Kingetter
03-Aug-06, 09:51
These are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger".
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, " I've lost my electron". The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive".
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during root canal
work? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"Why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer".
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal'. The other goes to a family in Spain
and gets named 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal".
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified
they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. The Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good)....a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. Finally, there was a person who sent 10 different puns to friends, with
the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in
ten did.
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1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger".
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, " I've lost my electron". The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive".
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during root canal
work? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"Why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer".
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal'. The other goes to a family in Spain
and gets named 'Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal".
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified
they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. The Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good)....a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. Finally, there was a person who sent 10 different puns to friends, with
the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in
ten did.
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