willowbankbear
12-Aug-06, 18:54
>
> This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record
> newspaper when his wife
> sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with
> a frying pan. "Whit
> wis
> that fur?" he cries. "That wis for the piece of
> paper in yir trooser
> pockets
> with the name
> Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
> "Don't be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago when I
> went to the races
> and
> Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet
> on."
> She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off to
> do work around the
> house.
> Three days later he's again sitting in his chair
> reading when she nails
> him again with the frying pan, knocking him out
> cold. When he comes
> around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?"
> "Your horse phoned!" she said.
>
>
> A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met
> before find themselves
> in
> the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the
> initial
> embarrassment,
> they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the
> top bunk, the man on
> the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman
> leans over and says,
> "I'm
> sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was
> wondering if you could
> possibly pass me another blanket."
> The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says,
> "I've got a better
> idea .let's kidd-on wir married."
> "Why not," giggles the woman."
> "Good", he replies. "Get your own blanket
>
>
> A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was staying
> in a hotel in
> Edinburgh, and she phoned room service for some
> pepper.
> "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the
> concierge.
> "Toilet pepper!" yelled the woman!
>
>
> A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells
> his mother he's been
> given a part in the school play.
> 'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks
> The boy says, 'I play the part of the Scottish
> husband.'
> The mother scowls and says, 'Go back an' tell that
> teacher you want a
> speaking part!
>
>
>
> One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story
> of the Three Little
> Pigs to her class.
> She came to the part of the story where the first
> pig was trying to
> accumulate the building materials for his home. She
> read, "...And so the
>
> pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
> straw and said,
> Pardon
> me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build
> my house?" The
> teacher
> paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
> that man
> said?"
> One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
> said "Oh my god
> A
> talking pig!'"
>
>
> A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's
> examining room,
> waiting
> for the doctor to come in.
> The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his
> weight, found it
> somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby
> was breast fed or bottle fed.
> "Breast fed," she replied.
> Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
> She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and
> pinched both breasts
> for
> a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough
> examination.
> Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder
> this baby is under
> weight. You don't have any milk !"
> "I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I
> came!"
>
>
>
>
> This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record
> newspaper when his wife
> sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with
> a frying pan. "Whit
> wis
> that fur?" he cries. "That wis for the piece of
> paper in yir trooser
> pockets
> with the name
> Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
> "Don't be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago when I
> went to the races
> and
> Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet
> on."
> She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off to
> do work around the
> house.
> Three days later he's again sitting in his chair
> reading when she nails
> him again with the frying pan, knocking him out
> cold. When he comes
> around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?"
> "Your horse phoned!" she said.
>
>
> A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met
> before find themselves
> in
> the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the
> initial
> embarrassment,
> they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the
> top bunk, the man on
> the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman
> leans over and says,
> "I'm
> sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I was
> wondering if you could
> possibly pass me another blanket."
> The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says,
> "I've got a better
> idea .let's kidd-on wir married."
> "Why not," giggles the woman."
> "Good", he replies. "Get your own blanket
>
>
> A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was staying
> in a hotel in
> Edinburgh, and she phoned room service for some
> pepper.
> "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the
> concierge.
> "Toilet pepper!" yelled the woman!
>
>
> A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells
> his mother he's been
> given a part in the school play.
> 'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks
> The boy says, 'I play the part of the Scottish
> husband.'
> The mother scowls and says, 'Go back an' tell that
> teacher you want a
> speaking part!
>
>
>
> One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story
> of the Three Little
> Pigs to her class.
> She came to the part of the story where the first
> pig was trying to
> accumulate the building materials for his home. She
> read, "...And so the
>
> pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
> straw and said,
> Pardon
> me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build
> my house?" The
> teacher
> paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
> that man
> said?"
> One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
> said "Oh my god
> A
> talking pig!'"
>
>
> A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's
> examining room,
> waiting
> for the doctor to come in.
> The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his
> weight, found it
> somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby
> was breast fed or bottle fed.
> "Breast fed," she replied.
> Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
> She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and
> pinched both breasts
> for
> a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough
> examination.
> Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder
> this baby is under
> weight. You don't have any milk !"
> "I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I
> came!"
>
>
>
>