put the kids to bed...
You are really pleased with the results and you go to bed really chuffed with yourself...Wake up in the morning go into the bed room to find your 3 yr old with a scraper saying"look mummy i have got the paper off the wall for you"
You stand in amazement,thinking god knows what...Well i learnt after that to make sure that they have no managed to get a scraper....Valuable lesson learnt....
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