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View Full Version : TV programme: "smacks and is proud of it"



_Ju_
21-Sep-06, 21:12
I am watching the "I smack and proud of it" programme (STV). There are parents yelling obscenities at their child while smacking him because the child swore at them:( ..... how intelligent do you have to be to understand what is wrong with this picture?
It's unreal.

connieb19
21-Sep-06, 21:12
Is anyone watching this programme on STV just now, about people who are proud that they smack their children. These parents just seem like complete nutters, seeing the way they are treating the children is disgusting. [disgust] They are cursing and swearing at the children, and not just smacking them, but really laying into them. How on earth is a child supposed to have respect for people when their parents are teating them like this.
I feel quite upset just watching this programme. :(

_Ju_
21-Sep-06, 21:17
LOL Connie, you read my mind... I also posted something similair

_Ju_
21-Sep-06, 21:24
I don't get it.... the kids are still behaving atrociously after the smack. I does absolutely nothing. It doesn't change the behaviour. They are not slapping. They are beating them. I think I am going to change I cannot watch this.... it's not about using a slap. It's bullying.

connieb19
21-Sep-06, 21:28
I don't get it.... the kids are still behaving atrociously after the smack. I does absolutely nothing. It doesn't change the behaviour. They are not slapping. They are beating them. I think I am going to change I cannot watch this.... it's not about using a slap. It's bullying.These men are just total control freaks, I feel really sickened watching it. I used to think that it was up to the parent if they wanted to smack their children but now after seeing this I am totally against it. [disgust]

Billy Boy
21-Sep-06, 21:28
what i dont understand is why do they film things like this when it is nothing short of child abuse, how can the children possibly learn to be any different to the parents. its case's like this that the social service's should be called in.
these people arent fit to be parents [disgust]

emszxr
21-Sep-06, 21:30
i am going to have to change the channel too, this is really upsetting me. looking at my 13 week old baby asleep beside me, how can anyone do that to their loved ones.
i use time out with my 2 year old and i find it works very well.
smacking is so wrong, it disgusts me how and why parents do it

dragonfly
21-Sep-06, 21:32
That poor wee boy Mitchell :~( his dad is a great big bully, hurting the wee mite for not sitting at the kitchen table with his legs straight in front of him and then grabbing his hand when he was playing with his straw, you could see he was crushing it trying to hurt him[evil]

Seen Aaron and his family before on another documentary - a prime example of dysfunctional families at their best!

_Ju_
21-Sep-06, 21:34
I am in anguish watching this mother (????????) hitting the table with an egg turner ( she has hit the child with it earlier on) yelling at him that he is not studying, that he has studied this book for such a long time (implying stupidity or slowness???) and that he has exams coming up. Now, is it just me or does anyone think that that child is going to learn anything at all in that enviroment?

I have smacked my son exactly once. He ran away from me in a parking lot (slipped his hand out of mine when he was 1.5 years old). The smack happened because I got a big fright and I lost control. The smack was almost reflexive and I suppose it was just to comfort me from the huge fright that I got.

PS: I was in such a state afterwards. I felt terrible.

Billy Boy
21-Sep-06, 21:57
i just cannot watch these programmes as they reduce me to tears, how can the crew carry on filming this abuse, the parents should be charged and prosecuted, the women should be steralised and the men made to have vasectomy's. they dont deserve children.[disgust]

lassieinfife
21-Sep-06, 22:04
Maybe the parents should be removed from their homes placed in a controlled enviroment and treated the way they treat their children... wonder how proud they would feel being on the receiving end? and how long before they demanded to be let out? personally i think they should not be allowed acces to any of the children

goldenguernsey
21-Sep-06, 22:05
Do any of these parents ever take the time to actually talk to their children?
There is absolutely no substitute for "time put in" with children, they respond far better to communication especially one to one and the rewards are well worth it.

goldenguernsey
21-Sep-06, 22:10
And in any case, that wifey with the hideously painted on eyebrows, hitting those kids with a spatula thing wants sectioning!.
You cannot force a child to "study" because you think he/she should.
She's lucky none of them had learning difficulties like my kids did, they would have been severely clattered had they been hers.

goldenguernsey
21-Sep-06, 22:12
And that bloke smacking Mitchell, it boiled my urine!

