View Full Version : Whos in charge?
After having a wee light hearted debate, I thought this would be a good question for the orgers.
In a long term relationship between a man and woman who are living together (married or not), do you think there should be one person who should be in charge? Do you think the old fashioned way of the man should be the bread winner, and should be head of the house? Do you think that the woman should be in charge? Or the easy answer, it should be shared?
Billy Boy
18-Oct-06, 21:30
lol ofcourse it should be shared, but i noticed that you never gave your answer to the question.
Mr Billy Boy thinks he is in charge cos he wear's the trousers ( but thats cos i let him ):lol: but as all women know you have to let the man think he is in charge, i'm sure Jane would agree:roll:
Mr Billy Boy thinks he is in charge
Thats what Mr Billy Boy said to me. And Im no stirring or anything, but he said you would agree lol
As for my opinion, you need someone to take important decisions, and you need another one to agree :)
After having a wee light hearted debate, I thought this would be a good question for the orgers.
In a long term relationship between a man and woman who are living together (married or not), do you think there should be one person who should be in charge? Do you think the old fashioned way of the man should be the bread winner, and should be head of the house? Do you think that the woman should be in charge? Or the easy answer, it should be shared?
My goodness, if MrBurd was in charge the washing machine would be kaput (I once caught him putting a whole teams worth of football strips, into one load - now even Daz ain't gonna get them clean!); the kids would be wearing odd socks (like their Daddy); the dishes would be cleaned by (a lick from) the dog... I could go on...[lol]
If I was in charge we'd all starve, as I'm useless at cooking!
In short, the 'Burd residence would not survive anything other than dual responsibility![lol]
been married to Mrs G 44 years & 12 days now, and we have always shared the decisions of our partnership, from day one the finances went into one pot and Mrs G looks after them, if I am good I may get some pocket money now and again. The only time I am in charge of the finances is when we are abroad.
dragonfly
18-Oct-06, 22:22
in this day and age when most couples are both working then they decisions should be shared, but like Mrs Billy Boy, I too am in charge and let him think he is!
Bobinovich
18-Oct-06, 22:27
In the Bobs' household general decisions are shared just like the housework, however we do take care of our own financials - a fact which many other couples find strange.
We use a joint credit card for groceries and kids stuff and both pay half of that bill, but all other bills are individual. Mrs Bob pays for her car, petrol, clothes, clubbies, and the family HighLife cards, while I - with the larger income - pay for my car, diesel, etc. and alsoo take care of the other household bills.
It works for us :D
been married to Mrs G 44 years & 12 days now, and we have always shared the decisions of our partnership, from day one the finances went into one pot and Mrs G looks after them, if I am good I may get some pocket money now and again. The only time I am in charge of the finances is when we are abroad.
No offence Golach ma auld mate, but what you just said suggests that Mrs G is well and truly in charge, except when she is on holiday. lol
No offence Golach ma auld mate, but what you just said suggests that Mrs G is well and truly in charge, except when she is on holiday. lol
No No Ac, we are a private limited company, with me being the larger shareholder[lol]
lassieinfife
18-Oct-06, 22:44
you know the old saying ,,............ behind every man..........lol
No No Ac, we are a private limited company, with me being the larger shareholder[lol]
Bet you the boss doesnt know you wrote that.
I think in any relationship, the responsibilities & the decisions should be shared, including the financial ones. It is a partnership, after all, so it shouldn't make any difference whether one or both partners are working outside the home. Each one has their own contribution to make & decisions affecting the home & everyone involved should be taken jointly.
A woman learns her best negotiation skills in the early part of a relationship/marriage. These are what enable her to pass empowerment skills to her partner. This, in turn, means that the man remains in charge, with his ego intact ;)
We've been married for 25 years and have always shared everything ...decisions, money, housework (except when I stopped working to bring up kids!)
I have to admit though he never was much good at disciplining the kids,(daddy's little girls) and at times I felt like the big baddie in our house! But he always backed me up on the important things.Perhaps it would have been different if we had had boys,but that we'll never know!
If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing...not sure whether he would agree!!!......something to do with Kylie, or is it Angelina, or......!!!:lol: lol
Just as well I still have a sense of humour......I just put it down to his age![lol]
I also believe it should be a partnership 50/50 and that no one should be in charge and it's true for every sucessful guy out there theres normally a good woman behind them.
I believe that one person should be in charge of things in a relationship. For example, mrs rheghead is in charge of all the housework and I'm in charge of car.
Ok, everyone agrees that todays relationships are mostly shared, except Golach ;)
If everyone thinks back all those years ago when you first met and got past the walk on the beach holding hands with the sound of “Loving you, is easy cause your beautiful…..” playing in your head.
