View Full Version : Child smoking!!!
porshiepoo
07-Nov-06, 13:25
I've found out that one of my daughters has been smoking, she's almost 16.
We've tried everything imaginable to convince her to stop - we've explained everything (and not in a lecture kind of way), we've gone through the pro's and cons, we've demanded she stop, we've took a step back, I've even shown her a smokers lung on the net.
My daughter had scholiosis so even the doctor and the specialist has explained what can happen to her besides all the usual problems caused by smoking. Nothing!
Does anyone have any other ideas? Are there any seminars held around here with case files e.g. people who have almost lost their life to smoking and are now lecturing on the subject? The only thing I can think of now is to show her face to face what it can actually do to you - although she already knows alot of this as her grandfather died very slowly from lung cancer caused by smoking.
Do you think hospices that have residents dying from this disease will accept me bringing in my daughter to show her first hand?
Does anyone else have this experience and have managed to help their child quit?
I refuse to give up!:(
mums angels
07-Nov-06, 13:37
I began smoking at 14 and my parents soon found out and also tried everything including bribing me with money which they thought worked but i just bought fags with the money and hid the fact i smoked even more including deodrant,chewing gum and rushing to the bathroom to wassh my hands as soon as i got home and just explained the smell was from my friends smoke. Unfortunatley I have no advice for you to help her stop because the truth is i don't think there was anything that they could have done to stop me smoking ,peer preasure is a major factor...even stopping money i would have still got them of ma mates.....getting pregnant was how i stopped so utulmatley it was my decision and it will have to be your daughters too. I hope it works out for you i would feel exactly the same if i found out any of my children smoked. I think it would be good for her to go to see people first hand .
GOOD LUCK
not 16 and started smoking?thats quite bad,erm i wouldnt be soft with her come down on her like a ton of bricks,ask her why shes doing it?was she forced into having 1?is it to look cool?you cant let her smoke its illegal because you know shes doing it and you havnt stopped it,quite a strange world we are in but my best advise is keep her in doors and get her told!!!
Oh porshie
I sympathise - my son has smoked from being about 14. We went through the same things with him although i didnt take him to a hospice or anything like that.
I stopped giving him any money - made him have one of those lunch cards that you pay onto at school so he couldnt spend his dinner money on fags - all he did was to scavenge enough money for one packet of ten then he would sell five for fifty pence each which gave him enough for another packet of ten and so on !!!! I made sure he doesnt smoke in the house and i made a big song and dance about how bad he smells. I shouted and i did the " I am disappointed in you" thing too but although he was shamefaced he didnt want to stop.
Eventually i had to accept that unless and until he WANTS to give it up nothing i can say or do will make him. Once he decides he wants to give up which he will ( he is now 17 ) then i will give him all the help i can. I STILL refuse to give him money for ciggies but he has his own money now and he can spend it as he likes sigh
I wouldn't come down hard on her over this, it will just make her want to do it even more if you are constantly having ago at her. when your 16 and your parents tell you to do something you always do the opposite.
porshiepoo
07-Nov-06, 14:07
We're lucky at the moment because she's so honest. Her main concern when she told me was that I'd still love her which made me feel even worse cos she should know thats unconditional.
We've done the same with the dinner card Squidge but we're really worried cos some of the people who live close by no doubt give her and her friends roll ups and we can't control whats in them. She says she's not stupid enough to take a roll up but thats coming from someone who's stupid enough to smoke in the first place!
I personally don't smoke and never have but my husband does so I suppose that meant there was always going to be an increased risk of one of them doing this.
but we're really worried cos some of the people who live close by no doubt give her and her friends roll ups and we can't control whats in them.
If someone close by to me was supplying or i thought they were supplying my child with roll-ups and i was'nt sure what exactly was in them, then i would seriously be doing something about it.[mad]
I smoked before I was 16 too - it was a phase I went through. My parents were never smokers, nor my grandparents (while I was alive). I basically did it because my friends did - although, I also smoked when I was on my own. When you are that age, you don't listen or appreciate the risks. I'm afraid that it will have to be something she decides for herself. Just be grateful that she felt she could tell you. :)
I have heard this from two different folk who got caught smoking when they were young, buy a packet of fags and make your daughter eat the whole lot (yes eat not smoke) she will be so sick she will never touch one again! Not very nice but i'm told it works.
I have heard this from two different folk who got caught smoking when they were young, buy a packet of fags and make your daughter eat the whole lot (yes eat not smoke) she will be so sick she will never touch one again! Not very nice but i'm told it works.
I don't think you can legally do that these days lol you would get in serious trouble :)
I have heard this from two different folk who got caught smoking when they were young, buy a packet of fags and make your daughter eat the whole lot (yes eat not smoke) she will be so sick she will never touch one again! Not very nice but i'm told it works.
