View Full Version : Should we name and shame?
danc1ngwitch
11-Feb-07, 20:15
I am sure there is probably a thread about this already.
If your girl came home drunk and you had the fella's name who supplyed the drink what would you do?
( bare in mind girls first time drunk ).
Me i would report it to the police, and hope for results.
Lot's of girls are being fed drink in thurso and yes this is a harsh thing to say but it is true.
About time these lads were stopped.
They have picked the wrong mother this time, like one lad has already found out.
Sad thing is on talking to some mothers, it is like well op's they took a drink. Why do some parents not see the dangers in this?
mums angels
11-Feb-07, 20:28
I would be far from pleased if this happened to my daughter!! Dont think i would report them if they were teenagers themselves but i would certainly give them a mouthfull and make sure that there parents were told.
However i was 14 when i had my first drink and it ended terribly with me getting taken to hospital in a back of a police car and woke in the morning in a complete mess with cuts and bruises everywhere including on my face. I was very embarrassed with my actions and because the police were involved i was asked who provided us the drink - i never let on because i felt that the person in question was not to know that it was going to end up the way it did! It was my own stupididty and i now rarley drink at all , it was enough to put me off for life.
danc1ngwitch
11-Feb-07, 20:41
Hmmmm, maybe i was a little Harsh on one 19 year old lad.
He had been warned previously to stay away from my daughter.
Guess he will stay away now, Last night he made the mistake of *crusing* wea 2 drunk 14year olds in the car.
Thing is and this angers me, she is hardly ever in Thurso.
I spent a long time last night searching Thurso for these girls. Police were contacted, because it was so, so out of character for her.
So out of Character for her going to Thurso on a Friday night, It is my fault i should have said no.. But i didna..
The lad that gave the drink best be on the run [lol]
I think your quite right. I have worked with girls who have got pregnant through drinking and can't even remember who the father is. 14 is under the legal age limit for drink and sex so this lad must know what he is doing. I wish my mother had been like you.
Alot of teenagers in thurso just walk into the shops and buy the drink themselfs.Some can even get sold in the pubs. ITS A DISGRACE.
Dancing, if it was my daughter I would report him to the police, if he had drunk children and IMO 14 year olds are still children, in his car then no doubt he would have a drink on him too, get his vehical number and phone "CrimeStoppers"
alot of 13-14 can walk into the off licences and buy there own drink.some even in bars they get sold. ITS A DISGRACE.
alot of teenagers can walk into the off licences and buy there own drink.some even in bars they get sold. ITS A DISGRACE.
If this is true then you should report it to the police. Licencees have a legal obligation not to sell alchohol to anyone under 18. It may be difficult to know the age of some girls when they are dressed up but if they are not sure they should ask for ID. As citizens we should take responsiblity to make sure that these shops do not sell alchohol to under 18's.
If the police have evidence that they have been breaching their licensing conditions that licencsee is taken back the the licensing board to explain their actions and they can lose their license.
whats e point all they will do is lie about it.
cuddlepop
11-Feb-07, 21:21
It seems to be the in thing even over here for young people to get off their faces at weekends.Older teenagers buy it for them and some even drink it with them.
If you report it the lad in question will get into trouble but you'll have a hell of a time proving he forced your girl to drink it,unlesss she herself tells the police he did.
Its easier said than done but she needs to get new friends.
My own is in the process of doing this just now after getting off her face a few weeks ago.Now her friends think she's boring cause she wont drink.
Its tough,you have my sympathy.:(
jm.mack i find this hard to belive but u were that age 2.lol
Bill Fernie
11-Feb-07, 21:44
Check this out for some basic facts -
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/fea/FEA_13.ASP
If that is not worrying enough then move on to any of a million web sites on Sexually transmitted diseases that might be the outcome for young person not taking precautions while under the influence - Take your pick from one of the web site listed here -
http://www.equip.nhs.uk/topics/sexual.html
See Case Notes on Alcohol and Teenage Pregnancies
http://www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/CasenotesAlcohol_&TeenageSex.pdf
Further anyone who gets lot of information sent to them as I do has noted the rise in the numbers of sexually transmitted diseases especially in the young. Clamydia is especially worrying and can cause a range of problems for any young person catching it leading to infertility as well as other problems.
See this site re STD's for an introduction
http://www.multikulti.org.uk/en/health/an-introduction-to-sexually-transmitted-diseas/
If young people or parents are reading this and are in any doubt check out the story that has been in the news recently for more worries that might be prevented -
http://news.scotsman.com/scotland.cfm?id=165482007
We do not want to be killjoys but protecting young people has to be the first thing and it applies to boys as much as girls.
