View Full Version : Exciting discovery
An exciting discovery concerning the earliest form of life on Earth was announced in the news tonight, pushing back the ancestry of all life (including, of course, ourselves) to some 4.82 billion years ago, around the period of formation of the first oceans and way earlier than previously thought. The discovery of these microscopic, filamentous organisms is causing quite a stir as can well be imagined but there is no news yet on what they ate- (possibly one another as there was not much else around at the time and certainly no fast food outlets).
Apparently, a clue may lie in a tiny and poignant piece of graffiti, found scratched into the ancient rock in which the fossils were found, that reads:
‘It’s How Long to the invention of cheese? Don’t think I can hold out.......’
Somebody's on a cheese bender tonight.:eek:
come on then, pass it round, we all want a puff :-)
Interesting Essay on the American consumption of Cheese from 1981, though still quite relevent today.
Just Say Cheese
It has been suggested that the Gross National Product is perhaps not the best indicator of how well we are doing as a society since it tells us nothing about the Quality of our Lives . . . but, is this worth dwelling upon as we grovel our way along in the general direction of the 21st Century? When future historians write about us, if they base their conclusions on whatever material goods survive from Present-Day America, we will undoubtedly stand alone among nations and be known forevermore as THOSE WHO CHOSE CHEESE.
As you will recall, folks, nobody ever had as much going for them in the beginning as we did. Let's face it... we were fantastic. Today, unfortunately, we are merely WEIRD. This is a shocking thing to say, since no Red-Blooded American likes to think of his or herself as being WEIRD, but when there are other options and a whole nation CHOOSES CHEESE, that is WEIRD.
Our mental health has been in a semi-wretched condition for quite some time now. One of the reasons for this distress, aside from CHOOSING CHEESE as a way of life, is the fact that we have (against some incredibly stiff competition) emerged victorious as the biggest bunch of liars on the face of the planet. No society has managed to invest more time and energy in the perpetuation of the fiction that it is moral, sane, and wholesome than our current crop of Modern Americans.
This same delusion is the Mysterious Force behind our national desire to avoid behaving in any way that might be construed as INTELLIGENT. Modern Americans behave as if intelligence were some sort of hideous deformity. To cosmeticize it, many otherwise normal citizens attempt a peculiar type of self-inflicted homemade mental nose-job (designed to lower the recipient's socio-intellectual profile to the point where the ability to communicate on the most mongolian level provides the necessary certification to become ONE OF THE GUYS). Let's face it . . . nobody wants to hang out with someone who is smarter than they are. This is not FUN.
Americans have always valued the idea of FUN. We have a National Craving for FUN. We don't get very much of it anymore, so we do two things: first we rummage around for anything that might be FUN, then (since it really wasn't FUN stuff in the first place) we pretend to enjoy it (whatever it was). The net result: STRESSED CHEESE.
But where does all this CHEESE really come from? It wouldn't be fair to blame it all on TV, although some credit must be given to whoever it is at each of the networks that GIVES US WHAT WE WANT. (You don't ask -- you don't get.) Folks, we now have GOT IT . . . lots of it . . . and, in our Infinite American Wisdom, we have constructed elaborate systems to insure that future generations will have an even more abundant supply of that fragrant substance upon which we presently thrive.
If we can't blame it on the TV, then where does it come from? Obviously, we are weird if we have to ask such a question. Surely we must realize by now (except for the fact that we lie to ourselves so much that we get confused sometimes) that as Contemporary Americans we have an almost magical ability to turn anything we touch into a festering mound of self-destructing poot.
How can we do this with such incredible precision? Well, one good way is to form a Committee. Committees composed of all kinds of desperate American Types have been known to convert the combined unfulfilled emotional needs and repressed biological urges of their memberships into complex masses of cheese-like organisms at the rap of a gavel. Committee Cheese is usually sliced very thin, then bound into volumes for eventual dispersal in courts of law, legislative chambers, and public facilities where you are invited to eat all you want.
