PDA

View Full Version : Conflict....



Solus
13-May-07, 17:37
All though i have only been here a short time, i feel i have to say a few words.

Opinions, everyone is entitled to his or hers own opinion whether you agree or disagree with it, it is their opinion ! accept it , dont jump on them and ram your opinions down their throats !

This forum has quickly dissolved into a battle ground because of this, with lots of unhappy people targeting others,hackles raised, tempers frayed, personal feelings running wild ! what sort of message are we putting out to anyone outside of Caithness who may happen to stumble across this site ?

Lets be ambassadors for our community !
lets accept we will all having differing thoughts,morals, political leanings etc, by all means discuss it, but lets discuss anything like that with a bit more tact and decorum. We are all adults, lets act like adults. Debate away, but keep tempers cool !


Please !

percy toboggan
13-May-07, 17:55
I quite like the rough and tumble of forthright and robust discussion. In my ten years of visiting such forums the annodine and bland do not last long.
We don't all want to be 'ambassadors' for in the diplomatic world these characters have to prevaricate and dance around the houses in the interests of diplomacy. I don't want to do that. I find bluntness is best to be honest.Equally I can am willing to take a firm rebuff fair and squarely on the metaphorical chin. One must not take things to heart.

I do not think we are 'all adult' on this particular board so obviously there has to be some sense of decency and some rules.

I'd always hesitate - as a newcomer - to start trying to change the place.
I admire your pluck. Although I cannot agree with you.

Solus
13-May-07, 17:58
I dont see how i am trying to change the place, merely trying to bring some peace back, but as a newcomer i will just shut up then.

percy toboggan
13-May-07, 18:02
I dont see how i am trying to change the place, merely trying to bring some peace back, but as a newcomer i will just shut up then.

You see, the way you have reacted to my post suggests you are a tad over sensitive Solus.
I did not suggest you 'shut up' merely that I, as a newcomer would not try to change the place. You suggest that you would like it to change in both it's manner, and the way debates are conducted. Why else would you have wrote what you did? :confused

Angela
13-May-07, 18:05
Solus, I tried to pm you, but I'm afraid I've been told I can't! No idea why! :confused

percy toboggan
13-May-07, 18:06
Am I missing something? Has a particular thread turned 'nasty'
Surely not.

Angela
13-May-07, 18:17
Well, guys, many's the time I sit and SHOUT at the screen!
I'm a relative newbie and in the time since I joined there have certainly been quite a few fallings-out between .Orgers.
To begin with I did take everything very much to heart - and percy, I hope you won't mind me saying that one of the "blunt" and "honest" comments you made in response to one of my posts did really upset me early on.
Some folk are more sensitive -(over-sensitive perhaps) -some are at especially difficult places in their lives -some, well, a particular topic just hits a nerve.
The originator of the post won't necessarily know that.
As time's gone by, I think I've got to know what to expect more, to just get to know people better -and to appreciate people like blunt, honest, percy ;)
I have to say I've also made some lovely new friends through the Org.:)

Torvaig
13-May-07, 18:20
The org is just like one big happy family; squabbles and all, but basically we are all here because we want to be; we all have a choice. ;)

NickInTheNorth
13-May-07, 18:29
Being real new here (but a real old hand on the 'net and in forums and before that newsgroups), and thoroughly embroiled in the middle of a thread or two full of conflict may I say Solus that when the only means of communication being used is the written word opinions always appear very strong. Misunderstandings occur, and dummies get slung out of prams.

However in the end forums in which such behaviour is tolerated - to a point, but well moderated, as these are, tend to be the ones that last.

They are just a very open microcosm of real life. In real life we have facial visual clues, of far greater impact than smileys / emoticons. We have whole body language too. That allows us to really fine tune our message to suit the audience at the time.

On the internet it seems we just need to develop thicker skins, and perhaps greater intuition about what might cause offence. Speaking personally I have the former, but cannot for the life of me develop the latter ('though I try). All I can say is I strive not to be gratuitously offensive. But I also speak my mind.

