View Full Version : Moving teenager to Scotland?
canadagirl
21-Mar-11, 22:39
Does anyone here have experience of, or know someone that has, moving to Scotland with a teenager? My recent visit was a reconnaissance to see about the work situation and moving there on an ancestry visa, and from here it looked like there were lots of activities, but on seeing the kids on the street I realised it may be difficult for a kid that didn't want to go in the first place. He's 3 years from being on his own so I could simply visit often for that time, but sometimes I think if he's going to be sullen and miserable anyway we may as well be where one of us will be happy! I do have an older relative in Caithness who may want me there sooner and that would take care of the issue. There must have been people at Dounreay that came from America? Any info I've found on the net is from the south, which seems to be a completely different animal. Any horror (or success) stories greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Does anyone here have experience of, or know someone that has, moving to Scotland with a teenager? My recent visit was a reconnaissance to see about the work situation and moving there on an ancestry visa, and from here it looked like there were lots of activities, but on seeing the kids on the street I realised it may be difficult for a kid that didn't want to go in the first place. He's 3 years from being on his own so I could simply visit often for that time, but sometimes I think if he's going to be sullen and miserable anyway we may as well be where one of us will be happy! I do have an older relative in Caithness who may want me there sooner and that would take care of the issue. There must have been people at Dounreay that came from America? Any info I've found on the net is from the south, which seems to be a completely different animal. Any horror (or success) stories greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Curious (and a little worried) about what you mean by 'He's 3 years from being on his own'?
canadagirl
21-Mar-11, 23:14
Done school here at 18 yrs, at that age they can legally be on their own, he also has (lots of) money of his own, and before anyone says anything, his father is dead so it's not like kidnapping. All legal and above board, it's just I'm getting different opinions from people here- 1. take him, he'll thank you later and 2. it's only 3 years, wait it out. :confused
Done school here at 18 yrs, at that age they can legally be on their own, he also has (lots of) money of his own, and before anyone says anything, his father is dead so it's not like kidnapping. All legal and above board, it's just I'm getting different opinions from people here- 1. take him, he'll thank you later and 2. it's only 3 years, wait it out. :confused
Ok, thanks for explanation. You may find that in 3 years time, despite it being legal, he is not really ready to be left on his own - especially if his father is no longer around. You could find that the situation is not much different from just now.
"Done school here at 18 yrs, at that age they can legally be on their own, he also has (lots of) money of his own"
Have you asked him?
Surely that is the simplest way of resolving.
Yes I realise you have been here to visit - he has not - so how can he make a decision.
I think you may be disappointed but I really do wish you luck.
He may want to be here with your "needs".
His life (and friends) are in Canada so that need to be his call as he is an adult here.
Talk about it
HTH
If we turn this around and think about it, you're proposing to uproot a 15 year old youth from his comfort zone, his friends, his school in fact everything he's familiar with and hope that on his arrival hereabouts he'll settle. That's a tall order to ask of anyone particularly a teenager with all his accompanying insecurities and angst. It might have been a good idea to have brought him on your recce visit. It is always going to be difficult for a teenager to integrate into a new school and he'll probably get ribbed because he's 'different' but that can be overcome with support.
IMHO you might want to find out if his particular interests are catered for here. There are a variety of clubs and there's some challenging pursuits too like sea kayaking.
What does he want from his education? Will the High School have the subjects he wants/needs. Does he eventually want to go on to College or University?
There are lots of positive reasons for bringing up a teenager in Caithness but you might have to work hard to get him to believe it. Good luck.
Margaret M.
22-Mar-11, 04:05
but on seeing the kids on the street I realised it may be difficult for a kid that didn't want to go in the first place.
I am in agreement with Gronnuck. I think it would be a very tough adjustment even if your son was chomping at the bit to move to Caithness. As far as I know, most of the American teens went to boarding school in England.
it's only 3 years, wait it out.If there is any way you can put off the move for three years, that option gets my vote.
You really need to ask him what he wants and what he wants to do after he leaves school.
Caithness does not hold much work prospects anymore and alot of teens and adults end up moving away to get work.
I also know how hard it has been for my uncle's partner's daughter who moved here when she was 14. She got alot of hassle and alot of people hating her because she is english and different.
Kids can be so very cruel and your son may get the same treatment. Also his schooling may suffer as well with the different systems.
If 3 years ensures he finishes school then i'd urge you to wait. He's so close to finishing his education and it leaves you both free to decide what you both want afterwards be it you both come over here or only you do.