If that doesn't fill you up, there's the exciting Union Cheese . . . the most readily available cheese-type offered. The thing that's so exciting about Union Cheese, from the gourmet's point of view, is the classic simplicity of the mathematical formula from which it is derived. In fact, it is difficult to avoid a state of Total Ecstasy if one contemplates the proposition that no import quota yet devised has proven equal to the task of neutralizing the lethal emissions generated by the ripening process of this piquant native confection. Should we not be overtaken by some unspeakable emotion when we consider the fact that the smaller the amount of care taken in the preparation of each Union Cheese Artifact, the more triumphant the blast as the vapors stream forth from every nook and cranny of whatever it was that the stalwart craftperson got payed $19.00 per hour to slap together?
Still hungry? Union Cheese might be the most readily available, but no type of cheese in America today has achieved the popular acceptance of Accountant Cheese. If it is true that YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, then surely our national willingness to eat this stuff tells us more about ourselves than we probably wish to know. Obviously we have found The Cheese To Believe In. Why not? It is manufactured by people who count money, endorsed as nutritionally sound by Civic Leaders, and delivered by The Media door to door.
The Quality of Our Lives (if we think of this matter in terms of How much of what we individually consider to be Beautiful are we able to experience every day?) seems an irrelevant matter, now that all decisions regarding the creation and distribution of Works of Art must first pass under the limbo bar (a/k/a The Bottom Line), along with things like Taste and The Public Interest, all tied like a tin can to the wagging tale of the sacred Prime Rate Poodle. The aforementioned festering poot is coming your way at a theatre or drive-in near you. It wakes you up every morning as it droozles out of your digital clock radio. An ARTS COUNCIL somewhere is getting a special batch ready with little tuxedos on it so you can think it's precious.
Yes Virginia . . . there is a FREE LUNCH. We are eating it now. Can I get you a napkin?
(C) Frank Zappa, April 1, 1981
Goodfellers
02-Mar-17, 09:05
I have read all the science behind this post. I will now digest it very Caerphilly.
I really am wasted...on here!
I have read all the science behind this post. I will now digest it very Caerphilly.
Hehe, that's a gouda one
Feta load of rubbish this thread is.
Edam lot just never stop do you!
Laughing so hard I can hardly brie.
Having started this thread, I'm obviously committed to it but I guess that could just be me being parmesan.
Goodfellers
03-Mar-17, 14:39
These are all very cheesy but they are starting to grate
Goodfellers
03-Mar-17, 14:41
I will return to this thread when the jokes start getting feta
I will return to this thread when the jokes start getting feta
Maybe by about next Wensleydale?
Goodfellers
03-Mar-17, 15:09
Would have replied earlier but I've been out painting my boat, took a lot longer than I expected coz I double Gloucester now she's super shiny
Feta load of rubbish this thread is.
Mozzarella's ur problem? It's edam fine thread!:lol:
My mate Richard loves cheese...perhaps Ricotta read this thread
Goodfellers
03-Mar-17, 20:27
Someone has just blown up my newly painted boat.........there is de brie everywhere
Someone has just blown up my newly painted boat.........there is de brie everywhere
I told you not to try and repeat the Philadelphia experiment.....
Some Seriously Strong comments on here. Would anyone from Cathedral City ( Kirkwall ) like to comment?
I think that we have a long way still to go with this. After all, this thread is not exactly crowdie yet, unlike that other one on here. How about branching out into the world of media and entertainment and adding it into the mix?
The classic 'Philadelphia' has already been mentioned but more recently, there has been 'Bridget Jones' Babybel'. Also, who can ever forget Sir Lawrence Olivier delivering those classic lines from Hamlet 'To brie or not to brie, that is the question?' Equally, I'm sure some of us of a certain vintage will remember 'The Roquefort Files' and then there's my favourite line from Gone With the Wind when Rhett Butler says to Scarlet O'Hara 'Frankly, my dear I don't give edam'!
I like to go hillwalking with the other half and her friend Tess and hubby Robert usually join us but Robert is a bit of a slacker when it comes to walking so i'm forever telling him to "oh camembert, get a move on"
I like to go hillwalking with the other half and her friend Tess and hubby Robert usually join us but Robert is a bit of a slacker when it comes to walking so i'm forever telling him to "oh camembert, get a move on"
I suppose you have to tell him he's got whey further to go!
