advice on being bullied

[bella]

what would you do if you were being bullied, at school

[crashbandicoot1979]

Depends on the circumstances really - is it being bullied at school, at work, at home, in the community....?

[Tangerine-Dream]

Front up! I know it sounds easy but a simple "you effin want some?!!" will deter most bullies..... scream at them at the top of your voice and give with the "come on then, let's do it you pansy"" type stance and they won't see you as an easy target EVER again.

[mi16]

Square up to the bully is the quick way to end it, chances are he/she will back off or you will end up in a fight but will gain respect.Failing that go to the headDo not let it drag on

[Tangerine-Dream]

Square up to the bully is the quick way to end it, chances are he/she will back off or you will end up in a fight but will gain respect.Failing that go to the headDo not let it drag on

Totally 100% agree. These bullies have low self esteem and pick on people they think won't challenge them..... nine times out of ten if you just "let rip" at them they will never bother you again. Even if they get the better of you, in a fight, they will realise that you had the balls to take them on and will stay clear of you. Your average bully is a coward and will only home in on prey that he / she knows won't stand up for themselves.

I, myself, was bullied at school and it came down to the point where I either let this idiot dictate my every move or took action....... I absolutely went BONKERS on him and punched and kicked like mad to the degree that he was laying in a heap begging for mercy..... you'd be surprised at JUST how easy it is to get rid of a bully..... ignore the mind games and front him out.

[gleeber]

Weigh the situation up yourself. You can work it out. Once you find out why it's happening you will have ammunition against the bully. Good luck.

[Sgitheanach]

I was bullied both in school and outside of school by a group people including the son of my head teacher the bullying even involved me being threatened with a knife in school i told my guidance teacher and she said i was making it up and to stop acting like a girl as nothing like that happens in their school. Things came to a head just before i left school when one boy spat chewed up sweets in to my hair on the school bus. This made me mad so i got off the bus at the same stop as the bully i grabbed him by the hair (he had long hair) and started hitting his head off the bus stop and i said to him that anything he does to me i will do worse back to him . This was in front of about sixty people including teachers and even today nineteen years later the bully is still scared of me . That was the last day i ws bullied i am not saying violence is the answer just let the bully know you are not scared of them and you will see that they are cowered 's .

[cesare]

i wouldnt be looking for answers on a internet message board....thats one thing
what would you do if you were being bullied, at school

[Chook a demus]

Most Bullies carry on regardless and don't even acknowledge that they are bullies quite often they try to play the victim

[rich62_uk]

If you hit them and they have not actually hit you then you will be leaving yourself open to a visit from the Police...

Talk to your parents who will talk to the school. If its a work place then talk to your or their superiors.

[Dadie]

Talk to your Parents and your Guidance teacher...
No one can do anything about bullying if they do not know about it.
Sometimes a quiet word is all it needs to stop the bullying.
If it is still happening or getting worse after that tell them again and your parents can get an appt with the Head etc.
Keep a record of where/when/who was involved/ what happened as evidence you can show the teacher(dont hand it over though let them have photocopies).

[Invisible]

As a regular target for bullies in school, doing nothing is the worst thing you can do. Don't listen to those who tell you to ignore it, its a uninformed bit of advice.
Telling the teachers was also a bad decision as bully then takes offence to "grassing up".

I agree with Tangerine-Dream and Mi16, it's what i should have done a long time ago.[evil]

[squidge]

I think that its ok for those of us who are older to be giving advice to stand up for yourself and fight back and whilst that often does work it is a different ball game for todays youngsters than it was for us.

If it is School bullying then you HAVE to speak to the teacher. Write everything down. If as parents you know the parents of the other child then it is worth a phone call or nipping round to have a chat. Most parents will listen and it might help. If its is a wee one - primary school age - then sometimes getting the two of them together to look at what they have in common with each other sometimes can help - a "play date" if you like. Older ones can benefit from some sort of mediation.

If it is however that if the softly softly stuff does not help then the school needs to put its anti bullying policy into action and as a parent you have to demand that happens effectively.

[mi16]

If you hit them and they have not actually hit you then you will be leaving yourself open to a visit from the Police... .

You need to be a bit smarter than to have witnesses, single out the ring leader.

[sassylass]

Bullies are insecure and try to make themselves feel important by intimidating those they perceive to be weak. Stand up to them and most likely they will back down. I do not advocate physical violence, usually words will do the trick. There is much power in remaining calm and confident.

[Tangerine-Dream]

You need to be a bit smarter than to have witnesses, single out the ring leader.

Yup! Exactly what I have suggested to Bella.... collar him on his own (outside the School grounds) and give him a damned good warning to lay off, or else! It's the best action a parent can take... go direct to the bully and front him out (on his own).......

