macadamia

[macadamia]

Hi folks! In case you're wondering (as if) I used to post here under the name "pmcd". Sadly, I forgot every password in the book: tried to contact the administrators, but after several attempts, failed to get through the "fjg4g7L" type matrix on so many occasions that I started to want to eat my own arm. I thought I'd have a bash using a different e-mail account and a different username and a different password - and, after 6-7 attempts, the Matrix Beast finally let me through. I really have missed you all over the last few weeks, and want to get my teeth into one or two correspondents who clearly abide in La La Land. I am sure we will have some jolly times kicking the ball of commonsense around the theatre of the absurd, but I shall try to abide by my own principal rule:

"Be kind to all dumb animals
And give the birds a crumb
Be kind to human beings too -
They're sometimes pretty dumb."

Don't worry - that includes me too! (I am world famous for my humility!)

Bring it on.....!

[pat]

Hope you now have all your passwords etc saved elsewhere too now.

[secrets in symmetry]

Macadamia, you're nuts! :cool:

Welcome back - we missed your sharp wit.

There's no point trying to contact the forum admin - they don't answer when contacted via the forum, and Bill Fernie doesn't answer emails.

[ducati]

Macadamia, you're nuts! :cool:

Welcome back - we missed your half wit.

There's no point trying to contact the forum admin - they don't answer when contacted via the forum, and Bill Fernie doesn't answer emails.

Fixed it for ya

[secrets in symmetry]

Ouch, the nutty man will be on your case first methinks!

Did you know that macadamia plants were named after an expat Scot? Like our very own macademia, the original Macadam was also a polymath.

[macadamia]

He was very popular, that Macadam. Whenever he used his polymathematical insight to solve a problem, folk used to say - wait for it - "Ta, Macadam!"

[secrets in symmetry]

Aye, he was a bitch o' a man. He used to flirt with my great granny, he liked her because her asphalt firm. :cool:

[macadamia]

She used to put it about a bit, I'm told. Some said she was a bit of an anthracite. Always on the Coke - used to make her walk in a very pushy way - kind of aggregate. Bit of a nutty slack, if memory serves.

[secrets in symmetry]

She laid Macadam faster than anyone else could. She wasn't just a common tar-t, she was hardcore.

[macadamia]

I heard she'd become a cycle path - well dangerous. I wouldn't like to queer her pitch. It'd be a case of ashes to ashes. She had a lovely necklace, though - nice piece of colliery. She used to hang it on the bedpost at night - that's right, the pit head. She always asked for money up front for her favours, I seem to recall. Kept her takings in a satchel labelled "NCB" - "No change, babes!" Sadly, she got a case of the scargills, which proved to be inoperable, and so duly succumbed. Whatever folk say about her, in my eyes she was never a slag.

[secrets in symmetry]

I can't compete with your determined single-track historical prowess, so I'll take the next available exit from this route.

Once again, welcome back! Was it your absence from the forum that drove you nuts?

[macadamia]

Fortunately, I was happily ensconced in the Bide A Wee Hame For The Bewildered in the town which shares its name with my favouritest football - sorry fitba' team of all time, the legendary "Cowdenbeath Nil". Dr. Obergurgelberger tells me I have made a full recovery, and may continue to commune with polite society. I even have a certificate of sanity, for which I paid $25.00 from the Universal Ministries Church. So I hope nobody takes it upon themselves to suggest that my marbles have taken a vacation. I am as sane as the next man. I live in Caithness and grow chickens. What better proof?

[secrets in symmetry]

As a teenager, I had a trial with Cowdenbeath Nil. I scored a hatful in a 7-0 drubbing of Lochgelly Tawse, but they didn't sign me because my performance contradicted the team's ethos. In my second game, I scored two own goals against Kelty Kowldbum, but they still didn't sign me. Were you by any chance the one ejected from the stand for throwing mixu'd nuts and raisins at Kowldbum's keeper during that game?

What sort of chickens do you grow? My grannie grows Shetlands, Icelandics and Shires in Staxigoe. She's making a fortune selling her produce to Tesco.

[macadamia]

Feathery ones with red frilly bits on top and for some reason covered in plumage. They don't swim very well, but enjoy going for a walk and a spell on the trampoline. They don't like custard. We can't sell ours to Tesco as they don't whinny.

Seriously, we have 5. 2 Welsummers, 1 Barred Plymouth Rock, 1 Cream Legbar, and 1 Wheaten Maran. Eggs are mahogany speckled, dark brown speckled, dark brown plain and light blue, which goes naicely with our kitchen units......

I salute your indefatigability in trialling for my fave team of Cowdenbeath Nil. Clearly you are a person of substance.

[George Brims]

I really have missed you all over the last few weeks, and want to get my teeth into one or two correspondents who clearly abide in La La Land.
Excuse me, oh nutty person. I am pretty sure I am the only correspondent on the org who lives in LaLa Land (aka Lost Angels).

[macadamia]

George - so you do! Never in my most fevered of imaginings did I picture a genuine resident of La La Land occupying these columns. This is indeed a rare and signal honour. I salute you!