What common words, phrases and sounds actually mean, when a woman says them.

[pultneytooner]

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. Never use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes : This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing : This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh : This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

Soft Sigh : Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that you can actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh :This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to so and so about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.

Oh (as the lead to a sentence): Usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go Ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do : This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks : A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you are welcome.

Thanks a lot : This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing"

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings....http://www.ukbandmates.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/ROFL_ANIM.gif

[Billy Boy]

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing." Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it. You have no chance at all of explaining logically and neither do I."

"Can I help with dinner?" Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain." Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means.... "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late." Really means.... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you are working too hard." Really means... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Really means.... "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means.... "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me." Really means.... "You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie." Really means.... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work." Really means.... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"Will you marry me?" Really means.... "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"You know how bad my memory is." Really means.... "I remember the theme song to "F Troop", the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house." Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means... "I sure hope I can think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means... "She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am desperately hoping that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else." Really means... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present." Really means.... "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

"I missed you." Really means.... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious." Really means... "You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means... "If I wait long enough, you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

"I broke up with her." Really means.... "She dumped me."