All this "speak to your guidance teacher" yada yada will just inflame the situation and the entire school will soon be informed by the bully (and his gang of retards) that you are a cry baby..... that type of attention is GOOD for their ego as it strengthens their belief that they are "hard guys" and they have even more reason to continue bullying the victim to show they are top dog. These types KNOW the law and know that they can do what the hell they like because they are "children"..... unfortunately, sometimes, a parent is best to go down the old school approach and put the fear of god into the little runt on a one to one (private) basis ;)

Low self esteem characters are great in "gangs" of other low self esteem types but collar them on their own and they are putty in your hands..... they won't let on that they nearly shat their pants when you got them alone (not good for their image) and will move onto another target.....

It's a real shame.... some people get recognition through the work they do, their ideas, their creations etc. but the "bully" gains his respect from being a low self esteem retard to fellow retards....

It's like these guys in Prison who have been convicted of burglary, rape, murder, vice, corruption....... you name it.... they are the lowest of the low, yet, they think they are the top of the pile because they are not a "pedo"..... they are the lowest form of humanity but they are not pedos.... that makes them feel like real stars in a prison environment.

A lot of psychology involved in bullying but, generally speaking, your average bully is a person who is crying out for attention..... if he can't get it from doing something positive he will burn a house down or steal a car or beat the crap out of someone......

The "bully" is the one that needs help / guidance / support / encouragement but they are generally just shunted out of school into prison..... it's a shame that the "system" doesn't pick up on low self esteem issues from a young age BUT that's another topic for another day.

The matter at hand here is dealing with this particular bully and my advice to Bella has been to go to the bully direct....... of course there are other routes / avenues by I still stick by the direct course of action.

If the "system" actually realised the "bully" needed help and guidance then I would recommend reporting him to the School but seeing as the "system" will only expel him and make him even more disassociated with his identity then the direct approach is the only real approach that will work on THIS occasion.... he will go on to another target and the cycle will be repeated.

Anyhoo...... my tuppence ha'penny worth.

[cherokee]

I too was bullied at primary school and as someone else mentioned because my bullies were the "teacher's daughter, the BIG farmer's daughter and the Doctor's daughter" I didn't stand a chance !!!
My Dad wrote letter's and had many meetings with my head teacher; but because of who the girls were and their "status" in the community, I was always the one who was gonna "get it" on a Monday morning, with no help/assistance from any teacher !!! Living in the country, about 35 years ago, I just had to put up with it.......They left their mark on me to this day !!!!! (may I add not physically; but mentally !) . . . . . . .

Whatever your circumstances, DO NOT let the LITTLE PEOPLE bully you !!! I certainly don't advocate any means of physical violence .... BUT, if you just turn around and tell them . . . "Enough is enough, get outta my way and don't EVER do/say those things to me ever again..... or else"

Always remember, whoever you are, or whatever you do, you are always as good as the person standing next to you, NEVER let the LITTLE BULLIES push you into a corner and make you feel inferior; as already said on the thread THEY are actually coward's and deserve to be treated with the utmost contempt for being so !!! Good Luck X

[rogermellie]

If as parents you know the parents of the other child then it is worth a phone call or nipping round to have a chat. Most parents will listen and it might help.

in most cases this won't work, if you ask yourself why the child is a bully, it's usually because the parent is an arsehole, in the minority of cases it's another factor, but i'd say the vast majority of bullies, have useless parents (single or plural)

[Tangerine-Dream]

in most cases this won't work, if you ask yourself why the child is a bully, it's usually because the parent is an arsehole, in the minority of cases it's another factor, but i'd say the vast majority of bullies, have useless parents (single or plural)

Agreed but more should be done to educate / inspire the bully...... to simply write him off as a waster is not the way to go... .. he needs to be detected (at an early age) and encouraged to reach his full potential.

[squidge]

in most cases this won't work, if you ask yourself why the child is a bully, it's usually because the parent is an arsehole, in the minority of cases it's another factor, but i'd say the vast majority of bullies, have useless parents (single or plural)That's just not true Roger, I have five children and dealt with this issue several times as a mum when my children have either been bullied or indeed one had been involved in bullying another. On EVERY occasion speaking to the parents was a valuable thing to do. It's ALWAYS worth trying - why assume it won't work because of your preconceived ideas about people. In actual fact doing that very thing led me to form a friendship with the parents of a child that my son was involved in bullying that has lasted nearly fifteen years and the boys became good friends too. It's ALWAYS worth a conversation :)

[rogermellie]

