Changed days

[bagpuss]

I was on skype to an old friend from my schooldays, who was lamenting the fact that to him, the town where he lived and socialised is now a place he feels he no longer belongs. He says if he drops into the pub that has always been his local,he knows none of the new regulars. Worse still, all of his contemporaries no longer go out of an evening. The highlight of his week is no longer a pint at the Blends or a sing song in the mmackays- but taking his old mother out to Tesco.

My pal who lives next door to her old father says her entire social life in Wick is down to exercise classes- she goes to 3 a week, She doesn't actually talk to anyone while she's there- but she feels better for having got out of the house. She thinks that the Assembly rooms could be any hall in any town anywhere in the UK, and I think she's right. I do exactly the same as her- three classes in a sports centre in Islington, and the odd hour in a local gym.

The older locally owned shops in Wick are one by one shutting down, and the retail parks appear to have won the war. The last visit I was on, I might just as well have been in the car park of a London tesco- no local faces; no 'crack'etc.

Now I was never a huge fan of things like the WRI etc, but how do newcomers in Wick get to meet anyone? And how do the locals get back that sense of local identity?

[ciderally]

well you have just about said it all.. my outing these days is to tesco, and in the groat the old Backer is closing, is it because no-one can afford nights out , maybe we do all need some cheerie news and a good old "kneez up"

[badger]

Are we living in the same county? I moved up here when I retired a few years ago and now have trouble fitting everything into my busy diary. Many of my friends complain that we could be attending events together in several places on one night. It's mad! Never had such a busy social life. As for Tesco, don't think I've ever been without seeing someone I know and often several as I now have friends all over the county.

There is so much to do - must go and get changed for tonight and need to be really smart tomorrow night. What to wear? It's one crazy whirl :roll: .

[Kenn]

Have to agree with Badger, since settling in to our new home, we are having to juggle our time to do all the things that are on the calendar and manage our hobbies too.
We have found that just going a walk can turn into a social event, folk you meet are happy to stop and chat, pass on alot of information and answer any questions that we might have.
I appreciate that we do not live in Wick but looking at the front page of this site there always seems to some event going on there and we have found people as friendly as any where else in the county.
Possibly in the current financial squeeze it could put some constraints on what one can afford to do but other than that I see no reason for some one to withdraw within their own walls.

[bagpuss]

What I find interesting it that the mad social whirl appears to be going on for people who have retired to Caithness from elsewhere. The two people I spoke about have lived and worked in the county- and went to school in Caithness.

Can you outline what your timetable of events actually is? And do they welcome single locals?

[sandyr1]

I think the World is in continual change....When I was growing up in Caithness.....a couple of years ago....haha....I heard the same story.
The World is going to that 'bad place' in a handbasket!
BUT the World is still with us, perhaps changed a wee bitty.
I left the UK and to Canada & found there was absolutely no Pub Social life. It never existed so that was a big change....ahhhhhhhh it's just a new World evolving as it should!

[Kenn]

Well, photography,bird watching,walking,painting,gardening,crafts are just a few of my hobbies so have joined a local group who meet up once a month and are all involved in craftwork.Got involved with Caithness Biodiversity and now do field work for them.Joined the local gardening club.
Go swimming when I can, used to go Scottish Country Dancing but unfortunately the night clashes with other things
Try and attend as many as possible of the local shows and fundraisers.

[bagpuss]

it looks as if the great outdoors is a useful means of meeting people. However, making friends who will go beyond platitudes and pleasantries is harder. The two people I mentioned are both some years off retirement, single, and have family responsibilities which restrict the sort of nights out they can have- hence the exercise classes.

the point I do want to make is that the population of the county is undergoing another change- Dounreay is moving out, and a retired population is moving in- able to make their own social life, but not always prepared to share it with the people who are already here

[badger]

I'm single and moved up here to be near family but don't have social life with them - different generation. However most of my "social" life is belonging to different organisations or just attending events and the circle gradually widens. When I first started I didn't know anyone but most people are willing to be friendly and now I find some people who have lived here much longer than me ask how I know so many! Someone who moved up here just over a year ago was introduced by me to some of the groups I belong to and now knows lots of people and also has a problem with diary clashes.

It just depends what your interests are. You're bound to find something on the .org and once you've joined one group, others will follow and you start to see the same faces in different places (and Tesco of course!). Obviously it takes much longer to make close friends but that applies anywhere.

I must admit I find it harder to involve long-term residents than new ones - don't know why this is but don't think you should blame the incomers. Single parents presumably go to their children's schools - what's wrong with getting involved there? Meeting other parents.

[Bazeye]

Get yourself to the pub, meet lots of "interesting" folk there.

