Tubthumper
24-May-07, 19:53
I'll tell you a tale of a man fairly bold
Who was smitten at night, or so I was told
With a boil on his bum, in his crevice it lodged
To the medics for treatment he carefully dodged
Like a duck egg it was, gave him plenty of warning
In the bed it had leaked when he woke up this morning
It was painful to feel, even worse 'twas to see
Now buttocks in number it looks like there's three
Started off fairly small, perhaps from bite of cleg
But soon it had swollen to the size of an egg
But what bird could have laid such an ovum, just which?
Perhaps 'twas a seagull, more likely ostrich
The Dunbar can't assist, they've no rubber gloves left
So he'll just have to put up with swelling in cleft
When he begged for assistance, to the nurses appealed
They all laughed, 'No way Billy, you come back once it's healed!'
They drew lots did the nurses, in surgery hiding
For the short straw had horror all over it riding
And the loser would have to spend over an hour
Up the passage of Bill, without having a shower
'There's no chance of help, but don't class us as traitors
To get into that space we'd need manipulators!
If it gets just too sore, well for aspirin just sing
And we might just supply you with a rubber ring'
Well poor Billy was mad, sure the scene was a farce
'It's my colleagues are usually pains in the a***.
I can't sit at my desk cos my bottom is broken
And my cheeks are spread out round this lump, I'm not joking.'
It seems in my drawers I'm containing a boulder
If it swells up much more I'll borrow a holder
Like a brassiere halved and I'll tie up the strap
But god help me when time comes for doing a c***
Well the scene it got worse, needed investigation
Squatted over a mirror in bad trepidation
In appearance it looked quite like an egg yoke
Then it burst with a pop, which was far from a joke
With a scream and a holler he lept in the air
'Oh my bum, oh my bum, it is really quite sair!'
Help me Moira, oh please, I must go to my work
Will you plug up the gap, here just use this large cork
'Who was plagued with this boil, tell us who was it on?'
Well the gent with the swollen butt was Billy Don
You can tell by his walk that there's trouble at back
Looks as if bags of marbles are jammed in his crack
And the moral of story is if you must lie
In the sun, in the nude, pointing bottom at sky
Watch out for the clegs and the wasps and the bees
You'll end up with an erse that swells down to your knees
Who was smitten at night, or so I was told
With a boil on his bum, in his crevice it lodged
To the medics for treatment he carefully dodged
Like a duck egg it was, gave him plenty of warning
In the bed it had leaked when he woke up this morning
It was painful to feel, even worse 'twas to see
Now buttocks in number it looks like there's three
Started off fairly small, perhaps from bite of cleg
But soon it had swollen to the size of an egg
But what bird could have laid such an ovum, just which?
Perhaps 'twas a seagull, more likely ostrich
The Dunbar can't assist, they've no rubber gloves left
So he'll just have to put up with swelling in cleft
When he begged for assistance, to the nurses appealed
They all laughed, 'No way Billy, you come back once it's healed!'
They drew lots did the nurses, in surgery hiding
For the short straw had horror all over it riding
And the loser would have to spend over an hour
Up the passage of Bill, without having a shower
'There's no chance of help, but don't class us as traitors
To get into that space we'd need manipulators!
If it gets just too sore, well for aspirin just sing
And we might just supply you with a rubber ring'
Well poor Billy was mad, sure the scene was a farce
'It's my colleagues are usually pains in the a***.
I can't sit at my desk cos my bottom is broken
And my cheeks are spread out round this lump, I'm not joking.'
It seems in my drawers I'm containing a boulder
If it swells up much more I'll borrow a holder
Like a brassiere halved and I'll tie up the strap
But god help me when time comes for doing a c***
Well the scene it got worse, needed investigation
Squatted over a mirror in bad trepidation
In appearance it looked quite like an egg yoke
Then it burst with a pop, which was far from a joke
With a scream and a holler he lept in the air
'Oh my bum, oh my bum, it is really quite sair!'
Help me Moira, oh please, I must go to my work
Will you plug up the gap, here just use this large cork
'Who was plagued with this boil, tell us who was it on?'
Well the gent with the swollen butt was Billy Don
You can tell by his walk that there's trouble at back
Looks as if bags of marbles are jammed in his crack
And the moral of story is if you must lie
In the sun, in the nude, pointing bottom at sky
Watch out for the clegs and the wasps and the bees
You'll end up with an erse that swells down to your knees