That's just not true Roger, I have five children and dealt with this issue several times as a mum when my children have either been bullied or indeed one had been involved in bullying another. On EVERY occasion speaking to the parents was a valuable thing to do. It's ALWAYS worth trying - why assume it won't work because of your preconceived ideas about people. In actual fact doing that very thing led me to form a friendship with the parents of a child that my son was involved in bullying that has lasted nearly fifteen years and the boys became good friends too. It's ALWAYS worth a conversation :)


sorry squidge, but which bit isn't true ?

if your son became good friends with his bully and you all had a nice cup of tea and laughed about it afterwards then i'll suggest that your son wasn't involved in the 'severity' of bullying were talking about here.

please don't patronise me and say i'm making preconceived assumptions, i'm talking from the experienced viewpoint of someone who has to try and deal with the aftermath that bullies leave behind.

[squidge]

I'm sorry you felt patronised - that was not my intention. I did not say we laughed about it. What I said was that it is always worth a conversation and that those children bullying others always have useless parents. THATS the bit that is not true.

There are many levels of bullying roger - all if them distressing and all of them with the potential to scar lives forever. I too was bullied as a child. The reason why conversations with parents can work is because they can confront the child doing the bullying, they can help that child understand what was going on with their behaviour and understand the effects it is having and - particularly where there are a group of bullies parents can help the child to find a way to step away from that group. They can also punish the child and help them to apologise and make reparation. It is, however, probably more likely to be successful with younger children than knife wielding 16 year olds.

It may be that it doesn't work but most parents do not want their child to be a bully so if you approach the situation from the point of view that most parents will want to help resolve it rather than most parents are useless then it's really worth the conversation.

When the parents came to talk to us about my sons actions we dealt with it. We helped My son (who was the bully) to learn that he didn't have to be scared to walk away from a group that had incidentally bullied him when we first arrived in Caithness and we helped him to see how he could do that and why he needed to do that. We helped him think about his actions and strategies he could use so that he wasn't involved. We also punished him and helped him to apologise. He also helped the lad being bullied to stand up to the group and it that's how the boys ended up being mates... It didn't happen overnight though. The teacher at the school was involved and supported that and worked REALLY hard to reduce the power of that group in that school.

Interestingly a few years later the same son stood up to a lad who was bullying him and someone else by punching him he ended up with a police caution! So I would never advocate the hitting thing :(

Who would be a parent eh?

[davth]

I am not quite sure what kind of bullies there are these days but when I was at school I was an awesome bully.
I made sure the victims were kept in order. Now don’t get me wrong I was not a bully that would do something for nothing but I would not tolerate certain behaviors.
All this nonsense of confronting the bully is probably not the best advice. I was confronted on many occasions and was happy to give them a beating for it.
I was also confronted out with the school grounds while I was alone by the 2 guys and I just gave them a slap then too. This just made me more annoyed and I had to give them a good thrashing the next day to restore order. A good school bully can keep things in order and sort many issues before they get out of hand.

[mi16]

http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121219134513/glee/images/7/72/Jaejoong_popcorn.gif (http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121219134513/glee/images/7/72/Jaejoong_popcorn.gif)

[Angel]

I was bullied on two occasions the first bully started when we were on a school trip...we went fishing he threw my bate into the water, then my sandwiches, he cut my line and threw that away too...so I threw him overboard! I got into serious trouble but he kept away...the second was also on a school trip after stealing my lunch halfway up Conway mountain...then he kept pushing me back so he could kick dirt backwards into face...the last time he did it I grabbed his foot, twisted his leg and launched him down the mountain...I got in trouble of Mountain rescue and well as the teacher...I visited him in hospital once...and he told me how sorry he was...I asked him why and he said because you have long hair instead of short back and sides like everyone else...I told him I was caned every month by the head teacher for refusing to have it cut...he said he never realised what I had gone through as I kept it quiet...some years later he came up to me and shook my hand and said respect to you...I was taken aback...Angel...

[Dadie]

These days some parents think the sunshine shines out their kids backsides and cannot think their child would "do that" and are in denial over their precious one being a bully....Or the parents are not there/couldnt care less about the child/too wrapped up in their own probs and there is no point in talking to them.
There are good parents and those that just get by , but if the school doesnt know about the bullying they cant do anything ....girls are more sneaky and more hurtful than boys with bullying as with boys fisticuffs at dawn usually sorts it all out and its all forgotten but girls..hold a grudge and snub anyone outside their clique for life and girls form cliques at an earlier age than boys...you are in or out no middle ground! Smacking the queen B between the eyes wont help matters....its girl politics not boys..............and girls are unforgiving ...

[mi16]

Girls = snakes with chest adornments