Never heard of making them eat them, but giving them 20 fags and making them smoke one after another. Or smoke a nice big fat cigar :D
Porshiepoo, coming down hard simply will not work. All that will happen is that she will take even more care to hide what she is doing.
Coming down hard and trying to bully her into submission will, more than likely, push her into becoming a rebellious teenager in other things too.
Knowing your daughter smokes and being unable to stop her is not a criminal offence, if it were the Courts would be jammed full of parents in a similar position.
People who try to tell you there is a simple solution which will make her stop are living in a dream world.
If there were such a solution there would be virtually no teenage smokers because all their parents would have used it. The more fuss you make the worse the problem will become because the vast majority of teenagers will automatically rebel.
Both I, and other people, will be able to tell you what will not work.
If anybody can tell you of a solution which will not fail then I suggest you refer them to the Department of Health who will be only too ready to take the advice of that person.
I have heard this from two different folk who got caught smoking when they were young, buy a packet of fags and make your daughter eat the whole lot (yes eat not smoke) she will be so sick she will never touch one again! Not very nice but i'm told it works.
Method tried and proved to be a failure. The mother, (if that is what you could call her), even stubbed cigarettes out on her child's tongue on more than one occasion. That was thirty years ago and that child still smokes!
The mother herself openly boasted to me of what she had done.
danc1ngwitch
07-Nov-06, 15:27
If someone close by to me was supplying or i thought they were supplying my child with roll-ups and i was'nt sure what exactly was in them, then i would seriously be doing something about it.[mad]
Which way would u handle this, as if u go to them u are up to get ur car done over or u put ur child at further risk from these possible Punks... this situation is very difficult indeed. U have to Trust ur own child at this point and don't doublt him/her.
Which way would u handle this, as if u go to them u are up to get ur car done over or u put ur child at further risk from these possible Punks... this situation is very difficult indeed. U have to Trust ur own child at this point and don't doublt him/her.
For one, i'd report it to the police.
We all think we trust our children enough, some though are easily lead. Of course we don't want to doubt our children but in some circumstances we do.
If you thought someone was supplying your child with roll-ups and you suspected something was in them, are you saying you would do nothing about it?:confused
Cedric Farthsbottom III
07-Nov-06, 16:05
My brother smoked from 14,I never touched them,thought they were stinkin'.He grew out of it and now I'm addicted.
Have a wee talk cos it might be just peer pressure.Thats what my Mum did for ma brother and he listened.I was later in starting but by then it was too late.Although obiron does still give me an earbashing about it now and again!!!:D
scrapydoo
07-Nov-06, 16:11
Which way would u handle this, as if u go to them u are up to get ur car done over or u put ur child at further risk from these possible Punks... this situation is very difficult indeed. U have to Trust ur own child at this point and don't doublt him/her.
You value your car more than your child then[evil]
If someone is giving 15 yr olds fags with suspected substances in them they need to be reported, for that childs sake and others.
You can't always take your childs word.
It's all very well saying that "I smoked at that age - it's a phase you go through" (as indeed it was for me), but you can't wash your hands of your responsibility in the hope that it will all turn out fine.
It is always dificult as they try to exercise their own authority and independence, but you just have to persist in a caring way rather than confrontational (Going to the police does not fall into that catagory)
It would worry me that should it become an addiction, then the source of the funds to support it (£5.00 a packet?) starts to become a worry also.
I would try to convince her that despite peer pressure, smoking makes you stink and that while the rest of Scotland are hopefully trying to stop - she appears to be the next generation of smoker.
Good luck.
I did hear of some parents saying "Right you want to smoke? Then smoke this lot" and made their kid smoke a whole pack one after the other - kid never touched another fag.....
While this may work, I've never understood this logic! 'I don't want you to smoke 1 cigarette, so smoke this 20 deck'
Cedric Farthsbottom III
07-Nov-06, 17:07
While this may work, I've never understood this logic! 'I don't want you to smoke 1 cigarette, so smoke this 20 deck'
Agree wi ye henry20.Smoke one ciggie and ye stink and get the nicotine buzz.Smoke 20 in a row and ye turn green like the Incredible Hulk and yer lungs start waving the wee white flag.
But a day later yer back to normal.Fags are like the drink that way.Who's ever woke up on a Sunday morning after a night out wi a stonkin hangover and said to yersel',"I'm never drinkin again,not one drop."Then ye say the same thing the following Sunday morning.
Porshiepoo show yer daughter one of ma posts on Caithness Org and say if ye dinnae gie up smokin ye'll end up wi yer brain writing like that.Should be the shock that works.
While this may work, I've never understood this logic! 'I don't want you to smoke 1 cigarette, so smoke this 20 deck'
If smoking 20 at a time stops you doing it for the rest of your life then that sounds very logical to me. Hopefully she'd feel sick just looking at them but it would take pretty tough parents to see it through.
