Howdy Partners

[Kingetter]

Three cowboys were waiting for their friend to show up at the corral with his new car.

"I know that smart aleck," said the first. "He's gonna start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Naw," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both."



Just then, the door swung open. "Audi, partners!"

[willowbankbear]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_10_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk762YYGB)

Kingetter , get yer coat pal, yer taxi is outside..

[Kingetter]

Thank you so much for a lovely evening.:)

[Lolabelle]

Three cowboys were waiting for their friend to show up at the corral with his new car.

"I know that smart aleck," said the first. "He's gonna start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Naw," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both."



Just then, the door swung open. "Audi, partners!"

;) Gave me a chuckle! Very good.

[Elenna]

My son just told me this one this morning, and it raised a laugh :)

Q: If the mechanics at the local garage can't fix your brakes, what should they do instead?

A: Make your horn louder!

[willowbankbear]

Thats better quality Elenna, get yer son to learn Kingetter a thing about telling jokes[lol] [lol]

[Kingetter]

Thats better quality Elenna, get yer son to learn Kingetter a thing about telling jokes

And your comments seem to be in the minority - have you passed your sellby date? If you don't like, don't touch.[disgust]

[willowbankbear]

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?"

Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather’s THIS nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.

He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, "I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two???"

The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don’t you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."

[canuck]

A popular anecdote this side of the pond.

[Billy Boy]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. The
Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around
Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger
returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your
Injun runnin'."

[willowbankbear]

"So, have you figured what to buy the Missus for Christmas?" asked Brady.
"I, sure have, she decided it for me," answered Paddy. "She said she wanted something with diamonds in it, so I've bought her a pack of cards."
Paddy and Seamus landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Paddy yelped, "Seamus, I've lost me bleedin finger!!!"
"Have you now?" says Seamus, "And how did you do it?"
"Well, I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...God damn it, there goes another one!!!"


Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, "Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"

"Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?"

"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"


How is it that we know Christ was Irish?
Well, he was 33, still lived at home with his Mother, whom he thought was still a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.

[Billy Boy]

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Two wee boys were blethering in the playground at school.

"We had cowboys in oor hoose yesterday."

"Did they have guns and horses."

"Naw they were fixin' oor plumbing"

[Kenn]

Seamus is stuck on the question that will win him £250,000 so he decides to phone a friend.
Chris Tarrant gets Paddy on the phone an' Seamus says,
"Which bird does not build a nest? Thrush,eagle,cuckoo or seagull?"
'Tis a cuckoo to be sure "says Paddy.
Final answer?
Having collected his cheque Seamus wonders how his pal could be so sure so he heads round to his house.
"Paddy me best friend, how did you know the answer?"
"Easy Seamus any fool knows A cuckoo lives in a bliddy clock."