Angela
13-May-07, 18:34
Being real new here (but a real old hand on the 'net and in forums and before that newsgroups), and thoroughly embroiled in the middle of a thread or two full of conflict may I say Solus that when the only means of communication being used is the written word opinions always appear very strong. Misunderstandings occur, and dummies get slung out of prams.

However in the end forums in which such behaviour is tolerated - to a point, but well moderated, as these are, tend to be the ones that last.

They are just a very open microcosm of real life. In real life we have facial visual clues, of far greater impact than smileys / emoticons. We have whole body language too. That allows us to really fine tune our message to suit the audience at the time.

On the internet it seems we just need to develop thicker skins, and perhaps greater intuition about what might cause offence. Speaking personally I have the former, but cannot for the life of me develop the latter ('though I try). All I can say is I strive not to be gratuitously offensive. But I also speak my mind.

Oh Nick, you made me laugh and you won't know why!
I don't disagree with your post.
The reason I was laughing was that your phrase "gratuitously offensive" is the very same phrase I used months ago when poor percy upset me so much by taking exception to it!
There, you see, I think that's funny now! [lol]
It just takes time to get to know people...

porshiepoo
13-May-07, 18:39
All though i have only been here a short time, i feel i have to say a few words.

Opinions, everyone is entitled to his or hers own opinion whether you agree or disagree with it, it is their opinion ! accept it , dont jump on them and ram your opinions down their throats !

This forum has quickly dissolved into a battle ground because of this, with lots of unhappy people targeting others,hackles raised, tempers frayed, personal feelings running wild ! what sort of message are we putting out to anyone outside of Caithness who may happen to stumble across this site ?

Lets be ambassadors for our community !
lets accept we will all having differing thoughts,morals, political leanings etc, by all means discuss it, but lets discuss anything like that with a bit more tact and decorum. We are all adults, lets act like adults. Debate away, but keep tempers cool !


Please !

This forum has been a battleground for many many months if that's the way you choose to look at it.

One moment you say lets accept that we all have different views, morals etc but then you seem to suggest that the battle line is drawn because people do air their different opinions and debate those of others.

Unfortunately anyone that airs their views on here is at some point going to be accused of raising hackles or attacking people when they state an opinion that someone else doesn't like.

NickInTheNorth
13-May-07, 18:43
Oh Nick, you made me laugh and you won't know why!
I don't disagree with your post.
The reason I was laughing was that your phrase "gratuitously offensive" is the very same phrase I used months ago when poor percy upset me so much by taking exception to it!
There, you see, I think that's funny now! [lol]
It just takes time to get to know people...

Well I have to say I am much happier to be making you laugh than I was in making some other folks mad earlier today and last night :D

But that's the way of the web.

Many thanks for cheering me up.

danc1ngwitch
13-May-07, 19:16
I dont see how i am trying to change the place, merely trying to bring some peace back, but as a newcomer i will just shut up then.
no, no, no you will not just shut up.
Everyone is so different, but equally important.
See that word (equal).<<< for those who beleive they are above all others[lol]

stratman
13-May-07, 19:38
I dont see how i am trying to change the place, merely trying to bring some peace back, but as a newcomer i will just shut up then.


No don't shutup, your comments are as valid as any other.

Victoria
13-May-07, 20:06
Just dropping by to give you all a big........


HUG
:grin:

Oddquine
13-May-07, 21:18
Nobody has any problems with other peoples' opinions as far as I have seen on here................the problems tend to arise when a post can appear to be attacking the poster, rather than the opinion.

As soon as we all learn to write "your post" or "your comment" rather than "you" if we are going to be following the words with derogatory remarks, the level of acrimony will reduce.

While one may not like an opinion, and may be at liberty to say as much, one does not know the poster so cannot have an opinion on his/her personality apart from on that specific subject.

So why is there this tendency to assume that one opinion defines the person?

sweetpea
13-May-07, 22:08
Hey if you want some conflict management I could do that!

Liz
13-May-07, 22:23
Just dropping by to give you all a big........