Alcohol is associated with many problems and Depression is only one of them
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/alcoholanddepression_000486.htm
Education on the topics helps but that all may go out the window when alcohol enters the scene.
The earlier someone starts to drink alcohol the greater their chance of consuming more as they grow older if they have a tendency for this. Alcohol is not good for babies at all and women are advised not to drink whilst preganant but often do so before they know. Researchers are still looking athe potential damage to the foetus in the first few weeks caused by alcohol.
Personally if my daughter was fed drink and I reported the matter to the police, I would make sure that my daughter would get the biggest rap from the cops for drinking the booze in the first place. I am sure the boys didn't force the drink down her neck? She was a willing participant. A fourteen year old should be taking proper decisions regarding their own responsibility, to blame someone else would be dodging this issue which really is at the heart of this problem as boys will be boys and nothing will change that. Just my 2p at the moment but I might feel totally different in 14 years time! [lol]
danc1ngwitch
11-Feb-07, 22:09
<<< The teenager who is old enough to drive took it upon himself to supply this drink. He has not seen the Wrath of a mother who is indeed a Prude << does not drink << does not smoke << spends all of her time trying to do the best by her children...
Yes i might be coming across as very cold, i am when it comes to protecting my family from people such as these 2 lads ( 1 bought the drink the other cruised ) oh i dont like that word any more:(
The nineteen year old should get the row of his life from you as the mother of a 14 year old , however your daughter also has to learn to be responsible for her own behaviour. No one MADE her do anything - she made the decisions to drink the drink. She could have said no. Ok so she may have felt obliged because of her friend but she has to learn to be responsible for her own safety and wellbeing. I would ground her for the foreseeable future - dont give a time limit unless you are sure that you can stick to it. I usually say "Until i decide you have learnt your lesson". Dont allow her to go into Thurso, Dont allow her to go to stay with a friend unless you speak to the friends mother and tell her she has to earn your trust all over again.
If this 19 year old is her "boyfriend" then you would be probably be fighting a losing battle to tell her to stay away from him and him from her - in fact you might actually cause more trouble and have her do something REALLY stupid like run away. I would invite him home,allow her to see him in your house and make him quite quite quite sure that you will report him to the police if he starts anything out of order. They always say keep your friends close and your enemies closer.......
I think if we are totaly honest we all got drunk at least once when we were 14/15. I know I must of been a nightmare for my dad. My teens hate me because I know every trick in the book.
You can only hope dancing witch that your daughter was so sick and embarrassed she has learnt her lesson. I did age 17 and never drank again.
Saying that I once watched someone buy a group of 14yearolds drink, these boys were friends of my oldest son and although he was not out he could of been. I told the shop what they were doing, and followed them behind the shop and told them to keep the drink cause if I saw these kids drunk I would phone the police. I got a mouthfull back untill i pointed out that I knew all there names. I also told them that if my kids ever came home drunk in the future i would automaticaly blame them for buying the drink, and deal out a fit and just punishment before i called the police. They kept the drink and went home.
Gogglebox
11-Feb-07, 23:43
jm.mack or dad i find this hard to belive but u were that age 2.Academy braes ring any bells lol
I think j.Mack should take s,mack in hand and ground him, for admitting what hes up to.
Sadly the days when a dad could give his laddie a good hammering are past!!
Catch Ye!!
alot of teenagers can walk into the off licences and buy there own drink.some even in bars they get sold. ITS A DISGRACE.
If this is true then you should report it to the police. Licencees have a legal obligation not to sell alchohol to anyone under 18. It may be difficult to know the age of some girls when they are dressed up but if they are not sure they should ask for ID. As citizens we should take responsiblity to make sure that these shops do not sell alchohol to under 18's.
If the police have evidence that they have been breaching their licensing conditions that licencsee is taken back the the licensing board to explain their actions and they can lose their license.
It has all changed now, if they look under 21 u have to ask for ID,where i work, this is the case anyway, can't speak for other places tho
u could ask someone for ID and when u look at it they r 35 or something :lol: and u do feel a fool, but it has to b done for your own back
Mrs rs 2k
peedie wifie
12-Feb-07, 09:50
I agree with you Danc1ngwitch - this lad is totally irresponsible - do you know his parents - have a word with them as well as reporting him to the police. I would also get the police to have a word with your daughter which may be enough to frighten her.
I've seen adults buy drink and then hand it over to young kids outside the shop. So the blame is not always on the shopkeeper.
I'm in favour of an ID card with photo identification - if you've nothing to hide then there's no harm in it, is there?
Good luck with your daughter hope it's a one-off, at least until she's 18.