JAWS
21-Sep-06, 22:49
Sounds very much like a typically well balanced, unbiased piece of propaganda made by people with an agenda.
Which Channel was it on?

emszxr
22-Sep-06, 08:08
itv1 it was on

Wish
22-Sep-06, 09:14
I turned it off half way through, I was so upset:( That little toddler Mitchell wasn't even doing anything to warrant the slaps he got and when his bully of a father squashed his little hand, I just couldnt bear to watch anymore, I was horrified and I am sorry but his wife needs to wake up, I can't understand why she would allow her child to be bullied like that?

Was there a conclusion to the programme? Did things get better for the children?

saxovtr
22-Sep-06, 09:27
Conclusion:the father needed the slap not the child,im not a parent 'yet' but i could just never imagine off doing that to a human being ive brought into the world,they are not for pushing about,makes me really mad actually,why show that on tv i have no idea!!!

squidge
22-Sep-06, 09:28
I beleive in smacking as part of a regime of loving discipline. I didnt watch this programme as I assumed that it would portray smacking in a bad light. I smacked all three of my children when i beleived they needed it. I never smacked them with anything other than the flat of my hand and i never hit them with anything like a belt or a stick. The were smacked on the bottom the legs or the hand. They were smacked for bad behavior or rudeness and it was administered in the context of a loving home. The images suggested here do not reflect the use of smacking in my house and in the homes of many of my friends that smacked their children too. Quite often the threat of a smack was enough to produce the required change in behaviour and the smack never needed to happen.

The smack was ALWAYS followed up with a discussion and a cuddle and i dont think i did too badly - they are well mannered and lovely boys - althought he middle one is gobby and opinonated - Cant imagine where he gets that from:roll:

squidge
22-Sep-06, 09:38
Just as an aside There are things i did with them that i am not proud of and its only fair to share them. The worst thing i ever did was bang their heads together. The two older boys were about 13 and 12 and there was a row and they were fighting - and i mean fighting. kicking and punching each other. I was horrified and to stop them i banged their heads together. They saw stars and they stopped. I wasnt very proud of myself but it worked and brought a halt to the fight. I can only remember thenm fighting a couple of times but it always scared me when they did.

The other thing i am not proud of is because i did it out of frustration was when my eldest boy refused to eat his dinner - it was pasta in a home made sauce that i had spent a wee while making. He sat at the table and pushed it around for ages and then when i said he had to eat it he said something like I'm not eating that its rubbish - i was so mad i put the pasta bowl on his head!!! he had pasta driping down his face and in his hair and everything.

I think there are worse things than smacking in a controlled and loving environment and i think those two things are worse because i was not in control - one i was frightened and the other i was frustrated

Naefearjustbeer
22-Sep-06, 10:52
Just as an aside There are things i did with them that i am not proud of and its only fair to share them. The worst thing i ever did was bang their heads together. The two older boys were about 13 and 12 and there was a row and they were fighting - and i mean fighting. kicking and punching each other. I was horrified and to stop them i banged their heads together. They saw stars and they stopped. I wasn't very proud of myself but it worked and brought a halt to the fight. I can only remember them fighting a couple of times but it always scared me when they did.

The other thing i am not proud of is because i did it out of frustration was when my eldest boy refused to eat his dinner - it was pasta in a home made sauce that i had spent a wee while making. He sat at the table and pushed it around for ages and then when i said he had to eat it he said something like I'm not eating that its rubbish - i was so mad i put the pasta bowl on his head!!! he had pasta dripping down his face and in his hair and everything.

