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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from
her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog
says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's
okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit
Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow
$30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
(a masterpiece)
(wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old
man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
brilliant...brightened up a dull day
Completely burst out laughing and I'm still going. Absolutely brilliant! Thanks for that, Pink. :lol:
:lol: I had the song in ma head for ages haha:lol:
Blazing Sporrans
11-Jul-06, 12:14
Brilliant stuff Pink.
A man was walking down the street when he came upon the strangest funeral procession he'd ever seen. There was a carriage drawn by a team of black horses, each dressed with black plumes, with a coffin lying on top of the carriage and covered in flowers. Behind that was a second, identical carriage, drawn by another team of black horses, with another coffin bedecked with flowers.
Twenty yards behind that came a man dressed in a black suit, walking a pit-bull terrier on a lead. Fifty yards behind that was a line of over 200 men in single file.
Despite his respect for the dead, curiosity overcame the man and he approached the mourner with the dog and asked what had happened. "It was tragic" said the man with the dog. "My wife and I were having an argument and she hit me. My dog, obeying it's natural instincts to protect his master, jumped on her and bit her. Well the mother-in-law was there and she started hitting the dog to get it off the wife and then the dog turned on her. They were both rushed to hospital but succumbed to their injuries, so we find ourselves here today".
"That's terrible" said the first man, who continued to ponder before asking "I don't suppose you need someone to look after your dog for a few days?"
"Back of the queue" said the mourner.....
"Back of the queue" said the mourner.....
Absolutely wonderful, Blazing Sporrans!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from
her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog
says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's
okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit
Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow
$30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
(a masterpiece)
(wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old
man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........) lol good one :lol:
young_fishin_neep
11-Jul-06, 12:44
they were both great :D
kaz xx
My, Crystal. You're growing up quickly - your posts have risen rapidly - well done.
My, Crystal. You're growing up quickly - your posts have risen rapidly - well done. thanx lol i do try:lol:
brokencross
11-Jul-06, 13:02
In the good old days when young ladies went through finishing school and then were introduced to polite society as debutantes; there was such a debutante called Nellie. Nellie attended the Debs ball, and met a “well to do” chap called Gus who had recently been knighted by the Queen. They got on like a house on fire, danced the night away; romance blossomed very quickly, they got engaged and married within weeks. Whilst on honeymoon they went out on the river in a punt and were having a lovely time until Nellie stood up and her high heeled shoe went straight through the bottom of the punt and it sank very quickly. Nellie swam safely to the river bank but alas Sir Gus could not swim and drowned. Next day in the local newspaper the headline was:-
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(wait for it)
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(be ready to groan)
"NELLIE THE DEBUTANTE SANK THE PUNT AND SAID GOODBYE TO HER SIR GUS"
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If you don't get it, sing the headline to tune of "Nellie the elephant"
brilliant.. can never remember jokes...
<laughing> I could see that one coming, Brokencross, though not what the exact punchline would be. :lol: Very funny! Thanks for a good laugh.
Billy Boy
11-Jul-06, 17:59
he he, pink nice one lol
A man gets his pay packet and discovers he's been paid an extra £100 by mistake. He says nothing and spends the money. Noticing the error his employer decides to reclaim the money, but feeling it would be unfair to take it all at once starts by deducting £25. The man gets his money and is dismayed to see it is £25 less than expected. He goes to his employer and complains. The employer says:"How come you didn't complain when you got an extra £100 last week?"to which the man replies:"Look, one mistake I can tolerate, but not two in a row!"
Billy Boy
20-Sep-06, 16:38
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten million bucks; his bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and the reason he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million bucks is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper?s temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
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