Goodfellers
04-Mar-17, 20:48
I went to the circus this afternoon, watched a one legged acrobat......very odd to see an acrobat with only one stilton.
then this evening we went to church and sat next to a stinking bishop.
Seems we have cheese in abundance?
i knocked over some stuff in the local cheese shop today, the owner went absolutely emmental at me......:-)
i saw some curds of prey flying overhead today, i reckon they were eyeing up a dead mascarpone in the farmers field......groan
i saw some curds of prey flying overhead today, i reckon they were eyeing up a dead mascarpone in the farmers field......groan
Brilliant!
I ‘Googled’ the ‘health benefits of eating cheese’ (seriously, I did) and now I’m here to tell the Tale(ggio). Not only does eating high fat cheese actually boost your levels of ‘good’ HDL cholesterol and thereby reduce the risk of heart disease (something that the French have known forever- the so-called French Paradox) but it helps to Gru-yere beneficial gut microbes too. Great news for those who want to Gorg(e) on zola every now and then and as Sherlock Holmes was so fond of saying: ‘It’s el-emmental, my dear Watson’.
And it tastes Boursin too!
i put a tenner on the favourite "Cheddar George" yesterday to win at Newmarket but it fell at the last curdle...
i put a tenner on the favourite "Cheddar George" yesterday to win at Newmarket but it fell at the last curdle...
I wouldn't believe this as a 'roule'!
This has got to be a rind-up.
Goodfellers
05-Mar-17, 20:32
I went to bring the washing off the line just now and found my wife's pant-ys-gawn She was not happy, which is unusual coz she is a laughing cow normally (sorry about that one)
Went out and bought a new cooker today. It was a Smeg (you would need to be a fan of Red Dwarf to get that one)
keep up the terrible cheesey jokes, you're all doing grate....
I went shopping to buy a new pair of trainers at the weekend and saw a pair of Briebok ones but wasn't sure if they had laces or cheese strings.....ouch
I went to bring the washing off the line just now and found my wife's pant-ys-gawn She was not happy, which is unusual coz she is a laughing cow normally (sorry about that one)
Well, hopefully she's still Fond(of)ue!
My OH sprang a nice surprise this weekend- has bought tickets for a concert in Copenhagen. We're so looking forward to some good Danish Blues.
I've just heard that instead of doing Lands End to JOG as a fund raiser, my nephew, (who is a minister), plans a long distance walk taking in every single Cathedral City. I found it hard to brielieve it at first, but on reflection it is obviously the perfect Pilgrim's Choice.
A question at the pub quiz last night.
'What is the title of the iconic, romantic (and cheesy!) film made in 1945'?
I thought I was stuck with this one but then it came to me. Of course, it's 'Brief Encounter'.
Egg-cetera
Perhaps the cheese posts are becoming a little stale now or maybe we have egghausted the possibilities? Meanwhile elsewhere on here, some truly egg-regious statements are being made and I for one am not prepared to duck this issue but wish to state loud and clearly that in much the same way as cheese, cackle berries are truly eggcellent food and well kept chucks among the most contented creatures one could hope to meet.
So far be it from me to be egging anyone on (and please don’t quail at the prospect) but my mind’s a blank and hoping that you can all eggcel and come up with something.
Goodfellers
08-Mar-17, 13:54
Cracking idea
Goodfellers
08-Mar-17, 13:58
I hope 'the eggcentric one' doesn't want to join in and spoil it for everyone
I'll have to shell out for a new keyboard soon, this ones getting lots of use.
This thread has gone beyond a yolk.
I hope 'the eggcentric one' doesn't want to join in and spoil it for everyone
I'll have to shell out for a new keyboard soon, this ones getting lots of use.
So far he has not but you never know with his eggo.
It could be that it's eggistential to keep this thread going so please get cracking and make sure you white on here if you possibly can.
This thread is getting a bit scrambled up.
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