childrens tantrums!!!!!!!!!!

[the original ducky]

hello i am asking all parents how did you deal with your childs tantrums. my daughter is nearly two and shes starting to get her own mind however thats not the problem the probem is the stuborn streak that she has developed with these tantrums. i have tried putting her on a step and telling her to sit there which she did and i have also tried to play no attention to her until she calms down. which i am happy to say are working and shes learning that when i say no thats not always the que to scream as loud as she can. however i am wandering how did other parents deal with theres and also any embarrasing ones that make you think oh god why me???

thanks hannah xx

[percy toboggan]

My own children never had 'tantrums' though I'm not sure why. If I was being uncharitable to myself and my wife I'd say it was down to luck. However, my Grandaughter - now four - does have a very wilful and stubborn streak and has been known to have the odd 'paddy'. On the two or three occassions it's happened I just look on in bafflement as it's outside my experience. My daughter employs the methods you suggest. I think you're on the right track. I'd not rule out a smack either if things got out of hand (no pun) although that is obviously a contentious matter in this day and age. Our own kids were hardly ever smacked as they were remarkably well behaved looking back. Any smack I gave now would immediately be followed by a feeling of failure I think. And, if you leave a mark you might get locked up.

You sound like a common sense kind of Mum. Good luck.

[_Ju_]

My son was two when he had his first and only tantrum. He had been given a lollypop by a friend and the next day he saw them in a shop. I told him no when he ran for them. This was at 10:00 am. When I said no he started screaming and crying ( in the middle of the small village where we live and where everyone knows us. He finally stopped of exhaustion at 13:30, when he fell asleep. He woke up as fit as a fiddle, with a smile on his face. It took me three days to recover. BUT it was the best thing I could have done:He has never done it again. He'll ask for something now, and when he isn't allowed it, might do a "Pleeeeease mum", but leave it at that when the no stands.

Don't be embaressed by the tantrums, because the little darlings can smell your embaressment and distress and will use it against you, to bend your will to theirs. Eveyone who has had children will look on your childs tantrums with knowledge of what happened to them and not condemnation.

[Angela]

hello i am asking all parents how did you deal with your childs tantrums. my daughter is nearly two and shes starting to get her own mind however thats not the problem the probem is the stuborn streak that she has developed with these tantrums. i have tried putting her on a step and telling her to sit there which she did and i have also tried to play no attention to her until she calms down. which i am happy to say are working and shes learning that when i say no thats not always the que to scream as loud as she can. however i am wandering how did other parents deal with theres and also any embarrasing ones that make you think oh god why me???

thanks hannah xx

I remember my eldest child used to sometimes lie down on the pavement and scream at full pitch when she was two years old- very embarrassing :eek:

People would look at me two ways -the ones who obviously thought I must be some kind of monster for my daughter to be screaming, and the others who probably thought I should give her a smack ...

I found the kind of things you're doing worked best. It's a difficult stage but if you can stay calm and ignore her, your little girl will probably calm down quicker herself and learn there's nothing to be gained from the tantrums.

With my youngest child, if she was getting in a real state...really wanted to stop but just couldn't, because she'd got herself too worked up... I used to hold her very tight, (not hurting her of course, just securely) and that seemed to do the trick...

Hang on in there, it really is just a phase! :)

[cuddlepop]

What ever you do be consistent.your voice has to be firm, your instruction clear and direct and dont raise your voice.
It all sounds so easy but I know its not I've been through the pan mill with my youngest and she would have tried the patience of a saint.
Sometimes its best if they dont leave the room then you should just to keep sane.:eek:

[percy toboggan]

I don't think folk should generalise to the extent that "everyone who has had children will look upon your own childs tantrums with knowledge of what happened to them" because it simply isn't so. Neither can we say "all bairns have tantrums" because they do not.

I'd be really interested to hear from parents whose kids did not/do not have tantrums.

I'm not claiming any kind of superiority here as my initial post was intended to suggest. I just take exception to the implication that I'm talking cobblers or viewing the past with rose tinted specs.
Perhaps people's definitions of a 'tantrum' differ. If a child cries because it cannot have an ice cream this is fairly normal is it not at a certain age. If a
child stiffens and arches its body into an immovable lump whilst screaming blue murder over something fairly trivial then I'd consider this a tantrum.They are common, but not obligatory.

If all else fails give' em more oily fish. Omega 3 works wonders, just like Double Diamond used to.

[percy toboggan]

"tantrums" are in parenthesis. !
Oh, I didn't notice that. Anyway much better there than in Tesco's.

The omega three was not really a serious point and I don't know what 'rittalin' is. My children grew up on food that could be considered unhealthy these days and as far as I'm aware seldom ate an 'oily fish.' We make up for it now.

Nothing wrong with protest but the earlier it's channelled through negotiation the better for all concerned. I'll leave this here as the direction we've gone in does nothing for the instigators quandary.

[Oddquine]

Have to say I don't remember my two kids having tantrums................but my grandkids are a different story, at least the older ones (the boys) in each family.

Maybe it's down to the difference in the way they are brought up nowadays........higher expectations and out of joint noses when the younger female siblings turned up for each of them.

I rather like that advert where the mother gets in before her toddler and throws a tantrum herself.....................wonder if it would work in real life?

[Mad1man]

We are another family where tntrums were met with a stoic resolution from both my wife and myself not to give in and ignored if at home until the boredom of having no effect made it pointless and unrewarding. If out somewhere that the tantrum was causing annoyance or distress to others, both of ours learned very quickly that they would be returned to the car with one of us and if the behaviour persisted priveleges were removed. We never had to resort to anything more than the threat of removing a toy or planned trip to have them fall in line.

