View Full Version : How do you mend a broken heart?
We have had them since they were six months old, two beautiful big clydesdale stallions,
today, we awoke to find one had collapsed, and we spent all morning trying to get him to his feet,
this afternoon and after much deliberation and heartbreak, the vet put him to sleep.
His "partner in crime" is now calling for his friend and seems not to understand what has happened to him, or that he is alone now.
What can we do to ease the loss suffered by the horse which is still with us?
Suggestions welcome from people who know horses.
Hi Commore
I'm sure someone will come up with something better as I have never had to deal with this but, if this was me, I would let the surviving stallion see the one that has gone. As far as I am aware, if he hasn't seen the other horse since he was put to sleep, he will not be able to understand where his 'buddy' has gone. Is he still eating or is he just pacing about and neighing all the time?
I hope someone can give some better guidance on this.
I am also so sorry for your loss.
cuddlepop
31-Jan-11, 17:44
Oh Conmore what a sorry tale,not only have you lost a beloved pet but now have the "partner in crime" pinning for his pall.:~(
I dont "know" horses but can tell you that when we had our beloved collie pts we brought her into the living room and let her "partner in crime" sniff and see that she was "gone"
We then let her out with us while we buried her "pall".
It wasnt easy but think this helped.:)
We also got another dog six months later and now there inseperable.
Was he allowed to see his mate after he was put to sleep? it is often better to leave the horse with the one that has passed away so they understand what has happened and are allowed to mourn, the only thing you can do is get him a companion, even short term to help him get over the loss. Im really sorry you have lost your beloved boy too and only time will help you both heal I'm afraid. xx
Hi Commore
I'm sure someone will come up with something better as I have never had to deal with this but, if this was me, I would let the surviving stallion see the one that has gone. As far as I am aware, if he hasn't seen the other horse since he was put to sleep, he will not be able to understand where his 'buddy' has gone. Is he still eating or is he just pacing about and neighing all the time?
I hope someone can give some better guidance on this.
I am also so sorry for your loss.
Thank you,
His pal is pacing and neighing all the time, I will try your suggestion and see if that helps.
To be honest, I now admit I know nothing about horses, it never dawned on me that one day I might have to deal with something like this.
So sad, I think Nibbler is right, in my experience if the remaining horse is allowed to spend time with its pal before the body is removed they can settle but this may not always be the case. If your stallion has never been on his own he may need a companion.
Just keep an eye on him to make sure he is still eating and drinking, it could be a traumatic time for the two of you.
I hope things settle but for a horse that has never been on its own a companion in my experience is the answer, as they are herd animals and feel more secure in company.
Wishing you well.
Hi again Commore
I hope things are improving a little. I have noticed a lot of people saying about companions but, my worry would be with your boy being entire, he may not take too well to a gelding companion especially if he has not been around any other horses apart from his buddy. I have worked on a few studs and those stallions were breeding stallions and most wouldn't tolerate a gelding.
The other option for a companion is a mare but, we all know the possible outcome of that!!!! At this time of year it may be possible for ‘peace’ shall we say, but it has been known for mares to come into season at all odd times. This being said, the new companion would need to be a big mare, as it is a big boy you have and if they did the deed, the mare would need to be able to take the stallions weight. (Then there is the 340 days afterwards and possible foal!)
Another option would be to geld your boy. Not an easy option and his ‘manner’ may not change depending on his age, if he has had mares before and various other factors.
To try and calm him, I don’t know if the vets or some alternative medicines could be given just to take the edge off him. I know a few people who have used alternative therapies on their horses with good results.
If I can be of any other help, just let me know.
So very sorry for your loss and it must be awful to see the bereaved horse so unhappy.
I would agree with the others about letting him see his friend. Something else I would recommend is the homeopathic remedy Ignatia.
I have used it many times for grief in both humans and animals and it does help 'take the edge off'.