HUG
:grin:



Aaaawww that was nice! Group hug everyone?!!!:lol:

Tristan
13-May-07, 22:41
Nobody has any problems with other peoples' opinions as far as I have seen on here................the problems tend to arise when a post can appear to be attacking the poster, rather than the opinion.


EXACTLY!!!

ks
14-May-07, 00:15
Lets be ambassadors for our community !
lets accept we will all having differing thoughts,morals, political leanings etc, by all means discuss it, but lets discuss anything like that with a bit more tact and decorum. We are all adults, lets act like adults. Debate away, but keep tempers cool !


Please !

I often wonder, when reading some of these debates, would they be as heated and sometimes downright rude, if people were face to face not hiding behind a computer screen and the anonymity that a lot of orgers have.

Moira
14-May-07, 00:44
I dont see how i am trying to change the place, merely trying to bring some peace back, but as a newcomer i will just shut up then.

No Solus - please don't just shut up - your opinion & viewpoint is as valid as anyone else's here, newbie or not. I'm often astounded by some of the posts I see here and I ask myself if the posters would be comfortable at walking into a roomful of strangers and presenting their opinions, theories etc. the way they do here. I think not somehow.

Most posters on this thread have alluded to strongly held opinions, emotions etc. being the most common causes of discord here. As we are largely a "faceless" community without the benefit of body language etc. maybe we should also realise that sometimes someone will take/get the wrong meaning from a post. Like Angela, I often sit on my hands - it helps my grasp on reality :D

Kenn
14-May-07, 00:57
Well said Moira , often folk jump on part of a posting instead of reading the whole or take offence when some one is merely expressing their opinion , to which they are entitled.

To all the new posters, say your piece and be prepared to defend your corner at the end of the day we are all here because we have in interest in Caithness and the folk that live there.

Jeemag_USA
14-May-07, 04:23
I would agree with oddquine as well with the point of attacking and being offensive, not saying I haven't done it myself, but its usually starts with one person and carries on from there, sometimes it can happen unintentionally if you look how Solus took the beef in his second post it sounds sour right from the off. There are other factors also though some people are treated a certain way on the org and others are not, some poeple get hard times for expressing their opinions in a heated discussion, then there seems to be untouchables who can do the same thing but get left alone, then it becomes a tit for tat battle in other threads and you can watch with amazement when a certain disliked person posts in a thread, the trollers come running in wether they have an opinion on the subject or not, they will fabricate one of their own just to argue with a certain person, I think this is what they term 'trolling' but I think 'stalking' is a more accurate word for that particular sport ;)

NickInTheNorth
14-May-07, 10:04
I totally disagree with you ya numpty ;)

Rheghead
14-May-07, 12:40
I think a poster's style can add to another poster's misperception of a post, as well. I think a long-winded waffle-type (with smilies) post can seem more friendly or even sanctimonious than a terse/to-the-point like post (probably like my style).

Angela
14-May-07, 12:55
I think a poster's style can add to another poster's misperception of a post, as well. I think a long-winded waffle-type (with smilies) post can seem more friendly or even sanctimonious than a terse/to-the-point like post (probably like my style).

Certainly something in that, Rheghead.
Emails from my son (and we are pretty close) read like business reports -because that's what he does! He's the same with everyone.
Emails from my daughters read entirely differently.
When I speak, I "talk" a lot with my hands -my daughters do that too.
Trouble is, when we're posting, we can't see the expressions on each other's faces or hear the tone of voice, let alone me waving my hands about [lol] so I tend to use smilies as a means of expression/clarification.
I can see it could be seen as unnecessary or frivolous (I hope not sanctimonious) but we are only allowed 2 per post...

NickInTheNorth
14-May-07, 13:06
aye but they smilies are expensive, mustn't go frittering 'em away ;)

squidge
14-May-07, 13:24
Well im off to do a conflict management course this afternoon - ill share any tips with you

rich
14-May-07, 14:52
This Forum is happiest when discussing itself. Somewhat narcissistic don't you think!