I've seen adults buy drink and then hand it over to young kids outside the shop . . .
I'm in favour of an ID card with photo identification -
Can you join up those 2 dots for me?
The ID card would only prove to the shopkeeper that s/he was doing the right thing in selling the alcohol to an adult.
If the adult decided to pass it onto a minor then the ID card is of no consequence (unless the adult asks the minor for their ID card!)
"I agree with you Danc1ngwitch - this lad is totally irresponsible"
No. The lad is only partly responsible. The girl in question is also responsible.
There's a big difference in the maturity of an 19 year old and a 14 year old, in most cases. 14 is four years below the legal drinking age and 2 years below the age of consent.
I'm not naive enough to believe that nobody drinks alcohol or has sex below the legal ages. But a 19 year old "lad" is in fact an adult. His reasons for getting an under-age girl drunk aren't likely to have been unselfish, are they?
Looking back, most of us would probably admit that by 14 we thought we knew it all, but didn't, and some of us might remember a few lucky escapes, particularly where alcohol was involved. I know I do. :roll:
Whilst I agree in part Angela i think this boy has to be made to understand his behaviour wasnt acceptable..but the police???? I dont think so.
It shocks me how girls today seem to take little or no responsibility for their own behaviour. As parents we have to teach our children that they and only they are responsible for the decisions they make - whilst they are young we are there to steer them onto the right path and thats why a 14 year old should be grounded and have priviledges removed when they behave this badly. If, however, we hold the 19 year old solely responsible then the message we are giving to the 14 year old is that the phrase "he made me " is acceptable.
If we dont teach the teenagers to drink sensibly and have some self control and that they can say no then they will never learn. And then they will be vulnerable to all sorts of alcohol, drug pushing or sexual predators because they never learn that they are responsible for their own behaviour and safety and they think its ok to get out of their faces and have no control.
I hope that doesnt sound harsh. Its not meant to be but when i see the state of some young girls with drink it scares me. They leave themselves open to such terrible things happening to them. Scary
Lolabelle
12-Feb-07, 12:07
Dancing, I don't drink at all, but one thing that was done with my parents and Dave did with his kids, was that if the wanted a drink, they could (and we could) have it at home. The idea was that they could try it in a safe environment. As a result in my family 3 out of 4 dont drink at all and the other drinks too much. With my step kids, none of them are that fussed on drinking because the novelty was taken out of the occaision. I am not sure if I would personally do this as I don't drink at all. But it did work as we and my step kids never felt like we had to sneak drink to try it. But I never really liked it.
Squidge, perhaps I expressed my views badly :confused
I didn't mention the police at all, I don't think involving them would be appropriate or would help.
I'm in agreement with you that children do have to be taught/shown how to take responsibilty for their actions, and that parents are the best people to help them do that. I don't think anybody's going to magically reach maturity at 16 or 18 or any other age.
The point I was hoping to make is that at 14 a girl isn't an adult and is unlikely to have reached the point where she is fully able to make "adult" decisions for herself.
I know I wasn't that mature and I don't think my daughters or their friends were at 14 either. Raging hormones, emotions all over the place, peer pressure and all that. And until you've done something stupid you don't necessarily realise the consequences.
I'd agree that a 14 year old girl (or boy) has to learn by experience and can't just shove all the blame onto someone else, but IMO by 19, most people have a pretty good sense of right and wrong and know perfectly well what they're doing.
I am led to believe that if your report your child for underage drinking a referal can then be sent to social work and the poor parents who try there best then wait for a letter to see if any action is going to be taken.
Some teenagers look older than they are and seem to get served in pubs /clubs without any problem. It is every parents nightmare and you hope they learn from the lesson of maybe a hangover with no sympathy but not always.
Peer pressure, the odd one out, all my friends do it. But I also remember being a teenager and probably the heartache I gave my parents but not as young as some of the underage drinkers of today.
MY son's girlfriend got absolutely out of her face last summer - she was fourteen. He phoned us cos he couldnt get her parents on the phone and we went over and had to call an ambulance. She was completely and utterly out of it. I have never ever in my entire life seen anyone that drunk - her breathing was shallow and at one point i thought she stopped breathing completely, her face was grey she was so pale I thought she was going to die on me if i am honest.