I think there are worse things than smacking in a controlled and loving environment and i think those two things are worse because i was not in control - one i was frightened and the other i was frustrated

I wouldn't feel bad If I were you knocking there heads to gether was obviously the quickest way to halt proceedings. Yes a bang to the head is not a good thing but it sounds like they were giving each other several knocks already and how many more before the fight finished. The pasta over the head bit I am sorry to say i find very funny. You should of filmed it I am sure you would of got your £250 from You've been framed.
I think there is nothing wrong with giving a naughty child a smack. In some situations it is the best way to deal with something. However what folk are describing on that program sounds like systematic abuse and at best bullying of poor kids that don't even know what they are doing wrong. We have found that time out works well as a punishment for most things however the odd smack on the bum is required and it does work on the odd occasion it gets dished out.

connieb19
22-Sep-06, 11:04
Sorry, I don't agree. I think that tipping a chlds dinner over his head is disgusting and humiliating. I wonder if it would have been so funny if the child was burnt? I wonder is squide would find it acceptable if her boyfriend was out of ontrol and did this to her? I would magine it would be terrifying.
As for slapping them then having a discussion, shouldn't it be the other way about?
Giving a young child a tap when they are doing something that will put them in danger is different but taking your anger out on children because you are out of control is bullying and should not be accepted.

golach
22-Sep-06, 11:14
Just as an aside There are things i did with them that i am not proud of and its only fair to share them. The worst thing i ever did was bang their heads together. The two older boys were about 13 and 12 and there was a row and they were fighting - and i mean fighting. kicking and punching each other. I was horrified and to stop them i banged their heads together. They saw stars and they stopped. I wasnt very proud of myself but it worked and brought a halt to the fight. I can only remember thenm fighting a couple of times but it always scared me when they did.

The other thing i am not proud of is because i did it out of frustration was when my eldest boy refused to eat his dinner - it was pasta in a home made sauce that i had spent a wee while making. He sat at the table and pushed it around for ages and then when i said he had to eat it he said something like I'm not eating that its rubbish - i was so mad i put the pasta bowl on his head!!! he had pasta driping down his face and in his hair and everything.

I think there are worse things than smacking in a controlled and loving environment and i think those two things are worse because i was not in control - one i was frightened and the other i was frustrated

Squidge once again your the voice of reason, I to have had to smack my two boys, for running into traffic in main street of Leith, after being repeatedly told not to do it, they never did after that. That was one example of when I had to do that. But kids are very good at pushing parents to the boundaries of exasperation. and a quick smack soon brought them back into line.
This programme was not produced to give a unbiased view to the problem of Smacking Children, it was produced to shock, and from the results of the posts in here, it has served its purpose.
I was brought up in a fairly strict household, my Dad only had to raise his voice and he got instant attention, myself and my four siblings knew the concequences if we did not, on saying this we all loved our Dad, and I would rather get disciplined by my Dad than my Mum, she was even more strict, and she could dish out a good wallop, but again I and my siblings still love and respect her and we always will.

Billy Boy
22-Sep-06, 11:25
how many people actually smack their kids for being naughty, without explaining what they have done wrong?

If i raise my voice to my little one it makes her stop and listen, then i can sit her down and explain why i dont want her to do something and why its wrong.
I really dont see the need to lift my hand.

I personnely find that taking away a favourite toy is deterrant enough, and when i watched my nephews who were a lot older, i found that removing their t.v, stereo or something they used a lot was enough.

I was brought up pretty strictly and only ever remember being hit once, but nowadays i notice that a lot of people seem to let their kids run wild only shouting and smacking them when they themselves get annoyed and not because the child has done something wrong.
as for throwing a childs food over them i think that is disgraceful behaviour and sends out the wrong message to the child, dont get me wrong i know it can be frustrating at times but thats when you have to walk away and go to another room if need be.

henry20
22-Sep-06, 11:42
Not having any kids myself, I will not criticise or condemn anyone for how they choose to discipline their children - except when they go to extremes. I only briefly saw the programme and was shocked by what I saw.

From what I understood, one woman wanted her children to fear her and a gent said smacking his kids hurt him more than it hurt the children - I don't think so somehow. If he was that disturbed by hitting his children, he would discipline his children without smacking them - and he was smacking them when they had done nothing/very little wrong.