Jeemag_USA
14-May-07, 15:44
This Forum is happiest when discussing itself. Somewhat narcissistic don't you think!

To be honest I think part of the problem is that the General forum covers a very broad field of topics. I have looked around some of the other topic boards and seen some pretty insulting discussions going on but they seem to get overlooked because moderation is concentrated on the general forum because thats where most of the action goes on and as it is the most popular board then the moderators don't want to have people seeing slanging matches going on in the board most people look at. Now if they were to set up a board something along the lines of "Political/News discussion" then most of the trollers and stalkers woudl move over there and the general section could be left to more community friendly topics, this won't remove the hostilities as people seem to be able to open a can of worms using any subject they can, but i think it would help a little as those who are not interested in discussing religion, race or politics don't have to go into that board then?

Just a thought.

badger
14-May-07, 17:42
I often wonder, when reading some of these debates, would they be as heated and sometimes downright rude, if people were face to face not hiding behind a computer screen and the anonymity that a lot of orgers have.

That's what I have always thought. Some of the slanging matches that go on I'm sure wouldn't happen if people were face to face and actually knew who they were talking to. Some of us know some of us (if you see what I mean :roll: ) but most of us are anonymous. It should be possible to disagree without being insulting, shouldn't it? If you don't like the way a thread is going, ignore it.

Mostly this is a really good, friendly forum - look at the way newcomers are welcomed. If anyone is in trouble this is where to get support. If you need help, here's where to find it. Some of us make friends for real. Pass Victoria's hug round :) .

Victoria
14-May-07, 18:05
That's what I have always thought. Some of the slanging matches that go on I'm sure wouldn't happen if people were face to face and actually knew who they were talking to. Some of us know some of us (if you see what I mean :roll: ) but most of us are anonymous. It should be possible to disagree without being insulting, shouldn't it? If you don't like the way a thread is going, ignore it.

Mostly this is a really good, friendly forum - look at the way newcomers are welcomed. If anyone is in trouble this is where to get support. If you need help, here's where to find it. Some of us make friends for real. Pass Victoria's hug round :) .


Here here!! After all I certainly didn't join here to make enemies and I doubt anyone else did either so lets bear that in mind.

quirbal
14-May-07, 18:34
Is it just me, or is there some people on this thread who just want to start an argument???:eek::confused

fred
14-May-07, 18:45
Is it just me, or is there some people on this thread who just want to start an argument???:eek::confused

No there aren't.

NickInTheNorth
14-May-07, 18:46
[evil] yes there are

quirbal
14-May-07, 18:46
No there aren't.

Calm down, just trying to express an opinion.

fred
14-May-07, 19:57
Calm down, just trying to express an opinion.

No you weren't.

quirbal
14-May-07, 20:43
No you weren't.

You see folks, the perfect example of someone trying to start an argument.

Tristan
14-May-07, 20:59
You see folks, the perfect example of someone trying to start an argument.

No it's not [lol]
(had to be said)

Metalattakk
14-May-07, 21:01
You see folks, the perfect example of someone trying to start an argument.


You see folks; the perfect example of someone not recognising humour. ;)

[/irony]

quirbal
14-May-07, 21:01
No it's not [lol]
(had to be said)

Yes, it is.

(sorry couldn't help myself):)

fred
14-May-07, 21:05
You see folks, the perfect example of someone trying to start an argument.

Were you thinking of taking a five minute argument or a course?

quirbal
14-May-07, 21:09
Were you thinking of taking a five minute argument or a course?

errm.. a 5 minute argument should do the trick.;)

Elenna
15-May-07, 01:21
Any chance of "Take two arguments, and see you in the morning?" :Razz ;)

triger
15-May-07, 02:05
I dont see how i am trying to change the place, merely trying to bring some peace back, but as a newcomer i will just shut up then.
Hi solus' why don't you realy wind up the org by saying you're looking to move to the area married with 10 kids and looking for a job.oh,and being English always helps.Don't shut up,it would make boaring reading