Bach flower remedies can also be really helpful,
hi again with ref to a companion i agree with Nibbler about the worries about introducing a gelding but a companion doesnt have to another horse, one of old horses when we lived down country had a goat and a sheep as his companions and took to these just as well as another horse. so this could be an answer, would reccomend a sheep more than goat though to be honest lolx
Hi Commore,first let me say how sorry I am for your loss,its devastating when it happens so suddenly. We have been in the same situation with a pair bond and we lost one suddenly,we were advised to leave them together and let the surviving horse come to terms with the loss and let him grieve..as they do. We have seen a youngster stand over his pair bond for a day before leaving him and when he was buried the youngster stood over him again. Keep a close eye on your other boy as they can pine badly ,homeopathic remedies can be a big help. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you find a solution /suitable companion to ease your boy's distress.
silverfox57
31-Jan-11, 21:52
hi commore,we are both very sorry to hear of your loss,as we have seen your love for all your animals, cant give you any answers but just to let you know we are thinking of you all, hope things get better for the other clydesdale as they were both lovely horses our thoughts are with you both lx
hi commore,we are both very sorry to hear of your loss,as we have seen your love for all your animals, cant give you any answers but just to let you know we are thinking of you all, hope things get better for the other clydesdale as they were both lovely horses our thoughts are with you both lx
Thank you, your comments are very much appreciated, :)
Just want to say thank you to everyone who has offered advice and support to us today.
We very much appreciate this together with the great many private messages,
This page is a good place to be, when suffering pain, and for feeling that we are not alone.
alistair harper
31-Jan-11, 23:13
So sorry to hear about the loss of your horse and not sure if this will help but i have herd of someone in a situation like yours but they got a shetland ponnie and the two got on great
teenybash
31-Jan-11, 23:18
I am so very, very sorry to hear of your loss and now a lost lonely soul left behind. When my old mare died last year I let her 'pal' stand by her for as long as she wanted, till she understood her friend was gone. On the day of the burial, she stood and watched the digger doing its work and her pal being put into the ground. I let her into the paddock and watched the saddest sight I have ever seen as she grieved by the grave......it was heart wrenching to watch. Finally she raised her head and looked skyward and shouted out her sadness and I would imagine her goodbyes. Over the days and weeks ahead she came to terms that she was on her own and with a lot of cuddles and kisses and treats began to enjoy life again. My heart goes out to you and you lonely friend....lots of contact with him and special moments together. xx
All boxed up
31-Jan-11, 23:25
So sorry for your loss conmore, it must be heartbreaking for you, as others have suggested let his partner in crime have time with him and see that he has gone and have time to grieve for his long time mate. Its an act highly recommended for surviving herd mates. It is interesting to watch how closely some horses will stay to a dead companion, often standing over it or even lying down near it, while others will act agitated or frightened by the dead body and may not even approach it. This variability may approach the many different ways that humans deal with death and loss. But horses given the opportunity to interact with a dead pasture mate generally show less vocalization and anxiety and return to normal behavior more quickly.
Some horses, show an exaggerated grief response even if given the opportunity to interact with a dead pasture mate. The expression of intense depression can be present. Affected horses are restless, anxious, or withdrawn, and they often show sleeping or eating irregularities. They may stop normal activity, or they may spend all their time calling and searching for the lost companion.
The appropriate treatment for these horses is similar to that used for depression in humans: Supportive therapy should be directed at any medical problems that may worsen with depression. Arthritis, muscle loss, and decreased water and food intake are the main problems. Treatment is aimed at getting the horse interested in its environment again. Increased attention, treats or special foods, and increased play and interaction all can be tried. Something as simple as grooming may be beneficial with some horses or for their owner to simply be there if possible for the surviving horse to attach to for a while, a crutch so to speak.
Many owners want to try to introduce another horse to the situation in hopes that the depressed and bereft horse will bond and be helped. This approach fails as often as it will succeed. Some horses, especially older horses, may resent a new addition, so more stress is created by the introduction.
Where possible and practical its recommended to try to introduce a new horse before one of a pair of older horses becomes ill. A pre-existing bond with such a new horse may help the remaining horse deal with loss. Many owners and trainers will be able to identify this universally acceptable herd mate on their farm--a horse that seems to fit comfortably and calmly into any group--and this is the ideal horse for such a situation.
For some horses,and i sincerely hope your boy isnt as grief stricken as to require this, a medical management of depression is needed, especially for horses that show such severe grief that they are in danger of colic, anemia, dehydration, or other metabolic concerns that are made worse by depression. The first choice for treatment is diazepam (Valium), which can reduce anxiety and stimulate appetite. This drug produces the quick effect that is needed in these cases. Fluoxetine hydrochloride (Prozac) is used for long-term maintenance. This combination of Valium followed by Prozac has been quite helpful in reducing the effects of grief in horses. Methylphenidate (Ritalin) also has been tried, but the results are not as rewarding.
Once horses return to more normal activity patterns, the dose of Prozac can be gradually reduced and eventually discontinued.