The law on hitting children was brought in to protect children, but IMO the only people that will abide this law are people who would not be smacking freely in the first instance. The people that smack freely without good reason will continue to do so whether the children deserve it or not, regardless of the law.

squidge
22-Sep-06, 12:25
taking your anger out on children because you are out of control is bullying and should not be accepted.

Absolutely Connie and thats why i find a controlled smacking as part of discipline acceptable and why i am not proud i tipped his dinner over his head although it wasnt hot and he was fourteen not six.

Smacking should never take a child by surprise - they should have had other options explored first, they should always know they are pushing hte limits of what is acceptable and following a smack there should be a discussion about why the smack happened and an opportunity for the child to say sorry for their behaviour and for the adult to give cuddles and reassurances.

The thing is those who beleive in smacking and those who dont will never agree. Polarising the argument by calling all smacking parents bullies and abusers and all non smacking parents namby pamby liberals is no help. I do not bully my children but i am human and not a saint. There isnt a manual about bringing children up and we soimply do the best we can using the tools available to us.

Billy Boy
22-Sep-06, 12:33
Personally i dont see why there should be a need to smack if you sit the child down and explain where they have gone wrong surely this would be more effective than hitting the child.
why hit first then talk after it just doesnt make sense, lifting your hand to a child can only let them think that it is ok to hit when you arent happy about something no wonder some kids are really confussed.

squidge
22-Sep-06, 12:47
Personally i dont see why there should be a need to smack if you sit the child down and explain where they have gone wrong surely this would be more effective than hitting the child.
why hit first then talk after it just doesnt make sense, lifting your hand to a child can only let them think that it is ok to hit when you arent happy about something no wonder some kids are really confussed.


Absolutely explanations and reasoning can be effective - like i said i didnt smack every day or every week but i reserved the right to use a smack when I felt it was appropriate. If htey banned smacking would i still do it? I dont know the answer to that. How do you ensure that smacking parents dont overstep the mark like some of those parents apparently did in the programme last night, education and information i expect. I can remember occasions where i smacked my children and I am certain that in every case they knew they were doing wrong before they were smacked. In every case they had been warned and warned about hteir behaviour and were not surprised by a smack

Billy Boy
22-Sep-06, 12:58
Like i said i personally dont see the need to smack a child but that is my view and my choice, i dont expect everyone to agree with me after all every child is different as is every parent too, maybe i am one of the lucky ones who has a child that is pretty much well behaved.
What i would say to anyone who smacks their child is " what would you do if you were watching someone else's child and they did the exact the same thing that you would smack your own child for" i have asked people this in the past and a few have honestly said that that they would probably have the same reaction to any child in their care.

_Ju_
22-Sep-06, 13:12
The difference between using a wallop to press a very important point ( for example running into traffic), and the people in this programme that hit their children on a daily basis, is that one shocks the child ( and parent- or it did the one time I smacked my sons bottom) into realising that something pretty serious happened and the other just teaches the child to be angry, revolted and immune to the hitting. If you use smacking/hitting/yelling systematically you have to hit harder and harder and yell louder and louder to get through.

I gave up on watching the programme; it was upsetting and cruel.

crashbandicoot1979
22-Sep-06, 13:14
I never saw that programme, thankfully, as I would no doubt have been disgusted by it. There is a big difference between smacking a child and abusing a child, its just a pity that some parents, such as those in this programme, obviously don't know the difference.

For my own point of view, I was smacked as a child and can honestly say that I deserved every smack I got and I knew exactly why I was getting it. They weren't particularly hard and it was probably more my pride than anything else that was hurt. We certainly weren't smacked willy-nilly and it was only in extreme cases when we had ignored initial warnings. If I was ever to have children of my own I would discipline them in the same way I was disciplined myself.

I'm in a bit of a quandry though - I believe that it should be the parent's decision whenther they smack their child or not, but then as I said before, some parents can't draw the line and take things too far. But then I seriously doubt that banning smacking will have much of an effect on child abuse statistics. Those that treat their child badly will continue to do so regardless of whether smacking is legal or not.

squidge
22-Sep-06, 13:17
" what would you do if you were watching someone else's child and they did the exact the same thing that you would smack your own child for" i have asked people this in the past and a few have honestly said that that they would probably have the same reaction to any child in their care.

