johno
05-Apr-07, 20:41
;) SCOTLAND, 1303: Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland with 400 men to conquer the Scots.
As he nears the battlefield, there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of a hill - a short, ginger-haired man in a kilt.
"Hammer O' the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish man on the hill. "Come up here, ya English sassenachs and I'll give ye a hammerin'!"
Edward turns to his commander, saying: "Send 20 men to deal with that little Scottish upstart."
The commander sends 20 of his men over the hill to deal with the Scotsman but 10 minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again.
"Ya English diddies!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ye all."
Edward is getting annoyed. He turns to is commander. "Send 100 men to kill that little guttersnipe!" the commander duly sends 100 men over the hill to do the job. 10 minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more - his hair sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn.
"Ya english SCUM!" he yells. "I'm just warming up! Come and get me ya English cowards!"
Edward loses his cool: "Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM OFF THE EARTH!" he yells.
The commander leads 400 men on horseback over the crest of the hill. But, 10 minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood. "Is that the best ye can do? You lot are useless! Come on! Come and have a go, ya bunch of pathetic losers!"
Foaming at the mouth Edward turns to his second in command and screams: "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back until you've killed that Scotsman!"
So the second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the top of the hill. But 10 minutes later one of the English troops appears on the top of the hill, covered in blood, his uniform ripped to shreds.
He yells down the hill to his King: "Your Majesty! It's a trap! there's TWO of them!"
As he nears the battlefield, there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of a hill - a short, ginger-haired man in a kilt.
"Hammer O' the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish man on the hill. "Come up here, ya English sassenachs and I'll give ye a hammerin'!"
Edward turns to his commander, saying: "Send 20 men to deal with that little Scottish upstart."
The commander sends 20 of his men over the hill to deal with the Scotsman but 10 minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again.
"Ya English diddies!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ye all."
Edward is getting annoyed. He turns to is commander. "Send 100 men to kill that little guttersnipe!" the commander duly sends 100 men over the hill to do the job. 10 minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more - his hair sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn.
"Ya english SCUM!" he yells. "I'm just warming up! Come and get me ya English cowards!"
Edward loses his cool: "Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM OFF THE EARTH!" he yells.
The commander leads 400 men on horseback over the crest of the hill. But, 10 minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood. "Is that the best ye can do? You lot are useless! Come on! Come and have a go, ya bunch of pathetic losers!"
Foaming at the mouth Edward turns to his second in command and screams: "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back until you've killed that Scotsman!"
So the second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the top of the hill. But 10 minutes later one of the English troops appears on the top of the hill, covered in blood, his uniform ripped to shreds.
He yells down the hill to his King: "Your Majesty! It's a trap! there's TWO of them!"