Porshie - you say your husband smokes which surprised me as it rather weakens your argument against it. Maybe if he gave up and she saw how hard that was she might not want to get hooked. All these peer pressure things are a nightmare - smoking, drinking, drugs - the list goes on and seems to start younger and younger. Do hope you succeed and well done for caring so much. If all parents were like you there wouldn't be a problem.
Bobinovich
07-Nov-06, 17:25
Maybe this would be an ideal opportunity to get hubby and daughter to help each other into quitting? They say it helps to have a dieting buddy so what about a 'quit smoking' buddy - with you as 'coach' helping the pair of them through it. I'm sure it would be hell in your household for a while but the results would surely be worth it for all concerned.
Its the hypocricy that I don't understand though badger! Surely 20 cigarettes do the same damage healthwise - regardless of whether its 1 a day for 20 days or 20 within a short space of time. Whose to say that Porshie's daughter won't give up before 20 cigarettes anyway, of her own free will!?
I'm no angel (honest!!) and at 15 I got very ill on whisky, but it never deterred me from drinking. I don't think my parents sitting me down and force feeding me alcohol until I was sick would have made me think any differently!
Back to smoking, I smoked when I was 15 or so, but not to any extent and I soon grew bored of it. I hope Porshie's daughter will feel the same. But, badger, I agree, the argument is weakened when Porshie's husband smokes. Neither of my parents smoked or drank - it was a bad habit I developed for myself.
If my parents did force feed me alcohol/cigarettes, I would lose some of my respect for them. From Porshie's statements, I feel that there is a lot of respect between them and this should be cherised. Love is unconditional, respect isn't.
I have heard this from two different folk who got caught smoking when they were young, buy a packet of fags and make your daughter eat the whole lot (yes eat not smoke) she will be so sick she will never touch one again! Not very nice but i'm told it works.Have you ever tried eating (or just chewing) tobacco from a cigarette? It's disgusting, probably the second worst thing I've ever tasted. I think it might be physically impossible for me to eat a single cigarette, never mind a whole packet.
Never heard of making them eat them, but giving them 20 fags and making them smoke one after another.I have a vague recollection of porshie saying she's tried this once before...
Its the hypocricy that I don't understand though badger! Surely 20 cigarettes do the same damage healthwise - regardless of whether its 1 a day for 20 days or 20 within a short space of time. Whose to say that Porshie's daughter won't give up before 20 cigarettes anyway, of her own free will!?
If my parents did force feed me alcohol/cigarettes, I would lose some of my respect for them. From Porshie's statements, I feel that there is a lot of respect between them and this should be cherised. Love is unconditional, respect isn't.
I don't think so Henry. Surely it's the regular smoking over a period of years that does the damage, unless of course you already have a health problem which means you can't smoke at all. I'm assuming of course that it's just one bout of 20, it's not something you could repeat. I don't suppose 1 a day for 20 days would do any harm either. What you want is to stop before you get hooked. I tried smoking when I first started work but decided very quickly I didn't like and have never liked the smell of people who smoke regularly. And kissing a smoker - yuk !
I've also been lucky that too much alcohol makes me sick (in fact even a tiny bit of some, like whisky - which is a terrible admission up here but there it is) and the joys of drinking have never compensated for the horrible after- effects so I enjoy a wee drink and that's it. No temptation. Much harder for those who can take it.
I've found out that one of my daughters has been smoking, she's almost 16.
We've tried everything imaginable to convince her to stop - we've explained everything (and not in a lecture kind of way), we've gone through the pro's and cons, we've demanded she stop, we've took a step back, I've even shown her a smokers lung on the net.
My daughter had scholiosis so even the doctor and the specialist has explained what can happen to her besides all the usual problems caused by smoking. Nothing!
Does anyone have any other ideas? Are there any seminars held around here with case files e.g. people who have almost lost their life to smoking and are now lecturing on the subject? The only thing I can think of now is to show her face to face what it can actually do to you - although she already knows alot of this as her grandfather died very slowly from lung cancer caused by smoking.
Do you think hospices that have residents dying from this disease will accept me bringing in my daughter to show her first hand?
Does anyone else have this experience and have managed to help their child quit?
I refuse to give up!:(
Kick her out, she's old enough now to smoke and to be on her own. Then see who's calling who's bluff. If you are like me then your daughter will cave in first.
I don't think so Henry. Surely it's the regular smoking over a period of years that does the damage, unless of course you already have a health problem which means you can't smoke at all. I'm assuming of course that it's just one bout of 20, it's not something you could repeat. I don't suppose 1 a day for 20 days would do any harm either. What you want is to stop before you get hooked. I tried smoking when I first started work but decided very quickly I didn't like and have never liked the smell of people who smoke regularly. And kissing a smoker - yuk !