He doesn't have much of a choice as he's your child but in his best interests it may be better to wait the 3 years untill he's at least finished school. If you take him with you next time you visit it will give him to option to see what it is like here and help him decide what he wants to do.
porshiepoo
23-Mar-11, 09:55
We kinda did it. Our daughters were 13 when we moved here from Boston Lincs and I have to admit that the reason we moved at that point was so that the girls had no choice but to come with us. No way we were giving it a few years and risking them deciding they were adult enough to not move with us and stay behind instead.
May have been a selfish decision in many peoples eyes. We ripped them away from their mates, their childhood home, their family and everything they knew BUT we knew it was the right thing to do. We knew they would have a better remaining childhood here, a better education and a better family life as my OH worked 7 days a week in Boston.
Suprisingly it didn't take them too long to settle. They found friends immediately and suddenly had all this outdoor space available to them that they didn't have in Boston, they had more freedom than we ever would have given them in the city.
Our kids did not have one days worth of bullying either. I know alot of people claim their kids were bullied at school etc but I can honestly say that ours didn't. It may have helped that they're twins so a bully would have to take on two rather than one or it may have been that both girls were confident due to years of Karate and Taekwondo. Whatever the reason, they were never bullied so don't automatically expect it.
We did question our move about 18 months later when we realised there's actually not that much for them to do without alot of travelling and lack of shops etc and we did end up moving back - big mistake! We managed 5 months then all 4 of us was clawing at the walls to get back up here. Luckily we hadn't sold our property and land so we came straight back and haven't looked back since.
Don't get me wrong, the area has alot of draw backs for youngsters, especially those coming from cities where they're used to loads of activities. We have no cinema, the shopping is terrible, the bus service is horrendous and the job prospects are not exactly what you'd hope, but none of us would rather be anywhere else right now.
Speak to your son and get his opinion and thoughts but ultimately the decision has to be yours. You're the parent and if you honestly, hand on heart believe that this is the best move for you right now then do it. Put everything into the move, accept that it takes a while to adjust and settle and make sure you have a link to 'back home' just in case. It will help your move for both you and your son if you both know that you can always go back if need be. It's funny how thinking 'this is it, we can't go back' will help to make you dislike a place and yearn for what you think you left behind, so having that link really will help.
Plus be prepared for just how much Caithness gets under your skin. lol. You maybe won't know it until you make that first trip back home and find yourself 2 days into it wanting to get back to Caithness.
Good luck and hope it all works out for you.
The Music Monster
23-Mar-11, 10:11
I've done a fair bit of moving around all through my life - attended 3 primary schools and 2 secondary schools - I don't think it did me any harm, in fact I'm really pleased I did it. I think the question here is not really anything to do with the age of your son, but the person that he is. If he could live happily in Caithness it doesn't matter what his age is - everyone has friends that they leave behind when they move whether their 18 or 80, the question is how they deal with it.
And don't ever underestimate the role of family... my brother is 33 and has just returned to the family home between his mountain adventures, to think that because at 18 your son CAN leave home doesn't mean that he WILL :) ... the way things are looking economically, I can't understand why more young people don't stay living at home if they work nearby.
Moving is not easy at any age. I moved countries to a place where I did not even speak the language when I was 13, and for 2/3 years I refused to speak it. I would read, write and understand it, but I wanted to go home and so refused to speak it. But you know what? It was really difficult, but it did make me stronger, more able to adapt and less fearful of radical changes. And that has made my life interesting and rich.
I can only suggest that you and your son do some really good research and figure out if it would be a good move for both of you. The Universities here are really good. There would not be such a huge impact on his education especially if, as I suspect, he is a mainly english speaker. If he did come here, there might be advantages in terms of his education. And that does not mean that it would be a final choice. He would have a few more years of highschool and then would be able to choose between carrying on his studies here or in Canada. On the other hand, Caithness is pretty remote, and your teenager might find it difficult to cope with. Or maybe he would love thechange to a small community where everyone would get to know him.
I moved to Caithness around 9 years ago now. I have seen quite a few people come and go. And others that just came and stayed. I have a theory that people fit into one of two categories: either they absolutely love the life they have up here, despite the harsh dark winters (or maybe I should say because of them? :) ) or you just cannot cope with the remoteness and climate and you end up having to leave. And part of my theory is that you really don't know what category you will fall into until you try living here (not holiday'ing but really living here).
