true to yourself

[sweetpea]

What is the work/life balance? Is a well paid job worth hanging onto if it doesn't match how you feel?
What do you do if your principles don't match the ethos of who you work for even if you were hired on the basis that they did?
I have just had a good friend off the phone who doesn't know what to do next because of such a dilemma. Has anyone had any experience of suddenly finding themsleves in this sort of situation?

[Naefearjustbeer]

Work pays the mortgage pure and simple. If I didnt need the money I wouldnt be working. I would get to spend loads more time with my kids and get loads more kayaking done. If I was in a job that was against my beliefs/morals then I would have to take a serious look at things and get another job ASAP that was better suited. If it was just the fact that I was not enjoying my job and or workmates then I would be toughing it out until I could find a better job I dont think the urgency to change would be the same.

[sweetpea]

Work pays the mortgage pure and simple. If I didnt need the money I wouldnt be working. I would get to spend loads more time with my kids and get loads more kayaking done. If I was in a job that was against my beliefs/morals then I would have to take a serious look at things and get another job ASAP that was better suited. If it was just the fact that I was not enjoying my job and or workmates then I would be toughing it out until I could find a better job I dont think the urgency to change would be the same.

I think that against beliefs and morals is the case and from what it seems built up over the last two years. My advice was same as yours if the mortgage can withstand it and they feel so bad then go and start again cause I believe the cases of people leaving hihgly paid jobs to go to a similar one are few and far between because usually you can't get a reference and such like.

[Billy Boy]

lol i wish i could be true to myself,i've been stuck in a job i don't like for a wee while now,but it's relible,good hour's,money not to bad,but i just dont like it, i'am even dreading getting up in the morning's but hey it pay's the morgage and keep's the wee one in shoe's:lol: i dont know is it just stuck in a rut,scared of the unknown,midlife crises, well i'am 40 next year you know:eek: well i say i have been in this job a wee while i mean 15 years,so is it to late for me?maybe one day i will get the courage to get of my backside and make myself a bit happier,just maybe one day!!!

[j4bberw0ck]

Has anyone had any experience of suddenly finding themsleves in this sort of situation?

Yes. Wouldn't presume to advise anyone whether asked or not, but here's some practical stuff:

If your friend quits the job, he or she will find it difficult to get any benefits if there's another income in the house or if there are any savings, but a lot easier if there's no other income and children. They'll also be looked at twice by future employers - especially if they're in the private sector as opposed to public, where you can get away with almost anything - since in the UK it's usually thought that people who resign without another job to go to, or who quit on a principle, are some kind of weirdo, or a troublemaker, or couldn't hack it.

That said, when you decide actually to take the leap, it wasn't in my experience anything like as tall a cliff as I thought it was, as I'd teetered on the edge - at the time it looked like a looooooong way down.

Mortgages are a big issue. If your friend has one and is about to quit having an income, it better be a small mortgage. Any arrears cropping up on a small mortgage are treated leniently by lenders, because they don't want to be seen to be throwing people out of house and home for buttons. Arrears on a big mortgage are sympathetically looked at, but with an iron fist inside the velvet glove. Likewise any unsecured credit commitments; cards, loans, HP etc. Little sympathy from those boys.

If it can be done your friend should stay in the job until they can get another. Far better long-term strategy. But I do understand, believe me. And last thought? It's a difficult country to starve to death in, but an easy one to be miserable in.

[cuddlepop]

Your friend should only stay in their job for as long as its not effecting their health.Its very difficult working for an organisation whose believes are totally different to yours.Unfortunatly i speak from experience although luckily i wasn't the main bread winner so could leave.

[Naefearjustbeer]

Some folks have the abillity to switch into a work mode where they just go to work and get on with what can be the most boring repetitive or big hassle tasks and then the minute they put the jacket on to go home they switch back into normal mode. I wish I had the abillity to do such things. Sometimes I just go and get a big hammer and knock the 7 bells out of something to relive any stress I have. It works for me :D

[Piglet]

I found that repetativeness was the best way - same thing different day scenario. It's the job you go to & you would never know what was going to greet you, those are the days that got me down . . . when every time you picked up the phone you got yelled at gee that was bad . . . but if it dosen't affect your health & you think you can stick it out untill another job comes along . . . then stick it out,
If not & you have the ability to leave without financial consequence then leave.

[squidge]

I used to paint my nails bright colours - green, blue, orange mad sparkly silver and gold.

When i was sitting in boring meetings and listening to people talk and being incredulous that they could miss the point so badly I used to look at my madly coloured fingernails and think "That is who i am - i am not the boring twofaced money motivated person that the job requires - I am this mad wild free person who isnt motivated by money but by the desire to make a difference to other people's lives"

The nails worked for me but if your friend is male it might look a bit odd

[cuddlepop]

Thats a brilliant idea Squidge.Sometimes its hard at meetings like this to remember your individuality and thats brilliant.:D

[At Lassagie]

If your job is fundamentally against your morals then you should leave and find alternative employment. I was miserable stuck in a job with a boss who went against me every time I did something and then had the gall to look shocked whrn I told him I was quitting. Quality of life is far more important. You are nothing without your health and that includes mental health, depression is a serious condition.

[rockchick]

It's okay to jump, but make sure you've got a parachute! Leaving just for the sake of leaving (unless what you're being asked to do is completely immoral or unethical) is daft without an exit plan. If nothing else, it's easier to get another job if you already have one.

Speaking from experience, I took a career break to stay at home with my daughter; best thing I ever did, as I realized that I hated what I was doing before and took the opportunity when at home with her to retrain for a new career. Now I'm in a job that I love, and wouldn't go back to the old ways (even though they were much better paid!) for anything.

[Lolabelle]

Twice I have left jobs because of people making my life a misery. Only to have the rotters leave within weeks or months of me leaving. So now I would hesitate. But as I am not the bread winner it gives me more scope. I would never want Dave to just leave a job without making sure we could pay our bills. It all depends on how the problems are affecting you friend.

[sweetpea]

The situation is he was doing a project for a voluntary org (down in Wales) to do with caring for people in some way and now his work is being 'mainstreamed' whatever that means and taken over by a more business orientated organisation who are out to make money not really interested in the work itself or the people involved.Although the project is entirely his work.
He is going to leave as he has lots of strings to his bow and can get out quite easily but it has caused some sleepless nights I believe.
I think all the replies to this thread have been spot on and I'm sure there are loads of people in a similar situation.
Me personally I have this in built ability to go to work and leave it behind and if I was in this situation I would put two fingers up to them and go but I suppose it's not that easy for some people although I do think there is too much emphasis put on money and not satisfaction these days and lots of peole trapped in dead end jobs but the money is good.:~(