Auld Age it comes to us all.

[scaraben]

There's nothing the matter with me, I'm as healthy as any can be.
I've arthritis in both my knees, and when I talk, I have a wheeze.
My pulse is weak and my blood is thin,but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Arch supports I have for my feet, or I wouldn't be able to be on the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night, but every morning I find I'm alright.
Old age is golden, I've heard it said,but sometimes I wonder as I get into bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeyh in a cup, my eyes on the table until I wake up.ere sleep comes over me, I say to myself, "Is there anything else I can lay on the shelf" ? How do I know that my youth is all spent ? When my get up and go has got up and went ! but I don't mind when I think with a grin, of all the grand places my get up has been. I get up in the morning and dust off my wits, pick up the paper and read the "orbits" . If my name is still missing I know I'm not dead, so I have a good breakfast and climb back in bed. The moral is this, as the tale I unfold, that for you and me who are growing old, its better to say I'm fine with a grin, than to let folks know the shape that I'm in.

[Billy Boy]

We're over the hill but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad.
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip;
We all may seem a sorry lot,
But we rejoice for what we've got.
We have each day and what it brings
And on our pensions live like kings.
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake."
We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college.
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth.
And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain.
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt.
We're mean and tough, meet all demands,
Why, M&M's melt in our hands.
Yes, we're still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis.
But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say.
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here.

[dirdyweeker]

I do like a bit of poetry and these two witty ones really cracked me up. Any more ' age ' poems?

[Billy Boy]

A Poem For Those Over 30

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bites.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A curser used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile.
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a back up happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they'll wish they were dead.

[angela5]

In the dim and distant past
when life's tempo was'nt fast
Grandma used to rock and knit
crochet, tat and babysit

When we were in a jam
we could always count on gram
in the age of gracious living
grandmas life was one of giving

BUT TODAY.............

now grandma's at the gym
exercising to keep slim
she's off touring with the bunch
or taking friends out to lunch

driving north to fish or hike
taking time to ride her bike
nothing seems to block or stop her
now that grandmas off her rocker

:lol:

[Billy Boy]

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

[Lavenderblue2]

Fings ain't what they used to be!
Has all innocence gone as we pass through the years,
As the time flows along like a stream,
Have we lost all the fun and the laughter and tears,
As the world slips away in a dream.
When we knew what was right and we knew what was wrong,
And there’s never a thing in between,
Have we lost all the sunshine and rainbows and song,
And the love we once shared isn’t seen.
When Christmastime gifts were a sockful of fruit,
Or a cowboy hat, teddy or sleigh.
Do batteries included or computer to boot,
Mean we no longer know how to play.
When the world smelled of roast beef and Yorkshire and fun,
Of Oxydol, Marmite and stout.
Not pulverised cow in a sesame bun,
Or Cantonese meals carried out.
The Adventures of Robin Hood on the TV,
Or Quatermass, Lassie and Bengo.
With Whirligig, Take Your Pick, I love Lucy,
Lone Ranger and trusty friend Tonto.
And ecstasy came on the night of your wedding,
Not popped into the mouth as a pill.
When soaps were for washing the face or the bedding,
And bars were for coffee or grill.
When getting your rations meant queuing for meat,
And gay meant you just felt quite bright,
When knocking a friend up meant waking a mate,
And streets were still safe in the night.
To go all the way was to stay on the bus,
And a big mac was something you wore.
When grass was still something you mowed without fuss,
And we still had respect for the law.
When coke was still kept in a shed not a bottle,
And a stud was to fasten your shirt.
When giving it one was to wind up the throttle,
And the old folk weren’t treated like dirt.
Making yourself high was done on roller coasters;
A quick flash still cleaned kitchen floors,
And crumpet was something you put into toasters,
And locks were not needed on doors.
So where have we gone between cradle and hearse,
We’ve made ourselves better they say,
But if this is better, then I want to be worse,
Let’s bring back the fifties today!



A poem by Jim Wall

[Billy Boy]

Now I'm old and feeble,
And my pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.
'Twas a time, when of it's own accord
From my trousers it would spring,
But now I have a part time job
To find the blasted thing.
I used to be embarrased
To make that thing behave,
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.
But as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang it's withered head
And watch me tie my shoes.