Lies.

[John Little]

So what do you do when you are faced with bare faced lies?

[unicorn]

Challenge it and set the facts straight.

[John Little]

That is not always open to you. I have never been confronted by something like this before. Challenging was my immediate thought. But it's not appropriate. So I need to find some other way.

[mrlennie]

Some other way of doing what?

[John Little]

Some other way of getting at the truth.

[mrlennie]

Ah I understand. Perhaps you could be more specific?

[John Little]

I wish that I could but the matter is fraught and sensitive. To challenge is not possible.

I want the cold light of day to shine on something. I'm just musing really.

What I'm looking for in this thread is not so much answers because I'm not sure there's a straight one - but more like stimulus.

It ain't easy.

[mrlennie]

Yes I agree it isn't easy, very frustrating being lied to. When someone lies to me I am thankful that I am not in their position and I feel the need to lie. Strangely I always feel better after that.

[John Little]

Yes - I can see that. Trouble is that knowledge that you have the moral high ground does not affect the outcome. And that's the problem.

[sam09]

bit of gentle hinting John,that you know the truth of it,maybe the person is trying to protect you from the truth,not wanting to hurt you/or themselves perhaps.Go canny John,best of luck.

[John Little]

Thankyou. That is pretty good advice and has opened a possible lane in my head.

[The Drunken Duck]

So what do you do when you are faced with bare faced lies?

I would blank them and leave them wondering if you ever heard them at all. Utter indifference will just confuse the hell out of them. Then I would write this on a bit of paper in a few weeks and leave it where they will find it.

"If an injury is to be done to a man it should be so severe his vengeance need not be feared" .. Niccoli Machiavelli.

Nothing says "I know what you did and watch your back" quite like it. Then do nothing and let their paranoia do all the work for you. The best bit is they destroy themselves. Job Jobbed.

*sarcasm meter needs to be on for this one .. ;)*

[Bazeye]

Or possibly tell the other person a small white lie which you know they'll doubt and see what their reaction to it is?

[John Little]

I like that Machiavelli. And I think it is probably right.

It is possible that something like you describe is happening at the moment. One thing is certain though.

I will not let it go.

[John Little]

Or possibly tell the other person a small white lie which you know they'll doubt and see what their reaction to it is?

Trouble is that I'm not good at that.

I recognise the necessity of it but have not the credibility for it, being too straight. That is not self-complimentary for it is a drawback in the real world. I would never have made it in politics.

[Scarybiscuits03]

So what do you do when you are faced with bare faced lies?

I would question something relating to the lie(but not the lie itself) and watch them tie themselves in knots.

[John Little]

Ah now - I think they are doing that anyway.

[Scarybiscuits03]

Ah now - I think they are doing that anyway.
Then I'd leave them to it.....If they think so little of you to do such a thing then perhaps they are not worth bothering with?

[John Little]

Then I'd leave them to it.....If they think so little of you to do such a thing then perhaps they are not worth bothering with?

Now that is the canniest thing I've seen in a long time!!

[Duncansby]

I think it all depends on the situation, the lie and the people involved. I used to work with someone who was always telling tall tales and although these were mostly relatively harmless it did cause problems in the office when she was spreading rumours about who said what to whom. I used to let her make a fool of herself by asking her questions making her dig a deeper and deeper hole until eventually challenging it (without actually calling her a lier) with an example that opposed her version of events.

[squidge]

Gosh John Little this is a conundrum for sure. I think it depends on whether it is someone you care a lot for or not. It also depends whether you simply want them to know you know they are lying or whether you want to publicly unmask them.

If you just need them to know you are aware of their lies, then I would wait until they are digging a hole and I would look them straight in the eye, not say anything then just walk away.

If it is someone you care about then maybe you share a mutual friend who could tackle the issue for you?

It really depends on what your motivation is. If however the lies are damaging you or putting you in a bad light or a difficult situation then you have to confront them no matter how hard it might be.

[canadagirl]

My dad used to say 'give em enough rope they'll hang emself' It's always nice to stand back and watch someone be overtaken by karma, especially if you've given it a nudge. Many times I've been glad to have not made a fuss as it makes you look much wiser in the end. If it's blatant and you have the proof and it wouldn't come back on them otherwise, I would do the confrontation. Sure glad I'm not in that position! :~(

[oldmarine]

John Little: It appears you have quite a problem going on for you. I agree with the advice squidge has passed on to you. If you can't find a mutual friend to help you, you probably need to confront that person even though it may be difficult for you.

[ducati]

Mentally shrug and get on with your life. When this happenes to me I don't give it a second thought.

Or, if other circumstances, I vote for the other lot next time.:lol:

[John Little]

Unfortunately it is not in me to do so.

“The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” - George Bernard Shaw.

Would I wish to be like that?

Hey ho.

[porshiepoo]

Sit back and just watch them dig that hole so deep it's now filling in on them?

