Battle Of The Bulge

[Billy Boy]

"I'll start a new one Monday", we've heard it all before,
but if I don't really start one soon I won't make it through the door.
I start with good intentions of that I can't deny,
I'm getting fatter by the hour, I'll really have to try.
So no more chips or chocolate, no more 'pigging out'
I'll be be very careful what I eat of that there'll be no doubt.
I'll watch my waist get tiny, I'll watch my figure thin,
Oh what a joy it's going to be to at last be nice and slim.
I can see me walking down the street in dress size number ten,
I just have to resist and resist I will when I get a hungry yen.
With exercise in every form and regular daily jogs,
you'll see me lazing by the pool in my top designer togs.
So come join me all you tubbies, come join with me at last,
I'll need all the help that I can get to get me through this fast.
If you see me eating lollies or sneaking greasy fries,
then smack my hand and click your tongue, remind me of my size.
I'm sure that I can make it, I just need a little space
before Monday comes around again, till then I'll "stuff my face"!

[Billy Boy]

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall
do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring light
to make my clothes look just too tight?
I think I'm fine but I can see
you won't cooperate with me.
The way you let the shadows play
you'd think my hair was turning grey.
What's that you say, a double chin?
No that's the way the light comes in.
If you persist in peering so
you'll confiscate my facial glow.
And then if you're not hanging straight
you'll tell me next I'm gaining weight.
I'm really quite upset with you
for giving this distorted view.
I hate you being so smug and wise.
Oh look what's happened to my thighs!
I warn you now oh mirrored wall
since we're not on speaking terms at all
If I look like this in my new jeans
you'll find yourself in smitherines!