There were seven kids at one of the girls houses - three lads and four girls. Two of the girls raided the drinks cupboard and drank a bottle of neat gin - yeuch...., some jaegermeister - double yeuch.... in the space of about and hour and a half. The restof the kids were sober and terrified when i got there and the others hadnt wanted my boy to phone anyone - thank goodness he did. I dread to think what would have happened had he not made that phone call - they could all have simply scarpered and left her to choke on her own vomit. Her parents brought her over to see me a few days later and asked me to give her the gory details which i did - especially how pretty she looked when she her face fell into the bowl of sick being held underneath her. The other girl ended up being arrested by the police because she didnt want to be taken home and she hit the policeman... What a carry on.The very drunk girl was grounded and made to visit me and apologise for her behaviour and not allowed anywhere without being picked up for about 6 months - she hasnt done it again , the other girl was allowed out in the next couple of days and it was all seen as a big joke and blamed a lot on the first girl - she hads beenin that state several times since.
cuddlepop
12-Feb-07, 12:40
We had gone away for the weekend and my eldest was suppose to be looking after his sister at my house.11o'clock came and she asked big brother if she could stay at her mates to watch a film.Yes was the reply as long as you come straight home.Its only round the corner and no alarm bells were ringing so brother wasn't worried.
2am she came rolling in with three of her mates to stay at ours obviously the worse for drink.Mayhem ensued,mates tried to get her to go to bed and sleep it off but by this time she was as high as a kite.
Following morning I got a text,phone me please.
When questioned why she did it the simple answere was because she could.
We as the adults have somehow to remove "because they can."
Luckily even now the smell of alcohol turns her stomach.
She loved the effect it had on her too,which is another worry.:eek:
I've been reading through this thread, and many of us admit to "experimenting" with alcohol, as youngters, just as what happens nowadays. I don't agree with this. What most of us remember from the first time we got drunk probably has alot more to do with stealing the least conspicuos bottle from our home's liquor cabinet or drinking the dregs at a family wedding, christning or some other kind of party. These were "crimes" of oportunity. Nowadays kids create the circumstances in which they will be able to comit the "crime"- pre-meditation.
What children face today and at younger and younger ages is very scarey. I will not be able to be with my little boy 24 hours a day or suffocate his little steps to independance as he grows up. I can only hope that I give him the tools he needs to face up to things like drugs, alcohol and sex, the strength and wisdom to say no to what is no good for him, the ability to take responsibility for himself and the courage to face up to the consequences of his actions........ almost sounds like a miracle. HELP!
danc1ngwitch
12-Feb-07, 15:01
The nineteen year old should get the row of his life from you as the mother of a 14 year old , however your daughter also has to learn to be responsible for her own behaviour. No one MADE her do anything - she made the decisions to drink the drink. She could have said no. Ok so she may have felt obliged because of her friend but she has to learn to be responsible for her own safety and wellbeing. I would ground her for the foreseeable future - dont give a time limit unless you are sure that you can stick to it. I usually say "Until i decide you have learnt your lesson". Dont allow her to go into Thurso, Dont allow her to go to stay with a friend unless you speak to the friends mother and tell her she has to earn your trust all over again.
If this 19 year old is her "boyfriend" then you would be probably be fighting a losing battle to tell her to stay away from him and him from her - in fact you might actually cause more trouble and have her do something REALLY stupid like run away. I would invite him home,allow her to see him in your house and make him quite quite quite sure that you will report him to the police if he starts anything out of order. They always say keep your friends close and your enemies closer.......
The 19 year old is not the boyfriend, and yes I told her she needs not do as others do.. It's a difficult one and it's hard. She says she will never drink again it has sickened her thank goodness[lol]
you are right, this does happen a lot in Thurso. The problem is, is that these older guys can not get girlfriends their own age, so have to resort to trying to look "cool" to these young girls by buying them alcohol. The guys should not be all to blame tho, as these girls are usually more than happy to go along with this. It is also seemed to be "cool" to have an older boyfriend that is willing to buy them drink.
North Rhins
12-Feb-07, 19:18
This is the ex policemen in me talking now, but I think the Bobbies should be made aware of this lad. If he’s driving round getting a 14 year old lass drunk, then what is he going to do tomorrow? He’s bang out of order and unless the Polis know what he’s up to then there’s not a lot they can do. This lad needs a serious talking to and a police interview room is the best place to do it. If you do decide to report it, ask whoever you speak to for an incident log number. That way you know it has been made official for future reference.
percy toboggan
12-Feb-07, 19:45
A nineteen year old man has no business socialising and drinking with a fourteen year old schoolgirl anyway. I hope you manage to forcefully point this out to the geezer dw. Your daughter, is of course not blameless as Rheghead suggests. However there would have been dire consequences for this bloke if this had ever happened to my early teenage daughter - and this is/was the urban jungle not a far flung small town in the far north.
I would have been tempted to resort to violence.Although I appreciate life is not like the movies and escalations can have unforeseen consequences. Go carefully but follow your instincts.