I've also been lucky that too much alcohol makes me sick (in fact even a tiny bit of some, like whisky - which is a terrible admission up here but there it is) and the joys of drinking have never compensated for the horrible after- effects so I enjoy a wee drink and that's it. No temptation. Much harder for those who can take it.
But who is to say that 'making' your child smoke 20 a day will stop them? I'm sure it doesn't work all the time and this is where hypocricy creeps in. 'you told me to smoke 20 cigarettes, I did. Now you tell me I can't smoke because I want to'
I'm all for putting across the 'kissing a smoker' side of things. Having been with my hubby while he was a smoker, I'll happily point out that its not an enjoyable experience kissing an ashtray. Maybe its worth pointing out that a non smoker doesn't appreciate a smokers breath. Porshie, refuse to kiss your husband too while he continues to smoke :eek:
Also, the smell of stale smoke on someone is pretty repulsive - so are the yellow fingers on a heavy smoker.
My grandad smoked in his youth, but chose to give up. I never knew him while he was a smoker, but I knew him when he died of lung cancer. It is something I never want to have to go through again. Its a terrible thing watching someone go from a proud man to someone dying an undignified death. Thankfully (if you can say it was anything to be thankful for) my grandad didn't live long once he was diagnosed with cancer, but I'm sure he wouldn't have smoked if he knew the suffering he would have :~(
While this may work, I've never understood this logic! 'I don't want you to smoke 1 cigarette, so smoke this 20 deck'
When my hubby was younger his mum found out he was smoking.
She sat him down & made him smoke a pack of 20 (american fags)1 after the other. It made him sick but it didn't stop him he still smokes.
Which way would u handle this, as if u go to them u are up to get ur car done over or u put ur child at further risk from these possible Punks... this situation is very difficult indeed. U have to Trust ur own child at this point and don't doublt him/her.
That's how people like these get away with it danc1ngwitch. Too scared to stand up to them in fear of their car being damaged.
Your child is more important at the end of the day.
Kick her out, she's old enough now to smoke and to be on her own. Then see who's calling who's bluff. If you are like me then your daughter will cave in first.
Yikes! Were you thrown out the Gestapo for being too rough????
Problem with that is.............. if she calls your bluff - where are you then?
porshiepoo
07-Nov-06, 18:56
DrSzin, trust you to have a memory like an elephant.
Yes, I did try the smoking 10 fags one after the other with her but she retched on the 2nd puff. The other daughter however tried to take the pressure away and insisted she wanted to do it too. Well after one drag she almost puked, ahd a sore throat for days and now can't even stand the smell of cigarette smoke. So at least it worked for one!
I've not lectured my daughter on this cos she's been so open and honest about the whole thing. At the moment she knows what the rules are but I know I can't be with her 24/7 watching her smoking habits.
The sad thing is that she wants to work with big cats when shes older and I've tried pointing out that smoking could ruin her chance of working with animals but it seems the cancer stick has snagged it's next victim. :~(
We've just had another conversation about it all and she looked at smokers lungs with me again, but it's suprising how much a person can deny anything when confronted with the awful reality of something. This is why I'm wanting to take her to a hospice or something so that she can see it with her own eyes.
Other than that we've ran out of suggestions. We have seriously tried everything - good, bad and ugly - but I figured that if she could at least read of other peoples experiences with this then she might think twice.
In my previous post I didn't mean to intimate that we know of anyone actually giving her anything in a roll up - if we knew that then of course we'd call the police. All I was trying to point out is that we can't be sure that something hasn't been put in a roll up and that was one of the reasons I was so concerned about it.
danc1ngwitch
07-Nov-06, 19:35
You value your car more than your child then[evil]
If someone is giving 15 yr olds fags with suspected substances in them they need to be reported, for that childs sake and others.
You can't always take your childs word.
No not wot i meant at all... It would be an ignorant person indeed that
would even assume that one would value a car before their children.. All i was pointing out is how difficult the situation is... See how words can be read so differently to so many different people... :roll:
Never heard of making them eat them, but giving them 20 fags and making them smoke one after another. Or smoke a nice big fat cigar :D
must be on the same wavelength cos thats what i said to my pair if i ever caught them smoking.
my oldest is 11 and in p7 and a couple of kids in his class smoke.
Problem with that is.............. if she calls your bluff -where are you then?
I doubt if it would happen but a nice stress and smoke free hoose to live in if it did!!:lol:
The thing is with girls who smoke is that they are cutting their options down on the romance front because any nice clean living lad knows full well that a girl who smokes is a minker deep down.
Wrap up lots of packets of fags for her for xmas and dont give her anything else. The shock of that MAY make her give it up ! ( Then i can have them when i come up ) sounds good to me. All joking aside poo i know how you feel about her smoking but unless hubby gives up aswell then i think your fighting a loosing battle. She will quit when shes ready. jan x
rockchick
07-Nov-06, 21:46
If a smoker survives smoking 20 at a time and still continues to smoke, they are already addicted and nothing you can do will make them stop. The one possibility may be that if your husband and her both quit at the same time, that "peer" pressure may be enough to get her to quit, but only if she wants to. Would depend on relationship she has with Daddy as well!