I hope this is of some use to you Conmore and hope your boy can get over the loss of his companion without too much stress and any more upset than he has already had. If you want to try the homeopathic approach Ignatia amara 30c potency
Ignatia is indicated for acute grief events and emotional shocks, mainly related to relationships. Any broken heart situation should be remedied by Ignatia.
So sorry for your loss conmore, it must be heartbreaking for you, as others have suggested let his partner in crime have time with him and see that he has gone and have time to grieve for his long time mate. Its an act highly recommended for surviving herd mates. It is interesting to watch how closely some horses will stay to a dead companion, often standing over it or even lying down near it, while others will act agitated or frightened by the dead body and may not even approach it. This variability may approach the many different ways that humans deal with death and loss. But horses given the opportunity to interact with a dead pasture mate generally show less vocalization and anxiety and return to normal behavior more quickly.
Some horses, show an exaggerated grief response even if given the opportunity to interact with a dead pasture mate. The expression of intense depression can be present. Affected horses are restless, anxious, or withdrawn, and they often show sleeping or eating irregularities. They may stop normal activity, or they may spend all their time calling and searching for the lost companion.
The appropriate treatment for these horses is similar to that used for depression in humans: Supportive therapy should be directed at any medical problems that may worsen with depression. Arthritis, muscle loss, and decreased water and food intake are the main problems. Treatment is aimed at getting the horse interested in its environment again. Increased attention, treats or special foods, and increased play and interaction all can be tried. Something as simple as grooming may be beneficial with some horses or for their owner to simply be there if possible for the surviving horse to attach to for a while, a crutch so to speak.
Many owners want to try to introduce another horse to the situation in hopes that the depressed and bereft horse will bond and be helped. This approach fails as often as it will succeed. Some horses, especially older horses, may resent a new addition, so more stress is created by the introduction.
Where possible and practical its recommended to try to introduce a new horse before one of a pair of older horses becomes ill. A pre-existing bond with such a new horse may help the remaining horse deal with loss. Many owners and trainers will be able to identify this universally acceptable herd mate on their farm--a horse that seems to fit comfortably and calmly into any group--and this is the ideal horse for such a situation.
For some horses,and i sincerely hope your boy isnt as grief stricken as to require this, a medical management of depression is needed, especially for horses that show such severe grief that they are in danger of colic, anemia, dehydration, or other metabolic concerns that are made worse by depression. The first choice for treatment is diazepam (Valium), which can reduce anxiety and stimulate appetite. This drug produces the quick effect that is needed in these cases. Fluoxetine hydrochloride (Prozac) is used for long-term maintenance. This combination of Valium followed by Prozac has been quite helpful in reducing the effects of grief in horses. Methylphenidate (Ritalin) also has been tried, but the results are not as rewarding.
Once horses return to more normal activity patterns, the dose of Prozac can be gradually reduced and eventually discontinued.
I hope this is of some use to you Conmore and hope your boy can get over the loss of his companion without too much stress and any more upset than he has already had. If you want to try the homeopathic approach Ignatia amara 30c potency
Ignatia is indicated for acute grief events and emotional shocks, mainly related to relationships. Any broken heart situation should be remedied by Ignatia.
Thank you All Boxed Up, your comments and suggestions have been invaluable to me, and the homeopathic remedies have been suggested by many and will be used to comfort the remaining horse,
I realize that the remaining horse must be allowed to grieve, see his friend before burial but there lies our problem, the dead horse is out in the open, in a field shared by other animals and because of the high dose of barbituates used to put him to sleep we have him under cover, therefore, although the live horse knows where his friend is, he cannot see him as such.
realistically we cannot uncover him before burial because of the other animals not only belonging to us but for scavenging fauna too, you know, foxes or birds,
etc,
we have a dilemma, whereby we have a horse in need in order to start the grieving process and our obligations toward all the other animals on or near our ground,
I am so very, very sorry to hear of your loss and now a lost lonely soul left behind. When my old mare died last year I let her 'pal' stand by her for as long as she wanted, till she understood her friend was gone. On the day of the burial, she stood and watched the digger doing its work and her pal being put into the ground. I let her into the paddock and watched the saddest sight I have ever seen as she grieved by the grave......it was heart wrenching to watch. Finally she raised her head and looked skyward and shouted out her sadness and I would imagine her goodbyes. Over the days and weeks ahead she came to terms that she was on her own and with a lot of cuddles and kisses and treats began to enjoy life again. My heart goes out to you and you lonely friend....lots of contact with him and special moments together. xx
Thank you teenybash,
your story is one of love and devotion to your old friend and clearly she is still missed by you, and yours.
