View Full Version : Visit to the Doctor
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 15:19
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive
lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 90?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a damn?"
[lol] Good one Kingetter [lol]
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.
The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."
The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."
The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for him."
The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again!":lol:
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 15:30
An 'oldie' but a 'goldie' Angela.
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken finger.":lol:
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 15:40
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken finger.":lol:
Yup! That's a:-
2nd letter of alphabet,12th,15th,14th,5th (if I've counted right - my abacus is being defragged). Mustn't mention B jokes, right?
Mustn't mention B jokes, right?
[lol] slight adjustment..[lol]
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 15:49
[lol] slight adjustment..[lol]
Not that a B would notice maybe?
The hunched-back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a
doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.
Doctor: I need for you to get undressed, sir.
(Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)
Hunchback: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.
Doctor: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed.
(Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)
Hunchback: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.
Doctor: Do you want me to examine your back or not?
(Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)
Doctor: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?
Hunchback: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?
Doctor: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?
Not that a B would notice maybe?
[lol] Don't mention Stutter or Elbow ;)
Billy Boy
14-Oct-06, 15:52
Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?
It was cordless!
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 15:54
The hunched-back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a
doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.
Doctor: I need for you to get undressed, sir.
(Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)
Hunchback: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.
Doctor: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed.
(Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)
Hunchback: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.
Doctor: Do you want me to examine your back or not?
(Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)
Doctor: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?
Hunchback: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?
Doctor: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?
Bet the Doc has an answer to why camels are so miserable too:D
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor whos sober?"
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 15:56
[lol] Don't mention Stutter or Elbow ;)
I I w w i lll tery not to
Billy Boy
14-Oct-06, 15:58
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."[lol]
I I w w i lll tery not to
Good now don't bump into me either...:lol: :lol:
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:00
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor whos sober?"
Now that's a neat one!
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:02
Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?
It was cordless!
No, sorry, it was too quiet - not wired for sound.
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:05
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."[lol]
To a chorus of "Oh yes we have no bananas"?
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night.":lol:
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:07
Good now don't bump into me either...:lol: :lol:
You might get a shock!
Bet the Doc has an answer to why camels are so miserable too:D
'Cos they've always got the hump? ;)
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:10
'Cos they've always got the hump? ;)
My sakes lass, that's Einstein stuff for sure - well done. I know which restaurants you don't eat in lol
To a chorus of "Oh yes we have no bananas"?
http://humorvault.tripod.com/banman_b.jpg
No Bananas, No Bananas...we've no Bananas dede de dum....
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:14
http://humorvault.tripod.com/banman_b.jpg
No Bananas, No Bananas...we've no Bananas dede de dum....
Um - where's the image? No bananas and now no image?
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:18
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
Do your hands shake when you stutter?
Do your hands shake when you stutter?
Crikey yes, it's bad enough with that then along comes an idiot and elbows ye one...;)
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:31
Crikey yes, it's bad enough with that then along comes an idiot and elbows ye one...;)
Och but that'll be a booboo eh?
Billy Boy
14-Oct-06, 16:32
An old man, a doctor and a story
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddently a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear!"
"And the moral of the story is...?" replied the doctor.
Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 16:35
Very good and original.
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