Good luck!
just an idea, but how about smoking with them? Get your husband to sit with her one night and smoke fag after fag until she's had enough, then get her to smoke some more. Keep doing that every night until she's had enough... perhaps insist that she leaves her cigarettes at home when she goes out, so that the only place she can smoke is in the house.
It won't do her any serious harm (in the short term) and may help in the long term.
It's called aversion therapy.
Fraser Macleod
07-Nov-06, 22:51
Porshiepoo, I relise as a mother your instinct is to do everything in your power to stop your daughter smoking, and i respect you greatly for not simply giving up on your daughter and letting her smoke, but you simply have to relise that kids especially girls (and that is not a sexist coment, its simply an observation) in this day and age will not give up simply because we want them to, it has to be what they want, and in the majority of young adults that isnt the case, they like smoking and they like thinking their 'cool'.
your daughter sounds like an honest young woman and from what you've written it seems shes very open with you, ask her if she wants to quit, if she says yes; instead of continuing to simlply tell her to stop, help her to stop (if that makes sense) try the whole nicotine gum or patches lark, because whilst i remain a cynic to the end i will admit that the advised routine for smokers trying to quit does help.
If she doesn't want to quit there is little you can do, and you are going to have to accept that, as hard as that may be. I also relise how hard it is for you to talk to her about the dangers of smoking when the man you married does so, i don't however think that weakens your argument at all, your husband smoking and not wanting your daughter to die of lung cancer are completly seperate from your arguments point of veiw, although it does significantly influence the outcome and therefore the soloution of your problem (again not sure if that makes sense anywhere except in my head, i apoligise my english isn't great)
perhaps it's your husband you should be trying to shock not your daughter? convince him its his smoking that has helped convince her to start, and tell him that she's risking her life in the long term and that he should try to lead by example and stop to save his little girl as well as himself (a wee bit melodramtic but u get the idea)
I happen to be 15 like your daughter, and i really dont mean to preach or anything, just offer opnion and advise, but i do have the veiwpoint from your daughters age group, and for people effected by 'peer' pressure it really is hard (i'm not making excuses for anyone, just pointing out), and they need the support of as many people that care about them who arnt 'peers'
I wish you the very best, and i hope that you resolve this for the best, and again id like to point out that i respect your decsion not to give up
Naefearjustbeer
07-Nov-06, 23:04
When I went to high school my dad sat me down one night and said that at school you may be offered drink, fags, roll ups etc. If you really want to smoke or drink and try them dont do it with your peers come to me and I will let you try them in the comfort and safety of a home situation. He warned me about the dangers of roll ups getting passed around and at the time I did not understand the relevance of what he was trying to say. Ie they might be joints. I did try smoking and drinking, the smoking didnt last as I didnt enjoy it and knew I was only trying it out. The drinking however I still do on the odd occaision. Not so often now since we have had kids but really quite a lot and quite often before. They will have to learn for themselves what is right and wrong. I think by the time a child is 16 they are well on the way to being a grown up and will kick out at any enforced situation. She may stop if your forced her but sure as hell she wont want to live in a home where she is forced to do certain things. She will be looking for a house of her own and then will do whatever she pleases just to show you that you are no longer in charge.
£4.50(at least) for a pack of 20 where is she getting this money at 16?? Sit her down and tell her £4.50x7=£31.50 one weeks cigs. £126.00 per month, tell her how many nights out, new outfits make up,ect she could buy with this money tell her she is acting like a sheep following the crowd that smokes. It looks like you have gave her the medical info, i think she now needs the financial info.
My husband and myself have the terrible habit, my daughter wont sit in the same room with us if we are smoking. She is 23 and wont put a cig near her mouth, so you cant blame the dad.
Naefearjustbeer
08-Nov-06, 00:00
£4.50(at least) for a pack of 20 where is she getting this money at 16?? Sit her down and tell her £4.50x7=£31.50 one weeks cigs. £126.00 per month, tell her how many nights out, new outfits make up,ect she could buy with this money tell her she is acting like a sheep following the crowd that smokes. It looks like you have gave her the medical info, i think she now needs the financial info.
My husband and myself have the terrible habit, my daughter wont sit in the same room with us if we are smoking. She is 23 and wont put a cig near her mouth, so you cant blame the dad.
So it is ok to encourage a 16 year old to have nights out. This means going to the pub in my understanding, which would be encouraging underage drinking. Smoking that is legal for a 16 year old is wrong. My goodness the laws of this country make no sense.
So it is ok to encourage a 16 year old to have nights out. This means going to the pub in my understanding, which would be encouraging underage drinking.