Was there a period where one tried or thought they were more dominant than the other?
Jane and myself were very young when we first started “courting”, and we both admit that we did have a period where I was “trying to act the man, but she was having none of it.
But it has been uphill ever since.
sassylass
19-Oct-06, 04:35
When we first got married Mr Sassy thought he was supposed to be the boss (he was trying to follow his father's modeling), but he quickly learned that he hadn't married a doormat he had married a girl with her own ideas [lol]
Once the initial shock wore off, he began telling everyone that he is crazy about me. Of course, the subliminal tapes under his pillow help quite a bit hehe.
Really though, we are a partnership, usually 50/50 but sometimes 60/40 or 40/60, and we respect each other and help one another and most of the time we like each other.
Relationships need to be a good balance, and definitely 50/50 on decision making. Probably can be 60/40 or 40/60 on other things, where one person has a strength or preference, but its all about communication, and really saying whether something is important to you or not.
My mither used to say that it took 2 ponies of equal strength and pulling in the same direction, to pull the marriage cart. If either pony pulled harder or stopped pulling, or went off to the left or right, the cart would overturn.
After having a wee light hearted debate, I thought this would be a good question for the orgers.
In a long term relationship between a man and woman who are living together (married or not), do you think there should be one person who should be in charge? Do you think the old fashioned way of the man should be the bread winner, and should be head of the house? Do you think that the woman should be in charge? Or the easy answer, it should be shared?
Ideally, things should be shared. I've been married to the same man for 30 years, and have worked for the majority of them. Like Mrs Golach, I'm in charge of the finances. Ours go into one pot as well, and I'm responsible for the family budget, and making sure the bills are paid. When we first got married, I offered to be my husband's friendly bank manager, and he said that was OK. :D
I have to admit, that for many years, he was not very good about sharing household chores and cooking, despite the fact that we were both out working. But he's somewhat better in that respect now. (Must be getting soft in his old age, lol! ;) ) But he always has been good about being the handyman around the house and garden, I must admit. And he does simple maintenance and repairs on the car himself.
When it comes to choices in homes, furniture and cars, etc., that is always a joint decision.
If everyone thinks back all those years ago when you first met and got past the walk on the beach holding hands with the sound of “Loving you, is easy cause your beautiful…..” playing in your head.
Was there a period where one tried or thought they were more dominant than the other?
Jane and myself were very young when we first started “courting”, and we both admit that we did have a period where I was “trying to act the man, but she was having none of it.
But it has been uphill ever since.
When we first got married, my husband pretty much expected me to wait on him hand and foot, and that really shocked me, as he wasn't like that when we were "courting". He'd get home from work earlier than me, and he'd often be lying on the couch, never thinking to start dinner. I'll never forget the time I was busy peeling potatoes in the kitchen, after a long hard day, and he eventually got off the couch, sauntered into the kitchen, and asked when dinner was going to be ready. Finally exploding after his usual lack of help, I hurled the potatoes at him, lol! I wouldn't have been so angry if he was in the habit of washing the dirty dishes afterwards, but he wasn't!
j4bberw0ck
19-Oct-06, 08:19
<sigh> I know my place................ :lol:
Part retired, part part-time, part house husband / chef / washer-upper and fixer of things that go wrong.
Noticeable, though, that when Mrs J arrives home from work, if the house isn't tidy, there's comments made........ :lol:
As I recall, when I was working full time and more in London, and she was part-time, if I'd had the temerity to wander in from work and ask if she'd cleaned the floors or dusted the rooms, I'd have been roasted, hung, drawn and quartered within about 30 seconds...... so perhaps complete gender equality isn't here yet!
Kingetter
19-Oct-06, 08:46
Maybe the question that started this off could have been
"In a Marriage/Partnership who is responsible"?
and there's a very short answer to that - Both.
I find that most good long term happy relationships have gone through the "rocky stage" where "I’m the boss - No your not" has taken part.
It is 50/50, even if its one does the dishes and the other does the putting up the shelves. It all comes down to adapting and compromising with each other, if one decides to be a brick wall - Well, the happiness balance is then lost.
My hubby and I have never had joint accounts. We made that a conscious descision when we started going out (Both had fingers burnt in previous relationships).
I do the majority of the housework and pay for anything relating to our children, he pays the majority of the bills, does some of the housework and does the DIY. We discuss any major purchases and this works well for us.
In our house, I ponder and pronounce on all of the important things like the legality of the war in Iraq, what sanctions should be brought against North Korea etc.
This leaves my wife free to deal with more minor matters such as household accounts, what furnishings to buy and which rooms need decorating next.
In our house, I ponder and pronounce on all of the important things like the legality of the war in Iraq, what sanctions should be brought against North Korea etc.
