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bingo1
15-Mar-07, 01:08
My grandmother who was my mother in many ways has died this january and this has left me with a sadness that i cannot for the life of me budge.
I feel asthough life is passing so fast and there is nothing that anyone can do to stop or slow it. I see younger kids these days who dont bother with their grandparents and they really dont know what they have got because in the blink of an eye they will be gone. I feel asthough this heavyness will never leave my heart and i will always miss her this much, how does one get over something like this i dont know. Has anyone here had to deal with loss and is there anything that helps make things more easy? I hope so because everything seems so hopeless at the moment.

North Rhins
15-Mar-07, 01:52
I lost my Grannie back in 1980. She spent the last very happy years of her life up at Queens Square amongst her dear friend and neighbours.
There are not many days that go by without her being in my thoughts. The reason I was so close to her was that we only saw her once a year. The only holiday I ever knew as a child was our annual trip up to see Grannie. It was a bit of an adventure in those days. The road up from Latheron was single track with grass down the middle. Days now long gone but still dearly treasured.
My Grannie’s passing left a huge hole in my life, in truth one that has never been filled. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but the one thing that I cling to is that one day we will meet again.
I may not know you, but I do know and understand your grief.

lin
15-Mar-07, 02:10
Talk about your GrandMother to any one who will listen. If you have a good friend who is willing to sit and listen talk to them. Your Grandmother who was a Mother figure, must be so hard to have lost. My thoughts and prayers are with you bingo 1. If you need anyone to talk to dont't hesitate to P.M me

Fran
15-Mar-07, 02:16
It can take years and years to get over the death of a loved one. my father died 11 years ago and i still cry for him and miss his daily phone calls. even now when the phone rings i think it will be him. Now i have someone very close to me who is dying and it is like grieving early before they are gone, hard to explain, but i know it wont make it any easier when the time comes for him to go. Life can be very cruel, but your friends can help, dont bottle up your feelings, talk about how you feel, and cry when you need to, think of happy memories.

htwood
15-Mar-07, 02:29
It's normal to feel this grief so strongly, especially in the first year or so. A part of you feels like its missing and it hurts. My mother was at Arisaig when she heard that her very best friend had died suddenly. she went into the church there, and found this verse in the pew where she sat down. She believed an angel left it for her to read, and it helped her every day in the years that followed.
And when my mother died, it helped me too.

"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away to the next room.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my own familiar name - speak to me in the same way you always used.
Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray, smile, think of me and pray for me.
Let my name be ever a household word that it always was.
Let it be always spoken without effect, without trace or shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was - there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near.
Just around the corner. All is well........."

JAWS
15-Mar-07, 04:32
Bingo 1, the truth is, it will never go completely away but, like a severe injury, the pain will slowly ease. How long that takes depends on the severity and how you yourself are able to cope with it. Some people heal faster than others and there are no rights and wrongs about how long it takes.

Eventually it will ease to a level where it settles and you will eventually adjust to that. Every so often, just as with an old severe injury, something will happen and you will get a sharp dig which will let you know it still hasn’t gone away completely.

Whatever you do, let it take it’s own course. Trying to block the process or suppress it only means the process hides itself away and cause problems later.

That’s the bad side, the good side is that the advice others have posted is good side advice which is worth trying. Eventually you will find the ones which work for you.
Whatever you do, don’t give up and remember, everybody who suffers a similar loss goes through the same thing to one degree or another.
What you are feeling is quite normal and never, ever, feel that it isn’t.

sassylass
15-Mar-07, 05:37
What they've said is true, it's something you'll never get over, but you will get through it.

To me, my loved ones are constantly present in tiny everyday ways...from the jokes we shared, to the recipes they taught me, to the habits I learned, to my children's faces etc etc

Hang in there, the pain does ease with time.

cullbucket
15-Mar-07, 06:54
It's normal to feel this grief so strongly, especially in the first year or so. A part of you feels like its missing and it hurts. My mother was at Arisaig when she heard that her very best friend had died suddenly. she went into the church there, and found this verse in the pew where she sat down. She believed an angel left it for her to read, and it helped her every day in the years that followed.
And when my mother died, it helped me too.

"Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away to the next room.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my own familiar name - speak to me in the same way you always used.
Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray, smile, think of me and pray for me.
Let my name be ever a household word that it always was.
Let it be always spoken without effect, without trace or shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was - there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near.
Just around the corner. All is well........."

Love it and agree completely.
I hope my funeral is a celebratrion of my life, not a downer.

brandy
15-Mar-07, 08:33
((((HUGE HUGS)))
hun, i cant say that it will one day all be better because it wont.
the pain will ease to be bareable..
and you will laugh again..
right now i hurt so bad at times that i just want to crawl into the ground with tom, but then at the same time know i cant.
in the past two years i have lost my grandmother my God mother and my son.
and each time the grief was dif.
with my grandmother.. (who was 93) she died on christmas day..
my hert broke but at the same time i was happy for her as she had lived a long and well loved life.
we flew home and stayed for a couple weeks.. to be with my family.. and we celebrated her life.
we cried we laughed we hugged. and we remembered.. not just the good but the bad. we would laugh over the things she did, and joke about how she was up in heaven now bossing everyone else around .. all 5 ft of her and 7 stone. weilding a mighty mean broom to keep everyone in line!

with my GOdmother,
she was only 54 and it was april 5th , just months after granny..
i begged and borrowed to get enough money for flights home for me. and i was gone again for a week.
the whole time i was there..
well except for when i first got home and went to the funeral home.. (had a complete breakdown!) i was fine.
but when i came home i went to my bed for a week.
there are still times i pick up the fone to call her just to realise that i cant.
and then on feb 6th my little boy was born asleep.. and it felt as if a part of my soul has been ripped out.
i have found that writing a blog has helped me.
that when i feel as if im about to be swamped with the emotion and pressure. that it has to get out. i write it down.
i go and visit him .. and sit with him and sing to him.
i talk to him every day, just as i do my granny and god mother.
always remember they will always be with you in your heart.. and that will never ever change.
keep them alive with your memories, and teach your children and their children about her, and they will know her through you.
i ownt lie to you hun,
its so so hard.. and nothing anyone says will make it better.
but it does help to know that there are loads of people out here who care and are with you in you pain and grief.
and even though no one will ever understand how you personally feel, they can empathise and be there with a hug and cuddle and a shoulder for you when you need it.
all my love hun
brandy

bigjjuk
15-Mar-07, 09:47
When i was 16, my best mate who was also 16 died of cancer. Broke my heart and like the others have said, still hurts a little even 20 years on. The best thing i do is think of the fun and happy times i had with him. He is now in a far better place and a happy chappie. So think positive as your grandmother is looking down with a glint in her eye, happy and rested. She would want the best for you, ( you probably know that though).

mrs n
15-Mar-07, 09:55
big hugs to you bingo1 please dont worry about how you feel, it is very early days since you lost your gran, you will feel better with time but you will never forget, be kind to yourself, eat properly and having a good cry does a lot of good, put your feelings down here, we have all been there and understand what you are feeling xx

the nomad
15-Mar-07, 10:54
You obviously loved your Gran and your sadness would suggest it was a love that went both ways. Ask yourself this, did your Gran have a good life? Then celebrate this and don't mourn her passing to a better place.

Your grief and upset will only annoy your Gran she would want you to remember her with a smile and not a tear. Nobody can remove memories and she'll stay in your heart wherever you go, but be happy and embrace life, time is precious and should not be wasted on grief. Your Gran is now in a better place filled with love and happiness. Be happy.:)

Bloo
15-Mar-07, 12:22
Hello. I have only lost one grannie, who was getting on a bit but i never really knew her. I have another grannie who i think is the best person ever. She is the best! I havent had to deal with much death. One of my two granddads died but that was before i was born, he took a few heart attacks :(. Hope you feel better because i only want to share my story and hope that you can learn to cope with it. I had to cope with my grans dog dying (the dog was like a sister) and i was really upset. Still miss that dog and my grandad i never met.....

clover
15-Mar-07, 19:50
My friend if you are mourning now let this your comfort be your dearest loved onne is closer than the nearest thing you see


Take care