Erm, no... that's not what I got from lin's comment. lin didn't mean nights out down the pub now at the age of post-sixteen. She meant if you continue to smoke, then nights out will be more difficult, etc.
Just a minor intervention :)
Anyway, that's a rather narrow interpretation of a night-out you have there, Naefearjustbeer. Although, in fairness, "going to the pub" as a definition for "nights out" is pretty much top of my list! lol
Naefearjustbeer
08-Nov-06, 00:37
Ahh ok I maybe took a different slant on it. I do that sometimes.:)
At least down the pub you dont have to suffer passive smoking Like at home where dad is puffing away.
Thank you Weedom, nights out bowling, pictures, swimming ect. Night out does not always mean alcohol.
Thank you Weedom, nights out bowling, pictures, swimming ect. Night out does not always mean alcohol.
nae bother.
I have to say, of course, that I can see where naefearjustbeer is coming from. My nights out always seem to involve alcohol!
Bowling? yup, couple of pints loosens up the wrist.
pictures? Well, Liquid is downstairs, so why not have a swift one, eh?
Swimming? erm... yeah, maybe not so much booze, there.
just an idea, but how about smoking with them? Get your husband to sit with her one night and smoke fag after fag until she's had enough, then get her to smoke some more. Keep doing that every night until she's had enough... perhaps insist that she leaves her cigarettes at home when she goes out, so that the only place she can smoke is in the house.
It won't do her any serious harm (in the short term) and may help in the long term.
It's called aversion therapy.
I disagree. Cigarettes are manipulated to enhance addictiveness and though smoking 20 once will not addict a person, keeping it up over a period of time will.
If I were in your shoes Porshiepoo I would try to accept that I couldn't make the decision of whether or not to smoke for my child. I would try to keep communicating with them so that things don't become hidden. And I would lay down ground rules: 1) You want to smoke, then you pay for it; 2) Abasolutely no smoking in the house or car( including and especially bedrooms. If Dad smokes then he will also have to agree to this rule, even if midwinter and a snowstorm outside). 3) Absolutely no smoking infront of siblings.
My parents smoked when I was born. My mother still does. Luckily enough that was enough for me and my sister to hate the smell to the point that a visitor who wants to light up has to go to the garden in both our houses.
sassylass
08-Nov-06, 08:07
My daughter smoked when she was a teenager because she thought it was sooooo cool. Similar story to yours...her father set the bad example by smoking, I talked/explained/reasoned til I was blue in the face, she continued to beg cigarettes from her friends and blamed the smell on them etc etc. Then she met Mr Right at university and he happened to HATE cigarettes (bless his heart). Can you guess the end of this story?
(She now hates cigarettes [lol] )
DrSzin, trust you to have a memory like an elephant.
Yes, I did try the smoking 10 fags one after the other with her but she retched on the 2nd puff. The other daughter however tried to take the pressure away and insisted she wanted to do it too. Well after one drag she almost puked, ahd a sore throat for days and now can't even stand the smell of cigarette smoke. So at least it worked for one.It's not that I have a memory like an elephant (see the Atomic City thread), I was just a bit shocked, that's all. I haven't experienced the smoking-offspring phenomenon (yet), but I don't think I would try this technique.
At least down the pub you dont have to suffer passive smoking.Don't times change? You would have been classed as a nutter if you'd said that a couple of years ago. :)
How has the smoking ban affected Caithness pubs, cafés and restaurants? One side-effect in Embra is the emergence of a pavement-café culture on a scale not previously seen outwith the festival period. But will it survive the winter?
not 16 and started smoking?thats quite bad,erm i wouldnt be soft with her come down on her like a ton of bricks,ask her why shes doing it?was she forced into having 1?is it to look cool?you cant let her smoke its illegal because you know shes doing it and you havnt stopped it,quite a strange world we are in but my best advise is keep her in doors and get her told!!!
Strangely, I disagree with your proposal, saxovtr. If you come down like a ton of bricks you can drive the problem underground - she will smoke in private, nice and sneaky. I don't condone smoking - I'm an ex smoker of some 25 years. The girl needs to talk to someone, either a cancer victim or an ex smoker. But whatever the informaiton she is fed with, she will still need to make up her own mind. She will also need lots of positive support to see her through the 'cold turkey' stage. Good luck. She can always comm with me, if you wish and I'll tell her why I gave up and how I managed it.
Young people love to be socially included(cool) and they hate to be socially excluded(uncool). If you could engineer it so she associates smoking with social exclusion then you will have cracked the problem. Obviously, she is mixing with other girls who are smoking? The first thing is to get other family members to stop and make the family home a smoke-free zone (social excusion).
How can you stop her smoking?
This is one of the most difficult problems for parents of teenagers. They know the risks but still they do it. It's the peer group, stupid!