I do remember one relative actively stopping a tantrum by bribery - a reward was offered for what I would have expected to be normal well mannered behaviour - both my wife and I thought this was madness and as that child grew up, we were proved right, over and over again.

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

There's an advert on the telly,ye might have seen it.The bairn takes a tantrum in the middle o' a supermarket aisle.Rolling about takin' a freeky.Then the mither starts rolling about the aisle taking a freeky looks at the kid as if to say"Anythin' ye can do I can do better".

Well,one o' ma good pals tried this,ye know what?It bloody worked.

[sassylass]

Bottom line... a tantrum cannot "work" for children.

When my eldest was 2 years old I told her to climb up into her highchair and she pitched the biggest tantrum you ever saw. I was so shocked I turned on my heel, left the kitchen and went to sit on the stairs thinking "what the berjiggities should I do now?"

After a minute or so, she stopped for a breath and realized she didn't see me, so she toddled around. "Are you ready to climb up now?" I asked. Yep she was, her tantrum had only made mother disappear.

At the time I had no idea what I was doing, lucky me to have had the right gut reaction.

[porshiepoo]

I was really lucky and can honestly say I don't remember either of mine having tantrums, the odd sulk maybe but never a tantrum.

Personally I'd ignore it - hard I know - but it really is the only way to show them that having a hissy fit isn't going to have the desired effect. (Praise the good, ignore the bad). Start giving in to it now and you'll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.
I understand that it's hard to ignore when you're in public but I think most people understand what's going on when there's a toddler screaming it's lungs off in the middle of the shop and as annoying as it can be, I'd much rather put up with the tantrum screams of a toddler being ignored by a parent than that toddler turning 16 and running riot on the streets cos they think the world owes them a living.

If the screaming gets really bad when you're out with the pushchair, stick your mp3 player on loud and drown it out. ;)

[lynne duncan]

we have a 3 year old going on 33 it feels like at times, when she throws a paddy, if she won't stop when asked then we put her in another room, or lobby close the door and wait until she stops.
(or depending how high my stress level is at I scream back, helps lower my stress level temporarily),
or pick her up and go and watch sky cartoons, or read a book to her
or if she is past being tired then put her to bed for a nap

if in public with company ( I find the easiest way is to leave the company and find somewhere to wait until she calms down or failing that make apologies and take her home)

mind you she is our third so these methods have been already tried out with the previous two.

[Mister Squiggle]

Lots of good advice here, so at risk of repeating some of it, I'd just suggest remaining calm (even if it seems impossible at times), and firm. My children have just passed through this delightful stage (with occasional relapses) and it has always seemed to work best when, the more worked up they got, the more placid and unruffled I could pretend to be.
A good book I read when I was in the throes of this suggested that all yelling and screaming at a tantruming child does is work them up into a bigger lather. Kids do get excited at any noise and seeing Mum or Dad blow their stack is even better.
Even if you deserve an Oscar at the end for your performance, you should try to speak slowly, quietly and, ultimately, do what you say you will do. Firm, clear warnings which are followed through (ie being put in the car and taken home, having a toy removed etc) send a clear signal that you mean business. It really does work, and even if it means inconvenience (leaving a half-full trolley or a lunch uneaten), it may save you going through this countless times in the future.
I did also read a point that has often given me pause for thought since, though. Most of us feel like throwing a tantrum from time to time but of course, adult life is supposed to be about control, taking deep breathes etc. If you look at a tantrum as the enactment of normal feelings of frustration and anger (which we all feel) rather than just your child wanting to be as difficult as possible, this may help you from losing your cool. We would probably all love to chuck a wobbly from time to time but children just haven't learned to control this impulse, nor do they have the power to change a situation to help them cope.
I feel more empathy with my own since thinking about tantrums in this way, which is probably obvious but I needed reminding. Don't worry, I still could cheerfully strangle them when they get worked up, but being objective and unruffled (even in the face of severe provocation) does really help. Oh yes, and a few quiet G&T's ...
Good luck!

[danc1ngwitch]

u know that advert bout lil boy and the crisps, his mum throws herself to the floor kicking and screaming. Well thats what i would do and my kids know it, So Hey presto no hissy fits lol... [lol] Maybe i am just lucky but i never had a problem wea the whole tantrams ...

[justine]

Hi...I aint going to go into the reasons why and the how too's as it seems everyone else has done that, but i will say that i have 8 kids from 16-1 and i cope with it by simply walking away from them, lock myself in my bedroom, sitting behind the door so they can not get in and wait it out.....Have a fag have a good old moan to yourself and then go out and see if she has calmed down.......
If she hasn't then i go back to my room......I find that if they dont like going to their rooms then i go......When she realises that you are not even there to shoe off to then she will quit......I was advised to do all the time out, steps and the likes but to be honest it dont work for most children......Never show her thatit is getting to you, they are very good at manipulation, and if you show the slightest annoyance then they will continue.......But there is one consulation about your situation at the moment, she is not old enough to give it back...They get a lot worse as they get older.......Am sorry that there is not an easy solution to this but if you totaly walk away from her, dont look at her until she calms down, thenhopefully you should get through this sane.......
The one thing about kids that is a sure thing is they all follow a certain rule, which i think is they hate being out of your site unless with other children....She will hate the fact that you walked away from her,When you do get her calm, tell her why mummy walked away and that she makes you unhappy when she does it....My 2 year old is doing it at the mo, and believe me i could scream as well......Hope you make sense of this.Good luck justine.......Proud mum of 8