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Kingetter
16-Jul-06, 18:04
A pilot found he had gasoline coming out of a hole in the bottom of the tank.
He was advised to fly upside-down to stop the gasoline from coming out of the hole.

The control tower radioed him quick.


"Loop before you leak!"

exothermic
16-Jul-06, 18:54
The pilot of an aerobatic biplane landed in the recently mown field of a Scottish farmer to make a few adjustments to his engine. While he was tinkering with his machine, he noticed the Scotsman and his wife watching with a great deal of curiosity. The Scotsman asked the pilot how much he would charge to give both he and his wife a ride.

'Well', said the pilot, 'Normally I charge £50 each, but if you are both completely quiet throughout the flight, the ride will be free of charge. If I hear the least amount of noise, you will owe the full fare.'

The couple quickly climbed aboard, and the pilot taxied and took off. Immediately, he proceeded to put his plane through all of its paces: barrel rolls, stalls, spins, split S manoeuvres, you name it and he did it. The couple in back were completely silent throughout the thirty minute flight.

Upon landing, the pilot said, 'I really have to hand it to you for keeping quiet through all that!'

'Aye', said the Scotsman, 'but I'll admit, ye almost heard me when the wife fell oot.'

brokencross
16-Jul-06, 19:16
A plane was carrying 5 people: the pilot, Michael Jordan, the Pope, Bill Gates and an Aussy backpacker.

Suddenly the pilot dashes in and shouts "We've been hit by lightning and were going to crash in a matter of minutes; there are only four parachutes and five of us..........I'm the pilot and its my plane so I'm getting one", grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Michael Jordan says "I am the world's greatest sportsman and greatly loved by all so I must live", grabs a 'chute and jumps.

Bill Gates says "I am the smartest man in the world, this world needs smart men"..he grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

At this point the Pope turns to the backpacker and slowly says "My son, I have lived a long and full life compared to you, so you take the last parachute, save yourself and I will go down with the plane".

The Aussy chirps up "No need mate, there are still two parachutes left.............the world's smartest man has jumped out with my rucksack".

Billy Boy
16-Jul-06, 19:38
In a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first-class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first-class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first-class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first-class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first-class section wasn't going to New York."