Heard it all before
She knows the risks to her health, she knows it's a filthy habit, she knows it stains her teeth and the rest, but none of it seems to have any effect. Who smokes - and why they do - is a mystery. The children of non-smokers smoke, the children of heavy smokers don't. The influence of friends appears to be more important than family.
Talk to her
Don't describe the terrible things that will happen to her at 50 - 30 seems ancient to her and 50-plus is really out of the frame. Don't lecture or nag, however strongly you feel. Try to talk to her calmly and use arguments she might just respond to. Concentrate on immediate rewards - money saved for other (nicer) treats, sparkling teeth and fresh-smelling clothes. Make the point that if she gets hooked now, she'll definitely want to give up in five years. She ought to recognise the truth in this. The longer she smokes, the more difficult quitting will be. Some politically-conscious teens are susceptible to arguments about the profits that big business reaps from weak-willed teenagers.
Try bribery
Some parents find bribery works. A friend promised her son a large sum of money on his 18th birthday on the assumption that if he could last until then, he was unlikely to start later. Not a cast-iron guarantee since many students start to smoke at university, but generally, the later they start the less likely they are to continue.
An alternative approach:
Work out what it costs her to smoke every week and do a deal with her that she will break the habit in a month. For the first week, each day she puts the money she saves into a pot and you match the amount. In the second week, you give double the amount she saves. In week three, three times and in week four, four times the amount saved. At the end of four weeks she will have amassed a tidy sum and broken the smoking habit.
If she smokes in the four weeks, she forfeits the lot and you pocket it! This approach only works if she has a commitment to give up and saving money is the right incentive for her.
Generally
Make it difficult for her. Don't allow her to smoke in the house. Refuse to subsidise her smoking and dock her allowance by the sum she spends on cigarettes.
funky-dunky
08-Nov-06, 17:53
I think i was smoking at the age off fourteen my mum tryed everything to get me to stop but no. she tryed grounding me but never worked, stopped me from hanging around with people that smoked but never worked.
The only one thing that got me stop smoking is that one time my lungs colasped and i nearly died even the doctors thought they were going to lose me. i was in so much shock and i knew it was because i was smoking that did it so i soon gave up.
I thnk people do it because they see other people doing it and think its cool.
So if you are smoking yourself then why dont give up together or try stopping her seeing the mate she smokes with.
let her see this message and she might think again about it.
I am still coughing and weezy when people smokes in the room which am in and as its my house ive tryed stopping it but it just doesnt work.
my mum says she is going to try and stop smoking but she has been saying it for years and she smokes about twenty or more a day fair enough she might have cut down on that one or two fags at the most but not completly. Once you are a smoker you will always be a smoker so if your daughter has been smoking for ages it might not work.
If you do try the stopping her seeing her smoking friends and you are worrying about school then why not ask her teacher to keep an eye on her at lunch and break times.
have you tryed showing her the yellow and rotten teeth you get plus the colour off your hand now that is horrible.
Try telling her that boys aint interseted in smokers and even some employers dont take smokers on like if you are waitressing or a shop assistant as you will smell off smoke the whole time.
i hope you find a plan to make your daughter stop smoking.
[evil] [evil] I have a son of the same age (almost 16) and am confident he won't start smoking. When he was younger my exes parents smoked like chimnies, everything in their house was yellowish and invariably their was a ciggie stub in the bottom of the toilet. Gross!. My son hated their smoking so much he would pull the cigarettes from their mouths and complain bitterly about their habit.
My husband smokes and is constantly berated for it from myself although my children diplomatically keep out of the argument for him to stop. He started at 9 and his parents have smoked all his life. He is not allowed in the house when smoking no matter what the weather and he is not allowed to be seen smoking by our youngest son who is now 2.
I remember the adverts where the mother sat on the childs bed reading a bedtime story and the child put a pen in his mouth to copy what she was doing. This is the reason my youngest is not allowed to see him smoke. I have tried everything to get him to stop to no avail. I sympathise with you trying to get your daughter to stop. The sooner the better.
I used to run a Scout Unit (not up here) for 10 - 15 1/2 year olds. Smoking came up, although not as often as I'd expected. The rule we, as leaders, agreed on was:
1. the kids young people can smoke if they want, but they should tell us if they smoke.
2. We will not pro-atively tell their parents, but we also won't lie if asked a direct question.
The idea was that the kids young people would be open with us about it. If they didn't have to hide it, then perhaps they would be less likely to smoke inside their tents! Burning teenagers create the most awful smell. You can't get it out of your hair for weeks. And the forms you have to fill in? ugh... no thank you.
Whoever it was that said create rules such as "no smoking in the bedroom" had it most right, probably. I don't think you'll beat her into submission, there's no point in coming down like a ton of bricks, as you'll only drive her to hide her smoking, rather than actually stopping her.