My heart is being wrenched between allowing our old remaining horse that dignity to say goodbye to his friend and the common sense which says, we must safeguard all the other animals around.
porshiepoo
01-Feb-11, 12:58
How is your stallion today Conmore? Has he settled a little?
Just as importantly how are yourself and your husband?
Please do not tie yourself in knots worrying about your boy seeing the body of his deceased friend. Circumstances dictate that you can not safely do this, this is beyond your control.
Obviously many people on here believe that Horses grieve in a way similar to us humans. It's a valid concept. However, I doubt that the process (if in fact it does happen) is quite as intense or as long winded as that of us humans. We may interpret our horses actions as some of the emotions we associate with the death of a friend or loved one but I feel that maybe the panic (neighing etc) may also simply be due to a sudden vulnerability of the horse that is left behind. As herd animals this is an emotion that I could well believe and understand as opposed to a human form of grief.
That's not to say I am correct and everyone else is wrong. In fact this is a subject I intend to have a look into, as a horse lover it would be beneficial for me to take a look at any hard evidence either way.
Homeopathic remedies can help tremendously with these kind of situations in our pets, I've used them many a time. My only advice would be (as I was advised) is to make sure that your horse really does need them first. You may find that after a few days of being 'off' he bounces back and returns to his normal self. If a horse does in fact grieve then maybe it would be better he goes through the process as 'naturally' as possible? If however you have serious concerns about his well being maybe then consider homeopathic remedies?
I'm sending you all my best wishes.
Take care xx
PP I have witnessed true grief in my dogs and cats and so I would assume that horses would suffer in the same way.
I would agree with you in that, if it's not possible, then Commore doesn't have to worry about the other one seeing it but it can help.
I am sure with time and the loving care he will definitely receive that he will recover. Natural remedies such as homepathy can really help the process though as they don't block the process but just give some help.
With homeopathy you can't do any harm by giving it as, if it isn't needed, it just won't work.
Very sorry for your loss, I have been through it twice with horses now and time will certainly help. Both were very different,
one I got a companion for but this did not work as the two had been together for so long, time was the only healer in this
situation. The second time I got a companion again and this did help so to be honest you and your horse that is left will find
your own way through but you certainly have very good advice on this site. Be strong and let your remaining horse take you
through..... Best wishes to you.
Very sorry for your loss, I have been through it twice with horses now and time will certainly help. Both were very different,
one I got a companion for but this did not work as the two had been together for so long, time was the only healer in this
situation. The second time I got a companion again and this did help so to be honest you and your horse that is left will find
your own way through but you certainly have very good advice on this site. Be strong and let your remaining horse take you
through..... Best wishes to you.
I agree with Rocky - time is the best healer. I have had to put one pony to sleep and five dogs over the years - all very much loved. I was surprised to find that the pony's passing hurt even more than the dogs. It took time but we all reached acceptance of the loss in our own ways. I hope your hurt and sadness are beginning to fade - even if only slightly. Will be thinking of you.
I agree with Rocky - time is the best healer. I have had to put one pony to sleep and five dogs over the years - all very much loved. I was surprised to find that the pony's passing hurt even more than the dogs. It took time but we all reached acceptance of the loss in our own ways. I hope your hurt and sadness are beginning to fade - even if only slightly. Will be thinking of you.
This is / was my first experience of having to put an animal to sleep, all of our animals throughout the years have died of natural causes when their time came, we were always "there" with them,
Yesterday, for me at least, was somewhat surreal, and a shock to my system, it was a hard thing to watch, harder still to swallow, I would wish to add that some of my previous threads have been to the effect that "I don't believe in man's interference in the world of animals, especially our animals", that thread went totally out of perspective and it did not then and does not now represent my true views on life, animal life that is.
That thread was no more nor less than a personality clash between orgers,
Yesterday, the vet arrived and I for one was very happy he had because I alone could not help our horse, neither of us could him, simply put we didn't know how to best help him.
We are /were humbled and we are not afraid to admit it,
Our lovely boy is not suffering any more, he is not in distress, he is not in pain, he is simply sleeping and we love him no less and we miss him of course, but he is not and will not be forgotten.
The compassion shown by the orgers has been overwhelming,
the emails, the pms, the well wishes, the advice and the support shows that the Caithness org is so much more than "just a forum", it is an honour to be a part of it and accepted as a part of it,
I / we, thank all of you, for your time, your support, your comments and your messages to us.
We shall keep you updated on the progress of the one remaining horse, it really depends on this horse as to whether there will be another.
:)
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