It depends really on how serious the lie is and whether it is affecting you and/or yours.

I had an experience a few years ago which left me seething but in the end I decided it was just best to stay away from the people who could spread or hint at such lies. Basically I used to look after a couples dog whenever they went away. I didn't mind doing it one bit. Then the dog died (nothing to do with me) and the next time they went away they got someone else to check the house. That didn't bother me at all - it's their house, it's up to them - but when this person introduced themselves and let me know they'd be checking around the place they also informed me that the couple had told them they'd had stuff go missing when they'd gone away in the past. WTF!
I was livid! The insinuation was obvious and I was shocked that they'd even hint at something like that. Needless to say I haven't spoken to them much since. The shame of it is that I thought these people were good friends at one point and we'd have done pretty much anything for them - just goes to show how wrong a person can be.

[dozy]

So what do you do when you are faced with bare faced lies?

If it comes from a Councilor ,say nothing .They will cause you no end of trouble if you do.

[Walter Ego]

Is there some way you could introduce (or become yourself) a catalyst that will force their hand?

[Thumper]

It really depends on the person,some people will lie to your face no mater what,they are incapable of telling the truth,others may have lied to try and stop a situation or soemthing,so if you know the person and know which type they are it helps,that said its very hard to get anyone to admit they lied x

[Corrie 3]

What would I do if someone told me lies ?


Why, I'd get them signed up to the .Org of course !!!!......Could be fun!!!...:lol:


Sorry John, not much help am I?....:roll:

C3.....;)

[pat]

If there are a few of you together get the conversation round to folk "telling their version of the tale they wish believed" and how you react when other folk know "the correct truth" - much easier if you can get someone else to start the topic off and then you all put your penny worth in. The person will soon realise how the truth is always uncovered and fairly quickly, so why bother "telling the version they wish to be believed", only for them to be shown not to be dealing above board.

[Bazeye]

If all else fails just tell them you want a quiet word with them, man to man, look them straight in the eye and say Liar, Liar pants on fire.

[Carole]

So what do you do when you are faced with bare faced lies?

Might be an idea to post a question such as your's on a community web-site in the hope that the person who is lying to you should read it and get the message? Oh, wait ..... you have! :D

[ciderally]

well if the person who is telling the lies is important to you....you have to tell them straight no faffing around no matter how bad it is....then things can be sorted..
otherwise it will fester and fester like a bad smell....
if the person is of no importance to you.....ignore the lie and the person...and get on with your day.....best of luck..

[EDDIE]

I think it all depends on the situation, the lie and the people involved. I used to work with someone who was always telling tall tales and although these were mostly relatively harmless it did cause problems in the office when she was spreading rumours about who said what to whom. I used to let her make a fool of herself by asking her questions making her dig a deeper and deeper hole until eventually challenging it (without actually calling her a lier) with an example that opposed her version of events.

I work with someone that lies all the time he goes around telling customers hes a manager when hes not and the list of lies goes on and on the trouble is i think he believes his own lies?
My question to everyone is what makes someone lie to that extent on a constant basis i never understand it what they get it out of it?

[John Little]

He is trying to manipulate outcomes perhaps?

[Duncansby]

I can never understand the motivation for someone lying all the time about all sorts of things. I wonder if its just to feel important, a case of little doing. When I got a promotion at work and the woman implied I had her to thank for it as she'd put a good word in for me with the manager! I was furious because I had to go though an application and interview process for the post just like everyone else. Then I remembered that the pair of them hated each other with a passion and I just felt a bit sorry for her and the fact she felt she had to lie all the time.

[pat]

someone telling lies all the time is usually very insecure and wanting attention their "mistruths" can get - yes manipulative in a way but you also have to feel sorry for someone so insecure.

[Margaret M.]

Without specifics, it’s tricky to respond. I consider little white lies to spare hurt feelings acceptable. For instance, someone asks me over for dinner -- she’s a horrible cook and her cats walk all over the countertop while the meal is being prepared. If she's not a close friend, I think it is kinder to decline with a little white lie.

For more serious lies, if I care enough about the person who lies, I would try to figure out why and go from there. If anyone tells a lie that affects me negatively or will harm others, I would confront the liar. Habitual liars need professional help and confronting them will not make a bit of difference.

Just to clarify, lying about age or weight is not considered lying. ;)

[John Little]

Yes - Walter Scott had it right didn't he?

Oh what a tangled we we weave,
when first we practice to deceive.

Anyone believe in Karma? That the lies you tell have a habit of coming back and biting your derriere?

It would be a satisfying thing if so.

[Margaret M.]

Anyone believe in Karma? That the lies you tell have a habit of coming back and biting your derriere?

Yeppers, I firmly believe in Karma -- sometimes it may take a while or it may come swiftly. Good luck with whatever it is you are dealing with, John.