I think your quite right. I have worked with girls who have got pregnant through drinking and can't even remember who the father is. 14 is under the legal age limit for drink and sex so this lad must know what he is doing. I wish my mother had been like you.
well said sweetpea - me too and I don't drink now.
this 19 year old sounds like a bit of a strange one - why doesnt he hang around with "men & women" his own age!
danc1ngwitch
12-Feb-07, 21:07
This is the ex policemen in me talking now, but I think the Bobbies should be made aware of this lad. If he’s driving round getting a 14 year old lass drunk, then what is he going to do tomorrow? He’s bang out of order and unless the Polis know what he’s up to then there’s not a lot they can do. This lad needs a serious talking to and a police interview room is the best place to do it. If you do decide to report it, ask whoever you speak to for an incident log number. That way you know it has been made official for future reference.
I was at the police, i gave the name of the lad that supplyed the drink... the guy there was very good but i dunno if they will do anything untill another girl cannot recall alot about a night...Can i still report the lad for taking her crusing even tho it happened on friday ???
North Rhins
12-Feb-07, 21:21
I was at the police, i gave the name of the lad that supplyed the drink... the guy there was very good but i dunno if they will do anything untill another girl cannot recall alot about a night...Can i still report the lad for taking her crusing even tho it happened on friday ???
Make it official. This lads behaviour should be ringing warning bells. If he gets away with getting a minor drunk today and there is no apparent repercussions, then what is he going to attempt tomorrow. It doesn’t bear thinking about. Go to the front desk of your nearest police station and tell them you want to make an official complaint. If you think you are being fobbed off, then ask to see the duty inspector, and be adamant. Apart from an almighty hangover, your wee lass has escaped unscathed, the next mothers daughter might not be so lucky. Don’t hesitate to PM me if you need to.
I got sold in pubs, skins and off-liscences when I was 17 but not I'm 20 and I'm being ID'd totally weird...maybe I'm looking younger:lol:
<<< The teenager who is old enough to drive took it upon himself to supply this drink. He has not seen the Wrath of a mother who is indeed a Prude << does not drink << does not smoke << spends all of her time trying to do the best by her children...
Yes i might be coming across as very cold, i am when it comes to protecting my family from people such as these 2 lads ( 1 bought the drink the other cruised ) oh i dont like that word any more:(
I don't think you are being cold in the slightest.
Boys will be boys as someone said, you know what that means, these children are being fed alcohol to be taken advantage of, boys will be boys, Mm, doesn't make it right.
Keep doing the right thing dancing witch and keep your kid safe, she'll thank you in a few years when she realizes you saved her from some hormone hyped teen and becoming a single mother at such a young age.
I got sold in pubs, skins and off-liscences when I was 17 but not I'm 20 and I'm being ID'd totally weird...maybe I'm looking younger:lol:
i found that to. before i was 18 i could drink in a pub and never be challenged but now i'm 19 everyone wants to see my ID, weird!
DW we've all been there, pushing the limits to see what we could get away with. but i was always with people my own age who were pushing there limits to. a 19 year old bloke really sets his own limits and should never be gettin a 14 year old drunk. i think making him known to the police is a good idea, because not every young girl he trys to get drunk will have a mum like u to send him back with his tail between his legs!
danc1ngwitch
13-Feb-07, 20:27
i found that to. before i was 18 i could drink in a pub and never be challenged but now i'm 19 everyone wants to see my ID, weird!
DW we've all been there, pushing the limits to see what we could get away with. but i was always with people my own age who were pushing there limits to. a 19 year old bloke really sets his own limits and should never be gettin a 14 year old drunk. i think making him known to the police is a good idea, because not every young girl he trys to get drunk will have a mum like u to send him back with his tail between his legs!
thank you, the police has taken it very seriously. They are now dealing with it. I now feel that yes the police are trying but needs the evidence to go on.
Bingobabe
13-Feb-07, 23:57
Personally if my daughter was fed drink and I reported the matter to the police, I would make sure that my daughter would get the biggest rap from the cops for drinking the booze in the first place. I am sure the boys didn't force the drink down her neck? She was a willing participant. A fourteen year old should be taking proper decisions regarding their own responsibility, to blame someone else would be dodging this issue which really is at the heart of this problem as boys will be boys and nothing will change that. Just my 2p at the moment but I might feel totally different in 14 years time! [lol] Yup totally agree. Teenagers are gonna drink regardless of whom will purchase it for them !!!!!!! And a majoritiy of teenagers go out of there way to get some immature person to go and buy it for them like rheghead said the boys didnt force the drink down there neck? Anyway if most of us are honest with our selfs you probarly did something similar when you were teenagers!!!!!!
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