Tubthumper
23-May-07, 22:53
Those seven little words:
'Does my bum look big in this?'
The man who hears this phrase will quake
His teeth will chatter, knees will shake
He kens response will hang him high
Whether he says 'naw' or he says 'aye'
No matter whether clothes fit fine
Or are showing a bit of a panty line
'My dear, your bum looks small and cute
It fits a treat inside that suit'
She'll zero in her baleful eyes
'Yer joking, I cannae feel my thighs
I'd need shoehorn to get erse in
It has been years since I was that thin'
Or if he takes the other tack
And subtlety his comments lack
If he decides he will not lie
Again he'll wave his life goodbye
‘Perhaps a little large my dear’
He’d be as well to utter clear
'My love, your expanse of backside
Crushed in is buttock suicide
If we took that out on the road
Some signs you'd need that say 'wide load'
His life is over, finished, done
If he responds, whichever one
He’s doomed to fail if he should dare
To utter pro or au contraire
Men trudge round shops in partner's trail
And say 'it suits you' without fail
Soon after forming bond they’re fearing
And then develop selective hearing
Can miss each point regarding clothing
(On football though, they’re missing nothing)
When asked a loaded question so
Will grunt and shrug, say ‘Ahdunno...’
'Does my bum look big in this?'
The man who hears this phrase will quake
His teeth will chatter, knees will shake
He kens response will hang him high
Whether he says 'naw' or he says 'aye'
No matter whether clothes fit fine
Or are showing a bit of a panty line
'My dear, your bum looks small and cute
It fits a treat inside that suit'
She'll zero in her baleful eyes
'Yer joking, I cannae feel my thighs
I'd need shoehorn to get erse in
It has been years since I was that thin'
Or if he takes the other tack
And subtlety his comments lack
If he decides he will not lie
Again he'll wave his life goodbye
‘Perhaps a little large my dear’
He’d be as well to utter clear
'My love, your expanse of backside
Crushed in is buttock suicide
If we took that out on the road
Some signs you'd need that say 'wide load'
His life is over, finished, done
If he responds, whichever one
He’s doomed to fail if he should dare
To utter pro or au contraire
Men trudge round shops in partner's trail
And say 'it suits you' without fail
Soon after forming bond they’re fearing
And then develop selective hearing
Can miss each point regarding clothing
(On football though, they’re missing nothing)
When asked a loaded question so
Will grunt and shrug, say ‘Ahdunno...’