In complete contradiction to my earlier post, with hindsight the "aversion therapy" probably won't work on a fifteen-year-old girl... she'll see right through that and you're back to the "driving it underground" problem.
So, yeah, I think you'll have to live with it. If that's the worst habit she develops as a teenager, then really you're pretty lucky. The country is being over-run by fifteen-year-olds doing a lot worse than that*. Hell, I know I had/have worse habits!
As for whoever was worrying about the contents of rollies... I think this is a bit of an urban-myth. Think about it... if you're a druggie and you've given your local neighbourhood drug dealer however much for whatever, are you going to then give it to a fifteen year old kid for nothing? I think not!
I spend good money getting my state-authorised drug-of-choice from my local dealer(s), and I certainly won't be sharing my pint with a teenager.
*see any edition of the Daily Hysteria Mail for proof. If it's in the paper, it must be true.
roblovesplastic
08-Nov-06, 23:34
Smoking youngsters is a dangerous activity, never mind the size of the cigarette papers you will need for even a small child, I would say smoke things like fags if I had to choose between tobacco and child smoking.
But smoking fags is really boggin as the adverts sat and highly addictive, its not kewl to smoke at all, even passively.
Get into surfing, music, sk8ing, football, not killing yersel wi fags, wee beggars *clip roon the lug hole*
I know what you are trying to do as i also have a daughter 16 and a half she also smokes and has diabetes. I have tried everything no money the health risks which i keep going on about her grandad was diagnosed with cancer last year the list goes on but my daughter is very strong willed and she tells me she has to make her own mistakes in order to realise for herself. Cant really argue with that but it is so hard to sit back when you know it is the worst thing for them. Other family members tell her she will regret this in years to come but still she wont stop. I dont smoke but a few close family members do, they say they wish they could stop but cant cause it is an addiction. I dont know what else to do she wont smoke in front of me or in the house but i cant keep her in and she will just get fags from her friends they dont see the relevance with her medical condition either its a no win situation i can only hope that she will come to her sences and stop before it really does get a grip of her.
[evil] I have a son of the same age (almost 16) and am confident he won't start smoking. When he was younger my exes parents smoked like chimnies, everything in their house was yellowish and invariably their was a ciggie stub in the bottom of the toilet. Gross!. My son hated their smoking so much he would pull the cigarettes from their mouths and complain bitterly about their habit.
I have a son who is now 34 and a smoker. From very young until his late teens, he whined and moaned constantly about his father and myself smoking in the house or car.........anywhere he was, in fact.
He stopped whining when he started smoking. :confused
I don't smoke and my daughter who is 15 hates smoke. My husband smokes on the fly! and comes in stinking of it which puts her off even more but it is funny - reading Oddquines message - I wonder how things will go in the future - if she will totally change and have a fly smoke with dad! (I hope not). I think the oney thing is a good option - she definitely couldn't afford to buy ciggies - although she doesn't have a part-time job or anything - if she smoked she wouldn't be able to afford to eat!
Theres nothing you can do that will stop her from smoking, if and when she wants to stop she will. As hard as it may be to try and understand why she is doing this to herself you have to try and understand what it could be like for her... is she getting bullied into it? is it peer pressure from her friends? is she doing it so she looks 'cool' for somebody?
Im sure u could show her all the diseases under the world that smoking causes, but at that age it just wont register, her attitutde will be ' well it wont happen to me'
I know people who still smoke, even after watching someone close to them die from lung cancer, knowing full well that it could happen to them.
You will just have to hope that soon she will figure out that its just not worth it.
I have a son who is now 34 and a smoker. From very young until his late teens, he whined and moaned constantly about his father and myself smoking in the house or car.........anywhere he was, in fact.
He stopped whining when he started smoking. :confused
If he hated it so much what on earth possessed him to start? If my son started smoking I would lose the plot. I remember my mums comment when my sister started university, come back pregnant if you must but don't come back pregnant. Neither my sister or I smoke although I confess to trying it as a 13 year old and finding it disgusting.
jinglejangle
09-Nov-06, 12:19
If he hated it so much what on earth possessed him to start? If my son started smoking I would lose the plot. I remember my mums comment when my sister started university, come back pregnant if you must but don't come back pregnant. Neither my sister or I smoke although I confess to trying it as a 13 year old and finding it disgusting.
what did you mum's comment mean?
i was a child smoker at 12 years old i started the odd fag but 14 totally hooked, all my friends did it, i wouldnt eat lunch, spend the dinner money on fags,
all you can do is give her the facts and show her them awful things that smoking can do, and hopefully she will see it for herself now, rather than in 20 years time coughing all the time, saying oh god i wished i stoped, when my mum had a go at me!
i tell my 13yr son, if i catch you with a fag i will chop off your fingers!
i am now a non smoker, but it took a trip to intensive care for me to see the damage it was doing to my lungs.
[lol]
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