PDA

View Full Version : To my husband - oooooops!



Kingetter
13-Oct-06, 21:20
To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know
about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into
the driveway. Fortunately, it was not too bad and I really didn't get hurt,
so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway
I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent, but the pick up fortunately came
to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind hearted personality
you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for
you my sweet heart.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
XOXOXO

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i102/OpenandShut/Org/crash1111.jpg

angela5
13-Oct-06, 22:41
Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been a nightmare..
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't cuddle me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife :lol:



Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty pounds from me that morning and your negligee was £49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I Had hit the lotto for ten million Quid, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a penny from me.
So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.[lol]

Cedric Farthsbottom III
13-Oct-06, 22:46
Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been a nightmare..
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't cuddle me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife :lol:



Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty pounds from me that morning and your negligee was £49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I Had hit the lotto for ten million Quid, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a penny from me.
So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.[lol]

speechless....the best one I have heard in a while.....genius!!!!!LOL LOL LOL....fart....oops!!!!

angela5
13-Oct-06, 23:03
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."[lol]


From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."[lol]

Tiger Jones
13-Oct-06, 23:09
http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i102/OpenandShut/Org/crash1111.jpg
Wow - thank goodness it was only a Ferrari and not a Jaguar E-Type or I'd be greetin, man! :cool:

Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 00:42
But what's that miserable looking thing on top?

saxovtr
14-Oct-06, 02:00
christ,bit of t-cut will take that out

Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 10:08
Actually, they could stick that in a Gallery and call it Art, the way things are these days.

Tiger Jones
14-Oct-06, 10:59
Actually, they could stick that in a Gallery and call it Art, the way things are these days.
Now, there's an idea. Watch this space :cool:

Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 11:17
Convenient multi-storey car parking at a location near you?

Tiger Jones
14-Oct-06, 19:34
Here we go...

I call it "Double Parked"

http://xs307.xs.to/xs307/06416/render1.jpg

Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 19:36
Here we go...

I call it "Double Parked"

http://xs307.xs.to/xs307/06416/render1.jpg
Clever ol clogs aintcha?:lol: Very well done mate!

Bobinovich
14-Oct-06, 21:00
Actually, they could stick that in a Gallery and call it Art, the way things are these days.

I know what you mean...

"Tate Modern is set to spend thousands of pounds on a white till receipt for its art collection. The work is by Ceal Floyer, 38, who made headlines for exhibiting a black bin bag containing what looked like rubbish but was full of air. The bag was exhibited in Coventry and had to be labelled every evening to stop cleaners throwing it out. Tate Modern is now reported to be paying £30,000 for Untitled: White Till Receipt, which is a receipt for some kitchen equipment. But the art gallery is denying the price, saying it is expected to be less than half that figure. The work has been approved for purchase by Tate Modern's board. Floyer recently displayed another similar work, Monochrome Till Receipt - White. The items on the receipt - flour, sugar, ricotta cheese - were put together because they were all white. The Lisson Art Gallery of London which represents Floyer, says that for the artist "language itself is utilised as a material, intangible yet integral to the work of art." Floyer graduated from Goldsmiths' Art College in 1994 and has exhibited extensively around the world."

I'm sure I've got millions of pounds worth they could have - sitting in the back of my wallet [lol]

Kingetter
14-Oct-06, 21:04
That's exactly my point about 'art'.