Walter Ego
24-Mar-11, 08:21
There seems to be an opinion that on no account should any teenager be presented with a challenge as this may 'upset' them. The opinion appears to say that they should be wrapped in cotton wool and left to live in a cosseted unchallenging little world.
I can think of lots of families who have carted their kids half way around the globe without the blubbering that is associated with daytime TV 'relocation' programmes. If you've brought up a sulky, precocious and self centred child - then you will reap what you sow. On the other hand, if you have brought up a well balanced child with a positive attitude - then you should be OK...
...but as someone just said - talk to them first.
There seems to be an opinion that on no account should any teenager be presented with a challenge as this may 'upset' them. The opinion appears to say that they should be wrapped in cotton wool and left to live in a cosseted unchallenging little world.
I can think of lots of families who have carted their kids half way around the globe without the blubbering that is associated with daytime TV 'relocation' programmes. If you've brought up a sulky, precocious and self centred child - then you will reap what you sow. On the other hand, if you have brought up a well balanced child with a positive attitude - then you should be OK...
...but as someone just said - talk to them first.
I don't think anyone here said canadagirl's son should be wrapped in cotton wool or cosseted. He is fifteen and most will agree that he will have feelings, possibly anxieties but more importantly an opinion that should be considered alongside everything else.
At the end of the day canadagirl knows her son best and having listened to everyone's views will make an appropriate decision.
I'm sure most of us wish her well whatever she decides to do.
There seems to be an opinion that on no account should any teenager be presented with a challenge as this may 'upset' them. The opinion appears to say that they should be wrapped in cotton wool and left to live in a cosseted unchallenging little world.
WalterEgo, it is in human nature to fear change. It is one of those instincts that help keep us alive. A 15 year old, "even if" they are a child, is entitled to voice an opinion and to question decisions that would have a major impact on their future. As a 13 year old, I was told in the middle of the school summer holidays one week before we moved that we were going. That is extremely hurtful and impossible forgive. And definately the wrong way to make such a big change to the family structure. You either envolve your children in the decision making, which will make them happier and more positive about any decisions reached, or you make the decisions for them and live with the consequences of that decision. I know which is worse by experience.
Walter Ego
24-Mar-11, 16:01
I believe my last sentence included this:
"...talk to them first".
Which rather renders your post pointless.
canadagirl
24-Mar-11, 16:17
Thanks for your input you guys. Of course I've talked with him about it and he's agreed to go for a long visit to see. I just don't want to start something that would turn out a mess.:confused
andrew.bowles30
24-Mar-11, 16:24
i have to agree we did it 3 times god knows why we ever moved away but we now have a fanastic B & B in castletown my girl is 15 this year and she loves school for the first thime she goes to thurso high and is horse mad so it made sence to do it now for her but not just that for a better life for us all we did ask lol if she wanted to move this time she had great close girlfreind who stayed at ours every week so it was hard but they keep intouch by the net
I believe my last sentence included this:
"...talk to them first".
Which rather renders your post pointless.
oh, honey, I am so sorry to have wasted the minute of your life that you took to read my post. I cannot give you that minute back, but hopefully in the future you can economize on time wasting by skipping any of my posts as soon as you see my name as the author.
If you do decide to move and you have enough room, you can have my two teenagers as well. Im staying here.
oldmarine
24-Mar-11, 19:25
Moving with children at any age can be difficult, but with teenagers it becomes more difficult. I went through this with my teenagers. It was difficult pulling them out of a school where they knew everyone and moving to a town where they knew no one. Parental support becomes very important and you have to let those teen agers know that you care about them and love them regardless of the circumstances.
When we moved up here, our four kids were asked if they wanted to come too, we told 'em it's in the 'middle of nowhere', 'one bus a day' 'get hurricanes a number of times a year', 'gets dark at 3.30pm in winter' 'no picture houses' - strangely enough they declined, but we showed our love and so left 'em there to fend for themselves..
Nah, not really, they had jobs and accommodation, it made them grow up a bit quicker - did them no harm, they have all done well, depends what sort of persons they are...
Walter Ego
25-Mar-11, 08:50
oh, honey, I am so sorry to have wasted the minute of your life that you took to read my post. I cannot give you that minute back, but hopefully in the future you can economize on time wasting by skipping any of my posts as soon as you see my name as the author.
Oh, for crying out loud. Put your dummy back in. You overrode everything I said in your original reply and now you're going into sulk mode because I've pointed it out to you?
I thought this thread was about potentially insecure teenagers...not insecure adults?
Powered by vBulletin® Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.