This leaves my wife free to deal with more minor matters such as household accounts, what furnishings to buy and which rooms need decorating next.
Funny you should say that, in the bible somewhere it says that - The men should congragate and talk of important things, while the women stay at home and bake the bread etc.
Not sure where it says it, but I did read it once (and quoted to jane to wind her up lol)
Billy Boy
19-Oct-06, 15:27
Thats what Mr Billy Boy said to me. And Im no stirring or anything, but he said you would agree lol
As for my opinion, you need someone to take important decisions, and you need another one to agree
hold back that big wooden spoon for a wee bit lol,mrs bb know's who's boss in this neck of the wood's and that's big bad billy boy[lol] at least i can say i pick my own clothes lol unlike you as jane even buy's your golf shoe's and a matching gansey to boot and i would'nt be surprised if she got you matching longjohn's to lol[lol]
Jane here, and yes I did buy his shoes and jumper. Only because I asked him to get them himself, but he would rather spend the money on flowers and choclates for me.
Ok its not Jane, but thats what Jane would say if she knew I was writing this. :)
whats his is mine and whats mine is my own ! JOKE , weve been together over 30 yrs and ALWAYS shared everything and been equally responsible for everything, good or bad. works great for us but i do wish i was in control about where we lived..........we would be back up in caithness now not here..:~( Jan x
mums angels
19-Oct-06, 17:49
i stay at home with the kids and my hubby works offshore but i'm in charge of everything including household bills, he signs the cheques but i make sure everything gets paid , if you asked him what bills we had and what goes where he would barley have a clue.
where the kids behaviour e.t.c are concerend we try to deal with it together but i generally get the last say. :D
porshiepoo
19-Oct-06, 17:52
Theres always going to be some things that each partner is better or worse at than the other so I guess a feeling of equality is always going to be more advantageous than just one side getting gung ho and assuming full responsibility for everything.
Personally, I find men to not be as sensible as women and that men can turn tiny little mole hills into unclimable mountains, women have had to learn how to multi task, be sensible and generally soldier on with dogged determination in the face of the whole 'weaker sex' thing. BUT imo opinion men bring qualities into a relationship that help to balance everything out (just don't ask me what they are lol).
I fear I may be straying slightly from the topic subject however so I will just say that 90% of me believes everything should be equal.
Billy Boy
19-Oct-06, 18:06
Jane here, and yes I did buy his shoes and jumper. Only because I asked him to get them himself, but he would rather spend the money on flowers and choclates for me.
Ok its not Jane, but thats what Jane would say if she knew I was writing this.
lol a read the first line of this and knew it was you who was writting it, its the sort of thing mr billy boy would do to, it must be a man thing.
as for him saying he's the boss he only did that cos a was at work ;) there aint no boss in this house except litte bb:lol:
percy toboggan
19-Oct-06, 18:48
After thirty five years or more I leave my wife to handle all the routine stuff. I just decide whether we should invade Iraq, re-commence a nuclear energy programme or adopt the 'Euro' you know, all the really important decisions.
After nearly 25years the person "in charge" as changed a lot. when we first got married hubby was made redundant 3 months later, this left me as the breadwinner so i paid the bills etc. When we had kids i gave up work so he was the earner and paid the bills. now we both earn (must admit he earns a lot more than me) but as they say every little helps. Both wages now go into a pot and after all the bills are paid we both have joint access for everyday spending. Large household items and holidays are a joint decision. The teenagers would like to take charge but have been told they can take charge on their own and i will even pack their bags as a going away pressie:D
We've been married 18 years now. It has always been a 50/50 arrangement (ie she's in charge), except when 'things' get arranged - then its 100/0 (I'm the 0).
She doesn't want to be in charge as long as things go her way, not mine; she would rather that I was in charge because she doesn't want to always be the one making all the decisions, as long as it's her who has the last say.
I can speak my mind as long as it is what she wants to hear and I can join in any conversation as long as I agree with what has been said. So, I'm the guy wearing the trousers.. as long as I recognise that this is permitted by her in charge.
That is... until I have had enough and stick my foot down (or should that be my neck out?).. in which case we usually have a long period of silence. :eek:
Murchiemannie
19-Oct-06, 20:10
been married to Mrs G 44 years & 12 days now, and we have always shared the decisions of our partnership, from day one the finances went into one pot and Mrs G looks after them, if I am good I may get some pocket money now and again. The only time I am in charge of the finances is when we are abroad.
I'm with you on this one golach. Do you think it's anything to do with getting married in the early sixties? Are we "oldies" more tolerant?
We work our household much the same as you and your missus.
On holiday mr.mm must think it's his birthday getting a wallet full of euros..shame he doesn't have them there for very long...
Share and share alike that's my motto.
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