Thats a really interesting question. I would never smack another perspon's child and i would not expect another person to smack my child. That's one of the reasons why i dont approve of corporal punishment in schools. I beleive in smacking as part of LOVING discipline and schools dont love your children so dont take the same care over them that I do as a parent.

I would not ignore the other child's behaviour and would take whatever action was necessary - time out or whatever. If my children asked I would explain that it is up to their friend's mummy to smack their child and not me - that i wouldnt let anyone else smack my children but that i would expect to be told about their bad behaviour and i would smack them if i thought it deserved a smack.

changilass
22-Sep-06, 13:27
As we do fostering we have rules applied to what we are allowed to do with regard to discipline, smaking is not allowed. I have found that with most of the younger kids the naughty step works as they just want to spend time with you.

However, we have had kids that are used to spending a lot of time on their own, in this case the only thing that seems to make a difference is confiscation of their favorite toys.

As a child, my mum smacked but dad didn't, he would sit us down and talk to us, I was more upset that I had let my dad down than I was at being smacked.

My sister tapped her kids on the hand from being babies who were old enough to crawl and touch ornaments on a low level (she got a lot of stick from folks that thought the kids were too young to smack), she gave 3 warnings first then it was a gentle tap. None of her kids ever needed a tap after the age of 3, and none of them remember it happening. All 3 of them now bring their own kids up exactly the same way and consider their mum to be their best friend.

Billy Boy
22-Sep-06, 13:30
i fully agree that banning smacking wouldnt make one bit of difference to the parents that just lash out for no reason other that the child just being an inconvience to them, and yes squidge i do understand that some parents feel that smacking within reason is acceptable.
I just dont feel that it is, partly because i just couldnt bring myself to hit someone so small & partly because i dont feel that it can do any good.

I respect the fact that you have openly admitted hitting your child and putting his dinner over his head ( something which i myself did to my ex husband the dinner part that is) many others would have just never let on the had done such a thing, neither am i having a go at your for smacking your children that is your choice. i am just giving my views on the subject, after all i dont know you or your children only you know how you want to disipline them and what is right for you

squidge
22-Sep-06, 13:41
neither am i having a go at your for smacking your children that is your choice. i am just giving my views on the subject, after all i dont know you or your children only you know how you want to disipline them and what is right for you

I know that Mr and Mrs[lol]. I am not feeling particularly defensive about this - i am putting my point across and enjoying thinking about my responses and my reasons behind the things i do and how to explain them sensibly. its dead good stuff this - proper discussion with none of the name calling and blame apportioning that some of the threads have drowned in lately.

although i guess there is time yet eh?

brandy
22-Sep-06, 19:44
i have to admit i agree with spanking a child at times..
when all else fails.. when you have tried warnings.. time out.. taking the toys away.. even being sent to bed.. there are times when nothing else works.
my three year old was spanked yesterday.
hes had a major attitude problem this whole week... i have talked to him.. tried to reason with him
given him time out..
warned him and everything else i could think of..
finally yesterday in pizza hut.. he was running wild up in the windows screaming.. shouting hitting... refused to sit down..
and i told him.. i said if you do not behave and stop being a naughty boy we will go to the toilet and i will spank your bottom.. he did not even blink an eye and carried on.. by this time.. every one was looking.. whispering and wondering why i couldnt control my child.
so i took him to the toilet.. told him that he was getting a spanking for his behavior put him over my lap and gave him three.. yes three open palmed smacks on his bottom.. i picked him up and set him on my lap.. and told him.. again why i did it.. and told him that .. that was what happened when he was so destructive and would not listen.. and acted in the way he had.
he then went out sat down and ate.. laughed.. drew.. and was pretty well behaved for a three year old.
i was howeever shocked on some of the things on that show..
was so mad at that 3 year olds parents.. he never even acted out!
if my kids acted like that i would be in seventh heaven!
he was so upset cause he was being excluded.. they carted that baby around like it was the only one they had... nd totally ignored him unless it was to punish him..
i started crying when his dad tossed him in the hallway.. he wasnt doing anything wrong!
as for angela!!
i would love to take that spatula to her which one of her kids one day will
the 7 year old.. has a lot of problems.. and i feel really sorry for his mum and dad.. and can understand how he cussed .. as you could tell he was loosing his ever loving mind with that little demon.. i mean misunderstood child..
that kid would have been working his butt of to earn money to replace those doors he kicked thru..

