got this from a friend, had to share it

[johno]

A ned walks into the local job centre, marches
straight up to the counter and says, "Eh... you know, I just dinnae
like being on benefit, ah'd really rather hae a job."

The advisor behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man
who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of
your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her urges. You'll have a two-bedroom
apartment above the garage. The starting salary is £200,000 a year".

The ned says, "Yer jokin me!"

The adviser says, "Aye well, you started it!" [lol][lol]

[Billy Boy]

A ned was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a road. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the ned why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can." :D

[johno]

A ned was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a road. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the ned why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can." :D
heh heh thats cool. must a been an irish ned then.[lol]