[bagpuss]

Are there any pubs where a single on their own won't stand out like a sore thumb? And here we are talking widows, widowers and those who've split up from partners.

no- honestly, from what I hear from my friends who are still in Caithness, life is harder for those people who've been left behind- family may have moved or died, and work has people from a younger generation setting up their own social circle. They are too young to be included in the recently retired groups; too old to be asked out with the younger ones, and as we have no cinema very little reason to go out of an evening other than exercise or sports classes- which increasingly don't include any 'blether' time. Gyms are full of people running on treadmills with ipods- and no eye contact with anyone else.

Face it we live in a world where unless you are part of a couple, or have a big extended family all living in the same place, your social life is right here- on the org

[onecalledk]

the world is changing, not all for the better but surely at the end of the day it comes down to communication? In the opening post you mention that your pal although she goes to an exercise class doesnt actually speak to anyone there, why not ? the only way to get to know other people is surely by speaking to them?

too often I read on this board about locals and incomers, perhaps once everyone realises that there doesnt have to be this labelling just lots of people living in the one area of the map then it may break down a few barriers?

I have lived in many places over scotland and yes when you first move it can be a bit isolating but gradually you get to know people and SPEAK to them. Thats how friendships are made surely ?

I can honestly say though that Caithness is the ONLY place I have lived where I have been told "you're not local so why should I speak to you".... something I am hoping is not the norm?

K

[badger]

Face it we live in a world where unless you are part of a couple, or have a big extended family all living in the same place, your social life is right here- on the org

I can assure you there's nothing special about me - single, on very limited income and although part of family is up here, as I said before we don't share any social life. What's wrong with a bit of volunteering? There are plenty of ways to get to know people, sitting at home moaning about it isn't one of them :( .

[gleeber]

Face it we live in a world where unless you are part of a couple, or have a big extended family all living in the same place, your social life is right here- on the org

I dont know whether to face up to it or not because it's not stricly true. I have other social pursuits in Thurso although the org is certainly one of them.
24 hour news is another thing that de-socialises us as social creatures because we dont need to go anywhere else to get the gossip. Modern communications are so instant that it becomes easy to just not bother going out.
Ive tried a few things in recent years to ease back into the social scene in Thurso but it's not easy. The truth is there is plenty going on. It would be entirely up to me to fit in.
People are finding it more difficult to socialise these days. You can see by some of the comments on the org that we are living in stressful times.
Insularity is not a peculiarity confined to locals.

[Dadie]

Oh dear...
Just realised I dont have a social life!
I go to and from nursery school and the only other outings I have is mother and toddlers (not very often) and the trips to Tesco!
We never go out as a couple any more....
But when Euan gets a bit bigger and can stay at granny and grandas we might get out a wee bit more.... once every couple of months or so!
But we have 3 young kids and going out would be difficult at the best of times, but, we chose to have them, so cannot complain about the sad lack of our social life.
Besides when they are all tucked up in bed all we want to do is crash out too!

[bagpuss]

it doesn't matter where your keep fit class or gym is- the world is so that when you go to work out, every second counts- and you don't waste it talking.

We're so busy with our lives, there's too little time to talk. so we do it on here.

[gleeber]

I think if the org was a refection of the relationships people had in real life there would be little hope for us.
The org seems to be a place where we can vent otherwise hidden feelings towards people who may have a different opinion than ourselves. We would rarely be so confrontational in real life and I dont know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing.
Can you get too much reality? I dunno.
One things for sure. Modern stresses are at their peak and thats what the org reflects for me. Mostly though the orgs stresses dont offer any solutions. Only deeper hurts and more confrontation.

[Welcomefamily]

Perhaps it is a problem with our modern life style and it will certainly become more of a problem in the future with the younger ones. In the few studies of forum personalities, the opportunity to express an inner part of our personality comes out, we can say things that we might not normally say.

At the same time what does that tell us about the amount of opportunity to ventilate our feelings, concerns within our own environments. Stress is the largest single problem in our society,this being closely followed by MSD of which a high proportion is stress related. (See HSE web site)

The breakdown of large supportive family networks which often acted as a sounding board for problems and disagreement. Its formal rules for sorting problems out, usually over seen by a highly respected elder family members, have gone. These days a disagreement and you more likely to end up never speaking again. It is a great shame but the situation will only increase with many other people facing similar scenerios.

Many people from cities are use to an environment which takes social isolation as the norm, so perhaps they are more skilled are seeking opportunities to develop social lives. Social lives take time to work at and many of us are just not confident at doing that sort of thing. We fear rejection.

[Dadie]

My social life took a severe nosedive when we decided to have a family!
Friends used to ask us on nights out on the day of the night out, then wonder why we said no!
Now they dont even ask!
Dont know whats worse....
And we are now poles apart in our lifestyles.....
Meeting new people, even, though you are brought up here and lived here all your life is difficult.. and even harder to get passed the chatting to people while waiting to go in to nursery....