golach
22-Sep-06, 20:03
i have to admit i agree with spanking a child at times..
when all else fails.. when you have tried warnings.. time out.. taking the toys away.. even being sent to bed.. there are times when nothing else works.
my three year old was spanked yesterday.
hes had a major attitude problem this whole week... i have talked to him.. tried to reason with him
given him time out..
warned him and everything else i could think of..
finally yesterday in pizza hut.. he was running wild up in the windows screaming.. shouting hitting... refused to sit down..
and i told him.. i said if you do not behave and stop being a naughty boy we will go to the toilet and i will spank your bottom.. he did not even blink an eye and carried on.. by this time.. every one was looking.. whispering and wondering why i couldnt control my child.
so i took him to the toilet.. told him that he was getting a spanking for his behavior put him over my lap and gave him three.. yes three open palmed smacks on his bottom.. i picked him up and set him on my lap.. and told him.. again why i did it.. and told him that .. that was what happened when he was so destructive and would not listen.. and acted in the way he had.
he then went out sat down and ate.. laughed.. drew.. and was pretty well behaved for a three year old.
i was howeever shocked on some of the things on that show..
was so mad at that 3 year olds parents.. he never even acted out!
if my kids acted like that i would be in seventh heaven!
he was so upset cause he was being excluded.. they carted that baby around like it was the only one they had... nd totally ignored him unless it was to punish him..
i started crying when his dad tossed him in the hallway.. he wasnt doing anything wrong!
as for angela!!
i would love to take that spatula to her which one of her kids one day will
the 7 year old.. has a lot of problems.. and i feel really sorry for his mum and dad.. and can understand how he cussed .. as you could tell he was loosing his ever loving mind with that little demon.. i mean misunderstood child..
that kid would have been working his butt of to earn money to replace those doors he kicked thru..

Brandy, you are so right here, that to me was not abuse or ill treatment, you were asserting your authority, and you got the expected result.
To smack when unnecessary is ill treatment, every good parent knows when to smack and when not to.

JAWS
23-Sep-06, 01:27
Golach, I think you got that exactly right, a good parent is one who knows what punishment is appropriate to the behaviour in question.

I didn't see the programme in question but from what has been said it would appear that the problem was not so much the "smacking" but that the people shown had virtually no idea whatsoever of how to bring up their children.

I certainly get the impression that none of them are ever likely to become Rocket Scientists.

Naefearjustbeer
23-Sep-06, 09:24
One thing to remember with punishment is do not threaten a smack if you are not prepared to do it. In your situation Brandy you would of lost respect in your childs eyes if you did not take him and spank him after telling him clearly what you were going to do. So many parents issue idle threats If you do that again you will get no TV or toy taken away smack etc then dont actually carry it out. It is little wonder these kids run rings round mum and dad.

connieb19
23-Sep-06, 09:53
What really annoys me is people who use other people as a threat. eg, now if you dont behave so and so's going to be wild at you and give you a row. Why can't they say they're going to do it themselves?

JAWS
24-Sep-06, 15:05
What really annoys me is people who use other people as a threat. eg, now if you dont behave so and so's going to be wild at you and give you a row. Why can't they say they're going to do it themselves?Watch it or I'll set Naill on you! :lol:

golach
24-Sep-06, 15:06
What really annoys me is people who use other people as a threat. eg, now if you dont behave so and so's going to be wild at you and give you a row. Why can't they say they're going to do it themselves?
Watch it or G2 might get you